Last week, I wrote a post complaining about the scarcity of the Nintendo Wii and the DirecTV Plus DVR. As you may remember, I wanted both of these items. One is the consumer rage this holiday season and the other is a necessary component to fulfilling my HD experience. I’m proud to say that I’ve now procured one of these much sought-after toys. But which one is it?
In one corner, there’s the Nintendo Wii, a product that defines the word hot. It can’t be found anywhere, at least, not for normal retail value. The more time that passes, the more consumer demand and awareness seems to escalate for the Wii, making it virtually impossible to buy. Even the daffy midwestern housewives who were lucky to sit in Dr. Phil’s audience today received free Wiis, and they loved them!
In the other corner, there’s the DirecTV Plus HD DVR. Despite the fact that it’s widely known as one of the crappiest pieces of technology out there, everyone wants one because, well, it’s the only way to DVR the NFL package in HD. The backorder on these suckers gives new meaning to the word “long,” but surely, after nearly TEN WEEKS of waiting (and this is after we’d put money down), we figure that the hardware might pop up sooner or later — you know, if DirecTV was in the business of “satisfying its customers.”
So which item did we get? Answer after the jump…Ladies and gentlemen, I’m proud to announce that I’m the owner of a brand new Wii. That’s right, it was easier to get a Wii than for DirecTV to deliver the DVR that had already been bought and paid for (two months ago). Turns out my little plea last week didn’t fall on deaf ears. A number of you sent me links to a Wii-stalking site (http://ps3seeker.com/wii/), but even better, an executive at the Fox Reality Network just happened to notice my dire situation. Turns out he had an extra Wii, and so he sold the system to me for a reasonable price. I was very grateful, and in turn, I implore you all to make Fox Reality a regular part of your channel surfing experience. For DirecTV subscribers, you can check it out on channel 250 — assuming you have your receiver, which undoubtedly has not arrived yet.
Anyway, I was so excited to bust out my Wii that J-Unit and I had to document this momentous occasion. Enjoy these photos of Monday Night with the Wii:
There’s the entertainment center. Note the complete lack of a DirecTV HD DVR. Also note the abundance of wires and bobbleheads, but that’s neither here nor there.
Ah yes. The obligatory “Buckle Up. It’s The Law!” disclaimer from Nintendo. Why do I feel like shit’s gonna break tonight? Bye bye flat screen…
I’m ready to go!
Adding to my increased sense of doom is this message which warns users to make sure “there are no people or objects around you.” Knowing my spastic tendencies, this is probably a good general warning for many of my typical activities — like dancing, eating cereal, or reading a book.
Fearing the wrath of an airborne Wii controller, J-Unit dons protective gear.
Sadly, this basket is all we have.
Within seconds of starting the boxing game, I already have my first goofy face. Little known fact, I get buckteeth when I punch.
Things are looking dire for my boxing career.
But somehow, I win! That’s pure, genuine ebullience.
Just in case you didn’t believe me.
Going boxing again. I don’t think I’ve been this concentrated since the SATs.
It’s around this time that a sheen of sweat begins to appear on my forehead. This is highly frustrating since I had just showered from the gym. And, let’s face it, no one wants to admit that they worked up a sweat playing a videogame.
Oh yeah, that was clearly a punch to the gut.
I like how I react as if I’m actually getting beaten up.
You probably can’t see it, but my opponent is down for the count. BECAUSE HE’S A PUSSY!!!! I WANT BLOOD, BITCHES!!!
Victory is mine!
Now I’ve moved onto tennis.
Apparently, playing tennis makes me look like a blustery old British person named Basil who’s just about to say, “I BEG YOUR PARDON!”
I like this photo, only because it looks like I’m holding up a martini glass. Just some old torchiere lamp hilarity!
The best part about the Wii is that it actually makes me look mildly athletic.
Of course, it also makes me look mildly idiotic too.
By the way, I totally kicked ass with the tennis.
Bowling seemed like it might hold a world of non-sweaty possibilities.
That’s the look of defeat as I realize I’m just as terrible of a bowler on the Wii as I am in real life.
Oh, that’s supposed to be me. Or Mii, as it were.
For the first time in possibly ten years, it looks like I might get a strike!
A strike indeed! Success! Empty, sweaty success!!!
I then attempt some golf…
…But after three double bogeys in a row…
…I realize I suck.
Here’s J-Unit laughing at me.
But then the inevitable happens. The controller goes flying out of my hand…
…and impales J-Unit.
Miraculously, he recovers. What better time to build a card castle!
Oops. There goes that controller again!
J-Unit then decides to show us his favorite piece of junk mail.
But wouldn’t you know it? That damn controller takes out the lovely woman in the center! Just another casualty of the Wii.
So that’s our evening with the Wii. In closing, this is what you all must remember: the Wii is great, DirecTV sucks at delivering their HD DVRs, and J-Unit loves card castles.