Viva Hollywood!: The Art of Seduction

Hola Chicos,

It’s time for the sixth deadly sin…you guessed it, SEDUCTION!!! So to get you in the mood I’m offering this little teaser:

Feeling frisky yet?

There’s more where that came from, so let yourself be seduced by the producers wily charms and take the jump…

Here we are on the second to last sin and down to five contestants, and I’ve had plenty of time to ponder my fate as a lonely recapper destined to sit up nights watching the manifestation of some random producer’s giant lapse in judgment. Why, oh why, I wonder, doesn’t Viva Hollywood have the panache and verve of Project Runway, Top Chef, or dare I say it, American Idol? I mean it’s got the challenges, it’s got the judges, and it’s got the contestants. Oh, right, the contestants. The thing that really sets this show apart from other competition based reality TV shows, featuring talents other than whoring or swinging on a stripper pole, is the contestant pool. While the winners of Top Chef or Project Runway may not go on to lives of glory, fame and success, there are always a few seductive moments when we fool ourselves into thinking that they could. I have to say that none of the remaining five contestants seems fated for stardom, maybe commercials or some regional theatre and I’m thinking that Geovannie could possibly go for the porn thing, but that’s about it. Still, the show is warm, comforting and familiar at this point and I kind of look forward to it in a perverse sort of way. So, (cue dramatic music) late at night, alone in her living room, a lonely recapper pours out another shot of tequila and starts to type…

As usual, we join the chicos at dinner after the epic duel between Enrique and Geovannie. Geovannie is giddy to have survived the duel and is appreciating a little bit of breathing room. Berto, the classy guy that he is, congratulates Geovannie on winning and everybody toasts. It’s almost like none of these contestants were on the balcony jeering and motioning for Geovannie to die just an hour or so beforehand.

About that death wish, we’re over it now.

Out of the five chicos left, I’m counting three psychotic woman: Roseny the ice princess, Gisel the psycho stalker and Jenn currently auditioning for season three of the Bad Girls Club (actually, I made that last bit up, but I’d bet good money that Jenn would be ruling the house in a week if she did go on the show). Anyway, you know that these three girls are going to have some drama. I mean an hour before they were vowing that they were going to get rid of Geovannie. So, even though they’re making nice nice over their meal, I guessing someone’s either going to stab him or throw a drink in his direction. But, I’m psychically challenged and nothing sensible like that occurs. Instead, the girl’s alliance implodes over a tub of ice cream.

The only thing I can figure out is that these women are all PMSing at the same time. And let me tell you, if you’re male and reading this, hormones that cycle in tandem are a plague on friendships. Not a whole lot else can explain the drama that breaks out when Gisel goes to get the ice cream and then announces that she doesn’t like the taste of that brand of ice cream. Holy sh*t, I can’t even follow the gist of it. Jenn starts giving Gisel a hard time about always complaining. Gisel gets upset that they’re being personal. And then, the next thing you know, Gisel storms off in tears to pack her bags before moving to another room. I mean WTF? With these major life skills, you’ve got to wonder how the hell Gisel is going to cope if the IRS ever audits her. She is so going to be screwed when that auditor shows up. But the major question in my mind is whose room did she move into? Berto’s or Geovannie’s?

Berto decides to play big brother and goes into the bedroom to talk to Gisel, which, if it’s his room that she’s moved into, makes some sense. There’s no doubt that he’s going to want to get her the hell out of there. Gisel tells him that she’s going home tomorrow because everybody’s so incredibly mean to her. Berto, showing admirable restraint, doesn’t call her a f**king idiot. Instead, he tries to explain that nobody at that table was going after her and that the other contestants were just joking around and busting chops. But Gisel insists that she’s been done wrong and keeps bitching back at Berto in a psycho high maintenance kind of way. Berto, finally realizing that it’s a hopeless cause, mutters, “Why am I doing this?” And walks out, saying that a tub of ice cream is a stupid reason to leave. No sh*t. But I don’t think Gisel has any real intention of leaving, she’s just hoping to guilt trip everybody into running to her side and apologizing for being mean to her.

Gisel decides to move into Geovannie’s room to get away from the girls, so I guess that she had initially taken refuge in Berto’s room. Of course, just a few hours before in the duel Gisel had been one of the woman calling eternal hate and damnation down on Geovannie’s head, but, anyhoo, all has been forgotten over a tub of ice cream. Not surprisingly, Geovannie is loving this, and philosophically notes how strange it is that friendships can so suddenly shift. Gisel makes a pact with Geovannie to not vote each other to the duel thus forming a whole new vomit inducing alliance. Personally, I think that these two should just start humping and littering the world with tiny mentally unstable psycho stalkers. Family dinners at their house would be a hoot; Gisel could have screaming fits, while Geovannie squatted on the floor crying. And, surprise, surprise, somewhere in the middle of all of this, Gisel decides not to leave after all.

The next morning the chicos have gathered and I’m shocked, simply shocked, to learn that Jenn and Gisel are no longer friends. Of course, this also means that Gisel and Roseny are no longer friends, because Jenn and Roseny are the ‘in group’ and where one goes the other must follow. Not surprisingly, breakfast is a tad bit tense with Jenn and Roseny making catty comments to each other, as they wonder out loud why everybody is still there when “SOMEONE” was supposed to leave the night before. Gisel, assuming martyr position number four, turns her head as far away from them as possible, because maybe if she ignores them long enough they’ll either disappear or their feelings will get really, really hurt. But I think probably all that happens is her neck starts to hurt.

Gisel’s inner child assumes control.

Meanwhile, Geovannie, who’s supposed to be Gisel’s new BFF, tells the camera that the best thing he can do is to stay out of it. I have to say that I’m impressed by this insight. Geovannie is showing depths of wisdom heretofore unexpected by me.

Before the women can get into any serious bitch slapping and hair pulling, Carlos arrives and tells them that Uncle Walty is going to instruct them on their sixth deadly sin. Uncle Walty, looking as dapper as ever, tells the chicos that he has seen their future and the obstacles that they face. Possibly, he’s noticed their general lack of acting abilities and the shows probable cancellation. Anyhoo, he goes on to tell them that the sixth deadly sin is seduction. So, you know, that when more than half of the deadly sins seem to revolve around sex, that telenovelas must have a theme. Anyway, the narrator chimes in that the aspiring telenovela actor must make the audience love you or love to hate you. And Uncle Walty finishes up with, “you must use your talents to seduce the world.”

Then, moving right along, Carlos produces a bag containing a variety of products. The chicos will each reach into the bag and pull out a product, then they will have 15 minutes to get ready, 15 minutes to have photo shoot, and then 10 minutes to choose the picture that they like the most.

Jenn Pinto is up first and she grabs a bottle of dandruff shampoo. Going for the comic edge, Jenn rushes off to her room to grab a bottle of baby powder and empties it into her hair. One or two flakes would just be too subtle, Jenn wants it to look like her entire scalp and part of her brain has been freeze dried, crumbled and dusted through her hair. Then embracing the full range of desperate expressions that this scenario might entail, Jenn works her photo shoot.

I should also add that when Jenn is rushing around, we are treated to some entirely unappetizing shots of her itty bitty red thong.

For a scary moment the cameraman finds himself praying that her thong doesn’t snap like an old rubber band.

Roseny grabs a bottle of hair remover and she’s psyched because she gets to showcase her legs, which are one of her best features. So she slicks them down and oils them up and wraps herself in a red towel to bring on the sex appeal and showcase her seductive powers, telling the photographer “this is art”. Whatevs, Ice Princess.

Berto grabs a bar of antiperspirant soap and then loses his mind. He first goes for the high class, jet set look, except that he doesn’t own a tie. And then, panicking, decides to go naked. The ever-ready editors immediately produce a dancing sombrero to cover up any possible glimpses of random genitalia. Of course, Berto’s sporting a pretty big Sombrero, so the bigger the hat… Unfortunately, now that he’s naked, Berto doesn’t know what to do, which I honestly hope is situation specific. I’ve enjoyed watching Berto this season and I’d like to think that he’s the kind of guy that would know exactly what to do once he’s naked. But you know what they say; it’s not the size of your sombrero, it’s what you do with it. The photographer taking a practical approach advises him to put his clothes back on because he “can’t do a lot of poses with you holding a bar of soap over your nuts.” LMAO.

You’ve got to wonder exactly what is going on behind the hat.

Geovannie grabs a bottle of lubricant and rushes around grabbing pillows and a sheet to set up a couch to recline on. Then taking his shirt off, he proceeds to model a series of poses that look unbelievably convincing as ads for gay porn. If he hasn’t already gone there, he definitely should consider it. He’s truly a natural.

Why do I think he’s done this before?

Gisel grabs a laxative and Roseny tells us that that’s a perfect choice since Gisel is full of Sh*t. Not being the brightest bulb in the chandelier, Gisel decides to show the after effect of what laxatives do. And I actually think she means the after, after effects, not the immediate after, occasionally unpleasant, effects. So basically, she looks like she’s posing for a denim commercial bizarrely holding a random laxative bottle, while the narrator hilariously intones, “Loosen up Gisel.”

After the chicos have finished, Carlos returns to tell them that it’s time to meet the judge for this challenge and their coach for seduction. He introduces Stacy Fuentes, the first Latin face of Revlon; a woman who owns a 200 million dollar brand; and hosts the TV show, Ultimate Style. Sadly, after Charo, anybody would be a letdown. Stacy’s been looking over the chicos print ads and she’s ready to give them her evaluation.

She loved Jenn’s ad saying that she really went for it and put a lot of character into the ad. She also liked that Jenn took a risk.

She looks just like the woman who sat next to me on the bus and tried to convince me that we’re all being controlled by cosmic rays

While Roseny looked sleek and sexy, Stacy felt that she could be any girl. And the way her head was tilted back in the photo, Stacy couldn’t see her face. Then taking the opportunity to impart some serious words of wisdom, Stacy tells them that whenever they are given the choice, “this is the money maker,” and points at her face. She adds that the competition in the real world is much more fierce than on the show and to make it a person really has to stand out. The editors give us a clip of Gisel telling the camera that she thinks Roseny should have put the hair remover on like a mustache and gone for comedy and the editors play a cat meow in the background. Way to up the girl on girl tension for us.

Moneymaker, schmoneymaker, my legs are glistening.

Berto’s picture is kind of comical, but the thing that stands out the most after his stripping antics is that he decided to go with clothes. Stacy asks why he didn’t you go for a naked shot for his favorite picture. And, then, Berto shares way too much. He just puts it out there that he’s “not very well kept down there.” So, when he saw the pictures he thought he looked hairy and not very appealing. And, Wow, mega eeewwww. This is not a picture I want in my mind. While my attraction for Berto was only a poor stand-in for Carlos, it still suffered a jarring crash to earth. I mean WTF does he have going on down there? Did all the hair from his head migrate south? Note to Berto: Dude, your mother’s watching this show. Do you not get that you’re on national television. Believe you, me; this is not how you want to be remembered.

I’m telling you it’s like a chia pet, you can watch it grow.

Meanwhile, Stacey is asking him if he had forgotten about the unmowed state of his southern continent when he decided to strip or if he hadn’t looked down there for a while. Berto confesses that he doesn’t shave down there very often. And again, I’m like, DUDE SHUT YOUR MOUTH. With this convo on record how the hell is anyone going to buy him as a romantic stud? Stacey shakes her head and looks severe as she says, ” You should always clean down there.”

Stacey thought Geovannie was good but not memorable, adding that he chose to keep his pants on and maybe he should have gone naked. Luckily, Geovannie doesn’t share any info about things south of the border and just accepts her comments.

Lastly, Stacy says that Gisel’s picture is hot, but should have gone the funny route and at this point in the competition she should have kicked it up a notch. The thing is that Gisel’s photo is a complete ass shot with her holding the laxative which is really pretty funny, kind of like take this product and everything will come out, here, just fine.

Your ass will feel great.

Stacy thinks that overall it wasn’t a bad effort on the part of the chicos, but Jenn is the clear winner because she took a risk and was memorable. Stacy points out that the whole point of starring in a commercial is to make somebody stop from changing the channel. And thank God for Carlos. Week after week, just as I’m losing the battle to not change the channel, Carlos appears. Carlos explains that the chicos main challenge will be to break up into two teams to write and act out an ad for a 30 second spot. Because Jenn just won, she’ll get to pick her partners and, predictably, she goes for Roseny and Berto, leaving Gisel and Geovannie to work together.

Outside, Maria Conchita and Stacy Fuentes hug and greet, then explain the challenge a little more fully. The chicos will have 30 minutes to rehearse. They will have props and a wardrobe to play with. The ad will be for Jarritos fruit sodas and must include the catch phrase, “What the fruit?”

Gisel and Geovannie quickly get down to business, which for them means bickering. And truly, it’s hard to tell which one is more difficult to work with. Geovannie picks the costumes, while Gisel volunteers to write. Unfortunately, when they share their results, Gisel hates the costumes and Geovannie doesn’t like the writing. Geovannie changes one or two lines and Gisel complains that the script now sounds like a really bad commercial. Geovannie points out that it’s supposed to be a really bad, funny, seductive commercial. Meanwhile, the costume that Geovannie put together for Gisel includes a hat of fruit like he’s transforming her into the new Carmen Miranda. And for himself Geo has gone with the Frito Bandito look, wearing a Sombrero and Mexican regalia. They’re still arguing about the script and Geovannie is saying that it doesn’t make any sense while Gisel demands, “Does this make sense? I’m wearing disco shoes with a Mexican outfit.” Sure, sweetie, it makes definite sense if you’re a man. Standing on a float. In a gay pride parade.

The face that launched a thousand floats

Meanwhile, Berto, Jenn and Roseny are working on a script for a love triangle. Their goal as a group is to show their versatility as actors and bring out characters that they don’t usually play. So, Jenn is supposed to be calm and Roseny is supposed to be over the top dramatic. Unfortunately, Jenn can’t seem to dial it down and Roseny’s having trouble amping it up.

Geovannie and Gisel are up first and still not agreeing. Geovannie announces that they’re ready and Gisel immediately contradicts him. Then they have a little tussle about how to prepare for the challenge with Geovannie chanting, “positive thinking, positive thinking” and Gisel demanding that they take the time to “get into character.” It seems to me that Geovannie, squatting in his poncho and sombrero, is already well on his way to embracing the half-baked bandito image. I’m not exactly sure what’s taking Gisel so long. I’m sure it’s a challenge for her to act like a tacky slut, but…oh, wait…that’s her normal personality sans the fruit. So, really there’s no need for all of this getting into character angst.

But I don’t know how to be myself.

Their actual scene consists of Geovannie squatting on ground when Gisel comes up and grabs him demanding, “What are you looking for?” Geovannie, in an awful campy Mexican accent, tells her “something fruity, something sweet, something juicy.” Then seeing the soda stand behind Gisel, he exclaims, “Yes Jarritos!!” and pushes Gisel out of the way, knocking her into the pool, fruit and all. Gisel treads water for a moment before demanding, “What the fruit?”

Actually, I have to say that I thought it was a really cute commercial and they did a pretty good job. Geovannie also thinks that they did a good job. And I have to note, that he is showing a greater range of expressions this week and last, but this week he looks kind of like a goober. Anyway, Gisel is a little more critical, she didn’t like the way they worked together, but the scene came together, so she’s willing to wait and see.

Meanwhile, the threesome is about to perform and it sounds like Berto and Roseny are not completely comfortable with Jenn’s performance, since she is either wholly unwilling or incapable of bringing her acting down a notch.

The commercial goes something like this: Berto tells Roseny, his wife’s sister, that he needs her help finding something passionate for that night. Roseny pulls Berto down behind the drink cart and Jenn, Berto’s wife, discovers them moaning over the different flavors. She is jealous until she has an ADD moment and is distracted by the soda, exclaiming, “Oh, Jarrito,” to which Roseny responds, “What the Fruit?” The commercial was cute, but it felt a little flat. Jenn thinks she and Roseny both brought it, but Berto could have brought it a little bit more.

Okay, so the prize for this challenge is to be featured on a billboard, with hair and makeup done by big shot hair and makeup people, and the winner will walk away with a $2500 bag of clothing.

Stacy Fuentes and Maria Conchita are the judges and they tell Gisel and Geovannie that they did a really nice job. Geovannie’s over the top bandito really worked and while the over the top costumes really scared Stacy at first, they pulled it together. Maria tells them that they need to be more aware of where the camera is, especially Gisel.

Geovannie realizes that his hat has magical powers.

Roseny, Jenn and Berto had a great story but their commercial was too long and their acting levels are all over the place. They liked Jenn’s response. Berto was much more subtle, but it’s hard to tell if this is a good thing or a bad thing. But, Roseny was almost invisible and she needs to work on standing out from the crowd. Roseny tells the camera that this was her first harsh criticism, so I guess she’s discounting Serge’s evaluation last week where he said she and Geovannie needed more precision. But I do notice that she doesn’t repeat her response of last week telling the women, “Whatever.”

The exact moment when Roseny knew that she was f*cked.

Meanwhile our disembodied narrator asks, “Could Roseny’s luck be running out?” Oooooh, suspense, drama, I love it.

The winning team is Gisel and Geovannie, no surprise there, and Geovannie wins. And even though I’m not a huge Geovannie fan I have to say, “Good for him!!!” Geovannie channeling a little bit of Vinci’s machismo tells the camera how one day he’s battling in the duel and then the next day he comes back full force like a bull and takes over the challenge.

And the loser is our ice princess, Roseny, and she’s pretty pissed. She tells the camera that she doesn’t see what the judges are basing their judging on and she feels like she’s the only contestant raising the standard of her acting. Honey, let me be clear, the judges think you are forgettable. You’re pretty like thousands of other girls, but outside of your frigid little princess attitude, you’ve got nothing to make you memorable. And I, personally, really appreciate that about you. Once this season ends, you can slip peacefully from my mind.

The chicos return to the house and the editors give us a shot of a row of toothless anemic lions:

Immediately followed by a shot of Roseny’s profile:

Methinks that somebody’s having too much fun in the editing room.

Gisel and Jenn have a little spat and Geovannie, still wearing his sombrero and looking like a complete dork, tries to channel the invisible man. Then, Roseny and Jenn and Berto lounge around in the living room enjoying the tasteful leopard print décor while the girls do their bitchy best to get Berto to vote against Gisel. Roseny trying to act all badass says that if Gisel goes to the duel with her she’ll make Gisel cry. But, you know, it’s kind of an empty threat because these women are guaranteed to turn on the water works as soon as they get in front of Maria Conchita.

Meanwhile, Gisel is upstairs wearing nothing but a towel and bitching to Geovannie. Geovannie tells Gisel to go talk to Berto that night to see if she can swing him in her favor. However, it appears that Gisel has sent Geovannie to Berto as her envoy or he just wants to escape from her ceaseless psychobabble for a little while. So lying on the other bed in Berto’s room, Geovannie points out that Berto is the only one with a hard position, because he has to choose between Gisel and Jenn. Berto tries to fake him out saying that it could go three ways, Gisel, Jenn or himself. But Geovannie calls bullshit on that because neither he nor Gisel is going to vote for Berto. So, basically it boils down to this; either Berto votes for Gisel to go to the duel, which could result in both Roseny and Jenn staying or he could send Jenn to the duel, which means one of them goes. Since, Roseny and Jenn are clearly his stiffest competition, my guess is that he’s going to send Jenn to the duel and cope with Gisel for another week. In the chapel, Berto says that it’s a really difficult situation but he’s kind of glad that he’s the one that’s in it.

Carlos enters to tell the Chicos that it’s time to go to the chapel. And just for MichyPR, since Carlos’ shirt was sadly and noticeably looser this week, I’m posting this for you:

The chicos go to chapel and predictably the votes are divided equally between Gisel and Jenn, with Berto voting last as the tiebreaker. But, of course, our crafty editors don’t show us Berto’s vote. So, we’re left to wait in suspense until Carlos rejoins our group and says that the vote was very close, but Jenn is going to the duel. Jenn can’t believe that Berto voted for her, telling the camera that she guesses that he didn’t want to vote for his little girlfriend. But you know, breaking up Roseny and Jenn in my mind is a definite mitzvah. Watching them together brings back a little too much high school PTSD.

Berto poetically tells the camera that he feels not like ‘an ass’, but rather he just feels like ass, yup, plain good old ass, because he voted for Jenn. Come on, Berto, get over it. If the situation had been reversed, these women would have voted for you in a heartbeat.

The editors seem to have forgotten to add in Uncle Walty’s tranny voice intoning, “Be brave my friends,” so you’ll have to imagine that on your own. The remaining three non-dueling chicos come out on the balcony. Maria Conchita makes her entrance in a full-length pea green dress and the diva’s looking a little tired today. She gives a half-hearted swirl and looks up at the balcony saying, “Oy, only three,” sort of like the hostess who still finds guests lingering in the house after a weekend bash.

Then taking her seat next to Carlos, she demands that the duelists present themselves. Starting with Jenn, Maria points out that, “you are here are become those friends upstairs want you to leave la casa.” Jenn throws her shoulders back, squares her jaw and announces that they know how strong she is and that she will fight to the end and not give up.

Maria then turns to Roseny saying that they know that she is a very good actress but why does Roseny think that she’s become invisible? Roseny, deciding that this isn’t a moment to be humble, thanks Maria Conchita for the compliment saying that she thinks that she’s a not good, but rather a great actress as well. In fact, Roseny’s such a good actress that she doesn’t need to be crazy and wild to get that final prize that she wants and, of course, deserves.

And then we have the predictable sob fest, where both Jenn and Roseny wail about how life has done them wrong and they’ve suffered, but they will persevere and overcome.

The worst sentimental crying performance. Ever.

Maria instructs Jenn and Roseny to face each other, and asks Jenn why she should be the one to stay. Jenn tells Roseny that she’s not afraid to take risks and she hasn’t seen Roseny take any. Roseny responds that she doesn’t need to take her clothes off to take risks and she will do anything to make it in this industry. I’m hoping that Maria Conchita will ask Roseny to clarify her definition of ‘anything’, because there has to be a producer somewhere willing to take her up on that statement, if her definition is broad enough. But, alas, Maria Conchita instead asks Jenn who should be in the duel in her place. Jenn promptly names Gisel, explaining that Gisel has wanted to go home twice. Gisel denies the claim, like maybe the cameramen following her around during the last few weeks had just forgotten to put film in their cameras. Seriously, when are reality show contestants going to grasp the concept that those little black boxes people keep pointing at them are recording their actions?

Rule #1: This is not your friend.

Of course, Roseny backs Jenn up saying it’s true. Then there’s an upstairs downstairs screaming match back and forth between the chicas. Maria Conchita rolls her eyes and vows never to do another reality show before calling for quiet and sending the girls away.

When I was little I had dreams…Me too

Carlos and Maria debate about whom to send home, and I can’t help noticing that it looks like Carlos is on the wagon this week and Maria is drinking alone, or the show has already gone through it’s stock of tequila which is very possible. The bottom line is that Maria doesn’t want to get rid of either Jenn or Roseny and asks Carlos if they can keep the two girls and get rid of a different contestant. Carlos agrees that they are both stronger than some of the others on the balcony. So, I’m thinking that Gisel’s days are numbered. I’m betting that she’s the first to go next week.

Jenn and Roseny are called back. Maria explains that Roseny’s strategy of blending in didn’t work out so well and that, while Jenn impressed them with her powerful personality, they’re not sure that she has the flexibility of a real actress.

And it’s time for…. La Masacre de la Mascara…

Jenn and Roseny are sitting on a couch with Roseny sniffing a rose. Jenn starts crying and Roseny, who is apparently Jenn’s sister, immediately asks her what’s wrong. Jenn sobs that her husband is cheating on her and that she knows this because she heard him talking to the other woman the night before. Roseny tells Jenn that the woman sleeping with her husband is in fact her loving sister, Roseny. Jenn, not surprisingly, demands to know why. And Roseny, standing, turns her back on Jenn, never a wise idea by the way, and says tearfully “don’t look at me, I’m so ashamed.” Jenn speaking to Roseny’s back thanks her for telling the truth adding that it will make things much easier and then bashes her over the head with a vase. Roseny collapses in an artistic, but dead, heap. Maria Conchita tells her sadly, “You are muerto.” Long pause. “Caput.”

Roseny hugs everybody but Gisel, leaving her standing awkwardly off to the side, which I might feel bad about, except that it’s Gisel and I wouldn’t want to hug her either. Then, Roseny makes her exit, assuring us that she’s going to go on to do greater and better things. But, dammit, she wanted that $100,000 and she wanted that role.

Back in the house Maria Conchita commands everybody to toast with their Margaritas, noting that this week they’re strawberry Margaritas and we finish with Jenn telling us that everybody knows she stands her ground and she wants to win.

So what do you guys predict? Apparently, VH1 is ready to see this show go and they’re showing the finale and the final sin episode back to back next week. I’m stilling backing Gisel as the first to go, followed by Geovannie. But honestly, I have no idea whether Jenn or Berto will win this train wreck. However, I’m still pulling for Berto. And, of course, next week we get the Queen of Tackiness himself, Perez Hilton, to interview our contestants. So until next week; “To Viva Hollywood, OMFG!”

****For Chapter 7 of YentaPatrol’s novel, “Honor Among Thieves”, click here.

To start from the beginning, click here!