He then finds Desmond, who is still alive but bleeding heavily from the shoulder. What does this army have against shoulders, anyway? Meanwhile, Jack is packing for his little escape when Charlie Brown shows up to get in some last minute pestering. Okay, this is a long shot, but does this kid remind anyone else of the boy from the MST3K classic Pod People? Can I get an amen? Anyway, the kid asks if he can come with Jack, calls him a witch, and then starts talking about ghosts. Yeah, I don't know.
Then they have a Special Moment. Jack, what? This isn't you. Comforting children? Why aren't you electrocuting someone with a floor lamp right now? I'm so confused. After goopily making Charlie Brown promise to protect the other boys followed by a - shudder - tender hug, Jack takes off, only to be stopped by the other teacher with an urgent call. Benton is on the other line, and conveniently enough, both men are on SPRINT PHONES!
"My GOD, this reception is CRYSTAL CLEAR!"
He fills Jack in on what's happened, and tells him to round up the boys and hide them in the shelter. Jack follows these instructions to the letter, because he HEARD EVERY SINGLE WORD!
Sprint: Official cellular provider of the Sangala resistance movement
UN guy continues to be unhelpful, insisting that the UN remains neutral. Jack, always full of detestation for neutral parties, swears at him, and the guy continues to prissy up the place until - oh no! It's the Lost smoke monster's little brother!
"Hi, I'm here for the death and destruction?"
Once the boys (and UN pussy) are safely in their shelter, J.Timbo and his crew arrives, only to start getting blown up by a handful of Jack's personal stash of explosives. Some classic 24 action commences, with much running, gunfire, stabbing, and...bazookas? Huh, that's a new one. Unfamiliar with how the ratio of 20 bad guys to 1 Jack Bauer inexplicably fails to work in their favor, J.Timbo and his sexy crew continue to hunt for both Jack and the boys. Meanwhile, Jack is continuing his rampage, using skills he has apparently picked up from a flock of flying squirrels.
"Carl, do you hear something?"
Eventually, Jack is knocked out and taken prisoner by J.Timbo, a fate which I might actually welcome. Benton finally arrives with Desmond and immediately calls Evil Four Eyes, who has been quite busy at the embassy with refusing to let Sangalans (Sangalis? Sangalites?) evacuate. He tells Benton that the choppers are leaving in an hour, and that if he wants to get the kids out, he's on his own. He then gets back to kicking puppies and eating babies.
J.Timbo attempts to extract information from Jack, which is sort of equivalent to Keanu Reeves giving acting lessons to Meryll Streep. He demands to know where the children are, but Jack stays quiet, even when a hot machete is tenderly placed upon his ear. What's the matter, J.Timbo? Too scared to bust out a floor lamp or two?
"What is this, amateur hour?"
Benton signals to Jack from across the field using a mirror, so Jack pretends to confess the location of the children. Once J.Timbo's henchmen run off like idiots and are shot by Benton, Jack grabs J.Timbo with his legs and breaks his neck, as he is wont to do. Benton unties Jack and retrieves the children, all of whom apparently have sponsorship papers. The UN pussy runs off while the kids hop onto the bus, and Jack informs Benton that he's coming with them. Man, I really envy Jack's work week. No long hours at the office, lots of travel. What's not to love?
Chris shows up at Roger's apartment and - holy crap, that guy is tiny! He's a friggin' Munchkin! On drugs! He jumpily fills in Roger on the nefarious deeds going down at his office, and says that he wants to show the evidence to his mother. That's what she said! Or...something. Roger does a lot of dreamy eyerolling, but eventually caves and tells Chris to forward him the stuff. Chris thanks him and runs off, as he is late to a meeting with the Lollipop Guild.
"Dad, can I have a dollar?"
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Comments (1)
Well, Screampiller, this is my first time reading your work but since you seem to be a veteran of the site (*sniff* Flipit, J-Unit, and B-Side *sniff*), I know you'll be missed.
Too bad 24 seasons aren't less than 2 years apart. Otherwise, we could've had something really special...
The season 7 opener was ok, nothing shocking or spectacular. I expected more, though. This show jumped the shark for me when (the real) President Palmer was shot in Season 5 premiere. This season looks like it could be interesting, though...
Charlie Brown. HA! That kid really was annoying. Good call on his nickname.
I wonder if the new lady President Elect has anything to do with Fox's owner, Rupert Murdoch, expecting (and supporting)a President Hillary? Hmm...
1 of 1 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 26, 2008 6:11 PM