Work of Art: Yawning at Concrete Bungholes

Welcome back, TV lovers and aficionados of art!  This week on Work of Art, our contestants root through a pile of used electronic rubble to find their next great piece.  Some succeed and some really shit the bed.  Let’s talk about it!  Follow me!

I am really loving the discussions this show draws out.  Even those who think they “don’t know art” DO know art.  You really do!  And for someone intellectually lazy like me?  I’m feeling a little out of my depth with some of you.  But I welcome it.  It helps me grow.  And man, does it take away my initial impressions that this show would be a trash-fest.  Yes, it’s a reality show. Yes, it’s Bravo.  Yes, Countess Luann De Lesseps’ niece is on it (Hi Nicole!).  But it’s still all about the conception and creation of art.  Love it.

(P.S.  Neither Bravo nor Hulu has posted the episode yet, so you get Bravo’s “show shots” as screen grabs.  Don’t be mad at me, be mad at Bravo!)

Remember that last week, Miles won immunity with his death portrait of Nao, and Amanda went home for creating boring wallpaper instead of a portrait.  Abdi and Mark rounded out the top three, while Erik and Nao sat at the bottom for the final “crit”.  It’ll be interesting to see if these same people make it to the top (and bottom) this week.  Talent has a way of settling itself out.

Before I forget, has anyone noticed the intercut shots of NYC in black and white, with one solid color chosen for highlight in each shot?  With pseudo-artsy subjects?  I can’t tell if I like or hate this.  I guess it’s an “artsier” way to establish location and whatnot, but it’s kind of hokey.  BUT, it makes it different from every other show, so I’ll decide to land on the positive side with it.  Does anyone care?  No?

At the Beaverhausen, the ladies are getting ready for the mornin’.  Jaclyn is doing her slut-stretches with a rubber band while the other women eat breakfast.  I guess that’s how one keeps a star twat in shape!  Nao repeats affirmations to her reflection, that she will stay one more day!  For once, Nicole’s hair is down and not up in that awful front-top bun.

Lest you think Nao has softened her edge a bit, we get to see last week’s bust on Saltz again.  “I’m not responsible for your experience of my art.”  HA!  I love it.  She also tells us how she’s got more energy than most of these kids AND knows what she’s doing, so they should all watch out.  P.S. She’s related to Cruz Bustemante from Cali. I KNEW I recognized that name from something.  Google it if you want to know more—this recap will be long enough without me giving you an education in Nao.

We move to the boys’ side of the Beaverhausen.  Miles and Abdi are waking up (slowly) and getting ready for the day.  Miles looks like he was rode hard and put away wet (I know, that’s something you say about a woman who looks like she’s had a lot of sex, but roll with it).  He tells us that he hasn’t been sleeping well since he got here, and that it’s greatly affecting his OCD.  Pardon me, but we keep hearing about his OCD without really getting to know what his symptoms actually are.  I mean, we know he likes things to be set up just-so and is orderly in planning out his steps of his day, but…most OCD tends to be more obvious.  Am I missing something?

Anyway, here and throughout the rest of the episode, I keep laughing because Miles reminds me of Kevin from Home Alone, particularly when he first wakes up in the attic and trundles through the house, finally realizing that he made his family disappear.  Those of you who love the movie like I do (I know, it’s lame, but it’s my favorite movie of all time!) know the scene where Macauley Culkin runs outside to check the garage.  “Their cars are still here—they didn’t go to the airport!”  And he makes this cute little “GASP!” face.  His rumpled hair and sleepy face is Miles this week.  Dead ringer.

~~(“You’re what the French call “les incompetants”.)~~

“I made my family disappear!”

Macauley is glad to have the immunity for this week, though he’s not thinking much about it.  That’s because he’s too busy yawning.  If you’re susceptible to the yawn trigger, watch out.  This kid will have you yawning nonstop throughout the episode.  I seriously had to nap at one point, thanks to this kid suggesting that I be as tired as he is!  Asshole. I should do a yawn count, starting now.  There’s one!  And there’s another.  As the group leaves for the studio, there’s another!  That’s three.

China and Simon come in to introduce this week’s challenge. (Yawns = four.)  Simon leads the group down the street to a warehouse with a huge red door. He knocks with panache, and the door opens.  All of the artists are excited/scared about what’s behind the door.

What is it?  It’s piles and piles of junk.  More specifically, it’s piles of old electronics.  TVs, computers, monitors, toasters, vacuums, game systems, sewing machines.  Macauley’s widdle face gets upset when he sees the mess—his OCD makes it hard for him to process all this clutter.  He immediately feels the need to organize it all.  So, not only is he yawning and all cuddled up into his sweater, but now he’s looking down at the ground so as to not go (literally) crazy.

First, the group is introduced to their guest judge for the week, Jon Kessler.  Kessler has works installed in galleries and museums all over the world.  His work is kinetic and almost interactive.  No, you don’t touch it, but you do find yourself involved in his work.  I think a lot of art can be that way—when you’re an active participant in the experience, rather than passively sitting back and saying, “I like that.  It’s pretty.”

The challenge this week is to use found objects in your art.  One of these pieces of discarded electronics must be present in the artist’s piece, and the piece must be three-dimensional—it must be sculptural.

The painters in the group are maybe a little freaked out.  Jaime Lynn, in particular, makes a valley girl noise about it all.  Trong, though, is all “SNAP!  I’ve GOT this.”  He’s versatile—does sculpture AND painting and everything in between.  He’s not worried one bit.  You know that means trouble!

Jon Kessler gives a little more depth to the challenge.  He wants the contestants to consider the history of the found objects they use in their pieces.  Where’d they come from, how were they used, what is their story?   Later, when asked to give advice to the artists on this challenge, Jon tells them not to play it safe and to not get electrocuted.  Har har!

The artists have 30 minutes to gather whatever they want from the appliance graveyard into big red wheelie bins, and then they’ll get $100 to spend in a hardware store for the rest of their materials.  Finally, they have all day today and all day tomorrow to create this piece.  Simon, in his Monty Python exciteability, says, “That is a HELL of a long time!!!” while rocking on his heels.  The group laughs.

And I’m like, “How the HELL can you come up with a workable plan for art in that short a time?  Like, they don’t even get time to plan anything out before they go on the 30-min grab.  THAT is the challenge of this challenge—grabbing good stuff NOW and figuring out the rest later.  I guess that’s always the challenge with these shows (Project Runway, etc.).  But at least with clothing, you have a basic structure and rules of physics to follow.  Art follows no rules.

Anyway, the timer starts NOW!  Most artists dash to the piles and start ripping things apart and throwing them into their bins.  Trong, hands in pockets, strolls around, giving his weird haircut a chance to look at everything before deciding what his plan will be.

Nicole finds a giant console TV and drags it over to her bin.  Can’t wait to watch her hoist that around!  Judith starts stripping every appliance of its pretty wiring.  She’s drawn to it.  We’ll see if that = art.  I bet it doesn’t.  How much are we betting that she somehow makes a genital joke about the wires?

Macauley is now thoroughly overwhelmed by the piles of junk, and he puts himself in time-out. More specifically, he sits down on the ground, rests his head on his knees, and falls asleep.  Trong and John are like, “What the huh?”  (Oh yeah!  There’s that John guy!  Remember him?  No?  It’s okay, he’s not memorable yet.)  When he wakes up, with 10 min left in the “junk grabbing” stage (Heyoooo!), he tells us about the difference between visual art and conceptual art, and decides that he’ll do a conceptual piece based on sleep.  (Visual art = pleasing to the eye. Conceptual art = thought, idea is pleasing.)

Everyone heads to the hardware store.  Macauley places an order for concrete.  I wonder if he’s going to build some form of conceptual bags under his eyes for his piece?  Holy tired, that kid.  He tells us that only a few weeks ago, he was selling clothes to a consignment shop to pay for art supplies, and that his dream is to become a commissioned artist.

Nicole got some wood from the hardware store (Heyooo!), while Abdi got some spray foam for his half-human, half-machine figurines.  Jaclyn struggled with her supplies, learning that the store couldn’t cut whatever it was that she bought.

Why does he look superimposed in there?  Was he hologrammed in from the set of Star Trek?

Yawn count is five, as the artists head back to the studio.  Once there, Nao pesters Ryan for some netting he’s already got in his arms.  She’s trying to tug it from him.  (Heyooo!  Who said you can’t make dick jokes in an art show recap? I’m on a roll!)   Jaime Lynn is already up and painting, thought I wonder how a painting relates to a sculpture of found objects.  Nao fashions for herself a “shooting cape” out of plastic sheeting, for heading out into the rain to take photographs.  She’s going to somehow mount them on a TV as a collage.  (And if she falls from the roof while shooting, she’s already dressed exactly like Miles’ portrait of her!)

John is working with an old 8-track player for his piece.  If you weren’t sure yet that he’s gay, he tells us about having a crush on a friend’s older brother.  It really doesn’t matter if he’s gay or straight, I know, but I just like to have my suspicions confirmed.  And I like to do it out loud.

I mean, LOOK.  (Oh, I kid.  You can’t tell a thing here.)

Judith and her Madonna arms are mapping out the plans for her piece.  She’s intrigued by the idea of taking old things to give them a new life, and that concept will be the basis for her piece.  Or so she says (just wait).

Jaclyn has huge glass walls forming at her station.  She’s making some kind of aquarium?  She didn’t even know how to caulk the surfaces together, so Ryan stepped in to help.  What follows is a 30-second montage of caulk discussions.  Go ahead, say “caulk” a bunch of times and tell me we’re not actually listening to a 30-second montage of dick jokes.  Yay, I have successfully married dick jokes and art discussion SEVERAL TIMES!  What a day.

Nicole takes the gigantic console TV outside to smash out its guts.  She’s going to layer concrete with other found art inside it, as a cross-sectional archeological commentary on American pop culture.  Ryan finds it all intimidating, since he has NO IDEA what he’s going to do with his own piece.  He doesn’t want to be influenced, yet finds himself influenced, by other artists’ pieces.  He takes a hammer to something of his, a la Nicole.

Commercials:  I’m glad Honey Gangsta is all over the Buster Bluth joke for Bethenny’s wedding planner.  I mean, holy shit.

Abdi is working on his piece, which will be two figures with TV heads, playing video games together, plugged into each other.  Or something.  He’s molding wire as framing for the piece—I think he’ll need a lot of time.

Mark’s making a TV-shrine piece, to comment on how TV has replaced established religion in America lately. He’ll paint the whole thing gold and add Day of the Dead designs (or Ed Hardy designs)  all over it.  I like the concept—excited to see how it turns out.

Jaime Lynn comments on how everyone’s smashing their objects and turning them into something new.  But she is keeping her objects whole (a halogen lamp—the same one we all buy for our first apartment–am I right?–and a vacuum), but creating a new environment for them. Like, painting a floor that the vacuum will sit on.  And a painting on a wall that the lamp will sit next to.  Huh?  I want to think this is neat, or that it’s art, but…it’s really not.  It just isn’t.

Trong reminds us of his illustrious career as an artist so far.  He talks of reducing an idea down to its simplest parts, while still retaining its complexity.  I feel like I’m back in my Intro to Critical Thinking class again, where words lost all meaning.  Derrida who?  I get the idea of reduction; I get the idea of simplicity in complexity.  But none of it makes sense in the context of the junk Trong’s playing with on the floor. (Heyoooo! ON A ROLL.)

Peregrine (remember her?) has a teensy little baby TV in her lap.  She plops a fresh battery into it and BAM, it works!  Erik’s excited for her and jokes about taking it from her.  She guards it with her life.

Speaking of Erik, he’s working on something that involves the use of the word “post-apocalyptic”.  Oh boy.  Really, it’s some old projector with some paint smeared on the lens. And then some kind of leg made of wood?  Erik tells us how he was in an awful motorcycle accident a while back, and he suffered from brain damage on the left side of his head.  Apparently, this brain damage is why he’s “obsessed” with making art.  Well, it’s nice to have a story, isn’t it?

Simon comes by to help them “make it work.”  Trong has something set up with three TVs watching a fourth TV.  And the TVs are having conversations with each other or something?  Simon dismissively says, “Okay…good luck!”

“So you have no idea what you’re doing?” “No idea.”  “Excellent!”

Nicole’s piece is all sloppy with plaster so far, but Simon loves it.  The tomb for the past generations of electronica is kinda cool.  I just hate that bun.   I really do.  Am I alone?

I wanted this to be a picture of the bun. Bravo needs to get on the stick.

Abdi and Simon talk about Abdi’s piece, and the element of time starts to become a big factor.  Simon comments on the major undertaking of Abdi’s idea, and Abdi admits that he often overdoes his ideas.  He’s not worried about time yet, though.  That is, until he takes his wire forms outside to apply the spray foam. He cheaped out on the foam AND it’s windy, so he’s in trouble.  The foam just isn’t sticking the way he’s accustomed to.  Oh no, Abdi!

Macauley might be yawning right now, but we’d never know, because he’s wearing a gas mask.  He’s mixing cement, and the rest of the artists are gagging over the fumes.  He’s fashioning his bed out of a hard material, then screening an electrical map over a fiberglass mattress.  Then, for some reason, he’s making gigantic concrete assholes.  You heard me, gigantic concrete bungholes.  He calls them an “icon of tension.”  I don’t really get it.  I want you to explain it to me.  (You, Macauley, or you, TVGasm reader.)

Abdi realizes he WILL run out of time, so he focuses on just one figure instead of two, then fashions the figurine out of paper, tape, and plaster rather than spray foam. Obviously, Abdi’s timeline will serve as tonight’s source of tension during editing.  Last week, it was Miles’ broken bulb.

The next morning, the artists get back to work.  Ryan made a pile of junk, then poured paint on it.  Nao wants to mount one piece of junk on another piece of junk and call it minimalist genius.  John makes a “hell no” face.  Judith calls Nicole over to consult on her piece, which is just more wires and fan covers and stuff.  I mean, nothing’s there.   Nicole feels pretty confident about her own piece.  I wonder if this is genuine confidence or a blowhard’s folly.  It’ll all be revealed in about 20 minutes. I just need to be patient!

With 30 minutes to go in their art creation, Jaclyn appears to be back at square one.  She’s got a glass tank fashioned, but she know it won’t hold water.  Peregrine stops by to help her map it out, but…nothing really comes to her.

Back to the Beaver House.  The women enter the threshold and immediately collapse on the floor.  Jaclyn and Ryan are talking about how amazing Macauley is, as he yawns in the other room (that’s six).  Ryan’s wearing big red Lolita sunglasses, and Erik’s gray tattoos are on full display.  I’ve never seen such a drab set of sleeves before.  It’s kinda sad.

Trong’s piece is mostly finished.  He’s painted “I hate reality TV” on one of his televisions.   Real smart.  He figures he doesn’t have much to do, so he sits back with a cup of coffee and chills.  I smell doom.

Abdi is the only one doing significant work on his piece today, as he still has a TON to do.  There are 30 minutes left til the gallery show and he’s still working.  The rest of ‘em are putting on final touches, mostly likely fiddling with shit that doesn’t need fixing.  Abdi works til the last SECOND.

Time for the show!  (How are all of these pieces getting moved to the gallery??)

Glancing around the studio before the show, I just see mountains of trash.  So very few pieces are visually appealing, at least from afar.  I guess the bullshit stories really will have to sell it.  I suppose that’s why there’re those paragraphs and paragraphs of narrative that sometimes accompany the weird shit you see at art shows.  At least, that’s when the artist cares about how you experience his/her art, NAO.

China Chow either got a big chop done to her hair (haven’t we all?  Almost every woman I know has undergone the chop lately, myself included!), or she’s got the length pinned up underneath to LOOK like a bob.  I’ll probably become inappropriately fixated with that tonight, so watch out.  Other judges tonight include our regular panel of Saltz, Jeanne, and Bill.  Plus Jon Kessler, who looks like Gene Wilder just roughed him up back to 1976 and dyed his hair dark.   Oompah loompah.

Anyway, let’s look at this shit.

Miles/Macauley: His work is entitled “Worst Place”.  Apparently, this refers to the appliance graveyard, where his sleep deprivation and OCD collided.  He decides to crawl up on his own piece for a little nap during the show.  Saltz gives his rump a pat as he passes, as other spectators lean in to check out Miles.  Erik thinks it’s stupid.  He calls it a cry for attention.

Jaime Lynn’s piece, with the EveryMan Halogen lamp and vacuum, still kinda sucks, but I see now that she made it so the vacuum actually sucked up some of the color off the floor. That concept’s actually almost cool, but it really otherwise is awful and boring.

Mark’s TV/altar piece looks schlocky, but it’s meant to. The Day of the Dead imagery works in concept, and it’s a visually interesting piece.  I hope he stays.

Peregrine’s piece is something about a widow’s conversation with herself.  The one working TV is paired with another TV of a similar size, and they’re both covered in black netting.  She refers to it as a quiet piece, and I agree.  And I like it.  It’s actually making my heart feel a little lumpy, for some reason.  See?  That’s art!

(This shot doesn’t capture the heart-lumpy quality.)

Nicole’s console TV archeology dig piece ended up a little more boring than I expected.  It uses a bland color palate and, at least on TV, I found it hard to see all the objects she embedded in the plaster.  Still, I like the concept.  I’m interested in what the judges have to say.

Judith’s piece is like a gigantic fourth grader’s diorama of shit.  I mean, it’s just wires nestled under fan covers, with some other shit glued to the plywood base.  It means nothing, it says nothing, and it is boring to look at.  In other words, you suck, Judith.

Ryan’s is just a tangled mess of appliances covered in paint.  Like I said earlier.  Moving on.

Jaclyn’s ended up a little better than we all expected, maybe.  She ended up putting the TV in a plastic bag full of water, then tied a noose around it, then placed it inside this tank that ended up with a picture frame around it.  I don’t know what it means, and I bet she’s “safe” and we don’t end up hearing more about it later on.  And I don’t mind.

John’s sucks, too.  He piled up some TVs, VCRs, and eight-tracks together and covered them in a “tattoo”, as he calls it.  He says it makes them sexy again.  I say it is a pile of appliances with paint on them.

Erik’s work is a futuristic corpse, assembled from all the found objects he acquired at the appliance graveyard.  At first, I’m like, “Yeah yeah,” but then I see it. It’s kind of obvious, but I kinda like it. Apparently, it also has a penis.  Me likey!

Trong’s piece is…crappy.  It’s four TVs painted with things.  So far, we haven’t seen much commentary from the judges as they move through the gallery, but for Trong’s we hear Saltz bitch about the self-referential nature of the piece.  Trong, I think you fucked up.

Nao’s piece is kinda neat. She made a 3D photo collage of those skyline photos she was taking earlier, pasting them inside the exposed guts of the big appliance she split apart.

Abdi’s TV-head child figure playing a video game is kinda neat, but I worry for him.  Is it too obvious?  Is it too simple?  Is the quality lacking?  (The judges wonder if the figure is wearing a diaper, when it’s supposed to be tighty-whities.)  Abdi is concerned.

Time to pick six for the crit:  Judith, Miles, Nicole, Trong, Jaime, and Abdi.  Want to guess who’s good and who sucks?  Good = Miles, Nicole, and Abdi.  Sucks = Judith, Trong, and Jaime.

And I’m right!

So only the six artists who were best and worst get to talk turkey with the judges?  Seems like some of those middle-ground artists are missing out on some good material to learn from.  I wonder if we’ll see some of the same mistakes popping up here and there, as new artists enter the Thunderdome.

We start with Nicole’s piece.  Bill busts Nicole’s nuts about her use of the word “tomb,” thinking that you should be able to walk inside it if you call it that.  Shut up, butthole.  Nicole’s answer doesn’t really make sense or answer Bill’s question, but she’s confident in whatever she’s saying and they all lap it up.  Saltz is smiling as she speaks—you know he’s all over it.  Guest judge Kessler speaks to the romanticism of the piece, and Saltz loves her use of materials, which show off the decay of our consumer culture.  Maybe you have to be there, but I’m not totally feelin’ Nicole’s piece.

And I’m definitely not feeling Judith’s either. I laugh as the editors weave shots of Judith together, her talking over herself, to imply that she’s yammering on and on about nonsense.  The judges look perplexed and bored.  If your art needs THAT much explaining, it probably sucks.  Saltz gives her a “T for timeout” gesture and she shuts up.  THANK YOU.    The judges say it’s more of a model than a sculpture, and they suggest that maybe the concept is just a tad ambiguous (hence the overexplanation).

Next is Jaime Lynn’s vacuum and Every Apartment halogen lamp.  Her defense of her piece is that she hand-painted it, that she put CARE into it.  Eh, it doesn’t matter how long it took you to do something—that doesn’t automatically make it better.  Kessler notes that this is the classic result of a painter trying to create sculpture.  Jeanne feels the piece is totally dead—no energy. (She’s right.  It’s just shit standing around.)   Did you see the multiple promos and “coming up!” clips of Saltz saying, “I actually think that you’re not making art here”?  That quip was about this piece.  Jaime nods.

Saltz has a woody over Miles again, as he explains his piece.  Miles is all about creating a bed in the most inhospitable environment.  Saltz says Miles taught him about Miles AND about artists in general with this piece.  Say WHAT?!  He loves that Miles “activated” the sculpture with his own body.  Um, dude made a plywood bed and slept on it in Keds.  Give it up.  The giant red light behind the bed escapes explanation, and the two concrete assholes on either side of the bed are apparently totally cool with Kessler.  They apparently give a greater sense of “body” to the piece.   The judges deem it “theatrical, yet fragile.”  Man, they’re drinking Miles’ Kool-aid.  The rest of the artists are like, “Dude???”

Trong’s up next.  His boring three-TVs-watching-another-TV piece with anti-reality-TV-agenda is very bland.  China asks where Trong is in the piece.  Basically, he’s in that anti-reality-TV agenda.  Bad answer.  Saltz asks, dryly, “What..does…WWTFD mean?”  Trong references some conceptual artist (Tom Freidman?) that no one knows, no one cares about, that only he cares about.  He’s clearly making some kind of statement about how cool he is, but the problem is that he’s not cool. At least, not here.   (Also, was Tom Freidman related to one of the guys in Capturing the Freidmans?  I certainly hope not!)

The crit goes on, with Trong explaining how playful Tom Freidman’s work is.  The judges get antsy and ask, “What about YOU?  We didn’t learn a thing about YOU.”  Miles is fidgeting, raising his hand, and finally interrupts with:  “I’m sorry, but this piece is distractingly boring.”  (Which is a non sequitor, don’t you think??)  “And I think the core ideas that you have are there, but I just don’t think they were realized.”  Kessler’s face goes “WTF!” and the other artists cringe.  Trong takes it in stride (response = “That’s an opinion, and we all have opinions.”  HA!  And we all have assholes!  Some of us have two concrete ones on either side of the bed!)  Still, dude, back off.

Okay, time for happiness.  Abdi!  You’re here!  His plaster figure with the TV head, playing a video game plugged into the navel, is praised.  They love the craftsmanship of it, the angle of the head, and more importantly, they love that it really tells them a lot about Abdi.  (See, Trong, that’s how that’s done.)

Deliberations.  Anything interesting?  Well, back in the waiting room, Macauley hits the sack while Judith calls him out for being harsh towards Trong.  No one responds.  Meanwhile, the judges talk about Nicole’s sense of materials, Abdi’s commentary on video gaming and humanity, and the overkill of Miles’ assholes on either side of the bed.  Then they slam Trong’s inside art joke for missing the mark, Jaime Lynn’s flat showroom floor model for being lifeless, and Judith’s wires for being junk on a table. (HEYOOOO! Last one!)

So, who won?  Miles. They said he leapt off a cliff and landed on his two feet, telling the judges a lot about himself in the process.  I disagree, but whatever.  I’m clearly never going to get Miles’ work, and it’s always going to frustrate me into thinking I’m stupid if I try to get it, so…I’ll stop here.  YOU guys tell me what you think!  If I were picking a winner, I think I’d go with … Abdi.  Though his piece was a little obvious, I think it told us a lot about Abdi without knocking us over the head.  Nicole’s was cool too—I’d have been okay if they picked her.  I just don’t get why Miles is knocking them out.

And who went home?  Whose work of art didn’t work for the judges?  (Ugh, what an awful tag line.)  I really thought it’d be Judith or Jaime, but no, it’s Trong!  I wonder if they were putting him out of his misery, freeing him to go off and be an art-world insider all day long, with crappy commentary about the hand that feeds.  He’s not too bummed, though.  He’s like, “Whatever, haters!” and bounces.

Next week, there’s a challenge with an element of surprise (that’s like saying the next episode of Three’s Company involves a comical misunderstanding).  Jaclyn is trying to do a partially nude self-portrait and Nao has crappy things to say about it.  A guest judge rails at a contestant for maybe making someone feel stupid.  Saltz deems someone’s work as a complete failure.  Good times.  Come back!