Testimonials

The trip to the building took forever, but luckily the elevators are super fast, because as soon as Brian hangs up, Samantha steps off the elevator and walks over to the apartment. She lifts up the door mat and removes the key we saw Brian break in with earlier. At first, she doesn't notice First Hubby, but he's desperately trying to scream "Danger!" with his eyebrows. Silly First Hubby, if she sees that, she'll just think he's making fun of her wax job. After a few moments sorting her mail, pulling out a wedgie, checking her teeth in the mirror for leftover spinach, and letting out a colossal belch, she enters the living room and notices Mr. Taylor!

She is initially startled but then starts telling him about the nice agent that brought her by, how the Redskins totally screwed up by missing the playoffs again, and the awesome Jamba Juice she just finished. It takes her ages to realize something is off with him. Narcissist! When she does catch on to his wildly gesticulating eyeballs, it's too late. American Psycho Brian is already behind her and stabs her in the back! And by that, I don't mean he makes snarky comments about her eyebrows, I mean he LITERALLY stabs her in the back. She asks the nice paralyzed man to help her, but he can't. Gedge rolls her over with his foot and finishes the job with a stab to the chest. (Death Count 274!)

Does this look like the expression of a man who gives a shit what you had for lunch?

Before he can remove the knife, Gedge's phone rings. It's Slimeball Kanin and he wants to know where the First Hubby is so he can get him on board with Operation 'Stop the Invasion'. Gedge informs Kanin that he can't speak with the First Hubby because he is currently "meeting" with Samantha Ross in her apartment. Kanin flips his shit. After all, he explicitly told Gedge to keep First Hubby away from her. Furthermore, why didn't he stay with him? Gedge apologizes and Kanin tells him to get up there and have First Hubby call him as soon as possible.

After hanging up, Gedge removes his knife from Samantha's chest and approaches First Hubby. He puts the knife in his hand for prints and First Hubby tries to mutter something. Gedge tells him not to try to speak, as there's "nothing left to say." As Gedge walks away with the knife, the First Hubby realizes he can move his fingers and gets a wild-eyed look on his face as we cut to commercial.

When we return, we see Almeida placing the Matobos back in the short bus. Mr. Matobo tells Tony "We will wait here." If you ask me, that is a totally helpful suggestion, as the other van with a cage in back for captives is all the way over in hangar number eight. Bill informs Tony over their com devices that the car is coming. Tony wants to know how many people are in the car, and Bill informs him that the windows are tinted and he can't tell. When the car pulls in, we see that in addition to cool tinted windows, Nichols' crew is rolling in a swanky black Cadillac SUV. This group of Baddies are Ballers, for sure! Four dudes pop out of the car, answering Tony's question from 20 seconds ago. The Big Bad Ballin' Baddie crew are all dressed in Baddie Black, except for one gent who opted for a grey T-shirt under his sweater. In every operation, there's always one grey sheep. Also, it should be noted the guy in grey is sporting a seriously receding hairline, which probably explains his sartorial choices. Dudes that are self conscious about their hair will do anything to distract from it...even dressing unconventionally.

"I wonder if this Grey T-shirt makes my hair plugs look fat?"

Nichols tells Tony it's good to see him, and how glad he was to hear he was back with them. And, oh yeah, by the way...where's Emerson?  Tony informs him that he won't be dealing with Emerson today, as he decided to off him, Litvak, and Bauer. He says they are in back if Nichols wants to say "Hi." Hey Tony, stick to saving the world and leave the humor stuff to the pros, deal? Nichols is confused and wants to know what happened. Tony informs him that he killed them all because he didn't want to share the cut, and that he was a little bummed about being left to "rot" with the FBI. This shuts Nichols up, and he asks to see the Matobos. Tony wants to see the Diamonds first, which they supply. Tony heads over to check out the goods with his little jewelers scope. Who knew Tony was an amateur gem-phile? Nichols again demands the Matobos, and Tony tells him they are in the short bus. The balding dude is sent over to get them.

Nichols tells Tony thanks for doing such a bang-up job, maybe they'll call on him again someday. He then nods completely obviously to the dude behind Tony who pulls his gun. Luckily for Tony, Jack is in the rafters with a sniper rifle and takes the dude out (Death Count 275!), Tony in turn elbows the dude next to him and takes out the balding dude (DC 276!). Nichols knows he's got no shot, so he lowers his gun and Tony takes it from him. He says "OK then, we'll put that behind us. You got what you want, now get out of here." OK, so THAT one worked Tony. I'll cut you some slack. You're still allowed to make little jokes every now and then. Nichols doesn't move fast enough, so Tony barks "Now!" and sends him off with the Matobos. As they pull away in their swanky Caddy, Jack checks in with Chloe and she informs him that the transmitter is working.

"Hey you...nameless henchman behind Almeida. See me raising my eyebrows, nodding, and staring straight at you? That means it's time to kill Tony!"

Back in Samantha's apartment, Gedge is dragging First Hubby upstairs to hang him with the cable coil he illegally removed from the wall. As Gedge prepares the noose, First Hubby mumbles "Gedge" under his breath and flexes both fists. The drugs are wearing off!  It's a good thing Samantha stopped at Jamba Juice, afterall! First Hubby Implores Brian not to do it, but he doesn't listen, he picks up the first hubby and hauls him over to the railing. But, before he can get the noose around First Hubby, Mr. Taylor goes in attack mode, strangling Gedge! They struggle and both fall over the railing. Gedge lands on the dining room table, and First Hubby comes thudding down on top of him! Once on the floor, First Hubby continues to strangle his former Lil' Buddy until he's dead dead dead! (Death Count 277!)

The All New Turbo-Charged 2009 First Hubby! It goes from Zero to Completely Un-paralyzed in less than 60 seconds!

We close out the hour with a quick split-screen glimpse of everyone brooding while First Hubby lays panting on the ground. The camera finally settles on Colonel Dubaku who is on the phone with Nichols. He informs Nichols that the White House hasn't complied with withdrawal demands yet. The president is not just stubborn, she must be insane. Nichols asks what he wants to do about it, and Dubaku says "exactly what we promised." He turns to the nameless Baddie manning the computers and discusses their "target", which is a processing plant in Kidron, Ohio. Yay Midwest! We're calling you off the bench and into the game. It's finally your turn to take one for the team. The Coasts have had enough. The kid informs Dubaku that casualties will be high, about 18,000 and Dubaku nods and tells him to "begin."

Ba-Bum-Ba-Bum-Ba-Bum-Ba-Bum!

And there you have it Gasmii! This week was a bloodbath! Were you surprised by any of the deaths? I had a feeling First Hubby was going to make it, and of course I called Litvak last week. I was a little surprised they offed Samantha so quickly, but I feel like they shot their load with that character when she spilled all of the details of the Roger cover-up in a single meeting with First Hubby. I'm just glad all of Janis' cats made it through the week safely! Continuing the resurrection theme from this week, who do we think isn't dead yet? My guess is Emerson. I bet Tony stashed him somewhere to "pay him back" for saving him years ago. Oh yeah, and what do you think of Chloe confirming she had the baby? Let's hope it doesn't look like Morris!

See you next week.

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Posted in 24 by Dogsnaxx at 7:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Last Comment: Dogsnaxx on Jan 29, 2009 06:41 AM.