General Juma, sporting a nifty red hat, arrives at Ike's camp. Bad timing though, as Ike is soon informed that his bro J.Timbo has been snapped like a twig by the mighty, tree-trunk-like gams of Jack Bauer. So Ike puts in a time-off request to avenge the death of his brother, and Juma, classy guy that he is, grants him permission. Jack and Benton, meanwhile, are listening in on their radios, and know now that they're coming after the kids. So they gingerly crash the bus off the road and lead the kids into the jungle, where they are all eaten by zebras.
Daniels, getting cozy in the Oval Office with Taylor, toasts to her administration. She says thank you, to which he replies, "Thank you, Mr. President." Wow. So this guy's, what, seven years old then? She humors him and attempts an escape, but he continues to drone on about why people thought he lost and that she needs to be careful and blah blah Wayne Palmer stole my bike. She finally escapes into the hall to consult with Tweedy about Daniels' possibly nefarious activities, and Tweedy promises to dig up all he can.
Jumpy Chris returns home to his apartment. Sadly, it does not contain any floor lamps, which will only serve to make his imminent torture that much less exciting. Sure enough, a shady man in a suit shows up to take a gander at his computer. Jumpy tries to save his scrawny hide but mostly just ends up making an ass of himself and taking a shit right there in his short little pants. The shady character's partner, who looks a lot like everyone's grumpy uncle, thwacks Chris with a newspaper and opens up the patented Briefcase of Truth Serum and Pain.
Roger's girlfriend, henceforth known as Gigantic Eyebrows, is not happy with all of these secrets her beefcake is keeping from her. No matter. They arrive at the Capitol, and as their limo driver is actually given the time of day, we know he's up to something. Sure enough, he puts in a call to Shady Guy and Uncle Thwacky Newspaper. But we can rest easy knowing that security is tight, as the entire Capitol is being guarded by this man:
"I got this."
Meanwhile, Jack is trying to shake this useless band of ragtag boys for like the seventh time, but is unsuccessful once again, as Ike chooses that exact moment to arrive in his Ikecopter. They evade him by running under the tree cover, and Jack leads them through the jungle to safety, until Charlie Brown decides to muck it all up real good. He loses the Indian silk that Jack gave him, and pitches a fit right there in the middle of the jungle. Nice. Real nice. He runs back to retrieve it, only to almost step on a land mine. Benton then attempts to bring him down with a flying tackle, but only ends up landing on the land mine himself. Great. Like Goofus and Gallant, these two.
Jack digs around the mine for a bit, but they're both aware that it's useless. Benton begs him to take the kids. Jack makes a few of his trademark "My life is SO HARD" faces, probably because he's just inherited a troop of stupid silk-loving kids. Eventually, after a soulful goodbye, Jack leaves him behind, knowing it's for the best. Benton urges the kids away, saying he'll catch up, and Charlie Brown looks pretty guilt-ridden as he walks off, caressing his precious silk. Ike and his men eventually find Benton, who refuses to talk. They shoot him a couple times, but he manages to stay on the mine. I bet this guy has some serious Twister skills. Eventually he lures them in closer, tells them to go to hell, and blows them all up, as the noise from the blast wafts down to the band of confused but silk-hungry boys.
"Can I have another one, Jack?"
Now, this is a well done scene and all, even reminiscent of George Mason's heroic dive into the desert in Season Two, but I can't help but wish that this was like the fourteenth episode of the season. I only met this guy an hour ago, and he seems like a nice chap, but he has not yet commanded the undying love I had for George Mason. "What, you can't make emotional connections to characters in under two hours? Haven't you ever seen a movie?" the significant other quips without permission. Yes, I can with movies, but I like 24 for Jack's badassness, crazy explosions, and heartwrenching heroic death scenes, and the latter just aren't as soul crushing when they happen in the first hour or so.
Not even death can stop Benton from passing one last kidney stone.
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Comments (1)
Well, Screampiller, this is my first time reading your work but since you seem to be a veteran of the site (*sniff* Flipit, J-Unit, and B-Side *sniff*), I know you'll be missed.
Too bad 24 seasons aren't less than 2 years apart. Otherwise, we could've had something really special...
The season 7 opener was ok, nothing shocking or spectacular. I expected more, though. This show jumped the shark for me when (the real) President Palmer was shot in Season 5 premiere. This season looks like it could be interesting, though...
Charlie Brown. HA! That kid really was annoying. Good call on his nickname.
I wonder if the new lady President Elect has anything to do with Fox's owner, Rupert Murdoch, expecting (and supporting)a President Hillary? Hmm...
1 of 1 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 26, 2008 6:11 PM