Making the Band: All Good Bitchassness Must Come to an End

Making the Band opens this week with Miss Dimples herself, Aundrea, recapping the entire season for us! Among the highlights, she mentions: bitchassness between the boys, Orangebrey getting bitchass drunk, DK becoming veterans of the music industry at the ripe old age of bitchass, the boys bitchassing water and flour all over their room, Robert bitchassnessing D.Woods, the bitchassness between Brillo and Orangebrey, Dawn and Q putting bitchassness aside and getting it on, Denny was hired…and the boys treated him with bitchassness.

Got all that?

All right, onto the finale! It’s a MONSTER of an episode, so I hope your brought your attention span!

“The word ‘Bitchassness’ can be used as a verb, noun, adjective, adverb or a Robert!”HOUR ONE

All three groups are meeting with Atlantic Records to talk about marketing and promotions for their records. We learn that the feedback on the ladies’ album has been wonderful all across the board. Okay, now here we actually get to see DK flex their business muscle. They do seem to be quite savvy and have brought a list of demands. They want to know their scheduling ahead of time, so they can be prepared. And they want everyone they’re meeting with (radio stations, et al) to have heard their song before they go on. Makes sense to me. The boys, on the other hand, have nothing to contribute. Instead, they just appear bored and unengaged, per usual.

By the way, I love how all the top Atlantic execs have enormous — and completely drained — Starbucks venti frappuccinos in front of them. I guess that must be what it takes to make them look alive. The boys should take note.

The only way to get more caffeine than this is through an intravenous drip.

Harve Pierre (president of Bad Boy) tells the guys to listen to the girls and let them help them with the business. The girls are a good resource, and the boys should try to tap their brains — not just their asses. The girls giggle with delight.

Danity Kane kicks off their promo tour with our old friend Miss Jones at Hot 97 FM. Ugh. This lady annoys the shit out of me. I know that we, here, at the Gasm like to be snarky about things and poke fun of everything that moves. But there is a total difference between snarkiness and the mean-spirited tearing down of people. Miss Jones is a lady who subscribes to the second school of thought. And, what’s worse, is that she’s totally one of those catty females who is WAY harder on girls than boys. Come on, women! We got to stick together! Why must we make it harder on one another?

Ye Olde Queen of Bitchassness

Okay, now that I have that off my chest, obviously the girls are a little nervous being back here. The first time they visited her, she blatantly laughed at their singing skills. The second time, yes, our girls were quite unprepared, but Miss Jones really gave them a hard time, saying that only three of them could sing. Barf.

Miss Jones first starts in by attacking Dawn and inquiring about her relationship with Q. Dawn reiterates that she’s just having fun and not in a a “relationship.” Dawn says that she’s getting to know Q, to which Miss Jones’ sidekick Michael Shawn retorts, “Aww that’s what you call it? We call it sex!” Again, barf. Luckily, our Dawn snaps back, “Well if that’s what you callin’ sex, then you need a little bit more than that cuz I ain’t givin’ that up. You gotta work harder than that to get that.”

As if THIS guy really knows anything about sex!

But Miss Jones swiftly moves on and asks Orangebrey straight up if she was pregnant and/or sleeping with Diddy. She denies both rumors, obviously. I mean, if you really had to make a serious confession like that, why would you ever announce it on MISS JONES? (Have you guys noticed yet just how much I can’t stand this lady?)

The girls then sing a part of “Damaged,” and it sounds great so Miss Jones goes nuts. She loves it and claps for them. Finally! They’ve defeated the great Jabba the Hut!

Because the boys still don’t have a name, Miss Jones asks DK what to call them. So Dawn says, “Who cares?” and they all laugh. Uh oh…hope that doesn’t come back to bite them in the butt…but it totally does later in the show.

Now it’s the guys’ turn! Their plan is to not be scared by her and charm her like a lady. Not a bad idea. No need to be intimidated by that crazy ass. Automatically, Brillo turns on the charm by telling her that she’s skinny. And the other guys chime in and say how beautiful she is. This is hilarious, and it totally works.

I like to call this screencap “Brillwinkle.”

The boys then try to sing “Got Me Going,” but she politely says they already played that, so to sing something else. So guess what we get to hear? We have the absolute privilege of hearing “Exclusive” for the 1,023rd time this season. Wow. It’s times like these when I envy deaf people. But because they’ve spent the last few minutes buttering her up, Miss Jones eats it up with a spoon.

Brillo then sings “Dr. Love,” and Miss Jones looks like she’s about to totally cream in her pants. What is it with this guy that makes the girls swoon all over the place? Then, the unhilarious sidekick pokes fun and calls the Brill “Justin.” As in Justin Timberlake, I am assuming. Brillo says that song is “Justinish” but the rest are more similar to Prince.

Dumb sidekick then asks which DK members are the freakiest. Q says they’re all beautiful and freaky. And Miss Jones says she liked the boys’ single better. Maybe it’s because theirs came hand delivered in a bouquet of compliments.

All the boys and girls will be traveling across the country on a promo tour, sharing the same tour bus. Of course they all complain about it being too cramped. Cramped, just like their enormous one-bathroom mansion in Miami. Poor babies.

Yuck! Who’d want to travel around in this confined piece of crap!

On the tour bus, there’s a funny part where Shannon is eating a chocolate bar and drops it on her shirt. It’s totally pointless, but it gave me a chuckle. She kinda looks around and then just picks it up and keeps eating.

The crew arrives in Washington DC and heads over to XM Satellite Radio for the Sexy Chocolate show. Q explains to us that unlike regular radio, satellite radio is heard all around the world. Thanks for the knowledgeable insight, Q-Einstein! The first thing that Sexy Chocolate asks about are the hookups, so Q jumps right in to volunteer information about Dawn and him. He says they’ve been talking and Dawn dies from embarrassment.

Now it’s time for the “friendly wager” to be born. D. Woods says that whoever sells the most singles on iTunes for the very first week, the loser has to buy them a fancy dinner and give them foot massages and pedicures. Man, I don’t know. A foot massage from Willie is one thing but from Robert is another. I think that having to sit back and let Robert file my toenails down would be like the third circle of hell. Not necessarily a smart bet. To make matters worse, Mike will have to lick their toes too! Ew! In a Caribbean accent, though, Mike protests and says he will NOT, in fact, be kissing anyone’s feet! Phew! I love Mike and all, but that would be totally crossing the line into gross territory.

Brillo interjects to tell them all to enjoy being number one while it lasts because he plans to take over in April when his album drops. Yeah, we just can’t wait for the spank song!

Moving onto Philadelphia, it’s time for yet another radio station! Now they’re at Power 99 with Shamara, and there happens to be a studio audience of fan. The girls plug their album and talk about how they’ve all been “Damaged” and everyone will be able to relate to the theme of the song. Especially Orangebrey. She’s been poked in the eye one too many times by some steel wool hair.

Amish men love Danity Kane too!

They say that the guys were like the women of the house in Miami because they would cook and clean while the girls would go to work and bring home the bacon. Again, I hope all this public bashing of the guys doesn’t come back to bite them…..but we all know that it does.

Now the boys enter, and the audience can seriously barely handle it. The women are fanning themselves and going nuts. And Shamara really seems to have something for the Brillo. She can’t stop oogling all over him. Of course the Brillster eats it up and gets up in her face for a serenade. Shamara goes directly home to buff her muffin. Just kidding, but I wouldn’t be surprised.

Fanning herself because Brillo’s so hot? Or because Mike’s feet smell? Did you choose the first reason? Then you would be wrong.

Shamara says it seems like there is a competition going, so Aundrea explains the “friendly wager.” This causes Sham to ask Mike to show everyone his foot. And, ya know, he has a nice foot. I think it’s supposed to be scary, but I actually thought it looked well pedicured. It’s funny though because they play a scary monster laugh while showing his foot.

Getting ready to squash the competition.

Time to go celebrate at Z Bar to stir up the club and promote some music! Some problems arise as Q decides to scandalously dance with every girl between here and the Equator while Dawn gets jiggy alone. Hmm. I’m not liking this Q. Q, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?

Of course, Dawn is not happy. Q approaches her, and she pushes him away. Q tries to blame shift and say that Dawn was dancing with other guys. (Not true, dude. Hello! There are tv cameras here!) He says he didn’t do anything but dance, and Dawn says she doesn’t care what he does anyway. She says she can’t help if he feels bad about it. It has nothing to do with her and walks off.

Meanwhile, Orangebrey gets so hot that the camera turns thermal.

Back at the hotel, Dawn is telling DK that she can’t be with Q because he’s too young and acts like a kid. Q is standing outside of the hotel room and hears it all. He knocks on the door, but they don’t let him in. So he goes into the guys’ room and takes it out on them.

Orangebrey says that whatever drama went down at the club has followed them all home. Okay, Orange. That’s because YOU are following the drama. All the girls stay in their room to float it out, but of course Orangebrey charges right into the boys’ room to get herself involved. The bitchassness is actually so thick that even Robert leaves!

Orangebrey O’Day: Steadily following the bitchassness since 1984.

Q, for some reason, thinks that Danity Kane is talking trash about him, and he’s upset because he only shows them love. I’m not sure if he’s talking about what he overheard them saying in their hotel room or what? Everyone is pretty confused. But Q keeps yelling at Orangebrey that they’ve showed DK love. And Orangebrey keeps yelling at Dawn, asking her if they’ve ever said anything bad. Ugh. What a mess. No one really knows what the argument is about, but obviously Dawn and Q just need to sit down and talk among themselves. It’s kind of sad because Q is so visibly upset and looks like he’s about to cry. It’s obvious that he really cares about Dawn. I feel bad!

The next day, they are all back on the bus, and Q and Dawn aren’t speaking. Dawn is sitting by herself, with her earbuds in, hood pulled over her face, staring at her laptop. It’s quite clear that she doesn’t want to be bothered. Q tells Robert that he’s sick of DK talking shit about them. I guess he is now referencing the friendly trash-talking and wager, which they all do to each other and is supposed to be in good fun. But Robert doesn’t miss a chance to be bitchassy and says the girls all talk shit on the radio stations.

Who let the Ghost of Christmas Future on the bus?

Back in New York, Brillo is STILL working on his album! He meets Diddy in the studio to work on his first single, “Take You There.” Diddy says the key is to find a soul song, accentuate the soul and add soul on top of it. (No joke. That’s actually what he says.) Then Diddy says that his goal is to make Brillo black and assures him that he’ll have no white friends after it’s over. This should be interesting! Obviously he’s joking, and it’s pretty funny because Brillo just always looks so terrified. Such the jokester, that Diddy!

It’s funny when Brillo sings “I will take you there” because he does this come hither grabby thing with it hands. The song sounds good now. But will it sound good live? Hmm…we’ll find out in the next hour.

Meanwhile, Q is wandering the streets of New York alone until finding himself outside of Dawn’s door. This time she lets him in. Q immediately says he’s so sorry, and Dawn says it’s okay. They make up pretty fast and are back to being cutesy. Dawn says she just wants to move forward and be over it. I’m glad because I do like them together, and it’s clear that Q feels bad. She hits him with a pillow, and he deserves it. Q says he just wants to have food and watch a movie with her. She says he should have come with some Sweet Tarts.

Sweet Tarts = Puckery goodness (and peace with your boyfriend)

The crew then gets news that Diddy has invited them all to dinner. And they are all scared out of their minds because normally when he appears, it’s bad. They all nervously sit down at the restaurant and wait for him to arrive.

Diddy appears and there is little enthusiasm. Everyone eats in silence. Diddy asks what’s going on, and no one wants to respond. It’s funny because the camera goes to Brian who keeps opening his mouth like he wants to talk but is stopped by fear. Finally D says that Diddy has that affect on people, and they are just waiting to hear what he has to say.

Diddy says he’s been listening to the radio interviews, and he realizes that a lot of it is about who has “beef” with who. And he wants to show another side of the business than that. He says they need to watch for the landmines on the questions, so that the attention doesn’t go away from the music. They should support each other and protect one another like family. Aww! That’s nice!

So, in honor of that, Diddy orders 22 shots of tequila. That’s two per person. Wait. There are 12 people at the table. Who’s not drinking? When Diddy says “drink!” The proper response should always be “How much?” No one should be allowed to pass!

And how many of these shots are just for YOU, Orangebrey?

Diddy then goes on yet another love fest. Seriously, people! I miss when he’d ride around in a rickshaw and make them run! Where are those evil days? That was so fun! Well, anyway, he says that the whole process has been a blessing and it’s fun to watch them grow. I feel like this is quickly devolving into an episode of the Brady Bunch. We just need Den Mommy to walk out dressed as Alice to clean up after them. Come to think of it, Orangebrillo would make a great Marcia and Greg. The less-wholesome version, of course.

Diddy then tells Brillo that he’s really good inside. That’s code language for: You suck, but at least you’re nice.

He says that he’s proud of them all for taking his shit and he apologizes if he ever hurt their feelings with his tough love. Diddy then tells the guys that he’s going to keep breaking them down till they cry. They all look VERY unhappy with that, until it turns out that Dids is just being a jokester again! Hardy har!

Before Diddy leaves, Aundrea asks who won the iTunes bet. Surprise, surprise, it was Danity Kane with 75% of the vote! Have fun letting Bitchassness Robert lick your toes! What a prize! Obviously the more “established” artist would win, of course.

HOUR TWO

It’s the Making the Band LIVE grand finale, and we’re into the second hour. We’re brought into a studio at MTV where Sway is waiting for us in his finest Sean John wear. Day26 enters the stage one-by-one and Sway introduces them by name. Of course our guys are doing that weird thing that they did at their introduction at the Fort Lauderdale club where they keep saying “Yeah!” and “Hey ladies!”

What do you think Sway keeps under that hat? I know the common answer would be dreads, but I bet it’s just full of spiders.

Next, he introduces Brillo who, amazingly, looks rather brillo-less. He’s really tamed that hair. No more frosting and puffiness! Still the thin sideburns, but I take what I can get on this one.

Finally, Danity Kane enters and Sway introduces them one-by-one. What stands out to me the most is that Dawn’s racoon tail hair is back in FULL FORCE. Looks like she let the longer side grow out again. Man! I thought we were finally over that phase!

Without even wasting a second, Day26 performs “Got Me Going” while the ladies hang out on the couch. They do the same dance routine they did at the showcase. But this one contains a LOT more crotch grabbing than I remembered before. And I mean a lot.

Crotch grabbing!

Lots of crotch grabbing, baby!

I think the performance, overall, is good. But not great. It’s just a little more flat than last week’s at the showcase. They seem maybe like they are just going through the motions of the choreography without really having fun.

Before the commercial break, they show a little clip of Diddy hiding out in his dressing room. It’s pretty silly.

Only the BEST doorsign for Diddy! With comic sans font and everything!

After the break, we get down to business. Time to sort out all the drama!

The first thing up was the drama between Robert and D. Woods when she found out about his little Junebug back home. It turns out that Junebug is in the audience. She’s wearing big sunglasses in the dark, so it’s hard to see what she really looks like. For all we know, it could be a cheap imitation Junebug hired by Robert to clear his reputation. Junebug stands up and says that Robert was not lying because they were not together at the time. Orangebrey shouts out that they liked her MySpace page, to which Junebug replies, “Well, you know, I be designin’ it up!”

Sway asks D. Woods if things would have developed between her and Robert had Junebug never happened. D says that we’ll never know, but she has to stick up for her ladies and not get on someone else’s man. She didn’t know the situation. Robert asks why something couldn’t happen now and wants an apology. So D says she’s sorry and says that they’d resolved everything at the end of the night and were cool for the rest of the season until this day.

Next up is Brillo and Orangebrey. We get to relive Wavy Gravy in all her glory. Brillo, of course, still maintains that it was all a giant misunderstanding. They all went out with the group of girls, and he wasn’t one-on-one with Wavy, so that makes it okay in his mind. Sway then asks Orangebrey why she continued to cuddle and flirt with Brillo after calling him shadey. Orangey says that Brillo is a good cuddler and feels good to be around because he’s so positive.

“I love a cuddly, positive man who doesn’t know how to apologize!”

Brillo said that he felt bad because he didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but he still refused to apologize for the whole ordeal. All he’d say was that he was sorry for the way she “took it.” Orangey insists that she is owned an apology, especially because she was just so complimentary towards him. Brillo leans over and gives her a kiss instead.

Now we are up to our favorite couple, Dawn and Q. Dawn looks bashful as usual, which is really endearing. Sway asks her if they are boyfriend and girlfriend. She kind of giggles and then says to ask Q. Q says that he wouldn’t mind claiming Dawn, and then she says that she wants to claim him too. So it’s official! Dawn and Q are definitely a couple! Good! I’m glad to see that.

Dawn says that it was difficult having a relationship develop in front of the camera, so they would sneak around to keep it private. She then says that Q has great lips, so he leans over to kisses her and totally embarrasses her! I love how Dawn isn’t a camera whore like most of the stars of reality tv. She actually has some modesty and doesn’t play up drama just for a storyline.

Now Diddy enters to Lupe Fiasco’s “Superstar” and really takes his time getting over to the chair. That Dids loves him some limelight! Of course the first thing he does is plug the albums and say that DK is #1 in the country. He then forces everyone to give them a standing ovation.

Sway asks Diddy if he anticipated so much drama between the groups. Diddy says that he didn’t view it as drama, but as love and chemistry.

Love and chemistry is a beautiful thing.

After the break, Danity Kane performs “Damaged” and whoa. Look at what they are wearing! Kudos to Orangebrey because that’s a hard weird unitard thing to pull off. Geez. They have so much more energy and heart than the boys when it comes to live performance. I liked their set a lot better. It’s the same choreography as in the showcase, except they added a sultry number at the end where they all slowly hump the wall in the background. Before they perform, we are reminded of the drama they had with their image and wanting to make better music. We had the honor of seeing Diddy’s famous apology one more time. When it’s over, Diddy bounces across stage and out the door.

Orange needs that thin strip of leather to cover her tummy because she’s modest like that.

Now Diddy is wearing his “No Bitchassness” t-shirt. And there is definitely a man in the audience wearing the shirt! Awesome! I’m glad that someone bought it. So now we get a little recap about the birth of the word, and it is just as funny the second time around. I love the shock on Robert’s face when Diddy first tells him of his bitchassness disease. Sway asks what the official definition of the word. So, without further ado, here we go ladies and gentlemen!

“Bitchassness is an epidemic that we all are dealing with. It’s running rampant in our communities. And I wanna say with the Bad Boy family, we have no more bitchassness in our family whatsoever. But the definition of bitchassness is envy or hate or deceit. A lot of evilness. And we come into your cities and your companies with positivity to get rid of the bitchassness.”

Diddy is basically an anti-bitchassness super hero. And we can all buy the t-shirts on seanjohn.com. Good to know.

It’s never too early to make a Christmas list!

Sway turns the tables and asks the groups if Diddy’s ever shown bitchassness. There is a resounding yes. Orangebrey said that it was bitchassness when he originally wouldn’t let the girls have the album they wanted. Then Q says it was bitchassness when he apologized to the girls. Uh…haha? Is that joke? Dumb joke. Diddy points out Q as an example of bitchassness because bitchassness is going against the grain.

After the break, Robert finally tells us how they came up with the name Day26. He tells us that they became a band on August 26, so it made since to make that their name. And here I was secretly hoping that it had something to do with the menstrual cycle. Oh well.

Now the guys perform a new song called “Since You Been Gone.” No, not Kelly Clarkson’s “Since U Been Gone.” But close. It’s a very slow, Boyz II Men type ballad. And it’s okay. They do some interesting dance moves with some chairs. Their voices sound good, but the song is a little boring. Maybe it will grow on me, I dunno.

Aundrea loves it! Can’t you tell?!

The dance moves are really cheesy and old fashioned. And then there is a TERRIBLE sequence where Robert squats down and acts all over-dramatic. Brian and Q try to help him up, but he pulls free from them. Ugh. It’s so contrived and so obviously staged. Sorry guys. I love ya, but this whole thing was a little on the lame side. It literally made me chuckle out loud. I’m not sure that’s the reaction they were going for.

This part made me want to cry too, Bob.

Next up is a little un-seen footage from the house in Miami. Q, Mike and Dawn spar over who is Diddy’s favorite band. Then Orangebrey asks who wants to party to which Mike replies, “No one!” All the girls get dunked, ruining their hair, in both the ocean and the pool. Willie won’t go on a Seadoo with Aundrea. Orangebrey sexually harasses Brillo. And slaps him. A lot.

Sway asks Orangebrey is she ever had a chance to spank Brillo. And somehow Brillo gets bullied into turning around so she can give him a little smack on the booty. Poor Brills. I bet he just can’t wait for this season to finally be over. Diddy tells us that what we just witnessed was “adult Hannah Montana shit.” Hmm. Speaking of Hannah Montana, Diddy then brings his twin daughters on stage who are wearing matching Adidas pink jumpsuits. So cute! Their names are Jesse and Delilah, which is just adorable. Baby Combs! I see many platinum albums in their futures! Either that, or maybe nightclub shootings.

Now it is Brillo’s turn! Let’s see what this boy’s got! Brillo says that the turning point for him was once he was hooked up with Seven because Seven actually took interest in him. Look at Seven, p.s. He looks crazier than ever.

See?

Brillo performs “Take You There,” which is now available on iTunes and features Diddy. Eek, I don’t know guys. I don’t want to be a hater. But I’m not really feeling his song. It’s like a slower song but with a dance beat. And he still has his accent when he sings “I show you the STAHs. We don’t even need a CAH.” From what we saw in the show, he has better songs than this on his album. I wonder why they picked this as the single. The best part is when Diddy sings toward the end. Maybe Brillo lost all his power with his hair. When the brillo is gone, the talent goes with it! Kind of like Samson from the Bible.

Now it’s FINALLY time for this BIG announcement that Diddy has kept teasing us with! But not before he plugs the albums one more time! Last Friday, fans could go to badboyonline.com. and buy tickets for the Making the Band tour! And the next season of Making the Band will be shot while they are touring! Anyone planning to go see one of the concerts?

So, this is it, folks. The season is officially over, and I can’t believe that it went so fast! I’m definitely going to miss this show, and I’m also going to miss all of you! I’ve enjoyed reading each and every one of your comments along the way. It’s been such a learning experience for me, and I couldn’t have done it without all your feedback. My first recap, well, it sucked. It totally did. But you’re all quite the forgiving crew and kept coming back anyway. And I appreciate that.

I’ll be recapping Hell’s Kitchen next, so see you all on Tuesday nights!

much love, mandamo