This week's episode began with a little spelling lesson for us. Jack's brother, alternately called Graham or Grey, is actually named "Graem." Seemed kind of like a strange name, but maybe that's why he's so damn angry. I've been trying to figure out why the producers would choose such a bizarre spelling for the name, and the best I can come up with is that "Graem" is actually an anagram for "gamer," which is sort of what Graem is. Oh, never mind. It makes no sense. Moving on...

Anyway, one of the first things we saw were the assembled workerbees of CTU standing around, watching President Palmer 2.0 address the country in his typically unconvincing manner. No matter how many times we see Americans riveted to Wayne's speech, I'll never believe him as the President. First of all, he's entirely too in shape. Second of all, he looks perpetually scared -- and not in a "I'm scared because a nuclear bomb just went off" kind of way. No, he looks scared of his own shadow -- not a very presidential quality. Truth is that the writers have never gotten a handle on Wayne. In season three, he was kind of shifty and impulsive, getting himself tangled up in that ludicrous subplot with Julie Milliken that resulted in the death of Sherry Palmer (sorely missed). In season four, well, I don't think he was in season four. But in season five, he suddenly was a badass, shooting off machine guns and picking off bad guys one by one. Now he's the second coming of David, and I just don't believe it.

Nevertheless, while Wayne gave his big speech, Tom and Karen got into a whole brouhaha over civil liberties. It was the same old story again. Tom didn't want the temporary security measures (ie. detention camps, racial profiling, lynch mobs) to be temporary. According to him, they were going to be a new way of life. "Now you're making policy unilaterally," Karen charged bitterly. Oooh! Nice unilateral policy zinger!

Well, the two began bickering, and Tom said something about how when the constitution was drafted, people used muskets that took half a minute to load and fire whereas Fayed had just destroyed several thousand people in a second without even aiming. I think he was trying to comment on how the nature of warfare has changed over the years, but it was kind of a labored point. AND HE CALLS HIMSELF A VILLAIN!

Anyway, Karen and Tom became so heated that for a moment, I thought they might actually kiss, but then I remembered that this was 24, not Broadway. Besides, we all know what happens to jerks who sass Karen Hayes: the ol' bitch slap. I'm sure Miles is still smarting from that one.

Ultimately, this Karen-frontation climaxed with her seething, "If you think you are going to wear me down, you are sadly mistaken!" Consider that a verbal bitch slap, Tom.

Ah, but Tom had a reply. He lifted his fist up Ralph Kramden style and said, "Actually, you are wearing me down." He then added, "One of these days Karen... POW, right in the kisser!"

To the moon!