Work of Art: Definitely Not Safe for Work! (But…Nothing’s Shocking)

I’m about to crack open a fresh episode of Work of Art, where the artists were challenged to create something shocking.  What better time to tell you all my “shocking” story than today?

In fourth grade, my class was sitting on the floor, in a semi-circle facing my teacher.  She was holding up cards with drawings of people’s faces on them.  We were to tell her what expression that person’s face was making, then come up with guesses for why that person was making that face.  (I never thought about it before, but why was this being done in 4th grade?  Doesn’t this seem like kindergarden material?  Were they sussing out autism or something?)   Anyway, the teacher held up a card with a boy’s face–he looked shocked.  Eyebrows raised, pupils dilated, the works.  Teacher asks, “Why is he shocked?” I raised my hand.  “Because someone stripped in front of him?”   The teacher blinked. “What?!” My parents got a call from the guidance counselor that afternoon.  Ah, good times.

“SOMEONE STRIPPED IN FRONT OF ME!  OR JOE PESCI WANTS TO BREAK INTO MY HOUSE!  EITHER ONE!”

Anyway, hi!  Welcome!  Were you as excited for this episode as I was?  I have to say, every week, I look forward to this show more and more.  The commercial breaks seem longer, and the judges’ crit seems further and further away. What’d the artists make?  How’d it turn out? Who sucked?  Who won?  How will Jerry hit on Miles tonight?

This week was particularly exciting, now that we’re getting to know these artists (and judges) a little better.  And of course, since the challenge was to “be shocking”, it’s just going to HAVE to be interesting.  Even if every artist takes a trite, shlocky route.  (Most, if not all, did.)  Okay, enough intro, let’s pick this show apart.

We’re briefly reminded of what happened last week, during the book cover challenge.  Remember how Jaclyn took the nude photo of herself, but then did a very watered-down painting of herself based on that photo?  Remember how Jerry called her out for not taking things far enough, for not putting herself out there enough?  For not giving him enough to jerk off to that night? (Miles didn’t help either, with his twisted wires and burnt board.)  John won last week’s challenge, for his cover for The Time Machine.  He’s thrilled to have won, but remember that he does not get immunity for this week.

I laugh when we open up at the Beaver House, because everyone is doing morning tasks that are stereotypically THEM.  Jaclyn is doing crunches on the floor.  I can hear her stomach growling from here.  Nao is shuffling around in a robe with a garbage bag on her head.  I’m not kidding.  Miles is making coffee and doing dishes, while John is fluffing up his wardrobe, deciding what to wear.

What?  It’s a beaver house!

Miles claims to be much more relaxed, and sleeping better, now that Judith is gone.  Apparently, she made him twitchy. Eric’s having a smoke by the window, ashing into a bottle.  (He’s allowed to smoke inside??)  He hopes to stick around long enough for someone, anyone, to recognize his value in the art world.  Ah, so it’s a matter of perseverence, eh?  Wearing ‘em down?  (Actually, I think it is.  I mock, but I also speaketh the truth.)

The artists head off for the day, and they’re driven around in Audi SUVs.  Nice.  They arrive at Phillips de Pury, Simon’s art auction house.  I never noticed Simon’s combover before.  I come from a family of combovers, so it escaped my attention before.  I wish he’d accept his hair a little more gracefully.  And doesn’t his stylist try to steer him in a better direction?    By the way, Peregrine’s wearing some sort of Frank the Bunny get-up and Miles is sniffing at his sweater like he’s having an OCD moment about a smell.  I have no idea what that’s about.

I told you Peregrine was creepy.  You didn’t believe me.

The artists head inside to a gallery with huge, eye-catching works of shocking art.  It’s all the work of Andres Serrano, the famed creator of Piss Christ (a photo of a crucifix that’s suspended in a jar of pee).  Other pieces in the gallery include a close-up of a face smeared with menstrual blood, a set of Siamese twins joined at the head, and a Ku Klux Klan member’s eye within the robe eye-hole.  Some of the artists (Eric, Abdi, Jaclyn) seem to know a little less about Serrano, while others (Nao and Peregrine) seem to know quite a bit.

Piss Christ!

Abdi and Mark take a gander at Piss Christ. Mark leadingly asks Abdi what he thinks, and he eventually has to tell Abdi what the Piss Christ actually is.  (And he sure has a bored know-it-all tone, doesn’t he?)  Abdi wonders if the piece is provocative just to be provocative, or if it has any real meaning. And I think that’s an excellent point for some of the shock art that’s out there.  (And I worry for our artists, if they’ll go down the ‘provocative for provocation’s sake’ path later.)

I’m also worried for Jaime when she sees the Piss Christ, but she’s apparently already seen it and thought about it.  To HER, it represents the degredation of Christianity in America, that we’re not living up to Christ’s message.  So, I guess that to her, while it’s visually shocking, it’s also actually a family values kinda deal?

China and her Barbie hands arrive at the gallery.  Her short hoop skirt thingie reminds me of what happens when I’m trying to walk down the steps to the parking garage after work on a windy day and my skirt goes everywhere.  Except hers is molded like that.  Wow.  Anyway, she’s with our guest judge for the week, the one and only Andres Serrano.  He smiles goofily for the group, in a Marfan syndrome kind of way.  I expect him to have a Fezzik voice, or to speak with an affected weirdo accent, but no, he’s normal.  A normal New Yawka.

Andres and China introduce this week’s challenge, which is nothing more complicated than “create a shocking work of art.”  That’s it. Do whatever you want, just be shocking.  Some artists seem excited and some cringe.  John’s one that cringes–he feels like being gay draws enough attention to his work without having to be intentionally shocking on demand. (And I can’t help but laugh at a recent Onion article–http://www.theonion.com/articles/gaypride-parade-sets-mainstream-acceptance-of-gays,351/).  Ryan seems to think his work is already shocking enough. Really?  Jaime does a little body wiggle that evokes excitement, but I can’t see her doing anything more exciting than maybe drawing an exposed backside or something.

Oh wait, Andres does have a weird voice–his voice is like mine when I get a weird bubble of spit in my throat after eating Skittles or italian dressing.  Anyway, when asked to give advice to the contestants, he admits that sometimes the most shocking art wasn’t meant to be shocking.  (And taking it further shocking materials don’t necessarily mean shocking art.)  Though he launches into a story about a show he did recently that featured shit.  It’s funny though, cuz he got to talk about shit in a vague way while also talking specifically about his art.  “Life, art, politics–it’s all the same shit….everything’s relative. My shit is the best shit.”  Everyone giggles, including China, and Erik gives Andres a thumbs up for his shit show.

“The italian dressing just coats my throat and makes me talk weird!  I can’t help it.”

Never thought I’d say “shit show” and mean it literally.  Riding on Andres coattails, Simon tells the artists their deadline for the piece (all of today and one hour tomorrow) and their budget ($100 at the art store), concluding by telling them he wants to see “good shit” tomorrow at the studio.

Nothing terribly exciting happens at the art supply store.  Jaime tells us she’s really looking forward to this challenge, because she’s been referencing Andres Serrano for years in defense of her own work.  As an illustrator?  What?  She goes on to say, and I quote, “I have worked with the subject matter of hypocrisy in the evangelical right for a couple years now.”  I guess that helps me link “glistening virginal goody two-shoes” and “Piss Christ”?

John tells us that the last time he was shocked was when a friend revealed that he can give himself blowjobs.  John’s so cute when he explains it, though.  “He practices auto-fellatio.  Satisfying yourself sexually.  With your mouth.”  He quickly looks off-camera, embarrassed.  Awww.    He goes on to call it a modern-day Narcissus.  I immediately think of a daffodil and come up with all kinds of shocking imagery of daffodils with schlongs, sucking themselves off.  Or, ya know, something more artistic.  But seriously, you could study Dali’s Metamorphosis of Narcissus and get some self-beej idears, young man!  John is really wishing he had immunity–he doesn’t think he’ll be shocking enough for the challenge.

My FAVORITE Dali piece.  Metamorphosis of Narcissus

What I would do if I were John.

Nao sets up her work station with a jaunty whistle, telling us she’s going to fall back on her chosen art form–performance art.  She just doesn’t have a clue yet what she wants to do.  Peregrine took her jacket off and WHOA, her dress matches the bunny ears.   Like, full Donnie Darko costume minus the mask.  I’m scared for everyone.  What if a jet engine crashes into the studio?  What if Seth Rogan is 16 again and playing preppy bullies?

Abdi explains his piece to us as he postures into a mirror.  He grew up in Baltimore and Philadelphia (Philly represent!), and he’s seen young black males who feel like they have no way out, that violence and crime are the only way.  Abdi will represent this heartache in the form of little bombs–made from the angry faces/heads of young black men.  He’ll make a mold, then he’ll create a row of these ticking time bombs.

Has that parental warning always come up every time we come back from commercial?  Or is it just this SHOCKING episode?

“Just wait!”

Let’s go see what Erik’s working on.  Oh, he wants to do a piece about priests molesting little boys.  Not as a commentary against religion, though, just as something shocking.  Like, sure, grown men sworn to celibacy plundering little boys is definitely shocking, but what ELSE is in there, Erik?   Erik admits he doesn’t know anyone who’s gone through this and doesn’t know much about it, just some rumor that priests tend to have a high HIV rate?  I think the lack of personal involvement is going to hurt him.

Jaclyn, though, is getting personal.  She’s showin’ off her stars again!  Is it any surprise she wears a yellow bra under a leopard print top?  (Says the girl in a sedate black bra under a sedate blue shirt.)  She heads to the bathroom for another Penthouse shoot.  While she’s in there, it seems like every female artists needs to come in and wash up.  They’re all matter-of-fact about it, and I can’t tell if they’re pissed or just think Jaclyn’s stupid.  Jaclyn keeps grimacing and hiding in the corner.  Anyway, her idea for her piece is to take grainy hooker shots of herself.  SHOCKING!!!

Mark’s grimly working on a triptych showcasing what disgusts him the most–sexual violence against children.  Are these guys making PSAs or are they making art?  What’s with the preaching?  Anyway, I’m making an “ew” face as Mark shoots his images.  He’s got a plaid jumper that might be spattered with something (hard to see!), a popped balloon on a string, and, ew, a soiled and torn pair of child’s panties.  Yes, this is gross, but is it really shocking art?  Again, I’m feeling more of a PSA vibe.

In the men’s potty, Ryan’s working on a self-portrait of himself bound and gagged with an extension cord.  He’s wearing smeared makeup and fake cum on his face.  (For the record, I HATE the word “cum” when it’s spelled that way.  But, it suits my medium today, so I’ll use it.  Know that every time I write it, I’m sneering and suppressing a gag.)   Back to Ryan, though.  I shrug a bit and think, sure, someone had to go there, with the bondage/sexual boundaries/etc.  It’d be more shocking for me to see a horse bound and gagged with an extension cord, wearing smeared makeup and fake cum.  Or a cat.

Nicole is working on some kind of piece that involves her making molds of her thumb, because the idea of decapitation grosses her out.  And then she’ll throw some bodily fluids into the mix, because that’s gross too.  Her piece has a story, though, so it’s not gross for gross’s sake.  I’d like to see how it evolves, but for now, I’m not impressed.  (And we start to enter the realm of TV-14 PARENTAL WARNING when Peregrine says the thumbs are weird, “they look like little kid dicks or something.”  I LOL.)

Miles’ piece is going to cover some kinda safe territory—getting a boner to a Disney film.  More specifically, to The Little Mermaid.  And not to Ariel, like you’d think!  But to Ursula when she turns into bitchy Not-Ariel.   This makes me laugh because I seem to remember one of my friend’s son getting a boner to The Little Mermaid years ago.  He said his pee-pee felt crunchy.  Can’t wait to see what Miles makes of his crunchy pee-pee.

The title of this picture online was “The Little Mermaid–the metaphor is obvious.”  HA!

Ryan’s giving us a little critique of everyone’s work so far.  He’s not impressed with Miles’ Disney amalgam of titties, bungholes, and penises in the shape of Mickey Mouse’s head.  He’s also kinda “eh” about Jaime’s and Peregrine’s, and, really, everyone’s.  He thinks his stands out the most, is the most shocking. We’ll see about that.  A tranny mess with cum on his face isn’t that shocking, gotta say.

Oh, I love you, Amy Poehler.

And Mark agrees.  He passive-aggressively slams Ryan just a bit with this, “You’re really cracking yourself up with your picture, huh?”  To us, he’s speechless…then just laughs.    Later, Mark checks on John.  After hearing John’s subject matter, he makes the same tired joke everyone makes when self-suckin’ is mentioned (and isn’t it mentioned ALL THE TIME?  No?  Not in your crowd?), which is “If we could all do that, we’d never leave the house.”  Har har.

“Speak for yourself.”

Peregrine starts off with an idea to draw/paint some Siamese twins (not derivative of Serrano at all, right?).  The idea evolves as she works, into these illustrations of fashion models with various STDs.  “Crack Whore for Dior”  “Syphilis for Prada”.  I’m interested, but I’m not sure it’s shocking.

Ryan’s sidling up to Jaclyn to see what she’s up to.  He tells us she’s doing feminist work and also dealing with her body and the male gaze, yadda yadda.  “She hates the idea that there is a male gaze, and yet she’s obsessed with it,” he says.  I don’t know, this all sounds like bullshit talking.

Then Jaclyn gets into bed with Ryan so Erik can photograph their feet, as though they are a priest and a little boy humpin.  Jaclyn’s embarrassed and Ryan’s probably like “YES, I GOT ONE OF THEM INTO BED.”  It’s just dumb.

Nao’s taking a zen approach to her work, just working and letting it happen.  She says she’s freaking out, though, because she isn’t sure “where the work is going to settle.”  I like that idea, of working organically through something until it settles.  Hmm.  Anyway, for now, she’s just cutting shit and having Peregrine help her fold it up.  It’s weird.

Simon arrives for the assist.  First up is Jaclyn and her four slutty pics.  Simon basically tells her that it gives him a boner, in the most European, I-speak-four-languages-and-have-a-combover kind of way. The announcement of his erection out of the way, he tells Jaclyn that it’s not shocking.  So she’s talking through some ideas about adding text or something, also noting that she’d LOVE a critique with Andres Serrano.  Simon says, “Well there are two ways to do that…”  Jaclyn doesn’t want to get a loser’s crit!

Simon’s next stop is with Jaime Lynn, who’s created a boring rendition of the Last Supper, to show what we’ve all done to smush Christ’s message.  But it’s, like, Eloise grown up and flirting with a handsome Barbie Jesus at the Plaza or something.  Nothing’s shocking.

(Uh oh!  I knew it was going to come!  Jane’s Addiction lyrics!  “Camera’s got them images, camera’s got them all, nothing’s shocking.  Show me everybody naked and disfigured, nothing’s shocking.  And then he came, now sister’s not a virgin anymore.  Her sex is violent.”)

(One of my favorite albums, ever.)

Seriously, though, Simon cautions Jaime to step it up a bit.

John’s turn to explain himself to Simon.  The subject matter is pretty obvious (and I love the blurred out crotch—you can see it unblurred in just a moment!  Thanks, Bravo!).  John explains to Simon how a friend of his can do this, this auto-fellatio, and that it’s ruined him. Simon wonders why John is doing such a cartoony, children’s book illustration of a dude sucking his own cock, and John explains that he just wants it to pop in the gallery.  Pardon the pun.

Nao just giggles maniacally at Simon when he stops by her station.  Evidence that she’s a nutter?  She says she’s heading off into outer space to get some information to bring back. Oh, that’s all?  Great.  Anyway, we see more clues that she, Nao, has no clue at all.  She says part of the art is in the discovery, which is true and awesome and all that, but you still need to come up with a cohesive idea at some point and then, as you said, SETTLE.

Well, if the dicks and dongs and poops weren’t enough, Simon drops another shocking bomb on the artists:  TWO of them are going home tonight.  Stunned looks abound.

Erik jokes that he should just go take a dump on his piece and be done with it.  Jaclyn’s soliciting ideas from the group to work with her slut-pics more.  Erik suggests that she let all of the other artists write mean shit all over it while she’s not looking, and Jaclyn likes it.  “Let’s do it.”

We’d be here all day if I told you every little conversation that happened or every little paint stroke the artists made, so I’m going to consolidate a bit.  Ready?  Abdi’s molds worked but he’s strapped for time (as usual) and will only make three angry black youth’s heads instead of nine.  Erik’s getting opinions from the group that tell him to NOT include text on his piece, but he really wants it to say “Sex Education.”  Nicole solicits blood and fingernails from people.  People clipping their fingernails grosses me out, so she wins for me so far. Also, she’s a twin.  (That’s not gross, it’s just information.)  Miles is sad because the coffee maker died.

In the morning, with one hour to go, the artists are rushing around.  Abdi’s running around like a cartoon. Mark’s bashing Nicole for using real blood in her piece—he thinks it’s amateurish.  Miles is finished with his drawing, so he decides to rub one out and “finish” on the piece itself.  Ya know, first erection and last erection.   Also, gross that they show the semen dripping down the page.  Thanks.

In the “We’re back, no we’re not!” space this week, Ryan laughs too hard at Simon’s passive-aggressive dig at Ryan’s narcissism, and then Simon reveals that Renoir gave him a chubby.  Whee!

Time for the show.

Abdi’s piece is the three black heads set up on a plank on the ground—three bombs about to explode.  According to the judges’ blogs, the wicks were lit during the show and each head was made of a different material—you could touch them.  It apparently felt very real and scary.

Ryan’s “Tranny Porno Fantasy” doesn’t seem to be shocking too many people.  Some middle-aged ladies are suckin’ down some wine as Ryan explains it to be Warhol-esque.  Hmm, not so much.  The judges say, “Well, SOMEONE had to give us the cum-shot.”  They don’t mean it as a compliment, but Ryan laughs too hard just the same.

Erik thinks his is a big winner.  He roughed up the edges of the piece and affixed it to the gallery walls with tape, like it’s a Van Halen poster in his teenaged bedroom.

John’s sure is vivid, but it’s very cartoony…and he spelled “fellatio” wrong.  (Follatio.  Sigh.)   It’s interesting that he wrote some text around the figure as he sucks himself, but it’s not that shocking.  It’s what I’d do in 10^th grade art class if I wanted to get detention.  Andres Serrano said he’s photographed auto-fellatio before, and it’s actually pretty striking as a photo.

NSFW!!! TOO LATE NOW! I also love the white socks.

Mark watches smugly as the judges take in his piece, the triptych of soiled panties and popped balloons.  Again, it reads to me as a PSA and nothing shocking.  (“But it’s just like the show before, now the news is just another show with sex and violence.  Sex is violent.  Sex is violent!”)

Nicole’s vials of gross body leakages is next.  It’s gross, just like my dinner last night. And maybe a little shocking.  (Both Nicole’s piece and my dinner last night. My BFF made a sneery face and shouted “EW” when I said what I ate, which was cut-up sweet potato and chicken mixed with BBQ sauce and cottage cheese.  It was delicious!  Don’t hate!)  Actor Billy Coogan is at the show and he thinks Nicole’s piece is successful because he doesn’t want to look at it.  But is it shocking, and is it art?  Or is it just vials of body drippings?

Nao’s piece is just dumb.  She’s sitting in homeless person’s Smurf-hut, wearing a plastic bag or three, with a weird Chiquita banana hat (or clown wig?) and a big necklace.  I think her main garbage bag, the “dress”, if you will, looks like it has a Jelly-Belly logo on it.  I think she’s also wearing Oompah Loompah trash shoes.  So, here’s this mess sitting here, playing with a brown bag of mess in her lap.  China supposes it’s shit, but Serrano says he doesn’t smell anything.   Bottom line, it sucks.

Jaclyn decided to hang her slut photos on the wall with a jar of Sharpies on the floor, so the people at the show could write all over her piece.  (Last time for ol’ Jane’s: “Snapshots make a girl look cheap, like a tongue extended, baby to a mother.  Sex is violent!”)

Miles’ piece reminds me of an R. Crumb piece, but…it’s lacking something for me.  It’s just a writhing mess of clits and tits and wieners.  Abdi comments on the drips coming off the piece, and Miles leans in to tell him what it is.  Abdi is like “I’m smiling, but I’d like to barf, please!”

Jaime Lynn’s piece also doesn’t do it for me.  It’s a Cinderella party with adult themes, not the Last Supper.  I don’t get any kind of commentary about the downfall of the Christian message, I just see illustrations.

I like Peregrine’s pieces, which end up shocking China.  Why?  Because two of Peregrine’s Chanel sluts are wearing the exact same Chanel outfit that China was wearing during the previous challenge!  That black dress with the white feather collar?  Yep.  I love it!  I don’t think it’s a winning piece, but I love the ever-so-slight threat to China.  It’s fun!

Okay, time to tally on either hand as they call out names, except this time around, I really can’t say I know for sure who’s in what camp.  My guesses are:  Jaclyn (loser?), John (loser?), Erik (definite loser), Abdi (winner?), Nao (loser?), and Jaime (definitely loser).  See, I don’t see any clear winners.  Like, I like Abdi’s piece but I’m not sure it’s shocking.  And the rest…are all losers?  Are we going to have a crit where there’s one clear winner and then they have to choose two out of five to go home?  We’ll see!

Jaime’s crit is first.  Her explanation, her vehemence about the subject matter, isn’t enough to save the piece.  Jeanne says it sounds, at its best, like a New Yorker cover.  Ouch.  Bill didn’t like it either—said others have tackled the Last Supper before.  (To me, it’d be shocking if Jesus was receiving some “follatio” under the table or something.)  Serrano seals her fate by saying, “Not everyone can be shocking.  You need a strong character for that, and you don’t have it.”  OUCH.

Next is Erik’s “Sex Education.”  Saltz really hates Erik, doesn’t he?  First Bill sets it up by saying, “This looks like a Motley Crue album cover.  Then Saltz delivers the spike by saying, “If I were trying to get you eliminated, I’d tell you to write ‘Sex Education’ on it.” (And remember that everyone told him NOT to write it, but he did it anyway.)   Saltz hates the poster.  Serrano just says that the whole priests-diddling-little-boys element didn’t come through at ALL, so it lost any shock value Erik thought it had.

John’s turn to squirm.  Saltz is first to point out the misspelling of fellatio. Bill says the image is  juvenile, and Saltz says he’d only be shocked if it were a photograph of John himself attempting the pose.  Serrano likes the words John added around the figure (explaining how to DO auto-fellatio), and then he slams John for the misspelling, too.  “It’s okay, some graffiti writers are bad spellers too.”  Ouch!!

Jaclyn’s turn.  Ya know what?  They like it!  They think it’s cool that she invited the viewer into the bathroom with her to do their own graffiti.  Then China asks how Jaclyn came up with the idea for the writing.  She starts of telling the truth, that she’d wanted to add text somehow but was advised against it.  Then she says she came up with the idea to have people mark the photos up for her.  Erik just about shits his pants as he jumps up and down and says, “ooh!  Ooh!  Ooooooh!!!!!”  Finally, the judges acknowledge his tantrum.  He says the jar of markers was HIS idea.  Serrano, with grace, says, “Then she was smart to listen to you.”  Suck it, Erik.

Nao’s turn in the hot seat.  Did they love it?  Well, they didn’t.  She explains her piece as aiming for something like an animal would build, and then says the bag of shit in her hands wasn’t initially intended to be a bag of shit in her hands, but, well, it read like a bag of shit in her hands.  Saltz gives her a smack—she didn’t know what she was doing, the judges didn’t know what she was doing, and it was juvenile.  And bad.  Serrano liked it because it was disturbing, reminded him of homeless people, whom we try not to look at.  Hmm.  Well, too bad Nao didn’t steal that idea about 20 minutes ago, right?

Now time to talk about Abdi.  As the judges talk about it, they all use the word “shock”, but interestingly to say that it wasn’t visually shocking but the idea behind it was.  The imminent danger was a quiet shock.  They all seem to like it.   And y’all know I’m an Abdi fan, but I’m not sure this one’s a winner.

So, if I had to pick a winner, of ALL of them, who would it have been?  I guess…Nicole?  At least hers had a lot of little moments of “horror” in it.  Not necessarily shocking, but gross.  Of all the gross ones, it was grossest to me.  The rest were trite.  But I do like that Abdi chose a socially conscious route, rather than slap out some body fluids.

While the judges are calmly discussing their favorites, Jaclyn and Erik are shouting in the stew room.  Erik is PISSED that Jaclyn took his idea.  Jaclyn’s defensive because she KNOWS she took his idea.  See, kids, Erik would still feel a pit in his stomach if Jaclyn had been praised for the idea, but if she’d at least handed over a little credit, he’d have to man up and accept it the credit and move on.  But no, they both behaved like children about it. (I can’t say I wouldn’t have been a child about it myself.   I’m not above sulking or being overly defensive!)

And while we’re here….herein lies my problem with art, in general.  Art and music.  EVERYTHING IS DERIVATIVE. There are no original ideas.  Someone, at any time, can call back to something in the collective history of the world and say, “That’s been done” or “That reminds me of this or that.”  When I try to create art myself, I always feel like an unoriginal dope. Every time. So, all this shouting between Erik and Jaclyn is for naught.  Who cares if Erik had the idea or if Jaclyn was already thinking it?  It was probably already done five other times elsewhere and thought about 200 more times than that!  Get over it!

The judges blab a bit.  Serrano wasn’t shocked one bit, but he admits that it’s hard to shock, especially on demand like that.  Bill sighs about how many of them defaulted to sex.  They all liked Abdi’s piece, obviously.  They also liked Jaclyn’s piece for her showing that vulnerability.  And they even acknowledged, hey, she may have taken a cue from Erik but it was still ultimately her decision to use the idea or not.

The judges were pissed, though, that Nao didn’t stretch herself beyond her norm AND didn’t come up with an actual concrete idea for the piece.  They thought Erik had a lot of trouble getting his ideas across in his work, and John’s misfortune was the childish drawing of a dude playing his own skin flute.  Jaime was just boring.

Okay, who’s winning and, more importantly, who’s going home?

Abdi takes the win!  The judges say his piece captured their attention the most and kept them thinking afterwards, too.  Yay!  The kid deserves the win, based on overall performance so far.  I’m happy.  Jaclyn makes poopy-face.  Next time, darlin’.  (Next time, she’ll just do a full-on Hustler spread.  Shit.)

Now time for the chopping block.  Honestly, all of them could go home and I’d be fine with it.  Well, keep John.  But who was it, really?  Sigh.  John and Nao are going home.  Damn it.  I totally would have sent Jaime and Erik home.  Why the hell did they get to stay??  Sigh and sigh again.

John is positively heartbroken.  I want to hug ‘im.  He whispers, choked up, when he gets back to the stew room:  “I’m goin’ home.”  Awww.  I’m about to cry.  Nao thinks her work is too strange for the fine art world.  John admits that he was trying to please Andres Serrano, not himself, and that’s why he failed.  Poor kid.  Come have a sweet tea vodka with me, and everything will be all right.

So, what do we have in store next week?  Simon accuses Ryan of being narcisstic, and Ryan acts like he’s committed a heinous act. Oh, and love flourishes betwixt Miles and Nicole?   Ugh.  I don’t care.  Anyway, come back and bitch about it with me!

And tell me now, what’d you think of this week’s challenge?  Is there a difference between “gross” and “shocking”?  Did the right person win?  Did the right person go home?  Did you know what I meant by “Skittles voice”?

Once again, nothing’s shocking.