This week's episode began as all 24 episodes begin: with a lengthy recap of what's happened already in this terrible, terrible day. Basically, some serious shit went down. And I'm not just talking about some silly inconvenience like a few canisters of nerve gas going missing or an unfortunate presidential assassination. I'm talking about hardcore nuclear bombs going off. That's right, in case you missed it, a dreaded mushroom cloud dethroned Six Flags Magic Mountain as the reigning tourist attraction in Valencia, CA as a nuclear device obliterated the suburban community. Oddly enough, the city probably looks better now than it did before the bombing, but that's neither here nor there.

Anyway, while I mourned the loss of the Valencia Red Lobster (R.I.P., cheesy rolls), the rest of country stood in shock as they watched the mushroom cloud float on to the heavens. A solemn news reporter noted that this was the worst attack ever on American soil, clearly overlooking the incident two years ago when terrorists caused a nuclear meltdown (R.I.P., Edgar's mom) and that time when an atomic bomb destroyed some of the rural California/Nevada desert (R.I.P. Mason). Nevertheless, this was all pretty bad, and already, estimates were coming in that 12,000 people had perished in the blast. If this all sounded incredibly bleak to you, fear not. There was one glimmer of hope: if memory serves me correctly, last I heard, our old friend Chase was working at a security firm up in Valencia. So chances are he's dead now. That's what I call progress.

Well, atomic bombs can only mean one thing: time to dig out the generic Presidential bunker set. Yes, just when it seemed like our President might be privileged enough to work out of the Oval Office for a season (instead of a rural retreat, a hotel room, or an airplane), some forgettable White House aid informed Lil' Wayne that it was time to go downstairs to the bunker, or as I like to call it, "The More Serious Looking Set." However, just because the Prez and his posse were heading underground didn't mean that he was disappearing from the public eye. Quite the contrary. Wayne told some woman that he wanted to address the public within the hour, which was nice and all, but I had a feeling he'd probably just yap on about the nuclear bomb when clearly, the more pressing issue is how he got into office in the first place. Some explanation would be most welcomed.

Anyway, the producers cued up the pounding "Walking To The Bunker Very Seriouosly" music, and soon we were at the aforementioned bunker, which was a) a carbon copy of the season two bunker in Los Angels, and b) certainly lacked the feminine touch of Laura Bush. C'mon, now. Just because the country was in danger didn't mean there had to be a moratorium on floral arrangements. Someone liven this place up a little.

Well, the administration may have been firmly locked away underground, but that didn't mean Karen Hayes couldn't still pick up a solid cell phone signal. She called up her hubby Bill and asked, "Are you alright?" Of course, in my mind, she then ended that sentence with "Sweetie pie?" The two lovebirds promised that they'd keep each other in the loop, and Bill announced that Asad was coming in to CTU for an interrogation. Meanwhile, over by the computers, Chloe was talking to her own lovebird -- the improbable Morris. Chloe was in shock over Curtis and wanted to know, "Why do people I know keep dying?" Poor Chloe. Death just seems to follow her. Maybe she should change professions. I know -- she could work at a nursing home! Oh wait...