It took a few weeks, but NBC finally brought back Mark Burnett's ugly reality child, The Restaurant, this weekend. Airing two episodes in the television graveyard known commonly as Saturday night, NBC reaquainted us with the ongoing feud between celebrity chef Rocco DiSpirito and non-celebrity manager Jeffrey Chodorow. For those who are still in the dark - and that includes, you know, everyone - Rocco has gone off to be a giant celebrity (and by giant celebrity, I mean a teacher at the Learning Annex) while his restaurant has languished from barstool ennui and server discontent (Janine quit in a banana fritter flurry of emotion when she proved to be useless on the floor; a sadsack deputy crumpled under the fierce rule of the head hostess). With the investment losing lots of cashola, Jeffrey has increased his role from silent partner to loud meddler. The Chodorow Corporate Task Force, which briefly featured our favorite character, Intern Drew, swooped into Rocco's 21 to cut costs in all facets of the business, including that one tricky area: Rocco's ego. Easier said than done.

Saturday night's first episode was a general mish mash of contentious vignettes which ultimately contributed to the Rocco/Jeffrey feud. In a stagey opening scene, a determined Rocco descended into his kitchen pre-dawn and stirred up a nasty tomato sauce that even Mama had to spit out. The sequence was oh-so-symbolic of a cook fighting for his craft. Either that, or a self-indulgent moment that suggested Rocco might not be the culinary genius that thousands of tourists believe him to be.

We then welcomed frizzy haired Carol into The Restaurant pantheon of neurotics. A member of the Chodorow task force, Carol clearly woke up on the wrong side of her Upper West Side bed that morning as she swiftly accepted the role of coffee nazi. Sipping her Starbucks, Carol ushered the busboys away from a tray of coffee so that they could learn things like, you know, bussing tables. Carol's reign of terror was brief, however. She became surprisingly deferential to Rocco when he attacked her for introducing new uniforms that would make candy stripers proud. In all fairness, the uniforms were horrendous, but savvy viewers may have noticed that they were not that far from Rocco's usual striped wardrobe (which is usually concealed by his favorite gray sweater that reminds me of my tv room carpet).

With crazy Zabars rejects like Carol running around, cool as ice Laurent decided it was time to take action. He told Rocco that he needs to take a more active role in the restaurant, a suggestion at which Rocco initially balked, but seriously, Laurent is just too cool to be ignored. So Rocco called up Jeffrey and said "We have to talk", as if this was the first time this had been proposed. Rocco is fond of throwing around the empty macho rhetoric like "We got to settle this like two grown men", but then he oddly insists that his mother sits in on all discussions. Nevertheless, Jeffrey and Rocco were again unable to have any sort of a productive meeting, and it's pretty obvious why that is. You see, Jeffrey is fond of using facts and logic and reasoning to make his points. Rocco is fond of, what's the word? Oh yes. Bullshit. When Jeffrey says "I need you to work with me to solve problems x, y, and z", Rocco will often send some passive aggression back by saying "I'm all for it. It's what I've been asking you to help me with for the past six months but you weren't here." Essentially, Rocco implies that he's been wanting Jeffrey's help, but now that the Chodorow clan has come in to fix everything, he's threatened by a loss of power. Jeffrey should be more mature and just note that the past is the past and now they have to work together for the restaurant's future, but instead, Jeffrey can't resist the urge to fight Rocco back. Tonight's argument was particularly amusing because it featured Rocco boasting that it takes five people to replace him. He must mean physically because lately it looks like Mr. DiSpirito has been eating one too many pizzettas. Cheap shot. Yes!

Mama had a moment of clarity when she told Jeffrey that her son is immature, but Jeffrey is immature too. At least someone has some perspective here. Meanwhile Carol and Friends loaded in the newer - and much nicer, I might add - barstools, which promise to increase the number of people who can sit at the bar. In an effort to point out Jeffrey's spendthrift ways, Rocco haughtily remarked that the restaurant had paid $20,000 on stools that cost $1500 each. Actually, they were only eighty dollars each. Hope you prepare your evidence better in court. Later, Rocco had a few more baseless accusations to throw around: he wasn't getting paid, he had made no purchases without authorization, yada yada yada. Jeffrey swiftly provided him with concrete evidence that he was wrong, but Rocco had now changed his tune with the dismissive comment: "Oh, this is small stuff." If it was so small, then why did you complain about it in the first place? We'll have to wait on that answer because moments after the meeting began, Rocco was off to a live interview. Sigh.

Around this time, my new favorite Chodorow minion, Sarah, sat Rocco down and in a sweet but sternly British way called him out, saying that she has a job to do and he better slow his roll. Rocco quickly dismissed her - what do women know, right? - and said that he'd assign his security guard to the silverware to make sure it never leaves the building. Usually in these reality TV moments, the big dog goes unchecked, but Sarah voiced what I assume all the viewers had to say: "Isn't that like the most ridiculous way ever to handle the situation?" Gotta love Sarah. Unless you're Rocco, in which case you're realizing that flirting will do no good so he might as well treat her like shit.

The show took a minor detour to chronicle a flare up in the kitchen. Literally. The wall caught on fire. Rocco wanted to know if the food was okay. Jeffrey wanted to know if anyone was hurt. Carol wanted to know if her J-Date had arrived.

As the first episode came to a close, Jeffrey and Rocco wound up bizarrely in couples therapy, sort of. Rocco inserted himself in a table full of therapists and rattled off a list of his problems. He called himself a narcissist, but Rocco has to learn that being aware of one's flaws doesn't excuse them. Jeffrey was called over from his nightly gabfest with the Chinagrill Management folk and a somewhat sane dialogue was finally opened at the therapist table, despite Rocco eating the food off his customer's plate with his fingers. Uplifting Mark Burnett music led us to believe a breakthrough was made, and this was paralleled by chef Tony apologizing for a squabble he had with a line chef. This was a strange note to end on, and surprisingly, I found myself wanting to see more of the therapists and less of Rocco.

If the first episode was a mixed bag of chaos, the second installment Saturday night was a well constructed drama with a central conflict and many innocent victims. The plot was simple: trod-upon head chef Tony was given a raise by Chodorow, but the very next day, Rocco fired him. The staff was shocked, especially the appetizer chef who acted like she had just witnessed the Hindenburgh. Gossiping ensued, led by the head yenta who went about spreading her usual anti-Rocco goodwill. To make up for Tony's absence, Rocco donned his chef's hat (aka pizza dough) and cooked for about an hour or so, but then retreated to the dining room where he could relish in his celebrity, leaving the leaderless kitchen in chaos. Rocco finished out the night by heading back to his office early and chomping on a cigar while Laurent stared condescendingly at his boss. Nothing gets by Laurent.

What was fascinating about the second episode, aside from the inherent drama Tony was forced into, was how poor Rocco's management style really is. I know there's a lot of creative editing that goes on, but certain strands of truth can be gleaned from the footage. First is how out of touch Rocco is with his kitchen. Rocco has never been a Tony fan, and in this episode, he accuses him of being insubordinate and shifty. Apparently Tony nods whenever Rocco tells him to do something and then doesn't do it. Rocco is the boss, and Tony should follow his orders, but if Rocco is never present, can Tony be faulted for assuming a more independent role in the kitchen?

The problem here is that Rocco has seasonal micromanagement disorder. It's a disorder that affects many bosses. It happens when a boss delegates certain responsibilities to an underling, who then forms processes and methods to carry out his or her plans. Then one day, for usually unexplained reasons, the boss decides to take a more proactive role and butts into these tried and true methods. Confused and usually threatened, the boss doesn't ask for an explanation or even suggest ways to improve the methods. Instead, the boss just insists that it must all come to an end, usually sending everyone into a tailspin. It's just this sort of random micromanaging that has led Rocco to believe Tony is undermining him. And by taking over Tony's position, Rocco not only sent the kitchen into chaos, he completely derailed it by disappearing into the night.

As for Tony, he was extremely gracious and level headed when Rocco fired him coldly (while signing autographs, no less). What could have been a smooth transition was completely undermined by Rocco having his goon break into Tony's locker, retrieve his personal items, and then escort him away from the restaurant. I understand that bosses need to pull those sort of dick moves with unstable clients, but this was totally unnecessary. Tony responded by locking himself in Rocco's conference room. Mark Burnett wanted us to believe that the chef had gone crazy, but all he was doing was making a phone call and changing clothes. No big deal.

Jeffrey was understandably peeved at Rocco, and he yelled at him over the phone in a tan sweater blaze of glory. Later, Jeffrey slipped into the rare black sweater and informed the staff that Tony would be relocated to a different restaurant. Yenta was happy to have more fodder for her gossip machine, and as Rocco puffed his stogie while his bistro languished across the street, I couldn't help wondering if the therapists had made any comments about self-fulfilling prophecies and Intern Drew's label for Rocco: Captain Douchebag.

Posted by B-Side at 11:30 PM | Permalink

Tonight was the much-hyped reunion show for The Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Inferno. Mike's metrosexual impulses went wrong with a wannabe shaggy do that insulted Indigo Girls fans everywhere. Aside from that, we here at TVGasm can sum up this reunion pretty easily:

worth·less   (wûrthls)
adj. Lacking worth; of no use or value. Low; despicable.

Worth"less\, a. [AS. weor[eth]le['a]s.] Destitute of worth; having no value, virtue, excellence, dignity, or the like; undeserving; valueless; useless; vile; mean; as, a worthless garment; a worthless ship; a worthless man or woman; a worthless magistrate.

adj : lacking in excellence or value; "a worthless idler"

Posted by B-Side at 10:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

It's going to be a long six months without 24 kicking around on Tuesday nights. Sure, we'll pass the time with Big Brother and Amazing Race, but those reality shows lack the one element that has become a signature mark of 24: grizzly character demises. Sometimes they come as a surprise, and sometimes we have episodes leading up to the inevitable death.

So in the spirit of killing time in the offseason, we rank the top ten most memorable deaths on 24. These are the slayings that either sent shockwaves through the audience or signified an important moment in the series. Not everyone will agree with the choices, and readers are encouraged to comment with their own picks. Without further ado, here is the top ten list:

10. Jack Bauer

Okay, this is a little bit of a stretch, but so was this plot twist. Jack Bauer, after an hour of electric torture, finally died - or so the writers would have us believe. As the clock conveniently ticked past the 59 minute mark of the episode, Jack Bauer was pronounced dead, but we're not idiots. Sure enough, Jack was back the next week after a miraculous resurrection. Some people felt this incident was a Jump-The-Shark moment, and while everyone knew Jack would be alive and kicking in no time, for one week, 24 fans everywhere were buzzing about the temporary flat-lining of our resilient hero.

9. Russian Roulette Victim

We don't know his name, and we sort of don't even remember his face. But this hapless prison guard in season three was the unlucky sap who had to play Russian Roulette with Jack and Ramon Salazar during an unfortunate prison rebellion. The scene was one of 24's most intense, and when the poor guy shot himself in the head, we were reminded that despite tangental Kim or Palmer plots, the show is one of the grittiest series on network television.

8. Gael

First we thought he was a mole, and then we learned he was a good guy, and then he got a money shot of virus. Not only was Gael the first to abduct Kim this season, but he was the first character to die from the aforementioned virus. His descent was marked by a nasal hemmorage followed by boils and sweating and general malaise. Gael's three episode death scene was sad and gruesome, but it paved the way for his nutso widow to infiltrate CTU and kill the season's bad guy. Wait, a day player killed the villain, not Jack? Let's just move on.

7. Jamey Farrell

Ah yes. Jamey. This plucky computer expert whose bangs prefaced season three's coiffure trends had a double death scene. First time around, it looked like she had committed suicide after her mole status had been revealed. A broken coffee mug was sharp enough to be the perfect wrist slicer. We all felt a little sad for this sweet technician who had gotten in over her head with her obligations for then-villain Ira Gaines. Jamey had a brief cameo in the first season finale when a security camera revealed that she had no killed herself. Turncoat Nina Meyers had murdered her! But Nina had bigger fish to fry. More on that later...

6. Reza

Joining the long line of good guys we thought were bad for a long time, sweet but shifty Reza fell victim to his WASPy blonde fiance, Marie Warner. All he was doing was checking in on his office when blam! Viewers were shocked when 24 provided a patented switcheroo - changing the players and sides just in time for the cliffhanger. In just one brief moment, Marie went from flakey wedding whiner to psycho femme fatale. Bridezilla, anyone? Unfortunately, after season two, Marie went the way of the mysterious Mandy and completely disappeared.

5. George Mason

We've all had bosses we've hated, and during Mason's reign in CTU, he accumulated a fair share of enemies. Still, it's hard for anyone to wish this guy's death on anyone. First he endured several hours of intense radioactive poisoning. Then a nuclear bomb went off on his head. Okay, it's more like he saved Southwest USA by flying a nuclear bomb into a crater in Nevada. Mason's farewell storyline was someone poignant, and his final sendoff was one of 24's best episodes ever, culminating with the eerie sight of a mushroom cloud illuminating the California skyline.

4. Ryan Chappelle

Ryan's been hanging around since the first season, but his presence increased this season, and when you're the dominating bureaucrat, that means only one thing: certain death. This time around, Jack had to shoot Chappelle point blank in order to keep the virus threat in check. This was the first time that CTU killed one of its own sacrificially, and the producers honored this moment with the rare silent ticking clock at the episode's end. Pretty gripping stuff.

3. Nina Meyers

It was a long time coming, but in season three, Jack finally got his revenge on wife-killer Nina Meyers. The shrewd, dangerous gun-for-hire resurfaced in Mexico, only to be caught and eventually gunned down by Jack in CTU. It was sad seeing Nina go, but seriously, how many times could the producers keep bringing her back? Nina's death was one of those inevitable events. It brought an end to a devilish character whose original betrayal of Jack ranks as one of the series' best twists.

2. Sherry Palmer

24's other woman we love to hate also met her maker in season three. In a surprise slaying, Sherry went down in a blaze of gunpowder and vitriol as unstable Julia Milliken aired a few grievances with her gun. We always knew Sherry would get hers - as she has at the end of every season - but death was a shocker. Like Nina, her continued presence on the show was losing credibility, but there were still a good two seasons left before Sherry needed to be taken to the 24 graveyard. As one of television's most devious and cunning women, Sherry at least made her mark, despite rarely intersecting with the central storyline.

1. Teri Bauer

The grandaddy of all 24 deaths, Teri Bauer finished off her terrible day by snooping around CTU too much. Nina tied her up and fled the building. In the final minute of season one, we were shocked to discover that Teri Bauer had been slashed to death. Not only was this a huge twist - after all, we thought the mayhem of the day was over - but we suddenly realized that in the world of 24, no character was safe (except Jack). Teri's death not only affected Jack's motives and choices in later season, it effectively put an end to the first season's penchant for ugly, short-cropped hairstyles (they were replaced by long, blonde locks the next season).

Honorary Mention:

Some deaths (and near deaths) were still great, but just didn't make the top ten. Here are a few noteworthy ones: Alexis Drezen gets shivved by his afternoon delight; Lynn takes a tumble down the stairs; Miguel loses his leg to Kim; Jack shoots a little boy (just kidding, it was all fake); Chase gets his hand chopped off; Sherry lets Miliken die in his wheelchair; Nina fakes her death by using Jack's flack jacket (we thought she was good then, so we were concerned); Paula dies and nearly takes all of CTU's computer codes with her; Claudia learns that the exposed cab of a pickup truck doesn't protect against bullets; Jack beheads a chump; Tony gets shot in the neck and is back at the job in... three hours.

Posted by B-Side at 1:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

The following is excerpted from an article in The Boston Herald:

"The O.C.: There's a fine line between great melodrama and over-the-top shenanigans (think "Melrose Place," the later years). Part of the fun of Fox's hit drama is that even through the good (Adam Brody's humor), the bad (Mischa Barton's inability to act) and the ugly (Oliver, anyone?), it never took itself too seriously. That is until the finale, which found Marissa (Barton) hitting the bottle, Seth (Brody) running away and Kirsten (Kelly Rowan) sobbing - all because Ryan (Benjamin McKenzie) had returned to Chino. Will they really miss his black blouses that much? C+ "

For the full article, which features a paragraph on Survivor: All-Stars, click here.

Posted by B-Side at 4:28 PM | Permalink

And with a final gasp of confetti and Ryan Seacrest, American Idol has been expunged from our living rooms for another six months. Sensing that this was some sort of collective moment, the TVgasm editors attempted to tune into Fox's karaoke act for tonight's big finale. J-Unit lasted all of one minute. S-Lo fled the apartment after thirty seconds. But I lasted a cumulative ten minutes. I say cumulative because there was no way I could sit and watch any of this high school talent show for more than two or three minutes at a time.

I tuned in to hear the first of what I assume were many schmaltzy numbers I expect to have a long life at The Flamingo's musical revue in Las Vegas. Former winners Kelly Clarkson and Ruben Studdard flanked finalists Fantasia Barrino and Diana Degarmo in an antisepctic version of "The Impossible Dream", which in this case was the promise of some explosive musical fireworks. Somewhere in here, I mined my Tivo for something else to watch.

Here's what I don't understand about American Idol. I get that it appeals to a wide demographic, and I get that the producers don't want to offend anyone. But why must the show be reduced to a schlockfest cum lounge act (Although, I guess they're one and the same)? Why must we hear cheesy ass songs that ask if we've ever found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? No, we haven't! And we haven't flown without wings, and we've never had a moment like this! It was cool the first season when these hopefuls were pushed out of their comfort zones and forced to sing Big Band etc. You see, even though Big Band is old fashioned and generally shunned by youth culture, it's still respectable music. Barry Manilow on the other hand is old fashioned and fairly unrespectable. Additionally, the occasional quality song that makes it to the American Idol stage is usually so bastardized with cheap, cheesy arrangements that any musical integrity it had is gone. The rare exception: Fantasia's performance of "Summertime" from Porgy and Bess was truly impressive (again - classy, respectable song). In case you're wondering why I can reference Fantasia's performance, I was one of the many who tuned in to see Quentin Tarrantino as a guest judge. For all his promises about being honest and crazy, Quentin wound up being just a louder, talkier version of Paula Abdul. Nevertheless, during this episode, I witnessed the aforementioned Fantasia showstopper.

At around 9:20, I checked in on the show to see what Ryan Seacrest et. al could possibly be doing to fill time. Not much apparently. Ruben Studdard was singing, and I had a chance to marvel at Randy's much publicized weight loss, Paula's newly plumped breasts, and Simon's attempt to rival Seacrest as the show's dominant metrosexual (did anyone notice his shirt's completely unbottoned state?). Apparently, no one was American Idol yet, so I watched a lunatic karate-chop an insane amount of wooden boards on a Tivoed Letterman. After an NBA Legend Top Ten List, I returned to the kiddies to find Diana crooning to some gospel choir.

Diana is very young. In fact, most of this season's contestants have been very young. Does Fox realize that there's a reason why we don't watch the Disney Channel? In fact, does Fox realize that it's Fox? The same network that showed us Kiefer Sutherland chopping off a man's hand last night and Nicole Ritchie sticking her arm up a cow's arse is trying to peddle us the Good Times High School Variety Hour. Next year, raise the application age. These kids are too undeveloped in too many ways.

I passed a few minutes enjoying the exploits of Celebrities Uncensored on E! before returning one last time to Fox for the climax of the show. Fantasia and Diana gave a shout out to Boystown by squawking a forgettable rendition of Aretha Franklin and George Michael's duet "I Knew You Were Waiting", and they were right. We were waiting. I didn't know how long I could endure more of Diana's grating "Come on, y'all"'s. Ryan Seacrest read some comments from the judges and then finally announced Fantasia - or Bobo as purists call her - to be this year's American Idol.

Fantasia had an ineloquent acceptance speech whose highlight was an unnecessary footware update. There were some tears and an encore of that "I Believe" song (which is just about as sucky as the Blessed Union of Souls song of the same name). Some fireworks went off and some confetti fell, and Paula provided us with a clapping display that would make seals across the country proud. J-Unit (who had returned at this point) and I noted that clearly her implants were new and sore, therefore reducing Paula to a strange Frankenstein clap.

At the end of the day, I won't begrudge Fantasia her moment in the spotlight. She actually has a terrific, natural voice that doesn't strain for melismas like her competitors. That being said, I hope she gets a weave and some dental work. Who knows? Maybe she'll be The Swan too.

Posted by B-Side at 10:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Lets face it, we all jumped on the OC Bandwagon, loving to hate and hating to love it but nevertheless joining the Cooper's and Cohen's each and every Wednesday, much as we did back in day with our Peach Pit Pals. it was the one night in my week that was always engraved in my black book with sharpie opposed to pencil, my one true plan...i couldn't be anywhere, I had a hot date with the gang that actually had more drama than i did. Needles to say the ride on this bandwagon was a bit bumpy at times and much like a trek into the valley from glorious WEHO, steadily climbing up a hill, hurling us around curves, this way and that and then gradually descending only to end up in a sketchy little area wishing you were back where you started.

Here it comes...that's right, the haterade, AKA criticism...but if you make it to the end I promise it will become somewhat constructive and by no means will I abandon my Wednesday pal's , in fact, I miss them already.

O.C.(Outrageously Critical Characterizations)

i honestly believe that each character portrayed truly represents the OC in more ways then one, coming together to create a dynamic Californian Klan

Sandy ; Outrageously Cool, Calm Collected

Ok, not only is he totally chill and always ready to rescue troubled teens, or trek off to The Vegas for a little fun but he is what all the gals have been waiting for since American Pie...he's a DILF(dad i'd Like to Fuck). C'mon, he's cute, funny and caring...Kiki is one lucky Cohen.

Kiki: Or was it Chardonnay, Champagne, Cognac, Chambord....

Granted she's a hot and cool mom but the woman is a stresscase and needs to look into the 12 step program before cirrhosis of the liver kicks in. We knew it had become a problem when even promos had shots of Kiki throwing back the bubbly. Kiki, please take the first step and just admit you are a DRUNK.

Seth: Ocean Cruisin Cheeseball

is he going to Tahiti??? We were all left hanging on this one, and honestly, could this dorky urban outfitters wearing dorky Cohen really make it there? We love him, he's cute, cuddly , full of personality and has an adorable girlfriend after having escaped a thrilling love triangle. He was the man for awhile but now all he has is Summer Breeze...does it make him feel fine?

Ryan: Outta Control Cocky Ex-Chino

This wife -beater wearing wanna be tough guy leaves a lot to be desired, it is no wonder that Seth has become the OC heartthrob; there was no competition. I was never happier to see anyone return home as I was when he cruised past Marissa with a lovelorn pout, seated next to his baby's momma in her '77 mustard yellow pinto. Honestly, we couldn't help but laugh...serves the horny little trouble making prick right. And as for his acting ability, basically he flunked out of Acting 101 and doesn't have any abilities other than having mastered a plethora of methods in which to say "HEY". No wonder he and Marissa were such a perfect pair.

Luke: On top of the Coopers

He was the all American football stud that we just wanted to love, though we never understood why he was dating, sleeping with and supposedly in love with Marissa the croissant banged lush. He had a lot of potential and after booting her had a pretty promising future until that quirky "my dad is gay" revelation popped up and in turn made him a little bit whacky. Needless to say his storyline blossomed with his infatuation and love affair with the one and only Julie Copper. Apparently he saw the MILF in her much as I see the DILF in Sandy...so I can't really blame him there and after all, at least he kept it all in the family...riight??

Anna: On a jet plane Cross Country

She was the spunky, punky, fun-loving risky Cohen loving chic that it was so hard to say goodbye to. Had she remained I could have easily watched the intense love triangle drag on for at least the remainder of the season and after she trekked off to Pittsburg the show dynamic and intrigue definitely faded. I was holding out for a little menage trois or perhaps a little Summer / Anna cat fight complete with a little hair pulling. Afterall...isn't that how they do it in the OC bitch?

Summer: Obvious Cutie Crushin' on a Cohen

She's the Jen Aniston of the OC , so cute , so perky, a little ditzy at times but its endearing so we let it slide. She is always donning those cute preppy fashions straight outta Abercrombie and American Eagle, much as 90 percent of the girls in highschool did, only she's a lot more adorable in them so we also love her for that. Her Seder learning Shiksappeal won the heart of the love tangled Seth Cohen and she looked pretty good in that Wonder Woman costume, I can't say I could really rock that but I have considered it since her debut. Her fame was best established by actions of words in the mere fact that Cohen himself named his flipping boat after her. I just hope this ship doesn't sink.

Julie: Outlandishly Carnal and Covetous

What kind of role model are you woman. My god...no wonder your daughter is such a mess. For starters you are a pedophile and a hoalicious one at that. Sleeping with and then ditching your daughter's ex....there is just nothing to say for that. And then to top it off...freshly post coital you are marrying someone who could be your father because you are a gold digging power hungry wannabe princess. Newsflash for ya momma Cooper, we hate you and we love love love to hate you. Mothers's and Grandmother's of the OC keep your sons and husbands under tight reigns or this money loving menopausal nymph might snatch them up before you can say CALIFORNIIIIAAAAA.

Jimmy: Overcoming Calamity

So he's an ex-con with a dysfunctional family life, in love with his best friend's wife but dating her sister. HMMMMMMMM....yep. One part Jimmy and one part Cooper just about equals a perfect recipe for disaster if I do say so myself. ehy, I wonder if that was going to be an entree at the restaurant he was planning to open?

Marissa: Out of Date Couture

Hey! (this was the disappointed and pouty one) So she may be best friend to Summer but will never ever be on a level playing field in any way shape or form. The number one reason and atrocious act of Marissa...her disgusting fashion choices. Tacky metallics, flourscents, ballet slippers, gaudy chanel, tight 80s jeans, pouffy dresses and for good sake the bangs. She should be plastered all over the Glamour don't pages if you ask me. As she stood at he edge of her driveway with all that luggage I couldn't help but beg for someone to set fire to all the supposedly fashionistaish garb that was packed inside. Let's hope that over the summer while hopefully nestled cozily at Betty Ford she is reading a little In Style so she isn't so ridiculously outta style next season.

Theresa: Obstetric Chaquita

She got knocked up. The classic highschool drama that we had all been waiting to encounter and it happens with this 16 going on 30 year-old Chino chic. I was a bit frustrated with this, thought it was overdone and cliche but to be honest i never really liked her. She was needy and a bit annoying, never one of the gang that i considered part of the OC really. However, she was a key player in the eviction of Ryan the rodent so for that I owe her my life. Here's to a happy, healthy pregnancy!

Kaleb: Ominous Old timer whose Corrupt and Crooked

On one hand he's associated to the Cohen's so you kinda hafta like him, on the other hand he is uniting the two families and merging an incestous little melting pot that could make next year's Thanksgiving even more special. He screwed over Sandy and for that I will never forgive him ad he is marrying the craziest chic in the OC for that I don't respect him. Not to mention he blackmailed his soon to be step daughter which is just unacceptable and after all, why would he really want to live with her anyway. Guess he's all about nesting with Luke's leftovers.

So granted I have pretty much hated on each and every character and been a bit critical but deep down I have a hidden sweet tooth for the show... I can't wit to revisit the OC PATISSERE in the fall and I sincerely hope you will all venture there with me , but first, peruse the menu to see just what each character has to offer up...they all a have potential, a little sweetness and enough individuality to satisfy different cravings and tastes.

OC PATISSERE MENU:

Julie: Lemon Tart - Sour thru and thru but sometimes intriguing
Kristen: Cinnamon Roll: Sweet and comforting but always spinning
Ryan; Day old Corn Muffin: Discounted but a little stale
Luke: Jelly Filled: pretty outside but once u bite down its a mess
Sandy; Bagel w/ Lox: a tasty morsel that's a good option all day long
Kaleb: Kruller- an old time crusty confection that only my grandmother eats
Jimmy: Oatmeal Cookie: Lots goin on, a good option but not necessarily a favorite
Summer: Cupcake-Sweet , soft and a number one seller
Seth: Challah..at yo boy
Theresa: Chorro-seems tasty but just hollow on the inside
Haley; Donut Hole; interesting but not something you really cave all the time
Anna: Rainbow sprinkled donut; a little bit a spunk, fun and sweetness
Marissa: Croissant: Flakey, dry and leaves your hands all messy in the end

Hope you are working up an appetite b/c next season will be served up before you know i...stay tuned and the hostess will be right with you.

Posted by at 10:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

It's been an uneven season, but 24 went out on a nicely resolved note in tonight's season finale. Palmer let loose a bizarre growl upon learning of Sherri's fate and then dropped out of the Presidental race. Tony had one last moment of glory - and a little smootch from Michelle - before being carted off to jail. Saunders got clipped by the late Gael's wacko widow. And Jack lopped off Chase's already shot-through hand to save the country. All in a day's work, I suppose.

As episodes of 24 go, tonight's was exciting, although run of the mill for this series. The car chase early on was solid, and the manhunt in the middle school was enjoyable enough, if only to see Jack wield a gun on a class full of fifth graders. A showdown in a science lab was nicely fitting with this season's chemistry theme, but with all that melee between Chase and the courier, couldn't we have had a little acid in the face? Or even a base? They sting too.

We're getting a little too aware of 24's tricks though. When Gael's widow showed up in CTU, we knew something was up. New characters are not usually the norm for season finales. Of course she was going to off Saunders just as the bad guy's face shows up on screen. And how did that rogue courier manage to kill two officers and a civilian in like thirty seconds without a peep from anyone. That guy is the best courier ever. But it didn't take a genious to realize that when he stood poised with a gun over Chase's head, the sound of bullets ringing out was clearly coming from Jack. And of course the one device that's in LA that no one can find has different wiring from all the other virus contraptions. And of course Jack was going to chop off Chase's arm. Well, that might not have been as obvious, but it was delightful.

At this point though, part of the fun of 24 is anticipating all these crazy twists, even the small ones. I thought for sure Jack was going to drop the virus in a toilet - I don't know why (this is why I don't work for CTU). I was pleasantly surprised when the teacher's lounge turned into the world's best defense against a globally threatening virus. Some poor bastard won't be having his egg salad for lunch today, that's for sure.

Tonight's episode was certainly fun and tense, but it lacked the climactic aura of past 24 season finales. I think part of that problem was that our main enemy - at least for the past eight weeks - was apprehended two episodes ago. The final standoff with the courier was exciting, but seriously, we just met the guy. The stakes were about as high as any midseason installment of the series. We've had so many fakeouts with the virus - and last year with the nuclear bomb - that getting rid of the final container just isn't as climactic as it could be. Additionally, the perpetually happenstance Palmer storyline failed to interweave in the climax as it has in years past. The convergence of the two major plots of the series is what truly gives the season finale the added surge of importance that it needs, and unfortunately it was sorely lacking this time around.

Still, I was glad to see President Palmer elect to stay in office only one term. The whole dead wife thing really would have been too much of a PR nightmare for shiny Wayne Palmer to handle. For a moment, I thought the Palmer kids would make their first appearances since season one, but their conference call was kept offscreen. Dammit. I love faces from the past.

Speaking of which, where is Mandy these days? She blows up a plane, tries to kill the President, and no one seems to care. I guess this is why the producers kept tonight's episode cliffhanger free. They so clumsily dropped the ball with last year's doozy of a finale that they must have opted to go into next season without any viewer expectations of what's to come. With so many villains killed this season, Palmer becoming a private citizen, Tony shuffling off to the Big House, and Kim and Chase moving to the 'burbs, it looks like we'll be going into next year with a virtual clean slate. TVgasm editors have already suspected something vaguely convenient like Jack heading up Palmer's post-Presidency security. I wouldn't mind an entire season of Jack shooing away onlookers from the Palmer estate. Or if the producers wanted something more exciting, maybe they should move away from the mass destruction premises of global terrorism and touch on something more immediate like a plane hijacking or even a court trial or Senate hearing.

As season three wraps up, I can't help but notice some disturbing trends about character maladies. First, at least one spouse dies a year. Teri Bauer was the high profile goner in season one. Then Marie Warner's fiancé (technically, it was their wedding day) Reza in season two. And finally season three resulted in of course Sherri Palmer (and also Dr. Ann's ex husband). A more bizarre phenomenon is the limb sacrifice that Kim's suitors must make. Season one featured no Kim boyfriend (that guy Dan doesn't count. He abducted her). But season two featured samurai kicking Miguel who quickly lost his leg by the 24th hour. And of course tonight Chase had his already battered hand chopped off with a quick thwack. Not a good track record Kim. At least she kept the abductions to a minimum.

And so now begins the long six month wait for next year's season. That's right six months. New episodes begin in January.

Posted by B-Side at 11:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

There are a lot of good reasons to love 24, but I think the reason that brings me back each year is the suspense. There are so many questions that you ask throughout the entirety of the season. For me, I like to see how far 24 is willing to push the envelope about what happens on TV. When we last left you, our intrepid hero Jack Bauer was about to put a little bow tie on this whole deadly virus thing that has been ravaging Los Angeles and my personal favorite on the show, Sherry Palmer, ended her rough day by getting punched in the face and taking two slugs from a .38.

Concerning Jack, he and Chase seemingly had everything under control in the subway station. They were taking pictures of all men who bore even a passing resemblance to the 11th courier as described by our pal Saunders. Back at CTU, Saunders would holler back when his man was identified. But with nearly 50 minutes left in the show, you knew that there had to be more to come. As always, some uncontrollable force comes and intervenes in the neat and tidy scenarios CTU lines up to take care of problems. Today's first uncontrollable force was in the form of Mrs. Gaelle Ortega, who arrived at CTU to pick up her husband's belongings. In the first of several semi-predictable twists, Mrs. Ortega shot Saunders dead using a sidearm recovered from her husband's desk, singlehandedly adding at least 15 minutes worth of plot lines to the episode.

While all of this is going on, Wayne Palmer informs the President that his wife was shot and killed. Seeing this as an opportunity to clear away all of the political trouble they put themselves into, Wayne suggests they posit the theory that Sherry was having an affair with Alan Milliken, Julia Milliken found out, and killed both Alan and Sherry. With no Julia around to deny anything happened, it looks like their troubles were behind them. President Palmer decides this is a perfect chance to call up the doctor he was seeing and say "Hey, my spouse was shot too, how about some pizza?" . Well, he didn't say that, but you knew that was what he was thinking.

With Saunders dead, Jack sets up a search of every passenger in the subway station in an effort to flush out the last of the virus. Ravens, the final courier, slips out while waiting in line, slices a couple of police officers manning the door and hijacks a car in an effort to get away and deliver his payload. Chase and Jack finally corner Ravens in a Middle School (strangely filling at least one classroom with 8 year olds).

By this time, I had thousands of scenario endings popping into my head, especially those involving the demise of Chase. With his character probably not making it into next year's show, he seems a logical choice to be killed off in the final few minutes of the episode. Indeed, it is Chase who finally Ravens, and fights him in the school chemistry lab. Chase didn't take chemistry, so he was unable to effectively use everything at his disposal to stop Ravens. A little HF would have prevented Ravens from ever bothering anybody again. Instead, Chase decides to strap the last vial of virus to his own arm, so Ravens doesn't have a chance to move it to another location. Just as Ravens is about to leave, Jack shoots him and attends to Chase.

What followed was some of the best television all year. With the device still attached to Chase, Jack desperately tries to stop the timer, only to find the wiring is not the same as in a few other devices, and so he must wait for fear of premature detonation. As the clock runs down, Jack and Chase know they must find a secure container for the virus, or risk a whole new round of infections. Seeing as it is going to be impossible to remove the device from Chase's body, maybe the smart idea is to remove Chase's body from the device? Conveniently, there is a fire axe nearby and Chase is willing to make a sacrifice to keep containment of the virus. Using his belt as a makeshift tourniquet, Chase faints as Jack swings and chops his hand off with one swing of the axe.

Wow.

Jack proceeds to carefully remove Chase's hand, then the device from around his wrist, puts a towel on Chase's stump, and places the device in the teacher's lounge refrigerator just in time to save the city. Following this scene, I was waiting for the final twist, the great cliffhanger to keep us coming back next season. The twist ended up being a relatively mild one, with President Palmer announcing he will not seek re-election.

Maybe it is just my morbid imagination, but I was really thinking somebody else would be infected with the virus: either of the Palmers or Jack or anybody else at CTU. There was no crazy cliffhanger, and instead the audience is left with a strange feeling of closure. And now that I think more about it, this is not simply a finale for this season of 24. We the viewers received a lot of closure on the first 3 seasons in general. Nina is dead, Sherry is dead, and the President is going back to civilian life. There will be big changes at CTU with the top two officials either about to head to jail, or about to conjugal visit in jail. Jack breaks down into tears, letting all the viewers know that all these days really do take away a big part of you. So even though there wasn't some crazy event with 5 seconds left to keep us in anticipation all summer, we can all be excited knowing that some wholesale changes are coming next year.

Posted by J-Unit at 11:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Last week, Robin dared to grab the spotlight with her drunken antics. Well, if bitch thinks she can make Frankie slink in the shadows, she's got another thing coming. That's right, Frankie came back full force this week on The Real World: San Diego as she pouted, cried, bemoaned her sadness, yelled, threw tantrums, and thankfully threatened to quit. By the end of the "cliffhanger" episode, Frankie's demands to leave the show felt less like an impassioned plea for normalcy and more like an elaborate way of saying "Baby wants her bottle."

I guess we knew there would be hellfire and brimstone this episode because we were treated to tense music as the show opened, followed by Frankie's proclamation that when she's fed up, she becomes a huge bitch. It seemed more like a promise than an observation. Moments later, when Cameran asked for some change, Frankie shot her PA cannon (that's passive aggressive, not Pennsylvania) back by listing all the money she didn't have. Gleeful Randy countered with "You could have just said no." To which Frankie huffed "Fine. No." And this was only in the first forty five seconds.

Later, Frankie finally resurrected that age-old Real World phone dilemma when she insisted she had to chat on the phone with her baby-talking boyfriend while the roommates stood around waiting to call a locksmith to unlock the house SUV. Jacquese turned off the giggle switch and honed a little Real World/angry black man schtick when he told Frankie to drop the attitude. We need to see this side of him more. I was ready to pull some very Ja-like high fives when he called Frankie out for always walking away from conflict.

Cut to Frankie scrubbing down a boat with Jamie. I thought we were in for more general bitching and moaning with maybe a dash of seafaring vessel neuroticism, but surprisingly, Jamie actually had something to say about herself. She voiced very selfless frustrations about her mother. No, she wasn't joining the long line of Real Worlders blaming their parents for everything under the sun. Jamie was frustrated that her mother had to work so much and be ridiculed at her job. She struck a rare and welcomed empathetic note in the midst of a brewing self-pity episode. As Jamie cried reluctantly, Frankie tried not to appear too bored. Truth is she looked more shocked that anyone would dare to trump her manufactured drama. Jamie ultimately expressed regret that her mother and father couldn't both visit her in San Diego. Cut to Frankie proudly announcing the arrival of her mother, stepfather and sister.

While the roommates wandered aimlessly around their house, Frankie made a point of declaring her general depression, you know, just in case anyone cares. She's just saying, she's depressed. Better call Dave. For once, Dave - like Jamie - actually had something to say for himself. His band is playing a big concert on Halloween - their anniversary. Well, that's not acceptable. Frankie's of the camp that you can't be happy if I'm not happy. She burst into tears - pausing to drop a few perfunctory "No, I'm happy for you" lines. Later in the episode, with Dave hardly able to contain his excitement over his gig, Frankie tried to hang up on him. Way to be supportive. When she couldn't end the call, Frankie snipped at Dave, leaving him confused and probably a little hurt. Clearly he didn't get the memo that this was Frankie's episode, not his.

Nevertheless, we had two very different sets of relatives visit the house. First, Frankie's clan arrived featuring her seemingly normal parents and slightly oddball sister who seems to be fresh from her Ghost World 2 audition. I won't bash the sister though for her mime-esque wardrobe because the poor girl's only 12 and has to deal with all this Real World nonsense. The Frankie fam went off for a night on the town where Frankie swiftly jumped into the anti-roommates tirade, complaining that everyone talks behind her back. Then she quickly took the time to talk behind everyone's back. This was followed by some general torts about how everyone is friends except her. I suggest Frankie finds a psych textbook and reads the chapters on self-fulfilling prophecies and self-handicapping.

Meanwhile, Jamie picked up her mother from the airport where arguably one of the more interesting and culturally fascinating Real World storylines had a brief moment to shine. Jamie and the roommates tried their best to welcome her mother to the clashing world of the Real World house, but the staunchly traditional Korean mother was clearly offput by such things as the coed showers. Watching Jamie trying to bridge the generational and culture gap while battling a language barrier actually made for compelling television. Jamie explained that she's never really had any significant conversations with her mother because her Korean is so choppy. It was shocking to hear Jamie ask her mother basic questions about her father's age and life. As the two of them started to bond, I started to question things about- oh wait, this is too high level for the Real World. Thankfully, the producers switched the action back to Frankie.

The next day, Frankie was in major pill mode as she claimed over and over again in confessionals that she didn't come here to make friends and she doesn't care what people say or think about her and she doesn't care if anyone knows how she feels blah blah blah. She might as well have lit up a neon sign that said "Defense mechanisms going into effect. Please do not disturb." After Frankie was done with this empty rhetoric, she then proceeded to display how much she doesn't care about the roommates by clamoring for everyone's attention. Tipping her hat to third graders across the nation, Frankie literally threw a tantrum in the arms of her mother as she yelled loudly - and conveniently within earshot of all the roommates - about how no one liked her so she was going to leave. Mom tried to calm down her daughter, but all attempts were greeted with Frankie growling back the patented "What do you know!" response that's so essential to an effective tantrum.

When Frankie raised the notion of returning home, her mother had the audacity to note that Frankie had made a commitment to the show and she should follow through. Personal responsibility? What sort of a mother is this? Frankie tried some weird mixture of guilt and passive aggression when she concluded she had to stay or else her mother would be disappointed in her forever. Frankie stormed away - score another for Jacquese - leaving the rattled sister left to deal with some more childhood trauma. Cameran stepped up though and offered a shoulder to cry on for the precocious girl who commented on how Frankie never seems happy. It was fairly heartbreaking to see this adolescent next to her passive mother, knowing that she probably felt the responsibility to keep her disfunctional family together. For Frankie to put her young, impressionable sister at ground zero for her own petty drama is pretty unforgiveable.

Nevertheless, it was sadistically funny realizing that no one wants Frankie, not even her family. A few roommates had silly conversations with her where they pretty much said "Listen, you're miserable and driving us crazy. Please go home. Oh, but I think you're a great person." Somewhere in here, Robin raised the interesting point that Frankie should probably spend more time enjoying life while she has it. And also, Jamie's mom went to the airport and left. You know, her mom comes in for one day, and Jamie spends the entire visit wanting to learn about her parents and her roots and how she can help her family. Frankie just uses the time to complain and revert to childhood. I'm surprised she didn't demand a new toy.

The episode finally came to a close with Frankie calling the producers and threatening to leave. Truth is she just wants everyone to come grovelling to her and say how much they love her. MTV would like to have us believe that Frankie wll follow her heart back to Dave, but we all know her true love isn't some tattooed ragamuffin in Kansas City. It's the cameras. Just her, the cameras, and those wonderful people out there in the dark. All right, Mr. Murray, she's ready for her close-up.

Posted by B-Side at 8:48 PM | Permalink

It's been a tough life for Adriana La Cerva. Two of her uncles and one cousin have bit the dust. Her best friend tried to steal her fiance, and her other best friend turned out to be a Fed. Adding insult to injury, she's got a colon that won't stop and her dog Cosette was smothered to death under Christopher's ass. Well, luckily Nani La Cerv was put out of her misery Sunday night when Silvio offed her in one of the more memorable whackings in the Soprano's tome.

It's been a few seasons in the works, but time finally expired for the devoted Adriana. While Big Pussy generally ranks as the most memorable whacking - with Ralphie Cifaretto not far behind - Adriana's departure marks the passing of one of the series' oldest characters. Over the years, Adriana's role in the series grew from being tangental to increasingly complex and central (this would be inversely proportional to Meadow Soprano who has all but dropped out of the show completely). By her untimely death, she had grown into an elaborate character, often injecting a sad warmth and vulnerability into a usually cold and macho world. Her co-dependent relationship with Christopher ranked as one of the most multi-layered portrayals on television, perhaps dwarfed only by Tony and Carmella.

Ade was stuck between a rock and a hard place, and unfortunately, she never realized that the best thing for her was to just flee. Anywhere. Maybe not China though. That's where her FBI handler is looking for her. No, Adriana stood by her man with the hope that she could someday lord over a perfect little household in Hollywood where Christopher could be a screenwriter or male model. Sucks for Adriana though because her fiance's loyalties are to the Mob, not his wife-to-be. I guess this is why they took so long to get married. Christopher opted to sell out his fragile fiance, ultimately resulting in her leafy death (the show couldn't resist repeated images of fall - get the symbolism?).

Dumb Christopher. Doesn't he realize that no matter how hard he tries, he's never going to be the apple of Tony's eye? He's going to get shit on until the very end. And more importantly - waaay more importantly - doesn't he realize that he'll never ever in a million years get a woman as hot as Adriana? He just forked over the best thing going for him. Dumbass.

Actually, looks like Tony realized what Christopher didn't see. As the mourning fiance sat stoned and high in the Bada Bing (much like he did with the infamous Cosette whacking), Tony snapped into a fit of rage. Maybe he was annoyed that Christopher was using again. But I suspect it was a bit more of the old inner-projection that Tony likes so much. After all, in the previous scene with Johnny Sack, Tony - knowing it would be terrible for him and his mob family - defended and displayed loyalty to his fuck-up cousin Tony B. Blood is thicker than wine. That Christopher didn't observe this fundamental code with the woman who had been his loyal rock of support over the years surely made Tony snap. After all, if Tony could do it, Christopher should be able to also.

Speaking of the big man, going into the season finale, Tony has a lot on his plate. He's back with Carm - as indicated by a romantic interlude near the tie rack - and his mistress is charred and suicidal. Great. Oh, and there's that whole mob war that's shifting into second gear now. Paging Dr. Melfi. Looks like Adriana got out just in time.

Posted by B-Side at 4:16 PM | Permalink

MTV has posted a bunch of details on Road Rules Season 13, to be referred to from now on as Road Rules: X-Treme. The show promises us many exciting challenges for our new cast in Chile and Argentina. You can tell things are going to get wild because "extreme" is misspelled. We also have a really diverse cast - the producers were able to find 3 men and 3 women. The season shapes up to be one worth plenty of TVgasm commentary and begins on June 7th.

Posted by J-Unit at 2:33 PM | Permalink

For those of you not familiar with Dave Mirra, host of Real World/Road Rules Challange: The Inferno, he is known as the Miracle Man in BMX circles. Indeed Mirra is quite amazing when it comes to his exploits with a bike. I saw him at the summer X-Games in 2001, and he simply threw down; only a ridiculous performance by Jamie Bestwick kept Mirra from taking home yet another gold medal. Dave Mirra really needed a performance of the lifetime, because only a miracle could have saved the finale of the RR/RW challenge. Nothing against Dave, because I think he is only a fraction worse on TV than Johnny Mosely. That isn't saying much, however, and I hope Bunim/Murray Productions get a clue and realize that simply having an extreme sports star hosting your show doesn't give it cred.

Now, if it hasn't hit you yet, the Inferno sort of gets some inspiration from Dante's Inferno. (Well it also just hit me today, so don't feel too badly.) I will spare you the long lectures that my College religion teacher put me through, but the gist of it is that hell is composed of levels, each getting worse as they go. Hence, the Inferno challenges became worse as the show dragged on. Similarly, the Inferno (Dante's) also describes the seven deadly sins that are used as the basis for the final challenge on the show. And if you think David and Veronica had it tough, read what happens to Judas, Brutus and Cassius at the end of the book.

I really don't understand why MTV can't simply make an hour long finale special for the final episode. Although I was excited to watch and see who makes the money, the show really didn't keep the fever pitch that the last episode had ended on. What we got instead was a tepid beginning and a lackluster set of challenges that really left no suspense after a certain amount of time.

To tell you the truth, I thought the challenges were fairly well constructed and did a good job of balancing out the advantages that a large team would have over a small team and vice versa. The challenges were mostly physical, with a cerebral challenge thrown in for good measure.

The teams were fairly even going through the first couple challenges, where teammates were handcuffed to each other. During one challenge involving breaking open pinatas to find the key to releasing the members of each team from their handcuffs, the Road Rules team opened up a sizable lead. Their lead was to no avail, as they took a bad strategy at the next challenge and the Real World team came storming back and took the lead after the challenge that followed - a walk across a long cargo net, one at a time, that took the Road Rules team extra time with all of their extra members still in contention.

But fear not you fans of Road Rules, because the second to last challenge was a mental challenge, which invariably becomes the great equalizer. For the Real World, we discovered that Coral's boobs don't contain any grey matter, CT isn't very good at his Good Will Hunting impersonation, and Mike has taken a few too many hits in the ring, because they were thoroughly slammed by the Road Rules team. The challenge was a little bit of memory and little bit of crossword. At this point in time, we see how, all of a sudden, Katie's skills at crossword come in handy and her team really likes her contribution. Even Veronica chimes in with some words of encouragement. I did hate how they piled on Katie the whole season, but I have to admit that, even without her help, they would have smoked the Real World team, who gave up as soon as they saw the Road Rules team was finished.

As you may have guessed, team Road Rules finished first and they split a $260,000 cash prize, and as an added bonus, each took home a vehicle from Saturn. (Side note: I wonder if Darrel will try and put some Sprewell's on his? I can just see him now at the corner of Sunset and Sweetzer yelling at some of the best out of the Valley: "Check them out! They spinnin'! They spinnin'!") And while you can always cheer everybody's good fortune, I must admit that I wanted to see the Real World win, if nothing else to see if Mike and Coral would put themselves out to pasture, so to speak, with regards to all of these challenges - I guess it's better than the 5th Wheel.

We are now left with the mandatory reunion special, where all of the cast members get in a room with a bunch of screaming PAs to recount their experiences. Generally, these reunions shows are pretty spicy, so be sure and check it out. But before the cast lets you know what they felt next week, I am going to list my favorite moments from this year:

5. Dave Mirra - Not a great host, but I really thought it was funny watching how awkward he looked trying to wear those trendy shirts at the Inferno and acting like he would actually buy any of the things he had on at the time.

4. Julie vs. Veronica Highwire Act - I wasn't worried about anybody's safety in this one and I have to say I would be down with Julie if for nothing else than watching her torment Veronica.

3. Mike and Kendal - Sweetheart, have you not watched any of the previous reunion specials? Perhaps you should check with your astrologer before you continue with this relationship. Or save money and ask Trishelle.

2. Ace getting thrown out in the first episode - The Real World team thought they were screwed after Cyrus decided he would not sacrifice himself. Ace, who I had previously thought was a solid guy, showed absolutely no resolve whatsoever in the Inferno. It wasn't a great omen for his team, as they lost many more members than Road Rules during the season

1. Katie vs. Veronica - Katie was incoherent. Veronica pretended that she had to be held back or she would hurt Katie; as if she was going to drop the towel she was using to cover her breasts and take out her enemy. The world is waiting for that catfight pay-per-view.

Let me know what you think of my choices, or add a few of your own by posting a comment.

Posted by J-Unit at 12:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

In one of the more predictable finales of the Real World/Road Rules Challenge oeuvre, our catty buddies on Team Road Rules managed an easy win over the oafish Real World squad, resulting in a $260,000 payday plus another batch of Saturn Ions. After the Battle of the Seasons, Battle of the Sexes, The Gauntlet, and now The Inferno, I think these Bunim/Murray brats have enough Saturns to launch a dealership. At least the Road Rulers do. Real Worlders have been starved to win a challenge lately, and tonight was no exception. But that's what happens when Real Worlders have to rely on their brains for bucks.

Tonight's episode started off with Dave Mirra enumerating the various challenges in the randomly themed Seven Deadly Sins final competition (I suppose this could be a reference to Dante's Inferno, but I don't know why they'd wait until now to throw around the whole hell motif). Unlike the more elaborate contraptions found on Survivor, The Inferno lobbed a few soft balls with such obstacles as high-stepping through tires, scampering across a net, stacking big blocks, bashing pinatas, eating taquitos, doing a crossword puzzle, and racing piggyback to the finish line. What is this? Did they barge into Game Day at Acapulco Junior High? I'm surprised there wasn't a tense egg-on-spoon challenge or even the dreaded potato sack derby.

There really wasn't too much that was noteworthy in the first segment of the show. The producers did their darndest to make the challenge seem close by inserting the obligatory cast commentary of "Oh my God, they're catching up. This cannot be happening" and "We are working as a team, we're catching up. We might win this thing."

Real World suffered an embarrassing blow when the pinata challenge proved to be about as hard as scaling Niagra Falls. Coral rummaged through a pinata graveyard with such tenacity that I thought she sniffed Julie hiding out somewhere. Meanwhile, the Road Rulers engaged in the vomit Olympics when the 80 team taquitos turned out to be harder to swallow than another one of Darrell's lame jokes.

Real World eventually emerged from pinata hell and began chowing down on the taquito buffet, just in time for Road Rules to bolt to the next leg of the race. Much to everyone's surprise, Coral inhaled her taquitos and suddenly, Bunim/Murray tried to have us believe that the Real Worlders were catching up. But wait, they actually did. While Road Rules set up a dainty assembly line to stack giant foam dominos, the Real World zipped forward, ultimately surpassing the blue team on the uninspired net crawl.

For a moment, I deluded myself into thinking there might be an upset in the final challenge, but then the notorious puzzle component reared its ugly head, stopping the Real Worlders cold. Smarts have never been a strong point with The Miz & Co., and tonight was no exception. Even though the puzzle made People Magazine's crossword editor look like a member of Mensa, our small team could not get it together.

Meanwhile, the plucky Road Rulers hit the puzzle with all pistons firing. Granted, having more people on a team gave them a huge advantage, they still seemed to be thinking a little more creatively - especially the ostracized Katie who saved the day with her crossword savvy. A tantastic Veronica gave her snide props - "Who thought Katie would be helping us?" - and before long, the Road Rulers were trotting to victory as a blank Dave Mirra calculated the time it would take to find Johnny Mosely and punch him in the face for tricking him into this hosting gig.

Coral was actually pretty gracious in her concession speech when she congratulated the Road Rulers for winning fair and square. Kendall eagerly signed the oversized check for Road Rules. I guess this means she won't be working at L.A. mainstay Barney's Beanery anymore. Meanwhile, Veronica vacuously giggled about winning another final challenge. She really sucks.

The action flash forwarded inexplicably to a week later in Malibu where the Road Rules team claimed their latest fleet of Saturns. As they drove off, everyone waxed nostalgically about all the great times they'd had - like when Julie tried to kill Veronica ten stories above the ground, or when Julie picked a fight with Coral, or when Leah had a panic attack. Christena glossed over all the petty drama of the season when she proclaimed that when the team crossed the finish line, all the problems just melted away. I guess that can happen easily when you're part of the popular group that's gone out of its way to victimize a marginal member of the team.

As the episode wrapped up, a determined guitar riff insisted that all was well in Challenge-land and that everyone had actually grown from the experience. This was evidenced by promos for next week's reunion special which featured our cast of characters yelling and screaming at each other while maintaining facades of faux-hindsight. Some might say these jerks will never grow up, but why do that when you can strive for loftier goals - like that sixteenth minute of fame.

What did you think? Post your comment below...

Posted by B-Side at 12:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

MTV's latest incarnation of Punk'd may have found an unlikely patsy: itself.

MTV welcomed an amusing new entry into the reality/humiliation circus tonight with Faking The Video, a show that bridges the gap between Punk'd and The Apprentice. The prank setup of fooling a bunch of hapless PAs into thinking they're working on the video set from hell is actually a pretty novel idea. The show only goes wrong when its faulty logic kicks in during the elimination segment. You see, the producers kick off the person who they deem to be the worst PA. That means they are incompetent in some way: professionally, socially, verbally, etc. So then why did the producers laugh and cheer encouragingly when they broke the news to the unsuspecting contestant that she sucks? Was it a cruel passive aggressive joke? Donald Trump doesn't congratulate his fired applicants, festoon them with prizes, and then send them off to hoity Santa Monica hotels. Then again, you can't just prank someone and then be like "hahahaha, but seriously, you're worthless. Leave."

Faking The Video is fun with its shenanigans, but the prank element screws up the show logic. As tonight's victim babbled on with relief that show business wasn't as crazy as MTV had led her to believe, I wondered why we weren't watching real PAs jumping through real hoops with no bag of MTV swag attached to the pink slip.

In other news, fan favorite Rupert Boneham was present for last night's NBA playoff game between the Detroit Pistons and the Indianapolis Pacers. Without fail, Rupert belted out his signature wail and left us wondering why he hasn't been able to hit up a Supercuts since earning his $1 million two weeks ago. At least he traded up the tie-dyed tank top for a Pacers jersey. The support was to no avail as the Pacers wound up like the bearded one: close but no cigar.

Posted by B-Side at 11:47 PM | Permalink

Looks like the world of 24 is getting an extreme makeover. Not only did Nina, Chappelle, and Sherry Palmer get dead this season, it looks like several other characters will be bidding adieu (although not necessarily dying).

According to E! Online, favorite characters Tony, Michelle, and Chloe - as well as annoying sideshows Chase and Kim - will be relegated to the sidelines or dropped completely. Some will be coming back next year in recurring roles. Others will be gone.

For more information, check out the article via Yahoo here.

Posted by B-Side at 4:21 PM | Permalink

Turns out that Anna had a layover in Oklahoma on her way back to Pittsburgh. The former OC-er is presently featured in pop trio Hanson's latest video. While the older, post-pubescent teen idols croon about "Penny & Me" - or something like that - our favorite Tahiti sailor cries in a bathtub while reading a waterlogged love letter (much like that soggy missive one Seth Cohen tried to salvage in Anna's farewell episode). Luckily, whatever issues our plucky heroine has are resolved because by the video's end, she's smiling in a sunny coda. Mmmbop indeed.

Posted by B-Side at 1:16 PM | Permalink

CBS announced this week that Amazing Race 6 will launch this fall on Saturdays at 10:00 PM. Now we won't have to wait a full year to see the next installment, but I do hope the general lackluster TV viewership on Satudays won't kill the series...

Posted by B-Side at 5:16 PM | Permalink

Apparently third string quarterback Jesse Palmer chose similarly named Jessica to be his girlfriend on The Bachelor. Doesn't she realize he's on the verge of being cut by the Giants? Probably not. And doesn't Jesse realize that in this age of Bennifer mish-mashes, Jesseca just isn't that fun. I suppose there's Jessicasse. Eh... And on American Idol, the apple of Hawaii's eye, Jasmine Trias, has been told by the rest of America "We don't like you enough." Since none of us at TVgasm watch these shows, we'll just sit back and let you do the talking.

Is that the sound of a cricket chirping?

Post your thoughts on these shows by clicking the comment link...

Posted by B-Side at 1:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

This week on The Real World, our favorite seven strangers returned to the breezy confines of their San Diego retreat and attempted to expunge memories of the Greek drama that nearly derailed the entire group. This was achieved by drinking. A lot.

In all fairness, we did get a minor preamble about how Robin's in love with her Marine boy Mike, and Randy's in love with his foxy Boston friend from home. She will go nameless because I forgot her name and am too lazy to check it on Tivo. Anyway, the Boston gal arrived with two other Massholes who soon met the aforementioned Mike - apparently also from the greater Boston metropolitan area. Daps were given all around as everyone talked about how everyone thought everyone was awesome. Robin especially noted how psyched she was to have a serious boyfriend. She also alerted us that they have not had sex yet because she wants to take it slow - a tactic Big Randy advised against, until he got distracted by a dandelion seed in the air and went off to follow it. Actually, I'm surprised that Jacquese didn't request a date of consumation so that he can schedule a spying gigglefest from the doorway.

Now, most Bunim-Murray Productions veterans know that all this Robin chatter is usually the big setup to a night of infra-red sex. How wrong we were. Back to all the Bostonians meeting and drinking. Everyone was having a great time with shots of whiskey being dutifully doled out. Fast forward to the club and a few generic images of dancing and drinking. Robin and Mike made themselves cozy in a booth and cooed each other with talk of love. Later, Robin gushed that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Mike, and Mike responded that he wanted to marry her. But before that wedding, Robin just needed to do a few more shots.

You see, Robin used to be a bartender at Coyote Ugly, she explained to us. That meant that she had to do shots all night long behind the bar. Hence, when she goes out drinking now, she always wants to do shots and can't stop. Oh, and she's an alcoholic. Truth is that it wouldn't be so bad if she didn't become totally belligerent. That wouldn't be fun TV though. True to form, Robin threw a bone to her fans and trolled the streets of San Diego, yelling at random people with red hair and flicking her finger at everyone else. Understandably, Mike grew frustrated at his gal, and became less an officer and a gentleman, and more an officer and a drill sergeant as he yelled at Robin and shook off her touchy hands.

The other Bostonians realized that there was nothing left to do in the situation but to hop in a cab and jet back to the hot tub at the Real World Mansion. Meanwhile, Robin began the pathetic puppy dog act of running up to Mike - bootay in full pendulum motion - and trying to talk to him. He kept shaking her off though, causing her to stop, process, and then try again. After a dozen attempts to corale her boyfriend, Robin broke down into her patented guttural man-crying (my friend Leah pointed that attribute out), and collapsed into a heap on the sidewalk with her head in her hands.

After the commercial break, Robin hopped into a cab and cried her mascara off in the backseat. I couldn't tell if she was sad about losing Mike or if she was just being crushed by her oversized fake boobs. Nevertheless, Robin got out of the car which had finally arrived not home, but back on Mike's heels. Yes, tired of running to catch up to her boyfriend, Robin took a cab to pester him instead. She took up permanent residence in his quite nice BMW, and when he wasn't able to shoo her away, Mike just drove away with her in exasperation.

Meanwhile, the roommates hit the hot tub. While Randy macked on his hometown honey, Jamie expressed a flash of concern for Robin. She likened the Coyote to a fourteen year old, prompting a Bostonian to say "Wait, is she fourteen?" Jamie just nodded her head in a sarcastically wonderful note of condescension.

After the hot tub, Randy pitched a tent in the front yard and his crew spent the night away from the infrared cameras. The next morning, Jamie noted that Robin still wasn't back, and now she was getting a little worried. She left a voicemail on Robin's phone saying she was worried and she hopes Robin is with Mike and not stranded anywhere... ie. jail. Sure enough, Robin and Mike showed up at 5:00 PM with giant smiles on their faces. I guess everything is OK now. The lovebirds acknowledged that they were being crazy, and now they're tighter than ever. Oy. The resident gossips, however, were convinced that Robin and Mike finally had sex. This led to Jacquese doing his best Laugh-In impression when he poked his head out of a little window and made an 8th grade comment about the missionary position. I kid you not.

Later, the crew went to a Pimps and Ho's dance. I'll spare the easy joke about how they didn't have to stretch very far to fit the roles, yuk yuk yuk. Looked like a fun shindig, and Randy left early to get some non-tent action with his girl. Next morning, the Boston visitors left - and as Jamie said goodbye, she left us wondering "Who wears short shorts?" Turns out she wears short shorts. In fact, she wears the shortest shorts ever. Jamie can pull it off though. God bless her.

The episode wrapped up with Robin and Mike resolving to drink less, then laughing off the crazy idea, and then going into the still-pitched tent to make out. Jamie recruited Brad to peep at the action. And by peep, Jamie didn't just stand by the tent and listen in. She full on unzipped the flap and poked her head in. Smooth. Very smooth. More giggles were had all around - poor Jacquese missed out - and Robin closed out the episode insisting that there was only some kissing going on. Too much Robin, but at least it wasn't Frankie. That's next week, when it appears our punk wannabe returns to form as a family visit results in yelling and pouting. One of these days, someone like Jacquese is going to snap and call her a bitch. Oh wait, it looks like that's next week too. Yes!

Posted by B-Side at 12:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Unbelievable. That is all I have to say about this evening's episode of 24. Well, I am going to say a little bit more than that, but that one word will suffice. All season long we have had to wait out for our signature 24 moments. The season started off OK, but took this wild turn into Mexico that none of us really understood. Chase was seeing Kim, Chloe was taking care of a baby in CTU, the baby was really Chase's baby. You could almost say that the show was in a quagmire(do I have to ask Terry McAuliffe before I use that?). The president was doing a little "Baby You Got" with somebody not named Sherry and Sherry killed somebody. And somebody, somewhere forgot that Kim is supposed to be kidnapped!

Around this time when the fans were fretting, some interesting things started to happen. Nina was shot by Jack. Gael got a money shot worth of virus. And somebody finally kidnapped Kim, although she was actually able to fend off and kill her attacker. Now that's what I'm talkin' 'bout.

The episodes have been reaching a fever pitch. This week, 24 promised that two characters would die, but who could it be? Jack? Tony? Chase? Kim? Saunders? The President? Sherry Palmer? Hold on, first we have to deal with a little problem with the world's deadliest virus all over the country without anybody knowing what to do about it.

As the suits from division were taking Tony away in shackles, Jack urged Jane Saunders to plead with her dad to give up the locations of the vials. The elder Saunders was not fooled and told Jack he could not be manipulated into giving up the information on the remaining vials of the virus. Always resourceful, flies the Saunders familly to the Chandler Plaza Hotel and threatens to put Jane in the building, where she has a fairly decent chance of getting infected with the virus and dying.

Saunders, proving himself not a complete tyrant, offers up the locations of the remaining vials before Jane is placed inside the infected building. Jack no doubt was contemplating the irony of having to use somebody's daughter as a pawn to meet his demands. Nevertheless, Saunders tells CTU the GPS codes for the remaining vials. Every SWAT team member across the country is no doubt mobilized, and the remaining 11 are located and dismantled before they can deploy. Every capsule is discovered, except one, and it is in Los Angeles.

While all of this is happening. President Palmer devises an clandestine meeting with Sherry presumably to negotiate her ideas about taking out her husband, but in reality was a clever ruse to get her out of the house, so Wayne Palmer and Foxson can search Sherry's house for the medicine bottle that prove Sherry's presence at the Milliken household, as well as the President's deliberate attempt to cover for Sherry's involvement in his death.

Sherry is, of course, way too intelligent to leave any evidence at her house, and rushes home after seeing through the President's obvious attempt to appease her. She returns to find Wayne, and Foxson throws a nice roundhouse to her face to knock her out. He pats her down and finds the bottle of pills taped to her back. Foxson and Wayne leave, but Wayne sees Julia Milliken return to Sherry's house and follows her in. In the tense scene that follows, Julia shoots Sherry Palmer and then turns the gun on herself, leaving Wayne to grieve over their dead bodies.

Uncannily, Chloe has tracked down the GPS locator of the last vial, and Chase and Jack apprehend the person in the subway, only to find they have the wrong man. The last vial carrier is on to them and he may be getting away. The season finale will be very interesting and is definitely a can't miss next week.

This episode has seemingly brought the end of Sherry Palmer. Although she was able to survive a wound to her abdomen this season, I don't know how she is going to be able to scrape herself out of this one. I am disappointed at the loss of Sherry Palmer. For three years now, if you saw her face in a preview or her name flashing across the bottom of the screen, you knew you were in store for an episode that was a cut above the rest. Sherry Palmer could be the greatest TV villain in the last 5 years. She was cold, calculating, and yet we loved seeing her return each time. She was much different than Nina, or any of the alpha male masterminds we received in the first three seasons. Alas, it looks like her days on 24 are done. Perhaps Chloe will be bitter enough next season to be evil? Maybe Michelle will seek to break her husband out of lockdown and go rogue? Only time will tell.

Posted by J-Unit at 11:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Oh what a sad day for fans of 24. Actually, what a sad season. After the heartbreaking but inevitable death of Nina midway through this terrible day, we were left with only one femme fatale: the venerable Sherry Palmer. But alas, her tangental storyline wound up being just as deadly as her terrorist-for-hire counterpart's. And to think, after Sherry took a sucker punch to the jaw, we thought for sure that would be the worst whupin' she'd receive this episode.

I don't want to get too far ahead of myself though. Tonight's episode of 24 was yet another solid installment in the show's late season rejuvenation. After a sometimes tedious and often incredulous detour down to Mexico where, among other bizarre distractions, we learned of Chase's spawn cluttering up CTU, the show wisely got back on track with the central conflict: there's a virus loose in L.A., possibly at the Los Feliz Mall or the California Center or even the heavily trafficked intersection of Taylor and Vine! For all you out-of-towners, those places don't exist, and we Angelenos like to show off our knowledge of local geography through snide comments.

Nevertheless, Jane Saunders - filling the void of perplexed pretty face in the absence of Kate Warner - was once again trotted out to coax info from her dad. The first time didn't work, so Jack Bauer pulled the dick move of having her sent into the infected hotel where Gael bit it. Fox promos had promised two people getting killed by the end of the hour, and for sure, we thought plain Jane Saunders might be the first to go. The episode hit its first truly exciting moment as the guards hussled the poor girl towards the hotel doors. Of course Saunders spilled the beans, and Jane lived to see another day - which is good because I think she'll need some time to get therapy and stuff.

While CTU worked to find the eleven virus couriers (and of course the one they can't find is in LA), our favorite non-essential storyline took center stage. The ongoing Palmer Family Crisis hit new seasonal lows, but not all time lows though - must we forget last season when Sherry almost started a nuclear war? Anyway, David invited Sherry to have a little chat in the park while Wayne and his PI friend rummaged through her house, trying to find evidence that could derail the reelection campaign. The Prez offered Sherry a diminutive role as administrative consultant, but the former Mrs. Palmer knew she'd be spending more time decorating the White House Christmas Tree than doing what she does best - scheming in a generally destructive way. Sherry, in an impassioned plea, asked to be taken back as wife and First Lady, and David accepted the offer in a blatantly disingenuous demeanor. He might as well have crossed his fingers and then shown them to Sherry and then said "In case you can't tell, I'm lying." Point is she's too smart for these shennanigans, and with a swift turn of the bun, Sherry scurried away. During this time, we glimpsed a shot of President Palmer's scarred hand - a pleasant reminder of last season's surprise cliffhanger, which, you know, never resulted in anything.

Back in CTU, we were introduced to the next bureaucratic jerk. After the untimely demises of Chappelle (bullet to the head, point blank) and Mason (nuclear bomb to the head, point blank), we were introduced to Brad Hammond. Like his predecessors - including shortlived Andrea from season one - Hammond is a no nonsense in-the-box thinker who lives by the rules. This is all well and good, but we've seen it before. Can't we get a different sort of CTU bureaucrat? Maybe a really cheery woman with a perm named Flo who always says things like "Hey Tony, thanks so much for helping us today, but yeah, I'm gonna have to lock you up in this room. It may be a little uncomfortable, but I guess that's what happens when you betray your country. No biggie. Thanks!" That would be awesome. I would totally love a whole episode of people bitching about Flo. For now though, we've got Hammond who worked quickly to earn his asshole stripes by dangling the death penalty in front of Tony and then refusing to let him see his wife. I can only hope this marital strife might preface the return of Michelle's ex-sister-in-law, Carrie. We're overdue for a little catfight/darting eyes in CTU.

Out in the field, Jack and his hothead sidekick, Chase, tracked down the last courier to a subway near the aforementioned "California Center." In an incredibly exciting sting operation, Jack - with the the switchboard help of our favorite CTU oddball, Chloe - slowly closed in on the suspect, only to discover that the bystander was carrying just a satellite transmitter, not an actual virus vial. Silly Jack. Doesn't he realize that it's only been twenty three hours? Actually, silly me for thinking that Jack had finally nabbed the guy.

Things in Palmer land, meanwhile, were about to go from bad to awesome to bad again. And then really really bad. Wayne and his new sidekick spent a good twenty minutes trying to open a safe, but when that activity sadly echoed Geraldo's ill-fated Al Capone fiasco, the two realized they had to git. Too late. Sherry busted in on Wayne awkwardly standing in the living room. The testy Chief of Staff was not so good with the excuses, but that's okay because sidekick PI came out of nowhere and landed a right hook on the unsuspecting Sherry. I don't advocate violence towards women, but man, it was awesome. The two finally found the evidence they needed and were off to report to Papa Bear when nutty Julia Milliken surfaced.

Feeling betrayed and possibly hormonal too, Julia raised a gun towards the already battered Sherry. Wayne entered the room and did his best to diffuse the situation by sweating, nodding imperceptibly and being quiet. Meanwhile, remember that Fox promo about two people dying? Well, we're fast approaching the end of the episode, and nary a bullet has been fired. Clearly Julia's going to shoot one of these two, and then probably shoot herself. In one of the more suspenseful moments in the Palmer storyline this season, Julia ultimately riddled Sherry with bullets before saving one for herself. Wayne, now a fluttery mess, cradled Julia's dead body in his arms, leaving his precious DNA everywhere.

It was sad to see Sherry go, but as we head into the final episode, I can't help wondering how this will all wrap up. Will we find out what the deal was with that assasination attempt last season? Where is Mandy? Who does she work for? What was Marie Warner talking about when she said "This is just the beginning" last year? Who did Nina work for in the first season? How about this season? I just want the producers to send us a signal that they haven't forgotten about all this stuff. Until then, I'll mourn the loss of the my favorite femme fatale on television. Here's to hoping it's Kim next year.

Posted by B-Side at 10:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

If you haven't been paying attention, the network that brought us "My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé" is currently working on a show called Seriously, Dude, I'm Gay according to the folks at Defamer. And although I would like to say that I am staying away from this reality show as I try to stay away from all Fox reality shows, it really may be too much for the folks at TVgasm to avoid. The show is set to be filmed in West Hollywood, perhaps the same neighborhood of the TVgasm offices. There also is a good chance that the editors a)have already seen these fools around town or b) will surely recgonize them in the future and make fun of them when they do.

Developing....

Posted by J-Unit at 9:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

We only have one more week of the latest installment of the Real World/Road Rules challenge and this year's contest, labeled the Inferno, and i must admit that MTV has to do a little work to shake up this franchise. The challenge is always interesting because viewers will tune in, if for nothing else than to see if all of our favorite retread stars will really come back for another season. Some of these people have been around so long, you begin to wonder why they don't have their own network. Think about it: "Hannity and Coral", "Trading Spaces with the Miz" or even "Hardball with Veronica". Now that NBC has bought Universal, Viacom just might be desperate enough to do it.

But back to the show. For the last several seasons, MTV has created a little fantasy challenge to make things a little more interesting. On the surface this is a great idea, because you have plenty of people who will enjoy playing. The car you win by being first is so ugly, you know that people must be doing it for the love of the game. Unfortunately, I have had same team(Coral, Mike, Katie, Veronica, David and Christena) since I started, and nobody has been voted off. Even after I took a one month hiatus from even checking my team, I came back and everybody was there. I wasn't even doing that badly. Alas, David was sent home, but more on that later.

Now, we all know that we tune in not for the challenges and the competitive spirit displayed by the two teams. We are all in it for the fights, the crying and the hookups. There have been plenty of good fights, going all the way back to the high in the sky antics of Julie and Veronica, and culminating with the open hate machine that is Veronica vs. Katie. This week featured the biggest flare up to date, with Katie, fresh from another successful round in the Inferno, nearly went to blows with Veronica. Katie had one of the nicer profanity laced tirades we have seen in recent memory and Veronica was very nonchalant and topless, taking all the abuse, but giving enough back to rile up Katie. It reminded of some lyrics in a song by the Boo Yaa Tribe. They go "I ain't got a problem with nobody right? But I got a problem with you."

Let's be completely honest: both of these girls are quite bananas. I would put neither one in a room I planned on inhabiting for any length of time. However, I do not think Veronica really should have anything to say about which teammate is a better competitor than the other. Through both the Inferno and the Gauntlet, she has come through unscathed. To her credit, she has come through and been a clutch performer when she needed to save her ass, but her status throughout the game is determined by her popularity, plain and simple. Katie, meanwhile, has the pressure of having to perform at the top in her challenges because she knows the rest of Road Rules is looking for excuses to kick her off the team. [Reader's note: I saw Veronica in a drugstore in West Hollywood, and she was yelling at somebody on her cell phone in the next aisle, disturbing me as I was purchasing some face wash. You obviously understand why I am biased]

Season after season, everybody goes into these challenges thinking s/he sticks around because s/he is a great player. What the viewer doesn't see is that many of these people are good friends throughout the year, live in the same buildings, or are even roommates. I have to laugh when I see all of them embracing each other whenever they get to the next exotic location. All that running around and hugging seemingly to say "Hey, remember when I saw you at LAX like 4 hours ago!" or "Try real hard so we can get enough money for that plasma screen we always wanted in the living room!"

The great thing about all of this crazy drama is when plans backfire. Veronica has wanted to get rid of Katie even more than she wanted to get rid of Sarah in the last challenge - and they both had what it takes to get up and survive the challenges. Sarah is out there laughing somewhere, and must actually feel somewhat relieved. At least when she was on and people conspired to put her into the gauntlet, the rest of her team at least pretended to be happy when she came back. Katie was afforded no such pleasantry this week in a very poor showing of sportsmanship on the part of her teammates. After defeating David in one of the more stomach-turning challenges to date, only Kendal had it in her to show any sort of happiness that Road Rules did not lose a teammate. The rest seemingly were upset that, were they to win, their individual slice of the reward money would be much smaller than that of a winning Real World team.

Next week comes the finale. Our steadfast crew will be playing for glory, money, and some cars. Fear not the end of this new season, because all of your favorites will be back for next season, or on their own cable network.

Posted by J-Unit at 10:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

For a brief moment tonight, MTV had us believe that our dear friends on the Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Inferno might be leaving us. After all, tonight's episode was hyped as the "Inferno finale" throughout a tedious one hour clip show that prefaced the main event. Turned out that tonight was only the last actual Inferno challenge. So get excited Miz lovers. Our cadre of whiners and bickering fools will be back next week for one last hurrah. And probably the week after that for a reunion show. And then probably a few weeks later for the next challenge. For the record, since wrapping up her season of Road Rules: Semester At Sea, Veronica has never NOT done a challenge. Even Mike and Coral took a break from "Battle of the Sexes". I think.

Tonight's episode started off with classy Coral gloating over having won the prized Aztec lifesaver. Because TVgasm sprung up late in the Challenge season, I have to make this long overdue aside. Congrats to the producers for finally integrating the silly lifesaver into the structure of the competition. Previously, the then Ion Lifesaver seemed to have a murky cause d'etre. Not even the players knew what to do with it, as they often assigned it to random people, some of whom weren't even in the game. It was always entertaining to see the cast attempt to display some emotional depth by trying to find symbolism in this meaningless token.

Nevertheless, Veronica and Coral were the lucky biatches with the Aztec Lifesavers (which, if I'm not mistaken, were actually blue porcelain plates). Coral was at least diplomatic and alerted David that she would be sending him into the Inferno. Veronica, on the other hand, maintained her age-old feud with Katie by simply snickering in cocky self-satisfaction. Katie dealt with the situation by applying Ben-Gay to her underarms.

Katie, for all her unctious cynicism and trailer-park impulses, has become this season's Sarah. Granted, Sarah seemed to be a smart, vulnerable, and generally decent human being, but both she and now Katie have wound up in the unenviable position of being team scapegoat. Shamelessly, the Road Rules team has gone to all lengths to drop Katie from the team, even if it means supremely embarrassing her in ways that seem targetted directly at her self-esteem. While the anti-Katie campaign wasn't as prolongued and wildly unjustified as Sarah's stint on The Gauntlet, the team's actions seem to be more venomous and overtly hostile this time around. The Road Rulers, from season to season, have consistently revealed their team mentality to be stuck somewhere in the seventh grade lunchroom. Even Timmy, as he approaches 40, doesn't seem to have any sage advice to pass along to the youngsters. But I'm not about to get too soft on Katie though. I can feel sympathetic to her for not having any sort of teammate support, but at the same time, she saw this same dark side on The Gauntlet, and she knew the sort of challenges The Inferno was going to serve up. If she's had a miserable time in Mexico, it's partially her fault for letting her addiction to televised attention dictate her life.

With that said, we were able to laugh haughtily as Katie and David were submerged into plastic coffins filled with fish chum, rotten egg, spoiled milk, and a few bovine organs. The Inferno was supposed to test the players' olfactory fortitude, and as CT noted, all the muck thrown on Katie and David "smelled like a dumpsta". Stone-faced Dave Mirra seemed to be enjoying himself though, as he occasionally flashed some signs of personality with a few jokes here and there. This guy is way too cool for this show, and he knows it.

The challenge clocked in at an unnecessary four hours, and since no one had pulled an Ace and jumped out of the box in the first ten seconds and ran off into the wilderness, the Inferno went into tiebreaker mode. Surprise surprise. Why don't they skip the first part of the challenge and move to the tie breaker? Rarely do these things ever get resolved the first time around. So in this case, Katie and David had to stick their heads under water and hold their breath. David couldn't hack it, and he resurfaced first. Everyone was so surprised that they didn't even think to alert Katie, going blue in the face with cow tongue floating next to her cheeks. Eventually Kendall remembered her promise to Katie ("tap my shoulder, or else I'll die" - or something like that) and scampered over to her.

The thoughtful and supportive Road Rulers were kind enough to not congratulate their teammate. Timmy stood there slack jawed as if he had just witnessed the Kennedy assassination. Oh the horrors! Katie is around for the final competition. What these dumbasses don't realize is that Real World is stuck with Coral, who, if they remember correctly from The Gauntlet, was felled by a wayward spider and caused her team to lose. Essentially, Katie and Coral cancel each other out. But wait, has anyone noticed that Katie has been actually kicking ass in not just the Inferno, but the actual challenges? No, because the Road Rulers are stuck in some sort of strange tunnel vision. Even sensible Christena and Holly seem to be completely caught up in the silliness.

Before we had time to digest any of this, the much-hyped Katie/Veronica fight went down. Katie described the causes of the fight: apparently, she was talking to Kendall when something appeared by the bed and... ok, I don't know why it started. But like a flash flood, it came out of nowhere and poured down hard. The Bunim-Murray camera man scurried into the fight room, where an incensed Katie was laying the verbal smackdown on a curiously topless Veronica. Katie had clearly loaded up her "Fuck you", "Whore", "Bitch" iTunes playlist and put it on randomize because what we got was a jumbled mess of those words, punctuated with a two handed finger pointing/chopping motion. Veronica had her innocent, "I don't know why she's mad at me - all I did was try to be like J. Lo" face on, but soon she couldn't resist participating in a good old fashioned catfight. Christena - wearing only a yellow towel (apparently it was naked hour) - uneasily tried to separate the two. Meanwhile, the guys just kept poking their heads in the room and laughing. But when the hands started swiping spastically, Mike - fresh from applying new highlights and restructuring his faux-hawk - separated the two with his mighty metrosexual arm. Nobody beats the Miz.

As the girls calmed down in separate rooms, Holly, in her interviews, seemed to be facing a certain conundrum. They're fighting and they're both on my team! What to do?? At this point, Holly turned into a claymation Mr. Bill and got her hand smashed with a gavel. The episode finally came to an end with the introduction of the final challenge which was some mumbo jumbo about the seven deadly sins. As Holly said best, in only a few short hours, it will all be over and done with. We'll have a nice respite from the callow drama... until Veronica and Katie fight for the first spot on next season's team.

What do you think? Post a comment...

Posted by B-Side at 9:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Every once in a while, the good people at MTV decide to yank The Real World from the schedule for a week so they can dupe us into doing something silly - like watching Gideon Yago interview John Kerry or watching P. Diddy fire a bunch of kids from Da Band. Usually, I get pretty annoyed that my weekly dose of pettiness and sexual tension can only spring forth from Coral, Mike and the rest of the career reality stars on The Inferno. But this past week's lack of a new Real World thankfully has afforded me the time to sneak in a delayed commentary about our San Diego wunderkind's trip to Greece. Opa!

The San Diego season of Real World has been a solid entry into the long running series. Granted, anything will seem engaging after the yawn-inducing Paris season, but I won't go into that, lest its blackhole of suckiness ensares this post too. The point is that in what has been already a fairly entertaining season, we were served up an exemplary installment that had the septet heading off to Greece. The ongoing love affair of Bunim-Murray Productions and STA Travel led to what should have been a desperately needed break from the breakneck pace of SD life. After months of living in a sweet pad on the beach and sailing all day, the roomies went to Greece where they stayed in a sweet pad on the beach and went sailing. Should be fun, right? Not for Frankie. The attention-seeking sourpuss was scowling from the moment she stepped off the plane. What's the dealio, Frankie? Maybe she was just discouraged by the state of Olympic preparations. Or maybe a giant boat was sitting next to her on the plane. Actually, Frankie probably realized that if she didn't get in touch with her inner-bitch, the cameras might stray onto decent people like Jamie and Jacquese - assuming that they were to do something other than spy on people making out.

Aside from Frankie's dour disposition, the trip seemed to be going along quite nicely - and apparently uneventfully considering that the first few days were jumbled into a montage of Jamie snapping photos of the Acropolis and Brad smiling and stuff. Frankie chirped in a few times about how she couldn't stand her roommates and how the vacation would be so much better with her boyfriend Dave because Greece is so romantic yada yada yada. Truth is she just wants to complain about the conformity of her roommates... and then dote on that trucker hat she bought Dave a few episodes ago. I shouldn't be so mean. After all, as a member of the punk culture, Frankie in no way tries to assume a preselected value set and fashion sensibility.

The Frankie grumblings were quickly forgotten though when suddenly we found Cameran in an Irish pub (way to soak up the local culture!) getting whipped cream licked off her belly. As usual, she was SOOO embarrassed and omg, how could people do that to her! Like OMG! Mom is going to be so embarrassed!!! Well, this led to a little Brad flirting, and better yet, some steamy hot tub action. As usual, we got some kissy kissy, followed by Cameran inflicting some blue balls on poor Brad by stopping the hookup randomly. This resulted in a wannabe poetic shot of Cameran gazing out of the hot tub with Brad puzzled in the background. Oh Bunim-Murray, how you encapsulate the human condition!

Just when we thought this episode was going to be about the ongoing flirtations of Brad and Cameran, Robin decided to pop in and remind us about the time when we thought she was the biggest drama queen in the house. Turns out that sometime between the Cool Whip and the hot tub, Cameran misplaced the room key. Not acceptable. At least to Robin. Suddenly, the breasty roommate let loose a stream of expletives she surely learned during her two day stint in the clink. Apparently Robin needs her beauty sleep and dammit if Cameran's going to stop her. In a subtle touch of guilt tripping, Robin gently reminded Cameran that she "fuckin' went to jail for you, bitch". I wonder if the editing room floor has footage of Robin then saying "I'm gonna cut you, bitch. I'm gonna cut you!"

Actually, there was a little logic to this whole random outburst. Robin, in her drunken state, could no longer deal with the fact that no matter what Cameran does, she always gets a free pass when it comes to irresponsibility. However, our Coyote Ugly friend gets hellfire and brimstone whenever she makes the smallest of mistakes. It's a pretty valid concern to voice, but Robin doesn't quite understand the value of time and place. Also, cursing doesn't help.

While Cameran awkwardly cried against a wall as if she were going up against a firing squad, Frankie took this opportunity to fan the flames. First she supported Robin, agreeing that Cameran always gets preferential treatment. Then she went to the wall and managed to simultaneously berate Cameran while bashing Robin behind her back. Thankfully Brad, already frustrated by his failed hot tub antics, did what we've been wanting someone to do to Frankie all season: call her out. Frankie denied provoking the incident, saying she just wanted to help. "I'm sorry, I didn't see a mediator" replied Brad in one of his few brilliant lines of the season. After some more verbal harrassment from Brad, Frankie stormed away. Meanwhile, Robin, all crying and hands flopping, tackled Cameran with repentant hugs and insisted on sleeping with her the rest of the night. Jail does strange things to a woman.

Wow, what a random but great reality tv fight. Surely, that would be the climax of the episode. But no. The next morning, Brad gabbed to Randy about the fight, and the two gossipped in general about Frankie's poor vacation attitude. In another delightful twist, sneaky Frankie heard the entire conversation as she eavesdropped outside. With her rage barely contained, she opted to sit out of a little moped activity later that day. So the three boyz lit up the streets of Greece on their little bikes. Jacquese seemed to be eating it up. He had a big smile on his face, but I wonder if that was just due to him finally seeing the light of day after emerging from wherever it is that he hides all day. The smile was short lived as his moped suddenly flopped over and he went flying across the road into a bush. And then a commercial break. Wait, did I just see that? Did Jacquese just completely wipe out? Will he be okay? Will the curse of Trishelle adorn our giggly buddy?

Turns out it was a patented Bunim-Murray fakeout as we returned from commercial break to find Ja laughing and getting back on his bike. Meanwhile, Frankie was stll simmering about Randy and Brad. She called her dad, who sagely said that the best way to deal with issues is to just lay them out in the open. So while the roommates all went out and got drunk, Frankie decided to stage an ambush. The happy crew returned to the hotel room to find Frankie in her hand-on-hip bitch stance waiting for them. She accused Brad and Randy of talking behind her back - because she never does that - and then some more general yelling went down. What's this? A second bizarre fight sans logic? Wonderful!

Suddenly, Big Rand, who had been a semi-advocate for Frankie, became the prime target for Frankie's rage. When he told her that she should talk to him about her issues, she accused him of always being drunk. I guess Frankie forgot about the time when she got wasted and tried to hook up with Randy. Oh, and the time she got drunk and tried to hook up with Brad, and then threw up in her sleep. Oh, and the time when she got drunk and hooked up with Adam. Oh, and the time - eh, you get it. Well, Randy was not happy about that. He unleashed, with the help of Brad, a torrent of anti-Frankie sentiment that sent her off to another room. I guess that whole "We should talk about issues" thing doesn't apply when people have something to say to her. Poor Randy though. The sobriety accusation really hit a nerve. And suddenly, the show shifted once again as it repositioned itself on Randy. He warned that if Frankie keeps calling him an alcoholic, he's gonna cry. Yes, he actually said that. This was followed by some supportive hugs and Jacquese trying to talk some sense into Frankie. But it appears as though Frankie has closed her Hello Kitty diary on this one.

Suddenly, our vicarious trip to Greece was over, and as the kids left their hotel, I couldn't help feeling like I had just seen a purely quintessential and fulfilling episode. We had it all: a hookup, two fights, some sneaky eavesdropping, a vehicle accident, and some clumsy discussion of alcoholism. I guess I should have known these roommates could pull it off. After all, if they had finished their trip without any sort of petty drama, that truly would have been a Greek tragedy.

What do you think? Post a comment...

Posted by B-Side at 11:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Ever wonder what the inspiration behind TVgasm was? What drove these souls to watch TV like crazy and then post questions about it? Perhaps you were thinking about how long these folks have been in the TV commentary game? Of course you didn't. But just in case you were wondering, or need a little bit more something to look at while you kill time at work, we offer you a little bit of history in the form of our Survivor: Australia web-page created as a part of a school project just over three years ago. NOTE: We used to have audio commentary on all of the different Survivors from that season, but the audio comments were removed for the love of bandwidth.

Posted by J-Unit at 10:24 PM | Permalink

It's been an interesting year for Survivor. We started off with possibly one of the very best installments ever with Survivor: Pearl Islands, and ended with the fairly humdrum Survivor: All Stars. This year brought us all sorts of colorful characters - Rupert, Lil, Johnny Fairplay, Burton - and reinvented some people from the past - Amber, Boston Rob, Shii-Ann. We also had our first Survivor quitter (Osten), our first Survivor wedding engagement (Amber and Rob), and our first controversial twist (Outcasts). Plus our favorite host grew increasingly snippy to delightful effect.

Pearl Islands started off with a whole pirate theme that I was afraid would get really old really quickly. I mean, stranding these people with just the clothes on their backs? Who cares? Well, I should know not to doubt Mark Burnett's machinations. Turns out the castaways were supremely uncomfortable, which led to shrill confrontations off the getgo.

We met all sorts of funky characters. There was Osten - the jacked muscleman who was scared of pelicans; Lil - the Boyscout leader whose emotional state went through the ringer; Johnny Fairplay - the guy you didn't love to hate, you just hated him; Rupert - the hairy powerhouse with the bruised self-image from high school; Shawn - the guy who introduced Long Island to Middle America; Burton - the self-righteous hypocrite; Christa - aka the Midnight Smorgasbord for thousands of bugs and mites; Darrah - the mortician who seems to have strayed from the set of "O Brother Where Art Thou?"; Michelle - the bespectacled casual booter; and Sandra - the eventual winner (and fish chum conspirator) of the million dollars.

The season provided us with all sorts of crazy scenarios. There was the lowly Morgan tribe, which, despite its best efforts, could not win a challenge for the life of them. Dovetailing nicely with this story was the increasingly pathetic and bizarre deterioration of Osten, whose Herculean presence was quickly undermined by menacing hermit crabs and fears of drowning. When he ultimately quit the game, Jeff Probst added some zest to the saga by brusquely telling Osten to "Go home". In a symbolic gesture, Osten's torch was laid on its side. Take that, torch!

There was some poetic justice though for the Morgan tribe. After the Drakes threw an immunity challenge, they suddenly lost all their momentum. Going into the merge, the teams were equal. That's around when Mark Burnett threw a wrench into the whole thing and introduced the "Outcasts". Everyone who had previously been voted out were brought back, ultimately resulting in Lil and Burton reassimilating into tribal life. Many viewers criticized this move, but I thought it was great. What a way to shake things up. Yeah, it sort of betrays the Outwit, Outplay, Outlast mantra of the series, but the people who complain about the integrity of the show don't seem to mind the inevitable tribal switcheroo, which seems just as meddlesome to the organic flow of survival of the fittest.

With Burton and Lil in the mix, Survivor: Pearl Islands became a free for all of scheming and chaos. Every week brought a fantastic episode: Johnny Fairplay pretending like his grandma died to win a reward, Rupert getting voted out in an astonishing blindside, and Sandra letting her best friend Christa take the heat for a fish scandal. But probably the best moment of the series occurred when the cocky and freshly ousted Burton accused Lil of betraying him at tribal council by voting for him. "I hope you can live with yourself", he said of the frumpy troop leader, clearly forgetting how just minutes before he had tried to vote off Lil. It was this sort of backstabbing - or perceived backstabbing - that marked this season of Survivor, and by the time Sandra had won her million dollars, we felt like we had indeed watched a cast of colorful characters truly try to outwit, outplay, and outlast each other.

Survivor: All Stars provided us with colorful characters - 18 of them, in fact - but unlike Pearl Islands, there was never a sense that these people were fighting tooth and nail for the big payday. Instead, everyone coasted on alliances with Rob and Amber, somehow assuming that the Bostonian would take them all the way. The most flagrant example of this was perpetually annoying and righteous Lex who sold out his own tribe so that he could get into the good graces of Rob. It was no surprise that Rob voted Lex out as soon as he could, and when Lex threw a self-righteous tantrum, he conveniently didn't mention how he had previously screwed over Colby, Ethan, and Jerri. Luckily wily Richard Hatch called Lex out on the reunion show, but more about that later.

The All-Stars season ultimately followed a dull pattern of people voting by party line, with people increasingly deferring to Rob. Kathy and Shii-Ann tried to turn people against Rob and Amber, but their attempts to stir things up were too little too late. Shii-Ann's triumphant immunity win should have been the time for Rupert, Jenna, Tom, and Alicia to turn against Rob or Amber, but instead, they all turned on each other. No one was able to see the game outside of the context of Boston Rob being in the finals. Later, with Shii-Ann and Alicia gone, Rob smartly played Rupert and Tom against each other. Tom wasn't savvy enough to figure out what was going on, but Rupert confessed that he did, and yet he still let Rob divide and conquer.

In the final four, Rupert again displayed his strategic ineptitude when he failed to present the obvious argument as to why Jenna shouldn't vote against him: if the vote came down to pulling a rock, Jenna would have a 2 out of 3 chance that she'd be moving on to the next round. In an immunity showdown with Rob and Amber, she'd only have a 1 and 3 chance of moving on. Alas, math has never been a specialty with Survivor contestants.

The strength of Boston Rob's gameplay - aside from his physical dominance - was that he was able to impose a high school dynamic on everyone who was around him. With his provocative mocking and swagger, Rob suddenly became the cool guy. Amber was the cheerleader girlfriend. Jenna easily took to the role of sidekick. And everyone else fell right into place. Rob Cesternino, who was so confident and dominant in his Amazon season, quickly filled the role of nerd when his strongest weapon - humor - was shot down by Boston Rob. The only one who seemed to really fight the power structure was Shii-Ann, who went down in a blaze of glory in her final Tribal Council by calling out all of the alliances and backstabbing. She's great.

And so the routine season came to a head with a finale show that was actually quite fantastic. The jury was particularly venomous, with Lex kicking thing off with a laborious grandstanding speech that was sort of like Sue Hawk lite. Kathy trembled and cried in a typical Kathy speech. Alicia tried to revisit her finger-wagging ways by intoning that Rob and Amber had been eating feces. And Big Tom puzzled us all with a rambling string of syllables, followed by a fakeout handshake and the postscript: "Don't be stupid, stupid." Amazingly, this seemed to really piss Rob off. It was only TVgasm favorite Shii-Ann who called out Lex et al. by asserting that people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones (for the record, we here at TVgasm predicted that she would pull such a move).

As everyone seems to know by now, Amber won the million dollars, only moments after accepting a marriage proposal from Rob. While people in Des Moines might have found it romantic, I think most people really didn't care. The reunion show was great though with people like Richard Hatch calling out Lex for his righteousness, and Big Tom awkwardly making up with Boston Rob. Jerri got booed off stage, Rupert growled, Jena Morasca and Ethan announced they were sleeping together, Susan Hawk revealed her new look - which was shockingly similar to her old look, and Shii-Ann won a car. While the finale was incredibly fun, it was sort of sad that the three hour event completely eclipsed an otherwise bland season.

Survivor: Pearl Islands: A
Survivor: All Stars: B

What do you think? Post a comment...

Posted by B-Side at 3:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Well, "Survivor: All-Stars" came back last night for a little denoument action with an enjoyable "American Idol" twist. No, Ethan didn't flat-iron his hair, but we, the loyal audience, got to vote on which "All-Star" should win a million dollars. Unfortunately, I did not fulfill my civic duty, and therefore Kathy Vavrick O'Brien and Shii-Ann were deprived of two valuable votes. Alas. At least Shii-Ann got a car (an ample consolation prize after being chastized in Thailand for her "strange", non-Westernized chicken eating behaviors). Kathy didn't win anything, but I bet her friends in Burlington will make her a groovy vegan quiche, so it's all good.

The night started off nicely with a little shout out to Jerry who understandably walked out of the last reunion show when the 5,000 Big Tom lovers in MSG booed her into silence. Now, we know that Jerri can whine, but let the poor woman talk. Some of us have seen "The Surreal Life" and know that she's actually pretty funny and cool. Although, even I won't deny her a spot in the Reality Villain Hall of Fame.

Things seemed good for Jerri until Jeff Probst decided to channel "Mean Girls" and confront her about some gossip he had heard her say about him. With that dimpled smile we've grown to love, Jeff asked Jerri if she was mad at him, and intoned that she was a bitch if she said she was. Jerri handled it nicely, and actually so did Jeff, and I felt bad for thinking that Jeff may have been acting sort of like an immature 18 year old girl. Moments later, that regret was erased when Jeff Probst dropped a passive aggressive stinkbomb on the show when he proclaimed that he heard that some people were only showing up because they were contractually obligated to. With a testy glimmer in his eyes, he dared the people who didn't want to be there to leave because if they don't want to be there, we don't want them there either. Things seemed awkward - but the faux tribal Survivor music ushered in a freshly minted Probst dimpling, and all was good.

After this - or maybe it was before, forgive me for my timeline haziness - Jeff checked in on our tacky lovebirds, Rob and Amber - or Ramber (or Ambob). They marveled at how much attention they've been receiving - with Rob particularly amazed at the craziness of flying to Vegas and back again. Amber just seemed happy to be back in her 1980s outfits. There was some talk about the wedding being televised, and while it most certainly will be better than the Trista/Ryan schmaltzfest, I'm not going to be setting my Tivo for it.

The rest of the show was pretty routine. Probst whittled the contestants down to the four guys who had received the most votes. First up was Colby, and for about fifteen minutes, the show seemed to be the "Dear Colby, I love you. Love, Jeff Probst Show" with Jeff opining Mr. Donaldson first for being so popular, and then after the commercial break, for being so sexy (Colby won sexiest male Survivor). It's all good though. The two clearly have forged a friendship over the years, and Colby's a nice enough guy. Sorry - I can't be snarky all the time!

Next nominee was Tom, who has always been more of an oddball mumbler than a truly compelling character to me. I'm sure he's a nice guy and a good family man, but he really doesn't deserve to be upper echelon Survivor material. Nevertheless, he was floored, and it seemed like he was about to breakdown into a bluthery mess.

Fan favorite Rupert was called up next. Giving one of his perfunctory Nordic battle growls, Rupert riled up the audience with his crazy beard and affinity for tie-dye. Ah Rupert. He was so great in "Pearl Islands", with his swan song episode being one of the most poetic - yes, I said that - "Survivor" episodes ever. This time around, some of that magic is gone. Building a log cabin underground? And by underground, I mean in loose sand next to flowing water. Oh Rupe, what happened? And let's not forget his poor strategizing this time around. When it came down to Rob, Amber, Rupert, and Jenna, why didn't he simply explain to clueless Jenna that even if she does side with Amber and Rob, the odds of her winning immunity are less than the odds of her pulling out the rock and getting voted off? Rupert seemed less larger than life and more thick headed this time around.

Our last nominee was Boston Rob who felt he really deserved the million. He did have a point, but then again, maybe so did Colby. After all, the same thing happened to him in Australia as happened to Rob.

Interspersed with this were nostalgic "Survivor" moments: Sue Hawk's rats/snakes speech (minus the famous "even if you were dying of thirst on the side of the road..." quote. What the hey?), Michael Skupin playing patty cake with the fire - and losing, and Jenna and Heidi's striptease for peanut butter in the Amazon. We also got fun little awards: Sexiest Male Survivor (Colby), Sexiest Female Survivor (Amber), Best Villain (Johnny Fairplay, who made an unnecessary cameo apperance), Best Fight (Rupert and Johnny Fairplay). I personally would have picked the classic Alicia/Kimmy fight from Australia, and what was up with Brian Heidik being a best villain nominee? He did nothing!

We got a nice little preview for the next edition of the series, bombastically called "Survivor: Vanuatu: Islands of Fire". The double colon is a bit much for me, as is the crazy dramatic sub-subtitle. But hey, Mark Burnett's earned his stripes. He's entitled to a three tier name.

Finally, the moment we'd all been kind of waiting for arrived. Jeff announced the winner of the next million dollars to be... Rupert. Not much of a surprise. Also not much of a surprise was yet another rousing growl from the hirsute one. Some people love Rupert's gravelly yells, but seriously, it's like seeing an old joke getting beaten to death. Since when did we as an audience give the social cue that this whole "AHHHH!" thing could become his signature cry anyway? I'm embarrassed for him. That coupled with the ratty tie-dye tank tops make the whole Rupert thing just incredibly old and annoying. But I'd be willing to deal with the tank tops if there were a tie-dye muzzle to go along with them.

What do you think? Post a comment...

Posted by B-Side at 4:07 PM | Permalink

Entertainment Weekly has a fun cover story ("Why We Love It! Hate It!") about reality television this week. Be sure to pick it up and take a look if it interests you. Or, if you have a password, you can read the article online at EW.com.

Posted by B-Side at 2:22 PM | Permalink

The title of this post is from a G-Unit song, but it could have just as easily applied to my thoughts on the Survivor: All Starts Reunion-Reunion. I am going to state for the record that I had predicted an Amber/Rob engagement on the first reunion show, but TVgasm was still in its infancy and so there is nobody to corroborate my story. This doesn't bother me because I don't think it was that hard to predict and that wasn't the big surprise anyway.

The big surprise came when Jeff Probst announced that we, the audience, would get a tribal council and be able to vote for any All Star of their choosing for another million-dollar prize. It was a nice little twist to put in their for the All Star edition, and if I wasn't so lazy, I would have probably voted for Shii-Ann(we love her here at TVgasm) or perhaps Alicia (hey somebody has to shake up the white bread Survivor one of these days).

Alas, I did not vote, so it was not meant to be. I did, however, yell at the television seeing the predictable Rupert and clueless Big Tom going up against Handsome Rob and Colby for the final cash outlay.

The show itself wasn't so bad, and they did have some nice "viewer favorites" segments. Hottest male went to Colby and hottest female went to Amber, who I thought was the hottest on Australia, although some would disagree. It also brought to screen one of the poorest formed analogies on screen. Johnny Fairplay, who I admittedly loathe, gives us this little nugget "Promises are like fat women and wicker furniture to Johnny Fairplay - easily broken." Huh? Fairplay likes to break fat women and wicker furniture? If anything you would think a fat woman would break him. I'll leave it to you folks at home to correct the analogy.

I feel bad for Jerri Manthey, because it looks like her two trips to the wild have left her a little emotionally scarred. And could CBS and Probst have been any more gutless than to offer the contestants an out since their contractual obligations were gone? Amateur stuff there.

In the end Rupert won, and we got one of his famous growls. If ever there was a suckfest to be had on this earth, it is the guttural call of Rupert. It was fairly predictable for him to win, since he was the most popular two seasons in a row and was on TV 6 out of the last 9 months, but now, we can all hope and pray that his money buys him a haircut, shave, and a decent dentist.

Posted by J-Unit at 11:18 PM | Permalink

The OC swept into our living rooms last summer like a breath of fresh Newport Beach air - and left us two weeks ago like the smog over The 5 Freeway. Like the eponymous county, the show was at once beautiful, charming, and colorful -- but also left us with a mediocre aftertaste.

I suppose it's time I drop the metaphors. THE OC started out great, and after about ten episodes, it began a precipitous decline that only occasionally seemed to reverse itself. The first half of the season provided us with a campy, but well written look into the world of this Newport Beach community. The teens drank - and not in that lame Afterschool Special way. They really drank - from red plastic cups and kegs. And when they weren't drinking, they were having threesomes, or even firing off shotguns. Suddenly, we weren't in the world of Beverly Hills 90210. All the teens didn't stop and say 'Man, drinking is bad for us. We should be responsible teens.' No, they just kept on drinking - and poor Marissa, she was lucky if she even made it to her bed - episode one had her snuggling up to some wayward ants on the blacktop of her driveway.

While the teens all cavorted on the beaches and displayed remarkable local pride ("This is how we do it in The OC, bitch!"), the adults actually spent a lot of time acting like, well, adults. Sandy and Kirsten Cohen were a strongly written duo whose interactions - throughout the entire season, no less - remained mature and thankfully unmelodramatic. Add the camp factor with Julie Cooper, the witty banter of Seth Cohen, the romantic tension of Summer, and the over the top bully of Luke, and we can pretty much ignore Mischa Barton's ill-advised attempts at acting (darting eyes and awkward vocal inflections do not a great actress make).

By November, The OC had become a well-oiled machine with a nearly flawless Thanksgiving episode followed by the Luke's Gay Dad gem and then the catchphrase spawning Christmakkuh installment. But by the New Years episode, the machine started to sputter. Suddenly, the teens were spending more time with the adults than at parties with other kids. Ryan - the bad seed, supposedly - was starting to become righteous by condemning Marissa's drinking habits, and Oliver had, well, come into existence.

Over the next few months - and hitting fever pitch with the notorious Rooney episode - The OC began falling apart. Righteousness seemed to be the soup du jour as nearly every episode featured Ryan ponderously scolding whoever whenever wherever (no one seemed to care about his unprotected sex though). The irreverance that was so anti-Beverly Hills 90210 was gone, and in its place the Afterschool Special. Furthermore, as the Oliver saga dragged on - and then later its aftermath - Ryan and Marissa took centerstage with their laborious and way too melodramatic hijinx. Luckily, Seth, Summer and Anna kept things going for us - but how can we not get frustrated when the most interesting characters are relegated to the sidelines? Also, remember when Marissa, Summer and Luke were cool? At what point did they all become dorks? Can we have a little high school context here?

We did get a few bones tossed our way - namely Julie and Luke, a beauty of a soap storyline. Come to think of it, anything with Julie was pretty much destined to be great. Haley has been a nice addition too. And a breezy episode in Las Vegas gave us hope that the writers hadn't totally forgotten the spirit of the show.

Unfortunately, a somber and emo-filled season finale reminded us of the lame direction the series seemed to take. It's not too late for The OC though. There are still all those lovable quirks: Kirsten turning to the bottle when the going gets tough, the predictable cueing of the emo music before the show's closing credits, the lighthearted breakfast banter accompanied by spritely plucking strings, and of course the liberal use of 'hey' as the preferred salutation in Newport Beach. Ryan and Marissa alone challenge the eskimos' 26 words for "snow" with their various "hey" inflections.

I'm not a hater of The OC. Truth is that I love it. I gripe because I love. We need more Seth and Summer, less Paris Hilton/Death Cab for Cutie-esque guest spots. We need storylines to pan out and not shoot their loads in two episodes (whatever happened to that flirty lawyer in Sandy's firm? Wasn't she dating Jimmy when, oh nevermind...). For better or worse, I'll be watching.

Season Grade: B+

What do you think? Post a comment...

Posted by B-Side at 11:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I was one of the many people this year that went along for the long, sometimes brilliant, frequently arduous television journey that was a little something we like to call "The OC". Before you OC apologists start a letter writing campaign that floods my inbox, you should know that I do enjoy the show and I plan on sticking through with it in hopes it can more consistently reach the quality standards set with the episodes that first aired in 2003.

Since I am entering my commentary late into the The OC game, I am going to spare everybody a painfully longwinded appraisal or show by show analysis. I will say that The OC was one of the most enjoyable series over the first half of its history, and average(and too often below average) fare throughout most of the second half.

There were a lot of good parts to the season. There were plenty of interesting characters and some very original story lines. The show arguably featured America's favorite couple (Ryan and Marissa), America's favorite arch-rivals(Ryan vs. Luke), and America's favorite love triangle (Seth, Summer, Anna). We were also handed some very nice buzzwords/catch phrases, namely "Chrismukkah" and "Welcome to the OC bitch!". There are also plenty of little quirks to love like OC caper music they like to play during their breakfast skits at the beginning of the show, Sandy's sideburns, Kirsten's drinking, and the most original usage of the word "Hey!" during any broadcast.

Somewhere towards the middle, the show lost something. I don't know if it was Anna's departure or Luke's 60-0 change from jock to geek, but something change. We could blame everything on that ridiculous Rooney episode, but that would be taking the easy route. Instead, I start to question haphazard way the story-lines started to come in and out of the episodes like nothing. It was as if the writers had watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and were worried the viewers would erase their memories every few weeks. Therefore, no story-line was able to stick around for more than a few weeks.

Another major complaint is that Ryan has become the most brooding, self-righteous person on the planet. We all loved Ryan's brooding when he had a few flaws and he was insecure and still trying to fit in. Then he becomes some sort of vessel that is always around to pass judgment on everybody else, whether they want to be fixed or not. (BTW, I am not that religious, but you would think somebody could have bitch-slapped some self righteousness back at Ryan after his failure to don the jimmy cap before his interlude with Ms. Chino.) Gag me with a spoon, as they used to say in 80s sitcoms.

The show also got a little too in love with itself during the season. "The Valley"? Come on. I bet the writers said to themselves "Let's try and come up with a new catch-phrase, and when people use it, we can stroke ourselves" and then came up with "The Vegas". And let's not forget the two most uninspired cliffhangers ever. Did any of you really believe Marissa wouldn't make it, or would be shipped off to an institute? Do any of you actually believe Ryan isn't going to live with the Cohens next year? (BTW, unless Teresa was really chaste, how do we know its Ryan's baby? How convenient for her that paternity tests are usually done after the first trimester.)

But for all the bitching and moaning I have, I am still going to come back to the show. It really is hard to find any good hour long shows that aren't about cops or lawyers these days. Other than the OC, I have e.r. and Smallville to keep me going. Luckily, they can spend all summer fixing the problems. And if that doesn't work out, I am sure that Fox will put Adam Brody and Rachel Bilson in a variety show or something.

Posted by J-Unit at 6:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

It was a long time in the making, but TVgasm is finally here for everybody to enjoy. Thanks to all of you who were holding your breath in anticipation of our start and please bear with us as we go through some growing pains. While our stylesheet is pretty good overall, the site does look like ass in a few browsers, and seems pretty unreadable in IE 5.5. I hope to work on some of these things this weekend, and we should be in full swing by the time the summer seasons roll around.

I am all for constructive criticism, so if you would like, you can make suggestions where you think our stylesheet goes wrong, or if we are using Arial somewhere or something like that.

Speaking of style the good folk at Design by Fire have a great little bit on a particularly annoying little characteristic of the web.

Posted by J-Unit at 12:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Well, in an example of expert timing, we've launched this site just as many of our favorite shows are ending their seasons. It's not too late to comment though. The following are my grades for various shows - some of which are still airing new episodes. Expanded commentary on certain shows' seasons will follow in later posts.

The Apprentice: A
Survivor: All-Stars: B (season finale - A)
Survivor: Pearl Islands: A
The OC: B+
24: B+
Real World: San Diego: A-
Real World/Road Rules Challenge - The Gauntlet: B
Real World/Road Rules Challenge - The Inferno: C+
Average Joe: Hawaii: B-
Average Joe: Adam Returns: C

Posted by B-Side at 11:52 PM | Permalink

It's been a while in the making, but TVgasm is finally here. Now the world can share the love and joy of snarky banter about our favorite TV shows. I know that there are a lot of blogs and TV fanpages out there, and that's all well and good. But we're hoping to carve a unique niche in the cyber community. We're not about to have long, wordy rants about some tangental part of a TV show. And we're not going to be the geeky TV cousin of AintItCoolNews.

We're just going to be damn funny. And if you don't think we're funny, then stop reading - because chances are it's not us who have the problem. It's you. Ha ha - sucker.

Posted by B-Side at 11:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)