Remember Jack Bauer? He's still in the basement with the girl he took hostage, when the wiry guy returns with the satcom phone. Jack asks him to unlock it, but before he can the door is kicked in and people start shooting. Jack fires back, and it's totally unclear as to what is going on right now, except that bullets are flying, and wiry guy catches one. No matter, his girl will probably just move on to the guy in the next cubicle. That bitch.
Bill calls his bratty little nephew, I mean Mike, and tells him that Suvarov has given them the go-ahead. Mike and his team open fire, take down some Russians, and totally ruin a beautiful red carpet in the process. Jeez Russia, who were you expecting, Brad Pitt?! No, you'll get Ricky Schroder and you'll like it. Jack runs out of bullets in the basement, and the bad guys are just about to shoot him when CTU throws a bomb through the window and blows them all away. Except for Jack and the girl, of course.
"I'm going to Hollywood!"
Markov calls Gredenko and tells him that the Americans have arrived. Gredenko is upset, to say the least, but Markov tells him that he must launch the bombs right now. Then the CTU team arrives, and since Markov starts shooting at them, they shoot back and kill him up real good.
Mike arrives at Jack's basement hideout, where he introduces himself and Jack tells him the location of Fayed and Gredenko. Mike yells into his headset to be patched through to Buchanan, and I swear the guy sounds like a twelve-year-old. I half expected him to add "Mom, I'm ON the PHONE!"
Meanwhile, in the five-shot-clock-scene Gredenko arms the bombs, Buchanan dispatches teams to Shadow Valley, and Daniels submits his Evil Proposal.
And it's time for the big Fuck You! Logan is in the ambulance en route to the hospital, when he suddenly murmurs "Martha..." and then...crashes! Logan does, that is. Not the ambulance. Though that might be fun. Or better yet, they make it to a hospital...in Valencia! Wahp wahp!
So let me get this straight. All the business with Martha and Logan and the Suvarovs didn't even work? That's a lot of stress and work and dead ex-presidents to have to deal with for a plan that ended up being a total failure. Oh well. I'm just so happy to see Martha. Looks like she's doing quite well these days. Thoughts? Comments? Is Logan dead? What are your feelings on delicious produce?
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Comments (10)
All I know is, that could be the Funniest Recap Ever. The screencaps had me laughing out loud.
1 of 10 | Posted by pbjunkie
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Posted on March 14, 2007 12:33 PM
"The Lead Box Investigator radios back to Markov that they haven't found him, but they're setting up a perimeter. Awww, see we're really not all that different. Russians can set up useless perimeters too! Jack falls off..."
hahhaha Whenever they cut back to Martha that Gnarls Barkley song pops in my head. "...la lala la la I think you're Craaa-zah, oohh oooohhh hooo"
Loved the Tvgasm pics and the captions, Screampillar, now if only I know who's going to do a recap of Last weeks's House MD =[, which reminds me I need a new username...HouseMDconvert dibs!
2 of 10 | Posted by IrideBlimp
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Posted on March 14, 2007 1:24 PM
Ahh, yes. 'Iraqistan".
Lovely country, sharing borders with my beloved 'Karjackistan'...
Great post!
3 of 10 | Posted by fignuts
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Posted on March 14, 2007 3:07 PM
That recap was hilarious! I was happy to finally see Martha and Aaron. She was so much more whacked out than at the end of last season though! I loved when she was going psycho on the kiwi and then threw some at Logan! LOL!
Ricky Schroder reminds me of a little kid too!
I don't know, I didn't really love this episode...but that's JMO. Jack was MIA for alot of it. Anyway, keep the awesome recaps coming!
4 of 10 | Posted by Jojobear
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Posted on March 14, 2007 4:08 PM
i created an account just to say this recap made me laugh out loud like an idiot at work.
great job!
next week better have more jack.
5 of 10 | Posted by minimuffin
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Posted on March 14, 2007 4:15 PM
After a year of gasm-stalking, I've finally created an account just so I could say how hilarious this recap is.
Well played.
Can't wait for the Crazy that is yet to be.
6 of 10 | Posted by her?
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Posted on March 15, 2007 6:59 AM
Your recaps get better by the week. I thought the whole Logan-Martha arc sucked, but it was great to see the CRAZY one and awesome Aaron.
What really bugged me was the time it took for Logan to go from CTU to Martha's Bungalow. Holy shit, they must have resurrected Airwolf for that one, or maybe I DID hear Picard say "Energize" after all.
24 needs to resolve itself and come up with a story that can fully fill the time without all the sideline crap. Too many characters don't ring true anymore, like Morris the shoe salesman all of a sudden getting a Top Secret clearance and the computer knowledge of a Bill gates, not to mention his ability to even program A-bomg detonators. And, BTW, no f___ing way he'd be able to function that well after he had his shoulder drilled through. At least put a sling on him, OK?
How the hell did Palmer Jr. get to be President, too? And where the hell did Jack get all this strength and stamina after two years of deprivation and torture?
Let's see, the drone's ready to go, so now we can figure on a USAF jet appearing to shoot it down. For what it's worth, they should just carpet bomb the damned Shadow Valley and be done with this bunch.
Thanks for mentioning Jack's "Do it, Naow!" shout. It always cracks me up when he does that. Sounds like a fat ass Georgia state trooper.
7 of 10 | Posted by Tony A.
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Posted on March 15, 2007 7:27 AM
"Tom just stands there, looking like he has greatly upset Vigo the Carpathian."
GENIUS. Loooooved your recap!
8 of 10 | Posted by kmills
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Posted on March 15, 2007 10:14 AM
good episode and good recap!
yes that doyle dude looks and talk like an overgrown kid (funny!), i bet jack's gonna kick his arse later on.
hilarious screencap "nor the time nor the place".
Tom is sooo going down for all of this, it's strange to me the he was all morality about the assasination attemp before but now he's playing all along (even with nuclear war on the line for his desition to lie) he deserve what's comming for him.
9 of 10 | Posted by ronclone
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Posted on March 19, 2007 8:06 AM
good episode and good recap!
yes that doyle dude looks and talk like an overgrown kid (funny!), i bet jack's gonna kick his arse later on.
hilarious screencap "nor the time nor the place".
Tom is sooo going down for all of this, it's strange to me the he was all morality about the assasination attemp before but now he's playing all along (even with nuclear war on the line for his desition to lie) he deserve what's comming for him.
10 of 10 | Posted by ronclone
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Posted on March 19, 2007 8:09 AM