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March 21, 2010

Project Runway: New York's Finest?

On tonight's episode of Project Runway, the designers team up to create works inspired by New York neighborhoods. Wait a minute. Haven't we seen this challenge before? I swear we have. One of the designers was inspired by graffiti? Help me out here, Gasmi!

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I'm coming up with nothing. I block out the seasons as soon as they're over to retain my sanity. 

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March 20, 2010

The Amazing Race: She's Got Hiiiigh Hopes!

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Time for the Germany leg we've all been waiting for! How do we know when we're in Germany?! Cause when lipstick goes from butch to bitch, you know you're watching "THE AMAZING RACE" German-style! SHIZA!

Our lovable Cowboys are the first to depart and discover they're off to Hamburg, Germany! Yeah! They must be so psyched to be headed to the home of the Whopper. (You know they're thinking it.)

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American Idol: Results Show


I was seriously hoping this would be the week that Simon would rip off his shirt, climb up on stage, makeout with Gaycrest, then cover his hairy moobs with baby oil and work a pole to the tune of "Pour Some Sugar On Me."  To my dismay, this did not occur.  Want to find out what happened anyway?  Come on in, yo.


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I don't know what she's so scared of...Gaycrest's pathetic attempts at aggression, or the horrendous quality of these screengrabs.  Yo ho ho, it's a pirate's life for me!

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90210: Confessing A Feeling

OK kids, there's no time to dilly-dally. Let's get this 90210 recap started!

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GO!

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March 19, 2010

Millionaire Matchmaker: They May Be Green, But They're Still Lonely

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Another week, another set of bozos. Welcome back to Millionaire Matchmaker, my 'gasmic friends. This week, we meet a narcissistic gay entrepreneur who thinks he's the organic bee's knees, and we watch a ball-busting millionairess...bust some balls. I'm pretty sure these two won't be counted in Patti's "very high success rate". Either way, it was slightly entertaining, so follow me!

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The Amazing Race: Remorse Code!

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Hey kids! Sorry for the delay... don't be mad like, ya know, angry lesbians that might gut me and feast on my internal organs while I'm still alive. "But they're just friendly lady lovers!" you might say. No. Maybe they once were but now they are Satan's little muffin lovin' children. WHY!? Because they've chosen the dark path of "THE AMAZING RACE"!

Teams start off where they left in Hamburg, Germany and the Private Dicks will be the first to head out. I'm still in shock that these two are in first. I blame The Beatles. However, there's a little twist this leg! Teams are being bussed to a random location and starting from there! That's pretty neat. Although it would've been much cooler if they drugged them and woke them up while they were all dangling over a cliff. Just saying. WHY am I not working for this show?!

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About Last Night: Project Runway, Models of the Runway, Flash Forward

Last night, Project Runway whipped out some team challenge action, the Models bored us to death, and Flash Forward returned from rehab.

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Remember me?

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Real Housewives of New York City: Summertime and the Living's Queasy

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Labor Day seems like a long way off at the moment but let's relive last year's with the NYC bitches, eh? Grab your old checkered tablecloth with the stains from queer Tony's pitcher of purple hooters and throw down mom's best chinette plates. Load them up with equally heaping helpings of BBQ pork and booze fueled indelicate conversation, and Bam! You've got yourself a great time.....until Uncle Steve pinches your ass or Aunt Mary calls you fat behind your back. Ah, summer. I can't wait.

Continue reading "Real Housewives of NYC: Real Housewives of New York City: Summertime and the Living's Queasy" »

March 18, 2010

Jessica Simpson's The Price of Beauty: Try a Thai

Greetings, beloved readers! I'm so excited to be recapping a brand new show! No more fluff for me this time around, thank you very much. Today we embark on an existential journey of epic proportions together. A journey that will take us to the very depths of the human soul. For this purpose we need a very special host. One who understands suffering and longing. One who seeks to know more.

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"Let's go, bitches!"

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About Last Night: Real World, Ugly Betty, and Shear Genius

Last night in TVland, The dude in the Panda hat met the wind of Obama's helicopter, minority hair is hard to do, Betty met her boy twin, and Skara still didn't get kicked off Idol.

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Made it through another week!

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Damages: Happy St. Patty's Day

Nothing can compare to last week's amazing episode of Damages, but this week's installment was still a treat! Maybe it was the luck of the Irish, (St. Patrick's Day is this week) but everyone seemed to come out a winner, especially the viewers, who got their pot of gold at the end of the rainbow in the form of Ted Dansen, who FINALLY resurfaced as smarmy Arthur Frobisher. His long-overdue return was accompanied by the arrival of guest star Craig Bierko, who's lucky to be working at all. Ellen ran into Patty's estranged son and his pregnant cougar girlfriend, and was lucky she didn't get slapped in the face when she made the hilarious, bonehead mistake of congratulating Patty and calling her a grandma! Patty then tried to make Jill an offer she couldn't refuse, but it was no such luck. Tom greased a few palms all over town, as both he and Joe Tobin saw their money troubles ease up a little bit. But it was crazy Carol who was the luckiest lass of them all. In a desperate bid for attention, she decided to go missing - and the trick worked! Everyone rallied to find her, leaving no Krispy Kreme or Coldstone unturned. Luckily, our resident leprechaun Leonard Winstone found her hiding out in Brooklyn with a mysterious, yet familiar ally, who turned out to be her accomplice in Danielle Marchetti's murder!

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I'm back, bitches!

Continue reading "Damages: Damages: Happy St. Patty's Day" »

Sober House: What I Did On My One Week Vacation, or The Goddess and the Twat

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Sober House. Where people go when they like to do drugs, drink their damn brains into shapeless ice cream cakes and sex it up with anyone who asks, to learn how to talk like Mack, be the bore at parties and say no to their fifth blow job of the night. Never again will they taste a good Treasure Hunter cabernet blend, or strange spooge. Everyone is going to get clean and healthy! They will all be good law abiding citizens! After one more wee binge, that is. Just one itty bitty snort fest, just one more dance with the pipe. It won't hurt, right? Just one?

Continue reading "Sober House: Sober House: What I Did On My One Week Vacation, or The Goddess and the Twat" »

March 17, 2010

American Idol: Scream It Like You Mean It

Hi Gasmi, Waffleboy here filling in for Flipit who is taking a much deserved vacation south of the border, that hopefully is featuring plenty of beach time, good food, fun, and maybe a telenovela recap or two. Anyway, you're stuck with me for this recap, and if you keep making that face, it's going to stay that way.

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Seeing as It's Rolling Stones night, that a pretty cool segue into last night's episode, huh? Also it's fun to notice just how much Mick Jaeger is looking like Ruth Gordon as he gets older.

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I'm telling you, the resemblance is eerie


Anyway, enough segueing, let's make the jump and find out just what the hell happened on American Idol last night.

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Drag Race: I Love Rock and Ho

This week on the Race . . .

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Okay, I don't know what this is yet, but it's AWESOME.

Continue reading "Drag Race: Drag Race: I Love Rock and Ho" »

Ugly Betty: Four Mexicans in One Apartment? LUXURY!

We open this week's Ugly Betty with Hilda, Justin, and Betty all brushing their teeth together because God forbid they should wait 90 seconds for someone to finish. And where does Hilda need to be that she couldn't wait longer? Betty is wearing an unfortunate purple sequined beret (seriously?) that luckily both Justin and Hilda end up spitting on when they all decide to rinse. This is why there are so many holiday alcoholics - because of families!

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That's one way to remove a beret.

Continue reading "Ugly Betty: Ugly Betty: Four Mexicans in One Apartment? LUXURY!" »

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