Back on the open road, Jack called up his dad's house where some honey-voiced, effeminate man named Sam answered. Wait, was I inferring correctly? Was Jack's dad gay? This could explain a lot. Anyway, Jack talked to Sam in guarded tones -- the kind you use when you find out your dad is gay and dating a guy named Sam -- and soon we learned that Jack also had a brother. Holy moly. It's family day for the Bauers. Who will we learn of next? Jack's aunt Celeste in Pomona? Or his second cousin Morris, who just bought a house down in Sarasota but is spending the summer in Israel on a kibbutz?
"Jack, if Jennifer Hudson doesn't win the Oscar, I'm going to hole myself up in my room and listen to Judy Garland all night."
Well, Sam told Jack that Dad had left suddenly last night, and after the call, we found an ominous man named Liddy monitoring Sam's every move. Turns out he was one of these nefarious evil-doers that has eyes and ears everywhere, and he immediately called up his boss, Grey, who many may remember was the bespectacled baddie behind last season's evil plot. It was nice to see Grey back (btw, no word on if it's Gray or Grey, but since Grey sounds more evil, I'll go with it), but the real bombshell was that Grey... WAS JACK'S BROTHER!!! Dunh dunh DUNH!
Oh, and Jack's brother wanted Jack DEAD! Dunh dunh DUNH!!!! To think, this probably all stems over some fight in the young Bauer sandbox.
Wes from Real World in twenty years?
After the break, Jack called up his loving Cain of a brother and asked where pops was. Gray -- or Graham as he's formally known -- claimed he had no idea but surmised he was hanging out with a bunch of hot girlfriends as usual. Poor Gray. Still thinks Sam is just "a special friend." Little does he realize that when Dad says he's hanging with his girlfriends, it means he's catching his fourteenth matinee viewing of Dreamgirls.
When this icy call came to an end, Jack rang up Chloe and asked for his brother's home address. But why didn't you just ask him yourself, she asked. Duh! That's not how you ambush someone, idiot! Poor Chloe. Her brain's been eroded by the twin morons of Morris and Milo.
Anyway, we suddenly saw a regal Rena Sofer staring at a TV. Turns out her name was Marilyn, and she was none other than Grey's cold, repressed, and probably evil wife. From what we could gather, she and Jack had once done the nasty, and by the time Marilyn and Grey had exchanged vows, he was convinced that she was still in love with Jack. Oh, if only she had sported a tight-cropped, lesbianish hairstyle. Then she could have won Jack's heart.
As it stood, Marilyn got stuck with the runt of the litter in Grey, who barked at her about Jack. He alerted her that Jack was back from China, and her response of "That's impossible" had me wondering if maybe she had some hand in Jack's two year all-expense paid torture vacation. Nevertheless, Grey harped on Marilyn's possible romantic feelings for Jack, but she effectively cut him down by seething, "Insecurity in a grown man is not attractive!" But apparently baldness and short stature are quite fetching. Grey, you dawg!
Back at the presidential bunker, Wayne was busy hammering out his speech. As usual, he was at a loss for what to say, but Thomas Lennox had a wonderful idea -- how about he use these bombings as an excuse to round up all the Muslims and put them in detainee camps! No one would mind, really. After all, with a nuke going off on American soil, citizens would be more than happy to attack a scapegoat, maybe even do some casual lynchings. Karen Hayes reacted with her typically aghast face (the one that seems to say, "TOM! My heavens! That is unacceptable!!!"), and Wayne insisted that he didn't want to talk about policy and whatnot. "I would like this message to have a calming effect," he pleaded. Yes, he wanted to be the Calgon of presidents. Wayne Palmer, take me away!
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Comments (24)
It's probably no more plausible, but . . . . Jack asked Chloe if Grey-ham was still at the Malibu address. She said no he's in Indian Hills? I think. Anyhow, not Malibu. . . .
1 of 24 | Posted by em
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Posted on January 23, 2007 1:50 PM
Great recap, B-Side. I am so glad you and J-Unit are still writing them. The 24 recaps are how I first fell in love with tvgasm, you nymphs you.
The show started disappointingly. The helicopter scene was a dumb non sequitur. I thought the family connection was too soap opera-ish but when Jack pulled out that lamp wire I knew it was ON. Say, Grey, did you know Paul Raines?
2 of 24 | Posted by Jennifer30309
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Posted on January 23, 2007 2:02 PM
Eww, why are the screencaps "fullscreen" and not widescreen?
3 of 24 | Posted by gamera87
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Posted on January 23, 2007 2:11 PM
Pure Genius, "It's not like we've ever had a season of 24 when the terrorist has opened a metal briefcase to reveal not an atomic bomb but several teddy bears and a dancing Coke can. It just doesn't happen."
I figured that kid was probably Jack's son too.
And Walid is gonna be dead soon (if I had to guess based on the terrorist at the playgrounds response)
4 of 24 | Posted by cincy_josh
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Posted on January 23, 2007 2:25 PM
They mentioned that the vice-president had been notified, but didn't say who that was AND there were no gender pronouns used (he or she). I'm secretly hoping its Martha Logan!!!
5 of 24 | Posted by lovinit
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Posted on January 23, 2007 3:00 PM
I really really wished I could have seen your and J-Unit's reaction when it was revealed that Gray is Jack's brother - and also when Jack punched him in the face. I am not sure I like the whole love child twist, how does it fit into the timing of the back story? The kid is younger than Kim, so could that be the reason Jack and Teri were separated? But no wonder Gray is an evil guy - if you are the brother of Jack Bauer then there is nothing you can ever do to be better than your brother, except to be an evil American shadow conspiring with terrorists.
6 of 24 | Posted by Bauer's Sweetheart
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Posted on January 23, 2007 7:10 PM
By the way...Regina King was "Brenda", not "Sauuuuundra."
7 of 24 | Posted by realitybred55
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Posted on January 23, 2007 7:46 PM
"Bitch, I know you might be scared, but use a damn crosswalk!"
That was so friggin funny I thought the same thing
8 of 24 | Posted by luvly_grrl
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Posted on January 23, 2007 8:03 PM
Yesss! Torture within the first 5 hours, this really is turning into a great season.
At first, I thought the blonde girl that the British guy picked up was Kim Bauer. That would have been an interesting twist, Kim working for the bad guys too.
9 of 24 | Posted by mangos
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Posted on January 23, 2007 9:50 PM
Thanks for recapping this awesome/retarded ep, B-Side. And don't fret--the Cheddar Bay biscuits at any Red Lobster are equally delicious.
I'll also be pissed if Berooz doesn't reappear this season...is it too early for him to suddenly become Chloe's new operator buddy? He could be the new Kim.
Other random observations:
1. Regina King sucks!
2. The random, seemingly inconsequential dude Jack rescued from the helicopter will lead us to an inevitably lame subplot.
3. I wasn't buying the level of chaos in the streets of the greater L.A. area. Confused girl running across moderately populated backlot does not a nuclear holocaust make. The limits of 24's production values reached!
4. Did anyone else notice that suddenly Jack Bauer's family controls the fate of the entire nation...and that 24 suddenly morphed into Metal Gear Solid? Still, absurd and shark-jumping as it's become...I'm loving it.
10 of 24 | Posted by shank
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Posted on January 24, 2007 12:11 AM
Yeah, B-Side; how DID Wayne get to be Prez? Was there some special election in those 20 months? And what qualified him?
That helicopter thing-unnecessary, but must have been put in to show Jack's prowess at coming back to his normal, superhuman self. But he couldn't have opened that helo door with a flimsy TV antenna the way he did.
Is it me or is Peter McNicol hamming things up with his "reasonable, calm" demeanor? He talks like a goddamned robot, for Christ's sake! Even his rebuke to the argumentative admiral was said in an even, boring voice. I still say he'll turn out to be in cahoots with the terrorists.
I was blown away when we discovered Dr. Romano (Grey) was...Jack's BROTHER? Why was this fact not known last year when he was pulling all the strings to kill his brother and a whole bunch of other people? Why didn't President Pussy narc on him after he was apprehended? In fact, where the hell is President Pussy? I read somewhere Martha's going to be in the cast a little later on, so maybe there's hope.
So far, so good, and Fayed is the easiest-to-hate terrorist so far.
Bring back the hoodie of inexhaustible gadgetry!
11 of 24 | Posted by Tony A.
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Posted on January 24, 2007 5:34 AM
The family that tortures togather.... Stays togather!
12 of 24 | Posted by NickelBagofFunk
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Posted on January 24, 2007 5:40 AM
I thought that was Kim too mangos. I figured she would jump in the car and be like what's up Grandpa making all of Jack's family evil. No such luck. :-)
13 of 24 | Posted by cincy_josh
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Posted on January 24, 2007 5:57 AM
This has next to nothing to do with this particular episode of 24 but I was watching the incredibly lame Vegas Vacation this weekend and I'm fairly certain that Nadia was playing Audrey Griswold.
14 of 24 | Posted by wniffene
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Posted on January 24, 2007 6:33 AM
Powers Boothe as the vice-president? F-ing right!
15 of 24 | Posted by Firthguy
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Posted on January 24, 2007 9:42 AM
B-Side,
With all due respect to J-Unit and everyone else, you are THE BOMB!
Keep up the good work.
(But don't expect to take over my Jack Bauer man crush)
16 of 24 | Posted by Testiculon
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Posted on January 24, 2007 10:28 AM
Firthguy---Powers Boothe???? Cy Tolliver as the VP???? That would be TOOOOOO fuckin' awesome!!!
It was a literal OH MY GAWD moment when they revealed that Bluetooth Mafia man was Jack's bro. I mean, damn....and when Jack pulled out the lamp cord, I could smell burning Paul Raines. But,as my friend Lisa says, Jack has over 101 uses for a lamp cord!! She also has a theory that the Goddamn paterfamilias of the Bauer clan is who McCarthy is trying to get to hook up the nukes.
Oh, and I totally agree with the Jack love child idea. Nice to see Rena Sofer get out of that wheelchair that Nathan put her in.....
I LOVE Monday nights now!!!!
17 of 24 | Posted by cruella_deville
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Posted on January 24, 2007 11:30 AM
LOVED the Wes grows up to be Graham comment. So true - that's what the Human Marshmallow will look like when he's old and bald.
Yeah, if that kid turns out to be Jack's kid that's gonna be lame.
President Wayne sucks. So. Much. Ass. The only scenes I'm digging are CTU and Assad scenes. And Assad's about to head to DC - can't wait to see how short that flight is in 24time.
18 of 24 | Posted by pbjunkie
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Posted on January 24, 2007 2:21 PM
Is it wrong for me to giggle like a 6th grader at a torture scene? That was freakin' AWESOME! Go ahead, Jack, and introduce bro to the world of pain.
Romano being Jack's brother is a kick-ass twist, btw. Of course, now I'll have to fire up my Season 5 DVDs to review Graham's many phone conversations.
Rena Sopher, Marisol Nichols...evidently 24 raided the "Blind Justice" cast list bargain bin (sigh, tragic that I know that). It's just a matter of time until Ron Eldard shows up to temporarily replace a misunderstood Bill Buchanan.
19 of 24 | Posted by HicksPub
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Posted on January 25, 2007 8:18 AM
A little late, but here's the URL on where I found out about PB (Powers Boothe, that is..) 3rd paragraph down.
http://www.torontosun.com/Entertainment/Television/2007/01/24/3438059-sun.html
I agree with Wayne Palmer sucking as the president. I thought my stereo settings were screwed as I could barely hear what the hell he's saying half the time over the background music. Speak Up! And his speech at the end of this episode... Ugh. He sounds like he's either a) constipated, or b) has to go #2 reallllly bad.
20 of 24 | Posted by Firthguy
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Posted on January 25, 2007 11:39 AM
B-Side - you ROCK! I was thoroughly entertained by your recap!
I can't believe Dr. Romano is Jack's brother! Never saw that coming. I'm sure that boy is Jack's love-child. Is that why Blue-Tooth Man hates him so much? I see that James Cromwell is playing Jack's father. It would have been awesome if they got Donald Sutherland!
I've said from the 1st episode that I think Wayne Palmer is a totally unbelievable Prez. I mean , c'mon, did he hold any other political office before he became the President? And being his older, more awesome brother's errand boy doesn't count! Someone correct me if I'm wrong..
Hopefully we'll see more of Martha and perhaps her loverboy Aaron the Secret Service guy!
21 of 24 | Posted by Jojobear
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Posted on January 25, 2007 11:43 AM
OMG - LOVE the twist that Romano is Jack's bro - love it even more that Jack isn't taking any crap from him.
Funny that so many of us thought that boy to be Jack's love-child. Now, in a way, I hope he's not...I like the UNpredictable.
btw, Jojobear, I SWORE I heard Kiefer say in an interview that Donald would be in the show this season - so I was shocked when they showed JC. I wonder if something changed.
22 of 24 | Posted by livemusicjunkie
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Posted on January 25, 2007 1:10 PM
Palmer 2.0(hilarious btw) "American Public" count = 22, God say something else! Do you remember Marilyn played on Melrose Place and was pure evil.... The role fits her actually. Bauer quote of the day "If you attempt to yell I will rip your tongue out"... something like that!
23 of 24 | Posted by couchpotato
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Posted on January 27, 2007 2:47 PM
No, Rena Sofer as "Eve" on Melrose Place only went nuts in the final two episodes as a result of recovering lost memories. She was nuts, not "pure evil."
24 of 24 | Posted by gamera87
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Posted on January 28, 2007 3:59 PM