And to make matters worse, Anya happens to be making a speech at this very moment, and because of "Russian politics", Chloe explains, they can't interrupt. I call it "common courtesy", but whatever. This extra waiting time of course adds up to more awkwardness over at the Bungalow. Martha is clearly about to snap, screeching that "This is taking forEVER!" Poor Aaron consoles her, saying that he'll stick by her. Aww. Logan apologizes for hurting her, and so she asks him if it bothers him to see her with another man. Ooh. Logan admits that it is but that he's happy for her. "I'm sure you are," she snarls, and heads for the kitchen. Hmm. I feel uneasy.
She begins to violently slice a kiwi, and starts in on how she has never been with a truly good man until Aaron came along. No arguments there. She yells some more, then yells about how yelling makes her feel better. Aaron tries to tell her not to get all stirred up, but she shouts, "Oh, we wouldn't want THAT, would we?!" This is delightful. She sits back down, and Logan thanks Aaron for all that he's done for her. Martha: "Now you're trying to irritate me, aren't you? Cut the CRAP. The sincerity, the new ENLIGHTENED SOUL. At least you used to be an HONEST CROOK." And with that, she throws some kiwi at him. Best scene EVER!
Aaron calms her down and she apologizes, taking some plates and a knife back to the kitchen. There sure are a lot of closeups of that knife. Anyway, she gets halfway to the kitchen, gets a crazy look in her eye, and changes her mind, deciding instead to PLUNGE THE KNIFE INTO LOGAN'S NECK! Logan, who was just sitting there, cleaning off his shirt, thinking "Dammit, kiwi stains never come out," is now bleeding all over the Bungalow Couch. He pulls the knife out, while Martha keeps saying "I did it! He wouldn't stop!" Aaron calls for a medic, yelling that she hit an artery, which, of COURSE she did. And I'm really hoping that amidst all this chaos someone steps in with a phone and calmly says, "Mrs. Suvarov on Line 1 for you, ma'am."
"You never shared my love for produce, you bastard!"
After commercials, the medics are hauling Logan away, saying that he's going into shock. I like to think that they've responded to a Code 423 - Stabbing at the Bungalow. Aaron is on the phone with Bill, who says that the VP has authorized the team to move in on the consulate unless Suvarov intervenes. Bill asks, "Is Martha capable of having a coherent conversation with Anya Suvarov?" I think the answer to that is an emphatic NO, but Aaron says he's not sure, so Bill will get back to him in a minute. Meanwhile, Martha is sitting, staring off into space, then asks Aaron why she's wearing handcuffs. "I should be given a medal. He was one of the biggest criminals in history!" Someone give this woman her own show. Or at the very least an Emmy, she was totally robbed last year.
Aaron asks if she's able to talk to Anya, and Martha chirps, "Of course! I'm not crazy!" Right. And I'm not ridiculously good looking. But there's no time to dispute this, as Anya is on the line and it's showtime! She and Martha have a little chitchat- it's been a while, how is everything, remember when my husband tried to have you and your husband killed two years ago, etc. Ah, memories. Then Martha gets right to the point. Careful Anya! She'll stab you through the phone! Anya doesn't know much about what's going on, so Martha begins to give her the details as we cut away to the consulate. Though for all we know she could just be going on and on about how she has to buy a new Bungalow Couch, as her old one has been irreversibly stained by some sort of unpleasantness.
At the consulate, lil' Ricky and team are crouched behind the wall, waiting, probably throwing rocks at the windows or something. That kid and his crazy hijinks! Inside, Markov is on the phone with Suvarov, who tells him to surrender to the Americans and return Jack Bauer, unharmed. Markov doesn't care for these orders, so he says he can't do that and hangs up. Anya hands her husband another phone, which has Buchanan on the other line, and Suvarov gives the go-ahead for CTU to storm the consulate.
"Someday I hope to stab you in the neck, darling."
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Comments (10)
All I know is, that could be the Funniest Recap Ever. The screencaps had me laughing out loud.
1 of 10 | Posted by pbjunkie
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Posted on March 14, 2007 12:33 PM
"The Lead Box Investigator radios back to Markov that they haven't found him, but they're setting up a perimeter. Awww, see we're really not all that different. Russians can set up useless perimeters too! Jack falls off..."
hahhaha Whenever they cut back to Martha that Gnarls Barkley song pops in my head. "...la lala la la I think you're Craaa-zah, oohh oooohhh hooo"
Loved the Tvgasm pics and the captions, Screampillar, now if only I know who's going to do a recap of Last weeks's House MD =[, which reminds me I need a new username...HouseMDconvert dibs!
2 of 10 | Posted by IrideBlimp
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Posted on March 14, 2007 1:24 PM
Ahh, yes. 'Iraqistan".
Lovely country, sharing borders with my beloved 'Karjackistan'...
Great post!
3 of 10 | Posted by fignuts
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Posted on March 14, 2007 3:07 PM
That recap was hilarious! I was happy to finally see Martha and Aaron. She was so much more whacked out than at the end of last season though! I loved when she was going psycho on the kiwi and then threw some at Logan! LOL!
Ricky Schroder reminds me of a little kid too!
I don't know, I didn't really love this episode...but that's JMO. Jack was MIA for alot of it. Anyway, keep the awesome recaps coming!
4 of 10 | Posted by Jojobear
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Posted on March 14, 2007 4:08 PM
i created an account just to say this recap made me laugh out loud like an idiot at work.
great job!
next week better have more jack.
5 of 10 | Posted by minimuffin
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Posted on March 14, 2007 4:15 PM
After a year of gasm-stalking, I've finally created an account just so I could say how hilarious this recap is.
Well played.
Can't wait for the Crazy that is yet to be.
6 of 10 | Posted by her?
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Posted on March 15, 2007 6:59 AM
Your recaps get better by the week. I thought the whole Logan-Martha arc sucked, but it was great to see the CRAZY one and awesome Aaron.
What really bugged me was the time it took for Logan to go from CTU to Martha's Bungalow. Holy shit, they must have resurrected Airwolf for that one, or maybe I DID hear Picard say "Energize" after all.
24 needs to resolve itself and come up with a story that can fully fill the time without all the sideline crap. Too many characters don't ring true anymore, like Morris the shoe salesman all of a sudden getting a Top Secret clearance and the computer knowledge of a Bill gates, not to mention his ability to even program A-bomg detonators. And, BTW, no f___ing way he'd be able to function that well after he had his shoulder drilled through. At least put a sling on him, OK?
How the hell did Palmer Jr. get to be President, too? And where the hell did Jack get all this strength and stamina after two years of deprivation and torture?
Let's see, the drone's ready to go, so now we can figure on a USAF jet appearing to shoot it down. For what it's worth, they should just carpet bomb the damned Shadow Valley and be done with this bunch.
Thanks for mentioning Jack's "Do it, Naow!" shout. It always cracks me up when he does that. Sounds like a fat ass Georgia state trooper.
7 of 10 | Posted by Tony A.
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Posted on March 15, 2007 7:27 AM
"Tom just stands there, looking like he has greatly upset Vigo the Carpathian."
GENIUS. Loooooved your recap!
8 of 10 | Posted by kmills
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Posted on March 15, 2007 10:14 AM
good episode and good recap!
yes that doyle dude looks and talk like an overgrown kid (funny!), i bet jack's gonna kick his arse later on.
hilarious screencap "nor the time nor the place".
Tom is sooo going down for all of this, it's strange to me the he was all morality about the assasination attemp before but now he's playing all along (even with nuclear war on the line for his desition to lie) he deserve what's comming for him.
9 of 10 | Posted by ronclone
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Posted on March 19, 2007 8:06 AM
good episode and good recap!
yes that doyle dude looks and talk like an overgrown kid (funny!), i bet jack's gonna kick his arse later on.
hilarious screencap "nor the time nor the place".
Tom is sooo going down for all of this, it's strange to me the he was all morality about the assasination attemp before but now he's playing all along (even with nuclear war on the line for his desition to lie) he deserve what's comming for him.
10 of 10 | Posted by ronclone
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Posted on March 19, 2007 8:09 AM