Anyway, where were we? Africa? Really? Huh. Jack and the kids make it back into the city, where the teacher/big kid tells Charlie Brown that Benton is dead. As if attempting to fulfill some sort of troublemaking quota, Charlie Brown runs off in horror. Jack catches him and explains that he died to save you kids, yada yada, run away again and I'm putting you on a damn leash. Jack sure is cranky today.
"Ever hear of personal space, LADY?"
Wait a minute. There haven't been any gunfights in a while. You can almost see the lightbulb go off over Jack's head as he realizes this. He tells the boys to duck for cover, then begins shooting at some random dude. A gunfight erupts (yay!) and Jack takes refuge behind a refrigerator.
This is hardly the time for a Hot Pocket, Jack.
He runs into a little boy who is holding a gun and chanting "Kill the cockroach", and I gotta tell ya, it's still damn catchy. For some reason, the kid listens to the strange white man pointing a gun at him, and eventually drops his own weapon and flees. Jack, furious with rage at not being able to save every boy in Africa, continues on to the embassy.
Meanwhile, Roger is mildly concerned that Chris hasn't gotten back to him, but probably chalks it up to a late-running Elf Conference. Taylor is met by everyone's favorite Secretary of Defense, the Warden from Shawshank Redemption, which is in no way affiliated with 24: Redemption, neither of which are affiliated with my own soon-to-be-released masterpiece: Redemption: The Redemptioning. Roger and his skank meet his parents, while Jon Voight and the Limo Driver watch and discuss the destruction of evidence, the neutralization of Chris, and the fact that they'll have to keep their eye on Roger, not only because he can muck up their plans, but also because the guy's got an ass that won't quit.
Cut back to the Sangalian (Sangalese? Sangalish?) embassy, where hundreds of civilians are banging on the fence. Jack fights his way to the front and shouts his name at a guard, who amusingly runs off to fetch the big guns. And by big guns we of course mean Mister Peabody, the Evil Nerd. Jack yells that he has some kids - one needs medical care, and one is in urgent need of more fancy silks - and that he has the paperwork for them to be granted entry into the US. Evil Nerd casually looks them over, as if he were in perhaps a cubicle and not a rapidly collapsing fictional country. Using his best DMV voice, he sighs that they appear to be in order. But they need a legal guardian, and seeing as how Benton is dead, it has to be Jack. He has to surrender himself to the subpoena, or else Evil Nerd will release the boys back into the streets, where they will be free to join whatever armies or silk fan clubs they so please. Jack makes a few anguished faces, and then relents. The gate is opened, Jack is arrested, and the boys are let in and loaded onto the Freedomcopter.
Meanwhile, Taylor is sworn in as President, and gives a flowery speech that, shockingly, contains neither the words "Yes we can", nor Oprah. And I don't know about the rest of you, but I was so distracted that I almost missed the best part of the whole two hours: a split screen of our little imp buddy Chris being turned into a sidewalk!
He died as he lived: with people walking all over him.
And we close out with a shot of the helicopter and some wailing music, with Charlie Brown getting in one last act of annoyance.
"Touch me again and you die, kid."
Verdict: I liked it. Nothing groundbreaking, nothing new. But an interesting way to kill a couple hours, it sets up the action for Season 7 nicely, and it helped meet my weekly quota of silk-related jokes. I still don't enjoy watching Jack speak tenderly to children - it enrages me, as do Kiefer Sutherland's sickeningly schmaltzy voiceovers for the Bank of America commercials - but I guess the producers sometimes feel the need to show his more human side, as opposed to the clearly more overwhelming sociopath side. But I say, why deny it? As Kiefer would say, (schmaltzily), "This is America. We need our badass killing machines, now more than ever."
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Comments (1)
Well, Screampiller, this is my first time reading your work but since you seem to be a veteran of the site (*sniff* Flipit, J-Unit, and B-Side *sniff*), I know you'll be missed.
Too bad 24 seasons aren't less than 2 years apart. Otherwise, we could've had something really special...
The season 7 opener was ok, nothing shocking or spectacular. I expected more, though. This show jumped the shark for me when (the real) President Palmer was shot in Season 5 premiere. This season looks like it could be interesting, though...
Charlie Brown. HA! That kid really was annoying. Good call on his nickname.
I wonder if the new lady President Elect has anything to do with Fox's owner, Rupert Murdoch, expecting (and supporting)a President Hillary? Hmm...
1 of 1 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 26, 2008 6:11 PM