Hola Chicos,

It’s time again to join our favorite telenovela starlets and party down. Break out the tequila and feel free to get naked alongside our contestants as they shake their privates in hopes of winning this train wreck.

What exactly does “free Wille” mean?

We start this week with a short recap of the last episode so that all of the telenovela aficionados that missed the premiere of this inspiring cultural phenomenon are brought up to speed. Basically, we see that Jainmy ended up muerto. Caput. And Janet lived to act another day.

So, now we catch up with the chicos as they celebrate having survived their first challenge. It’s fiesta time and Janet, giddy at the relief of having survived her duel, is up for anything, including letting Geovannie take a body shot off of her drunken self and then of course it’s only polite to reciprocate. Because what could possibly be more appealing than tequila that’s run the length of some sweaty dudes torso intermingling with his strip of belly hair? If that won’t get you off nothing will. Alexcy appointing himself the household pimp is only to happy to facilitate the event.

But before anything too exciting can occur, the women that make up the house’s moral majority check their rule book and come to a consensus that body shots on TV are most definitely a no-no. Actually, it doesn’t seem to be so much the body shots as the kissing that was following the body shots that offended them. Roseny is personally appalled at the scene sticking her snooty little nose in the air and saying, “Body shots are one thing, but, really, get a room.” While Alexcy tells us somewhat sadly, “There was a lot of licking and sucking, some of the girls felt a little uncomfortable with it.” So, before anything too interesting happens, the party breaks up and the various chicos stumble off to their randomly assigned beds.

The next morning they congregate around the table nursing their hangovers and Uncle Walter pays them a visit still wearing the same Lime green sequined muumuu from last week. I’m really hoping that he has another muumuu maybe in a tasteful shade of lavender just to shake things up for us.

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I had a Great Aunt Gladys who looked just like this.

Uncle Walter tells the contestants that he hopes they are opening their souls to the journey. And I can’t help noticing that his voice is sounding a bit lower this week, which is much nicer when he announces that this weeks deadly sin is lust. I’m hoping that the testosterone shots are kicking in and the tranny voice is passing. Announcing lust in a creaky, squeaky tranny voice would just rob the moment.

Uncle Walter wishes the contestants “peace and above all, mucho, mucho, mucho,” and, while he’s saying this, he’s motioning at what looks like his confused genital region, so I’m wildly trying to guess what he’s going to say. Mucho enlargement? Mucho activity? Mucho success? But he settles for “mucho amore,” which is a gentlemanly way of wishing them much sex. Everybody should have a tranny Uncle Walter to make such wishes for them.

The contestants get treated to a montage of telenovela scenes of lust and Gisel tells us that, “Watching the scenes of lust, we were nervous because it looked more like porn.” She’s a really smart cookie that Gisel. It takes some real insight to figure out that once you strip a scene of any dialogue or plot and reduce it solely to physical grappling your pretty much talking about pornography. But it turns out that this is really just a teaser for things to come later in the episode, like in fifteen minutes, because first our chicos are going to have a yoga class and get all spiritual. Enrique’s a believer and he’s hoping that yoga will bring harmony to house.

The chicos have two instructors; a hairy, skinny, guru type guy and a skinny blond woman. After a few minutes of warming up the guru guy stands up and tells the chicos, “I suggest you take this challenge, if you can. We must get comfortable in our skin.” Then he and the woman instructor strip down to their birthday suits, making just about all of the contestants muy uncomfortable not only in their own skins, but in seeing the skin of the instructors. Except for Enrique, who you know was the kid stuck out on the playground for two hours after recess because somebody suggested playing doctor and then stole his clothes. Enrique is all like ‘naked, I’m up for that’ and immediately strips. But age brings wisdom and wisdom brings anxiety and anxiety apparently brings shrinkage. Who would have thunk? I had no idea. I knew that cold water brought shrinkage, but nervousness? Stage fright must be a real bitch for him. In the immortal words of Elaine Benis, “I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things.”

Then, Geovannie not to be outdone by little Enrique, no pun intended. Well, okay, maybe a small pun…Anyway, Geovannie strips as well, telling us that he’s proud of what he’s got. The naked chicos get some mixed reactions from the woman, with one telling us, “Your not an actor because you’ll get naked.” On the other hand, Janet tells us admiringly that Enrique and Giovannie have big balls. It’s not clear if she’s talking about their courage or if she sneaked a peak, but after Enrique’s shrinkage problem, I’m thinking she means courage.

Then Jenn who seems to be the hardiest of the woman, and alongside Janet is becoming one of my favorites, decides to strip down as well. I’m just kind of wishing that she had thought to shave her pits that morning. Still, she gets some points in the courage department because there’s no way in hell that I’d have the courage to be flashing my hoo-hoo around like that.

Berto takes a more practical approach and tells us quite frankly that he doesn’t want to be down ward or upward dog with his testicles hanging out. And I’ve got to sympathize with him. I mean it can’t be comfortable to have everything swinging in the breeze.

All this nudity seems to have caused the editors a few issues as well. I mean they can’t just show a room with naked bodies. They have to either blur out or cover up the breasts and genitals. They go with the covering up approach and, displaying an impressive cultural awareness, choose pictures of little sombreros to cover up any nudity below the waist and little maroccas to cover up the women above the waist.

Do you see a hat? I see a hat.

After the yoga class, the moral majority consisting of Gisel, Roseny, and Silvia meet by the pool and start bitching about Jenn stripping. Janet’s there too, but I don’t think she’s participating too much in the bickering. Having her own sex talk show probably makes her more tolerant. Gisel tells us that at first she was upset and then she was grossed out. And Roseny says that stripping would be vulgar and for special emphasis says vulgar in both Spanish and English. Now, my initial reaction is what the f**k business is it of theirs if Jenn decides to take her clothes off and grind for the camera, much less practice yoga. But then, I have to acknowledge how complicated this show has to be for the contestants. After all, the chicos want to represent their culture in a good light. Reality TV is all about representing people in a bad light in large part by exploiting their stereotypes. So, there’s a little conflict of interest going on here and the moral majority chicas are all about telling Jenn that she is representing poorly. They even go so far as to tell Jenn that she should go do porn because that’s what she was doing by getting naked. Of course, this challenge is about lust and it is reality TV so before the episode is over they all might get some porn time in.

Carlos Ponce joins the chicos representing quite nicely in his spiffy white outfit. And again, I’d like to reiterate–Carlos is hot. Anyway, Carlos is here to introduce this weeks guest judges to our contestants, Christian de la Fuentes and his wife Anjelica Castro. Christian and Anjelica are telenovela stars and Christian recently did a stint on dancing with the stars. Sadly, Carlos leaves after that. We’re not getting a lot of Carlos this episode and its kind of bothering me.

He’s so cute…

Anyway, Christian tells the chicos that, “Today we’re going to shoot love scenes and we’re going to do it like the pros.” There will be four couples and one threesome for the challenge and then we’re told the twist: because Roseny won last weeks challenge she got to choose who worked with who.

I have to say that Roseny bugs the living crap out of me. She always has this little perfect princess smirk that makes me want to reach into the TV and smack her across the face. When Christian starts naming the groups, Roseny tells the camera that in choosing who worked together, she definitely used ‘stragedy’, which I can only assume is a mixture of strategy and tragedy. She tells the camera that when push came to shove she had to shove. But in front of the other contestants while Christian reads out the names she maintains an ultra innocent expression.

So the groups are: Silvia and Kalain; Alexcy, Jenn and Enrique; Gisel and Janet, for girl-on-girl; Rosenny and Giovannie; and Vinci and Berto, for guy-on-guy. Of course, Roseny shares with us for her ‘stragedy’ in choosing the couples. Silvia and Kalain were the weakest. Gisel is going to have trouble doing a girl-on-girl scene. Neither Vinci nor Berto, the two machismo’s in the house, were going to be happy about some hot hombre en hombre amore. Roseny then finishes up her confessional with a sudden flash of conscience when she asks the camera, ” Am I allowed to say gay?”

I’m pretty and witty and…can I say that word?

The gay male scene is way beyond where Vinci is willing to go for this show and he storms off saying that he’s going home. Alexcy who’s a little more metrosexual tells us, “I’m sorry, if you work at McDonalds you have to flip hamburgers. Everybody has to do stuff they don’t like in life and this is a business, so if your not up for it then you’ve got to stay out of the kitchen.” Which is kind is kind of the right sentiment even though Vinci is being asked to flip sexes not hamburgers. But, hey, sexual preference or quarter pounders; not that much difference.

Anyway, Vinci is determined not to play a gay man, because he’s a big strong heterosexual who’s locked himself in the bathroom to cry. And from the way he’s carrying on you would have thought that script not only called for him to be gay but to be a bottom as well. Berto tries to coax Vinci to come out of the bathroom and give things a try because it won’t hurt so much the second time. But Vinci is all like “Screw you Berto,” I’m never doing that again. “Sometimes I want to control things so badly,” from now on I’m the one that’s one the top.

If only we cuddled more and maybe if you brought me flowers once in a while.

Then Janet tells the camera that this was a big drama for Vinci and Berto, “they acted like they were guys.” Then she pauses thinking that over and after a moment corrects herself saying matter-of-factly, “I’m sorry I mean gays.”

Meanwhile, Gisel is freaking out about having to kiss a girl but Janet being a sexpert, takes a more practical approach telling Gisel, “Kiss me, kiss me, touch me, touch me, but please do your job.” I really like Janet, she’s just down to earth and practical.

But, Gisel is acting like she’s part of a boarding school lesbian encounter saying, “I know, we should totally have alcohol. We should have alcohol in this scene because were drunk. We’re going to kiss now.” Because, then it’s just something that happens between girls when they’re drunk; it doesn’t really mean anything.

While Vinci and Gisel struggle to embrace homosexuality, the other contestants are practicing their scenes with varying degrees of success. Silvia is attacking Kalain. Kalain seems more awkwardly panicked than aroused as he wrestles Silvia away from his body long enough to speak his line.

Air, I need Air

Roseny and Geovannie are discovering that they have different priorities for the lust scene. Geovannie wants to concentrate more on the groping aspect and Roseny wants to elevate the scene to a higher level. These two are like a married couple where the man wants sex three times a day and the woman is up for it maybe once a year on his birthday if he’ll up her credit card limit.

Our threesome are having some awkward moments of their own. Enrique is crawling all over Jenn like a rat terrier on a rottweiler and trying to spice up the scene by really getting into the part and nipping at her. Jenn’s not so thrilled with getting bit, but when it’s Alexcy’s turn to demonstrate his male prowess he bashes her in the head with his knee. I’m feeling a little bad for Jenn stuck between these two wannabe casonova’s that don’t seem to have a clue on the seduction front. Enrique may single handedly blow that stereotype right out the window.

The hot latin lover is the guy with the hat.

Sadly, Vinci, having taken the path of every red blooded heterosexual male in a time of crisis, is still locked in the bathroom crying his eyes out because he doesn’t want to be seen as gay. At this point, Berto is understandably frustrated telling us, “I’m wasting time because everybody is preparing their scenes and Vinci won’t even come out.”

Christian and Anjelica finally talk Vinci out of the bathroom and negotiate a way to work the scene. Christian going so far as to sympathize with Vinci by sharing with him the difficult compromises that he’s had to make for his acting career, “Sometimes I have to do scenes with a sixty year old woman.” And I find it interesting that Christian finds getting physical with older woman equally appalling as switching sexual preferences. Anjelica might be in for a bit of a shock when she turns sixty.

I should mention that Berto is wearing a wife beater t-shirt and he’s one of the few men that can actually pull this look off. After all, Carlos isn’t around and Giovannie is giving me the heeby jeebies, so I have to amuse myself somehow while Vinci continues to put on a show protesting that he doesn’t want to act gay. I’m beginning to think that just maybe Vinci’s protesting just a tad too much.

Finally, the combined efforts of Christian, Anjelica and Berto are enough to convince Vinci that he can work with the script and change it enough to make it palatable. At dinner Berto asks how Gisel and Janet’s girl-on-girl scene is progressing. When Gisel gives a positive report, Berto looks pretty depressed likes he’s wondering if it’s not too late to become a lesbian. Geovannie shares how his dad was really supportive when his he had to kiss a guy in a play. Vinci doesn’t buy this for a second saying no Latin father was going to support his son kissing another man. Geovannie protests, no really, his dad understood that it was just a role and Vinci comes back with “maybe he already knew you were gay.” Geovannie just shrugs and says, “that has nothing to do with it.” So, now I’m confused. Is Geovannie just being super mature and not rising to the bate or is he in fact gay? I’m thinking that he’s just being super mature, but that’s pretty unusual for reality TV. He should have at least thrown his drink at Vinci, but Vinci saves the scene by storming off.

It’s time for the competition and a voice intones, “The time has come to separate the men from the boys.” I have to mention, since I don’t think I have up to now, that there’s this weird narrator voice that seems to randomly pop in with semi-smart ass comments and it’s kind of driving me nuts because it’s not associated with any person on the show. It’s just there.

Silvia and Kalain are up first. Silvia is the cheating rich mistress of the house and Kailain is the houseboy. Kalain can’t help seeming like the big goofy kid brother that everybody wants, but nobody wants to sleep with. He’s got his mane of hair tied back in a ponytail and is wearing a cute little bow tie. Silvia is all about seduction in this scene and Kalain is barely able to keep up with her.

Next, we have our threesome with Jenn, Alexcy and Enrique. Now, my loser porn addict friend has confirmed that this scene has all the makings of any soft porn film complete with the appropriate music tract, setting, costumes and script. So, I’m thinking that it’s nice that they’re being prepared for a fallback career if the acting doesn’t work out. You know, not a lot of reality TV shows demonstrate that much concern for their contestants. Enrique and Jenn are going at it, apparently in the lobby of a random hotel, until Alexcy, the hotel manager, interrupts them. Enrique’s wife calls and Enrique exits stage left leaving Jenn alone with Alexcy. Alexcy tries to convince Jenn that fooling around with a married man is wrong and suggests that Jenn teach Enrique a lesson by fooling around with him instead. Of course, Enrique comes back and catches them. But, sadly, before we get into the naked threesome, Christian calls cut. Jenn tells us that acting with Alexcy is like acting with yourself, which considering the main subject matter of the scene is a pretty harsh thing to say.

Janet and Gisel are ready to go with their girl-on-girl stuff. And I’m happy to see that Gisel, who was previously pretty adamant against participating in soft porn, has decided to embrace the opportunity and has gone full out with major kinked out hooker hair and enormous star earrings. Janet has also gotten into the spirit by spraying about a ton of silver glittery stuff over her eyelids. Why anyone would think that this is an attractive look is beyond me. Just because people point and stare doesn’t mean that it’s a good thing. Janet is the straight girl whose heart has just been broken and Gisel is the lesbian about to confess her secret love. Janet wails, “I have the worst luck in the world in finding a good maaaannnnnn. ” Gisel makes her move, using the world weary often repeated, “Don’t think about it. We’re drunk. Tomorrow we’ll pretend it never happened.” I thought that they were pretty good, but Janet tells us that Gisel was really nervous and Gisel says, “I’m not that confident.” I have to say that this is the first time that Gisel isn’t saying mean things about another contestant and she comes across as both honest and likeable.

I’m strictly a Shakespeare in the park kind of girl

Giovannie and Roseny’s scene has Roseny cast as the maid and Geovanni cast as the son of the house. Geovannie is wearing a suit with a leopard print tie that’s rocking and Roseny’s in her maid uniform. Apparently, during their reshearsals they had worked out the exact number of times that Geovannie was supposed to kiss Roseny, but he gets a little carried away in the moment. A sign of a great actor and all that. So when he’s kissing Roseny she’s bent way the heck back away from him and her body language is totally screaming get the F**k away from me. Geovannie seems to find this arousing, or he’s trying to compensate for her obvious lack of passion, because when Christian initially calls cut Geovannie has her laid out on the table and doesn’t stop kissing her. Christian calls cut again and Geovanni finally stops. Roseny’s all pissed off that Geovannie violated their agreed on rules telling us, “He actually kissed me more times than he was supposed to.” And feeling violated because the other actor in the lust scene was actually acting lustful, Roseny decides that Geovanni is going to go down, just not on her.

Vinci and Berto have gone for the minimalist look in their costumes and are dressed in swimsuits. Vinci is the straight friend and Berto is the closet case about to confess his long unrequited love. To make himself even more sensitive and vulnerable looking Berto has donned a pair of horn rimmed glasses that somebody in the costume department must think is the latest in gaywear. I have to say that after all the drama they really aren’t too bad. In fact, in a really soap opera kind of way they’re pretty good. But the whole scene feels like it could have been one of Joey Tribiani’s fateful acting scenes in an old episode of Friends. They finish the scene with what looks like a quick peck and a hug and Berto is overcome with all the drama from the day, tearing up and really showing his sensitive side. The thing is, all joking aside, I’m walking away from this challenge thinking that Berto is pretty serious about his acting. He handled Vinci and the scene nightmare in a surprisingly professional manner and I’m reluctantly impressed. Go Berto.

The contestants all gather to find out the winner and the loser. Christian and Anjelica announce that the winner will receive a $10,000 shopping spree at Popsy Boutique. And I want to mention that Christian has donned a black leather blazer over his jeans and t-shirt which is looking totally cheesy. Why the heck isn’t Carlos around to make these announcements.

Anyway, Christian goes down the list of their critiques. At least I assume that critiques are from both him and Anjelica since she’s standing there, she just doesn’t say much. So, Silvia and Kalain were pretty good. Kalain still needs to work on the language issue. Janet was very good and honest. Gisel was little soft. Interestingly, Gisel tells us that it was harder for her to do the lesbian scene because she’s straight, but the scenes weren’t at all hard for Janet. Now, this is kind of implying that Janet is gay, which I hadn’t really thought of, but if so, that’s a hell of a way to out her. Christian was disappointed in Roseny telling her that her performance was not what they expect from a leading lady. Ouch. Geovannie needs to make more daring choices, and I’m not sure what they mean by that, since it seemed pretty daring for Geovannie to express any lust with Roseny. Vinci was lucky to have Berto as a partner and Berto really convinced them. Then, finally, for the threesome, Jenn found the character and was believable. Enrique needs more strength and more volume, which I take to be a reference on the shrinkage problem. And Alexcy never showed any thought processes. Christian goes on to tell him that “acting is about showing that moment when you make a decision,” which I think is a pretty good description. I just don’t think that Alexcy has more than one or two expressions to work with.

The winner is Berto, which is good. But Berto has a choice, he can either keep the entire prize for himself or share it with another contestant. Berto immediately chooses Vinci, which is both smart and sweet. Then proving that he’s no fool, Berto tells the camera that “It doesn’t hurt to look good in the house.”

Of course, not everyone is as happy as I am that Berto won. Gisel is a little pissy, complaining that “some of us were a little upset. I was a little upset. You know, I had to kiss a girl.” But what she doesn’t realize is how much worse things could have been. She could have had to kiss that sixty-year-old woman that Christian has to do scenes with.

Alexcy is up for elimination and the house needs to figure out who to send to the duel. Vinci, apparently suffering from short term memory loss, conveniently forgets that he survived the challenge because he locked himself in the bathroom and bawled like a baby until he was able to change the script. He takes on a devil may care, tough guy attitude and tells us that he’s been in dangerous situations all of his life and sometimes you gotta break the rules. But he’s savvy enough to realize that his behavior might have jeopardized his position in the house and he runs around doing damage control. Meanwhile, Giovannie and Silviea have bonded and are having a little confo with Silvia sitting on Geovannie’s bed while he’s under the covers with at least his upper half naked.

The next morning Carlos shows up with the fated death cards and I’m happy to see him even if he is wearing a dark red satin shirt that I’m not enthralled with. The smarmy narrator intones that the chapel is a sacred place where their dark secrets are revealed. Then the chicos enter one by one casting their votes and begging for forgiveness. After the votes have been cast and counted, Carlos tells the chicos that it was a close vote between Geovannie and Vinci. Vinci looks shocked by the news, which is pretty funny but at least he didn’t start crying again. Geovanni is the loser.

Really? You don’t like me?

Carlos leaves the contestants seated around the table to take in the news and Enrique tells the others “You know what? The real competition is on.” The housemates start in on the bickering over how they voted and who voted for whom, until the editors decide enough is enough and fade out with a picture of a raven flying over the screen. Then Uncle Walter’s voice intones, “Be brave my friends.”

Maria Conchita the diva of the house finally deigns to make an appearance in a sexy, tight, plum colored, low cut dress greeting the contestants with a “Holla. Buenos nochas.” Taking her seat between Carlos on her right and Christian and Anjelica seated to her left, she looks up to the balcony where the contestants are waiting and says, “I hear that there’s been a lot of drama in the house, but you have to remember that there can only be one diva in this house. Right Vinci?” In other words, Vinci better watch out that he doesn’t steal Maria Conchitas moves or he’s going to find his ass caput. Maria Conchita then tells our duelists to present themselves and gives them a quick critique. Alexcy performed poorly in the telenovela scene of lust. Giovannie looks like a leading man but is it just skin deep?

She then instructs them to tell the judges why they should be the one to stay and reminds them that above all else this should be a great telenovela moment. Alexcy tells us that he’s conquered the mortgage business and now he’s hungry to conquer acting. He’s doing pretty well until he decides to thank the judges, especially Christian’s wife Anjelica who he calls Veronica. And she’s mighty pissed at that one. Alexcy better be praying that Geovanni just makes a total ass out of himself because there are some things that you just aren’t coming back from. At this point, all Geovannie really needs to do is say the minimal and look passionate.

But Giovanni decides to cast caution to the wind and go for his defining moment as an actor, demonstrating passion and commitment to his craft. But what he produces is possibly one of the worst performances I’ve ever seen and I’m counting the drunken out-of-work mimes that uses to haunt Central Park in the summers occasionally staggering and swaying as they acted out their scenes. The judges expressions are hysterical while they watch him and I don’t know if the lights were in his eyes and he couldn’t see them, but I have no idea why he kept going when they were laughing out loud and shaking their heads.

The jury has reached a decision and it’s not a good one

Maria Conchita greets the end of his performance with a gentle rebuke saying, “Don’t get too emotional, I’m just asking you a simple question,” which was really pretty funny. She then instructs them to face each other and tell the other one why they should be the one to stay. Alexcy’s reasoning is mercifully short and concise, “the camera is in love with me. Sorry.” Giovani tells him that he’s a rookie inexperienced and unprepared and beside Geovanni was willing to get naked at the yoga class. Alexcy comes back with you don’t always have to go to school for everything and I can take off my clothes off just as well as you can.

The chicos leave. The judges argue. And this time the other judges have drinks of their own to help lubricate the process. Not surprisingly, Geovannie’s performance is bad enough to erase the memory of Alexcy’s name faux pas from the judge’s minds. Carlos, Christian and Anjelica really don’t like Giovannie, but Maria isn’t so thrilled with Alexcy. They argue until Maria calls “enough” she can’t take can’t take anymore because she has a headache. Then she dismisses the other judges to make up her mind.

After a period of quiet reflection and serious drinking, the kind of hard bottle guzzling, that gives you a short lucid period before you collapse in a welcome stupor, Maria Conchita calls the contestants back. She sums up the critiques briefly because she’s on limited time. She tells Geovannie that it is easier to get physical than to bare your soul and she tells Alexcy that they’re not sure they have time to build a star from scratch.

Then getting straight to the chase, Maria says I have made my decision and once again we get to watch the Masacre de la Mascara. Was last weeks Masacre in Spanish? I don’t remember, but this week it is, which somehow makes the scene that much cooler. Geovannie, portraying the jealous husband, enters the bedroom looking for his wife. His wife has gone but Alexcy is lounging back in the bed with a stray red bra, presumably discarded by Geovannie’s wife in a moment of passion, lying alongside his leg. Geovannie demands to know where his wife is and Alexcy tells him that she has left but if he comes a little closer Giovannie can still smell his wife’s perfume on Alexcy’s body. Well, those are fighting words in any language so Geovannie pulls a gun out of his pocket. Appropriately alarmed, Alexcy jumps out of bed and runs to struggle for the gun telling Geovannie that he’s not man enough to satisfy his wife. Way to pacify the crazy man with the gun. The gun goes off and Enrique and Geovannie stare at each other in horror leaving us, and the contestants, to wonder who will fall. Alexcy finally falls backwards, a look of horror and shock on his face that bears a strong resemblence to every other expression he’s made since he’s been on the show.

Alexcy gives us a poignant farewell speech telling us that he really thought he did the job at hand but with only “four days in the business. No agent. I’m green. I’m sushi. I’m raw. I need the soy sauce and the wasabi.” This guy really likes cooking metaphors. Of course, who the hell is going to chow down on green, raw fish; wasabi or no wasabi.

So, Alexcy is muerto. Caput. And Maria Conchita, before she fades off into her alcohol induced haze has a final word for Geovannie, “You have to own it if you want to become a telenovella star. You know that right?” Okay, so own what? A really cool car? A large supply of liquor? Own what dammit? After all, I might decide I want to audition for the season two and I’m looking for pointers.

Alexcy, you are muerto. Caput. And now you will burn in hell. Forever.

Geovannie tells the camera, “I know I’m not the most liked guy in the house. It’s going to be a tough battle, but if I’m going to go down, I’m going to go down fighting.” Then everyone toasts Viva Hollywood. And, with a fateful foreshadowing of things to come, Roseny tells the camera that she’s going to take Geovannie down.

Next week the contestants get beautiful, then they get ugly, while events get nasty on the runway and ugly in the house. So are you guys psyched? Anybody else cheering for Berto? Any bets on how long Vinci lasts?

***Check out new chapters of YentaPatrol’s novel “Honor Among Thieves” every week in the forums!

Honor Among Thieves Chapter One

Honor Among Thieves Chapter Two

Honor Among Thieves Chapter Three