Nintendo Vs. DirecTV: We Have A Winner!

Video Games

By B-Side | Tuesday, December 12, 2006 | 1:13 am | 19 Comments

Last week, I wrote a post complaining about the scarcity of the Nintendo Wii and the DirecTV Plus DVR. As you may remember, I wanted both of these items. One is the consumer rage this holiday season and the other is a necessary component to fulfilling my HD experience. I’m proud to say that I’ve now procured one of these much sought-after toys. But which one is it?

In one corner, there’s the Nintendo Wii, a product that defines the word hot. It can’t be found anywhere, at least, not for normal retail value. The more time that passes, the more consumer demand and awareness seems to escalate for the Wii, making it virtually impossible to buy. Even the daffy midwestern housewives who were lucky to sit in Dr. Phil’s audience today received free Wiis, and they loved them!

In the other corner, there’s the DirecTV Plus HD DVR. Despite the fact that it’s widely known as one of the crappiest pieces of technology out there, everyone wants one because, well, it’s the only way to DVR the NFL package in HD. The backorder on these suckers gives new meaning to the word “long,” but surely, after nearly TEN WEEKS of waiting (and this is after we’d put money down), we figure that the hardware might pop up sooner or later — you know, if DirecTV was in the business of “satisfying its customers.”

So which item did we get? Answer after the jump…Ladies and gentlemen, I’m proud to announce that I’m the owner of a brand new Wii. That’s right, it was easier to get a Wii than for DirecTV to deliver the DVR that had already been bought and paid for (two months ago). Turns out my little plea last week didn’t fall on deaf ears. A number of you sent me links to a Wii-stalking site (http://ps3seeker.com/wii/), but even better, an executive at the Fox Reality Network just happened to notice my dire situation. Turns out he had an extra Wii, and so he sold the system to me for a reasonable price. I was very grateful, and in turn, I implore you all to make Fox Reality a regular part of your channel surfing experience. For DirecTV subscribers, you can check it out on channel 250 — assuming you have your receiver, which undoubtedly has not arrived yet.

Anyway, I was so excited to bust out my Wii that J-Unit and I had to document this momentous occasion. Enjoy these photos of Monday Night with the Wii:

There’s the entertainment center. Note the complete lack of a DirecTV HD DVR. Also note the abundance of wires and bobbleheads, but that’s neither here nor there.

Ah yes. The obligatory “Buckle Up. It’s The Law!” disclaimer from Nintendo. Why do I feel like shit’s gonna break tonight? Bye bye flat screen…

I’m ready to go!

Adding to my increased sense of doom is this message which warns users to make sure “there are no people or objects around you.” Knowing my spastic tendencies, this is probably a good general warning for many of my typical activities — like dancing, eating cereal, or reading a book.

Fearing the wrath of an airborne Wii controller, J-Unit dons protective gear.

Sadly, this basket is all we have.

Within seconds of starting the boxing game, I already have my first goofy face. Little known fact, I get buckteeth when I punch.

Things are looking dire for my boxing career.

But somehow, I win! That’s pure, genuine ebullience.

Just in case you didn’t believe me.

Going boxing again. I don’t think I’ve been this concentrated since the SATs.

It’s around this time that a sheen of sweat begins to appear on my forehead. This is highly frustrating since I had just showered from the gym. And, let’s face it, no one wants to admit that they worked up a sweat playing a videogame.

Oh yeah, that was clearly a punch to the gut.

I like how I react as if I’m actually getting beaten up.

You probably can’t see it, but my opponent is down for the count. BECAUSE HE’S A PUSSY!!!! I WANT BLOOD, BITCHES!!!

Victory is mine!

Now I’ve moved onto tennis.

Apparently, playing tennis makes me look like a blustery old British person named Basil who’s just about to say, “I BEG YOUR PARDON!”

I like this photo, only because it looks like I’m holding up a martini glass. Just some old torchiere lamp hilarity!

The best part about the Wii is that it actually makes me look mildly athletic.

Of course, it also makes me look mildly idiotic too.

By the way, I totally kicked ass with the tennis.

Bowling seemed like it might hold a world of non-sweaty possibilities.

That’s the look of defeat as I realize I’m just as terrible of a bowler on the Wii as I am in real life.

Oh, that’s supposed to be me. Or Mii, as it were.

For the first time in possibly ten years, it looks like I might get a strike!

A strike indeed! Success! Empty, sweaty success!!!

I then attempt some golf…

…But after three double bogeys in a row…

…I realize I suck.

Here’s J-Unit laughing at me.

But then the inevitable happens. The controller goes flying out of my hand…

…and impales J-Unit.

Miraculously, he recovers. What better time to build a card castle!

Oops. There goes that controller again!

J-Unit then decides to show us his favorite piece of junk mail.

But wouldn’t you know it? That damn controller takes out the lovely woman in the center! Just another casualty of the Wii.

So that’s our evening with the Wii. In closing, this is what you all must remember: the Wii is great, DirecTV sucks at delivering their HD DVRs, and J-Unit loves card castles.

Comments (19)
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19 Comments

1

jampony

Posted December 12, 2006 at 3:37 am

Great “recap”, B-Side! But you might want to warn Basil… it looks like he’s got carpel tunnel in his left hand.

PS: I love that the only consumable items in your apartment appear to be alcohol and cereal.
2

ByeByeBitches

Posted December 12, 2006 at 8:29 am

HAHA! amazing! be prepared to not get any work done…ever. Wii sports is amazing, you have to get more controllers and really go at it!
3

mountain_girl

Posted December 12, 2006 at 9:02 am

You guys are hilarious! When do we get to see J-Unit take on some sports?

On the Fox Reality topic: Tell that producer that you need to be on again, Comcast finally added it to our line up.
4

Barfly

Posted December 12, 2006 at 10:36 am

Poor J-Unit, he comes over to play with the new toy and gets stuck with a lousy deck of cards.

As an aside, would it kill you to paint or hang up some artwork or something? Might I suggest Monet’s Waterlilies? Cutting edge.
5

zevonia

Posted December 12, 2006 at 10:36 am

I do not want to get sweaty playing a video game!

Something tells me Cartman really won’t like the Wii.

Side note: don’t you have any female or gay friends to help you decorate? That apartment is pathetic, even for a bachelor!
6

tigereye

Posted December 12, 2006 at 11:20 am

That was wonderful, brightened my day. Yeah I’ve heard the Wii is the way to get chubby little kids to actually move their bodies instead of couch potato onlys. I’m too am not sure I want to work up a sweat while playing a video game, though that might be the easiest workout ever! something to consider….
I agree w/ those above, your apt might need a little resucitation (sp?). But hell, I’ve seen a hellofa lot worse! Sooo… when I move out to LA area, is there any hope of my ever being able to score an apt like that one? or will I truly only have a closet w/ a toilet in it? = )
7

Ms. Tumnus

Posted December 12, 2006 at 12:17 pm

And with this “recap” my schoolgirl crush on B-Side and J-Unit is officially confirmed. Damn you boys are cute.

I haven’t laughed that hard since you introduced Water Bottle and brought her to the Emmys (wasn’t she invited last night?).

Now just think what Tabby could do with these pics and a bit of Photoshop.
8

marge

Posted December 12, 2006 at 1:53 pm

So the Survivor recap remains unposted due to the recent Wii acquisition…hope just breathed a sigh and flew out the window.
9

HoneyBunny

Posted December 12, 2006 at 6:45 pm

JoJo…you’ve been working out haven’t you?! Looking good ~

oh – and you look nice too b-side.

hb
10

cannonball

Posted December 12, 2006 at 6:53 pm

B-Side, will you marry me? Or can we at least hop in the sack?
11

goodAg

Posted December 12, 2006 at 7:59 pm

I love J-Unit’s personalized jacket. Sweet!
12

Deena

Posted December 12, 2006 at 10:37 pm

B-side, you are just too cute.
13

Jennifer30309

Posted December 13, 2006 at 7:44 am

Love it. Love it. Love it. This is what sets tvgasm apart.

J-Unit’s hat is very cutting edge, much like something Vincent designed on Project Runway. Wait a minute. I’ve never seen J-Unit and Vincent in the same room. Lord, this is troubling…
14

txgurl

Posted December 13, 2006 at 8:18 am

Have you taken the fitness test yet to see your MII age?

I was so bad at it, I was at age 67, then went to a 58 now I’m at 84!!!I totally suck at the baseball, but I can do the bowling. ( I haven’t done it in awhile it depressed me, so I’m playing Zelda.

P.S. B-side I’m sure you’ve heard this before but you totally remind me of Bruce Campbell. Ya’ll (J-Unit and yourself) are both cuties.
15

B-Side

Posted December 13, 2006 at 9:29 am

My Mii age is 78. Oddly enough, my Mii has osteoperosis too.
16

Victoria

Posted December 13, 2006 at 10:15 am

I love how you guys have gone from pixellating your faces to J-unit wearing a jacket with his name on it.
17

meeshie

Posted December 13, 2006 at 11:37 am

Basil!!! hahah that was the funniest EVER! i love hearing about personal stuff like this with you guys, like a glimpse into your personal lives – one of my fave parts of tvgasm ever!!!! It’s always SO SO funny!!!!!!!!
18

sawgee

Posted December 13, 2006 at 2:02 pm

hey, my g4 peoples forwarded me this. funny stuff, guys. and i think you sold me on the wii. i was considering the 360, but the wii-induced ebullience is alluring. any plans to test the other next-gen consoles?
19

joeypotter

Posted December 14, 2006 at 8:08 am

I think we need to take up a collection for some furniture for B-Side. I’m sorry, dude, but your apartment looks SAD. Hysterical post, though. Watching you box, B-Side, is the best.