The henchmen assemble and start searching the basement. Jack ducks into a side room that contains a phone, in addition to a lot of boxes. But before he can do anything, the men arrive ("He's in the box room!") to give the area a very cursory searching. Seriously, there's like one guy glancing around, you can almost hear him saying out loud "Are you in this box? Nope." They all run away and the camera pans to reveal Jack hiding on a high shelf. When will those Russians learn?!
The Lead Box Investigator radios back to Markov that they haven't found him, but they're setting up a perimeter. Awww, see we're really not all that different. Russians can set up useless perimeters too! Jack falls off his shelf to reveal a pained I-have-a-broken-rib expression. He staggers over to the phone to call CTU, and holy crap Morris actually answers! Did they fire the temp? Jack is just about to tell him where Gredenko is when the phones cut out, as per Markov's orders. Jack offers a pointed "Dammit!", then destroys the electrical wires and the consulate plunges into darkness. I don't know why he didn't just start yelling "ShadowValleyShadowValley" as soon as Morris picked up, but then again I'm not Jack Bauer, and it's probably all part of his master plan anyway.
"That's right, a General Gao's chicken and an order of spring rolls. NOW!!"
Milo fills Bill in on the situation, and Bill tells him to inform Mike that Jack now has crucial information and is no longer dispensable. I'm sorry. Has Jack ever, in all of the six seasons we've known him, EVER been dispensable?! Has CTU descended into MADNESS?!
Bill barges into Logan's room, telling him that the debriefing will have to be rescheduled because of a little Russian consulate situation. Logan, ever the nosy ex-President, whimpers about being able to help. Bill, who looks quite terrible under the harsh lighting of the room, gives him an update and tells him that they're planning on taking Markov by force. Logan insists that this is a terrible idea and that they would be better off if they got help from Suvarov, but as we all recall VP did a pretty good job of scaring him away last week, so that's not an option. So Logan has a better idea - his ex-wife!! She became good friends with Anya, Suvarov's wife, so she may be able to get through to the Russian Duo. Bill agrees to call her, but is skeptical. As am I. I'm thrilled at the return of the Crazy, but I'm worried that Aaron Pierce will be returning as well. Because I've loved him just as long as I've loved Jack, and his presence means that there's a chance he could die. I'm so scared! Hold me!
Shadows are not your friend, Bill.
Mike the ManChild is stomping around the CTU office, demanding more teams and numbers and brackets! We need more brackets, STAT! Morris gives him some lip, so in accordance with CTU Standard Operating Procedures, Mike grabs him in a choke hold. He announces to the room that if anyone has problems taking orders from him, that they need to let him know right now. Fifty hands shoot into the air. Well, no, but they should have. Milo puts on his Big Boy voice and tells Mike not to touch his people. "Your people haaaave Cooooties!" Mike sings as he runs away.
"Take me seriously, I DARE you."
Milo asks Morris if he's alright, for what must be the fifty-seventh time today. Morris snarks, "The shirt's a blend, it doesn't wrinkle." Hey-o! Welcome to CTU Comedy Hour!
"Hey Morris, is THIS where they drilled ya?"
Back at the Bunker, Tom Lennox and the VP are having their secret, liars-only meeting. Lennox agrees to fudge the details of the bombing for the sake of what's best for the country. Daniels is delighted to hear this, until Tom adds that he is only willing to cooperate as long as the truth eventually comes out and Reed and Goon (Partners in Crime!) are punished. Daniels promises that they will be, but not at the moment - can't show any weakness on the part of the U.S. government. Oh, and Tom? Would you mind telling the ambassador of the Unnamed Country that you saw Assad plant the bomb? K THX! This is a little too much for Tom, who refuses to lie to the ambassador, but this make Daniels mad! DANIELS SMASH!
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Comments (10)
All I know is, that could be the Funniest Recap Ever. The screencaps had me laughing out loud.
1 of 10 | Posted by pbjunkie
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Posted on March 14, 2007 12:33 PM
"The Lead Box Investigator radios back to Markov that they haven't found him, but they're setting up a perimeter. Awww, see we're really not all that different. Russians can set up useless perimeters too! Jack falls off..."
hahhaha Whenever they cut back to Martha that Gnarls Barkley song pops in my head. "...la lala la la I think you're Craaa-zah, oohh oooohhh hooo"
Loved the Tvgasm pics and the captions, Screampillar, now if only I know who's going to do a recap of Last weeks's House MD =[, which reminds me I need a new username...HouseMDconvert dibs!
2 of 10 | Posted by IrideBlimp
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Posted on March 14, 2007 1:24 PM
Ahh, yes. 'Iraqistan".
Lovely country, sharing borders with my beloved 'Karjackistan'...
Great post!
3 of 10 | Posted by fignuts
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Posted on March 14, 2007 3:07 PM
That recap was hilarious! I was happy to finally see Martha and Aaron. She was so much more whacked out than at the end of last season though! I loved when she was going psycho on the kiwi and then threw some at Logan! LOL!
Ricky Schroder reminds me of a little kid too!
I don't know, I didn't really love this episode...but that's JMO. Jack was MIA for alot of it. Anyway, keep the awesome recaps coming!
4 of 10 | Posted by Jojobear
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Posted on March 14, 2007 4:08 PM
i created an account just to say this recap made me laugh out loud like an idiot at work.
great job!
next week better have more jack.
5 of 10 | Posted by minimuffin
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Posted on March 14, 2007 4:15 PM
After a year of gasm-stalking, I've finally created an account just so I could say how hilarious this recap is.
Well played.
Can't wait for the Crazy that is yet to be.
6 of 10 | Posted by her?
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Posted on March 15, 2007 6:59 AM
Your recaps get better by the week. I thought the whole Logan-Martha arc sucked, but it was great to see the CRAZY one and awesome Aaron.
What really bugged me was the time it took for Logan to go from CTU to Martha's Bungalow. Holy shit, they must have resurrected Airwolf for that one, or maybe I DID hear Picard say "Energize" after all.
24 needs to resolve itself and come up with a story that can fully fill the time without all the sideline crap. Too many characters don't ring true anymore, like Morris the shoe salesman all of a sudden getting a Top Secret clearance and the computer knowledge of a Bill gates, not to mention his ability to even program A-bomg detonators. And, BTW, no f___ing way he'd be able to function that well after he had his shoulder drilled through. At least put a sling on him, OK?
How the hell did Palmer Jr. get to be President, too? And where the hell did Jack get all this strength and stamina after two years of deprivation and torture?
Let's see, the drone's ready to go, so now we can figure on a USAF jet appearing to shoot it down. For what it's worth, they should just carpet bomb the damned Shadow Valley and be done with this bunch.
Thanks for mentioning Jack's "Do it, Naow!" shout. It always cracks me up when he does that. Sounds like a fat ass Georgia state trooper.
7 of 10 | Posted by Tony A.
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Posted on March 15, 2007 7:27 AM
"Tom just stands there, looking like he has greatly upset Vigo the Carpathian."
GENIUS. Loooooved your recap!
8 of 10 | Posted by kmills
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Posted on March 15, 2007 10:14 AM
good episode and good recap!
yes that doyle dude looks and talk like an overgrown kid (funny!), i bet jack's gonna kick his arse later on.
hilarious screencap "nor the time nor the place".
Tom is sooo going down for all of this, it's strange to me the he was all morality about the assasination attemp before but now he's playing all along (even with nuclear war on the line for his desition to lie) he deserve what's comming for him.
9 of 10 | Posted by ronclone
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Posted on March 19, 2007 8:06 AM
good episode and good recap!
yes that doyle dude looks and talk like an overgrown kid (funny!), i bet jack's gonna kick his arse later on.
hilarious screencap "nor the time nor the place".
Tom is sooo going down for all of this, it's strange to me the he was all morality about the assasination attemp before but now he's playing all along (even with nuclear war on the line for his desition to lie) he deserve what's comming for him.
10 of 10 | Posted by ronclone
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Posted on March 19, 2007 8:09 AM