For whatever reason, the bad guys suddenly realized that Milo and Marilyn were behind the dumpsters. Never mind that there were dozens of viable hiding spaces in that junkyard -- the bad guys just knew their targets were right there. Sure enough, their MiloSense was accurate. The guys opened fire on the lowly computer technician and his ward, and for a moment, my Milo death fantasies looked like they may come to fruition. Sadly, the closest I got was a bullet in the arm. Oh well.
"OH MY GOD!! Melissa Etheridge beat out Dreamgirls!"
As Milo crumpled back down behind the dumpster, he turned to Marilyn and yelled, "I TOLD YOU TO GO!!!" Yeah, why didn't Marilyn run? All she had to do was navigate through very close, intense, and lethal gunfire. Just like any other day in Los Angeles, really. Well, the bad guys finally had Milo cornered, and just when it looked like it was going to be curtains for him, guess who saved the day? Jack! He appeared out of nowhere, shot two of the lesser bad guys, and beat up the main henchman. After he slapped cuffs on the guy, Jack then turned into an EMT, casually looked at Milo's arm, and after two seconds diagnosed that the bullet hit no main arteries or veins. He'd be okay. Now that's a diagnosis you can take to the bank!
Once Jack was done pretending to be a medic, he then turned his attention towards Marilyn. This wasn't the happy reunion we were all looking forward to. Instead, Jack threw her against the wall and asked her why she tipped of Gridenko. General squealing and sobbing ensued until Marilyn finally revealed that it was Jack's father who had sent the men, not some Russian general.
"Jack, your breath is intolerable!"
"What are you talking about?" Jack asked, more confused than the time the CTU perimeter actually caught someone. Marilyn explained the whole situation, which then resulted in some KieferACTING! as he stepped away and tried to digest the enormous new twist in his life. After a few seconds, Jack insisted that Marilyn give him the proper address for Gridenko, but she refused. She would do nothing to imperil Josh. This was not an acceptable answer for Jack. "You saw what happened in Valence earlier today?" he asked, again referencing the destruction of Six Flags Magic Mountain, "This will be worse!" Who knows -- the next target might be Knotts Berry Farm! Or Disneyland! Or, God forbid, LEGO LAND!!!! Heck, there are like five different Boomers locations in the greater Los Angeles area. Any one of them could be targets. Think of all the miniature golf we'll never get to play!!
Faced with this situation, Marilyn had no other choice but to give up the street address. Jack immediately called Bill, asked for a small CTU team to meet him and get him a tactical kit. When Bill then asked what all this was for, Jack committed the cardinal sin: "I'll explain everything later... Bill, please. Trust me. It's personal." Honestly, if I were Bill, I wouldn't trust him at all. What information couldn't be shared on the drive over? UGH. I hate when Jack is secretive because he always winds up getting captured, and then CTU has to go into a tizzy trying to find him.
For now though, Jack had only one thing on his mind: melodrama. Once he got off the phone, he stared off into the distance and dramatically asked, "How could I have been so stupid?" Sadly, this was not followed by an organ swelling on the soundtrack.
After the commercial break, we found Chloe nagging Morris about vectors. You know how that goes. Vector this. Vector that. Always with the vectors, that woman! Not wanting to talk about vectors, Morris snapped back some bitch response that ultimately wound up with us learning that he had a sponsor. Apparently he was a charter member of British Smarm Anonymous.
Okay, maybe it was Alcoholics Anonymous. Whatever. Point was that Morris was feeling spectacularly crabby, which I guess might be a common post-torture response. I probably wouldn't be too sunny either had a terrorist used a power drill on my arm. Nevertheless, Morris's self-worth and shame took another hit as Nadia stopped by to inform everyone that Milo was shot heroically in the field as he held off three armed hostiles. Translation: you are the biggest pussy CTU has ever seen, MORRIS. Oh, and it got worse. Milo was now gonna be up for commendation -- something that Morris probably would have received had he not, you know, totally buckled and essentially armed three nukes.
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Comments (11)
Whoa! It's an unshaved pussy!
1 of 11 | Posted by joyfulchicken
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Posted on February 26, 2007 8:54 AM
I know there's only a handful of us who comment, but where's the latest Desperate Housewives recap??
2 of 11 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates!
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Posted on February 26, 2007 10:18 AM
o.k., b-side, i'm with you. if powers booth can't save the season, surely gregory itzin can (maybe they'll do it together!). bringing back pres. pussy and giving him al gore's beard and flannel shirt was a genius stroke on multiple levels, and couldn't have come at a better time--both to save the show and to poke fun at pretentious hollywood liberal do-gooders. here's an inconvenient truth for you: joel surnow is one hollywood big shot who will not be writing a check to obama or hillary any time soon, and, given the popularity of giant black SUV's amongst both terrorists and CTU tac-teams on '24,' i'm guessing he doesn't drive a prius, either.
couldn't decide which was the best line of the night: jack's 'how could i be so stupid?' or his dad describing a career as a civil servant as if it were a starring role in gay midget porn.
biggest catharsis of the night: chad lowe venting the indignity of being utterly eclipsed, humiliated, and then dumped by hillary swank by kicking the crap out of that poor schlub from ally mcbeal.
biggest irony of the night: compared to wayne palmer, president pussy seems a lot less pussy-ish.
now we just need jean smart and her jubblies (from the morning after reaction to helen mirren at the oscars last night, it's good to be a G-MILF these days) to team up again with jack and the indestructible secret service agent to save the world yet again! for the moment, my faith is restored.
3 of 11 | Posted by jack
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Posted on February 26, 2007 11:17 AM
WOW, President Pussy is back! Now, I'm utterly confused! Can't wait to see what transpires on tonight's episode.
Milo and Morris certainly do annoy, but I think they'll be with us for a while. Hey, Milo made it out of the infirmary, so that's gotta count for something.
If I was Jack's kid, er, nephew, I would have hauled ass out of that hotel room as soon as Gramps said he was gonna KILL me- DUH! Nice family!
Looking forward to the next recap!
4 of 11 | Posted by Jojobear
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Posted on February 26, 2007 12:32 PM
I've been looking forward to this recap all week! When I saw President Pussy, the first thing I said to my husband was, "What will B-Side have to say about this??"
It's funny but until I read the article in the New Yorker, it never occurred to me that this show comes from a conservative perspective. I guess I always assumed that President Pussy and the people he associated with were Republicans, hence their obsession with maintaining control over the oil resources and their willingness to deal with criminals in order to further their goals. The political connotations behind the notions that the United States is constantly threatened by terrorists and that we should cheer the people who do anything to stop them just went right over my head.
Guess it's because I live in one of the few conservative areas of California - I've learned to put my head in the sand in order to keep my sanity!
5 of 11 | Posted by Bauer's Sweetheart
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Posted on February 26, 2007 1:16 PM
And, forgot to say that I always believed the sainted David Palmer was a Democrat (because there are no black Republicans, obviously.)
6 of 11 | Posted by Bauer's Sweetheart
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Posted on February 26, 2007 1:22 PM
Whew, I was afraid you had given up on 24 but I should have known better. Great recap.While Surnow is a conservative, I do not think the show is meant to be too politically biased. There are storylines that both liberals and conservatives can identify with. Plus, I read both Rush Limbaugh and Barbra Streisand are big fans of the show, so I think it's what you make of it. Can't wait to see PP back in action tonight.
7 of 11 | Posted by 24Ever
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Posted on February 26, 2007 1:48 PM
YESSS! President Pussy is back! I wonder if he and Martha are still together.
8 of 11 | Posted by mangos
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Posted on February 26, 2007 8:35 PM
I love Martha! I don't think she would have stayed with PP, her heart belonged to Aaron, the Secret Service guy!
9 of 11 | Posted by Jojobear
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Posted on March 1, 2007 12:18 PM
Regarding all the political stuff... well, if you really want to say anything, let's not forget that the bombings are not really Middle Eastern Terrorists, but the real people behind it are Russians. Sorry, but given the political atmosphere today, I would call that a cop-out because we wouldn't want to offend any terrorists!
10 of 11 | Posted by KSflyer
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Posted on March 2, 2007 11:12 AM
yeah this season needs a serious savin'. I do wonder what Logan is up to, should be interesting.
11 of 11 | Posted by couchpotato
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Posted on March 2, 2007 11:25 PM