Kim Returns to 24! - 
by B-Side
This just in! TVgasm has obtained an exclusive look at the new 24 spin-off series. The show centers on the ongoing perils of Kim Bauer as she struggles to leave the world of CTU behind her. Oh Kim, you know better than that. How many beards must your father grow before you realize that you can never leave CTU behind. The world always needs the Bauers!
We have to admit, it took a while to get used to this new Kim-centered series, but at the end of the day, we really liked it. So for everyone waiting on pins and needles for the next season of 24, Christmas comes two days early...
The show opens with Kim freshly divorced from Chase and embracing her newfound independence by fronting a rock band!
Kim's new boyfriend, Manuel. He'll later lose a hand, a leg, and an ear.
Life is good for Kim, but she's still tortured by memories of her mom's death.
One day, Kim makes a terrifying discovery.
Kim's band is actually a terrorist cell named "Weeze"!
Panicked, Kim reaches for the M&Ms...
But discovers a cyanide pill hidden inside! The band members -- or should I say TERRORISTS -- ARE TRYING TO KILL HER!!
Of course.
Kim fights back the only way she knows how: trashing the buffet!!!
The rarely-used orange punch tactic!
But it's too late. The bad guys have already drugged Kim with a light horse tranquilizer.
Kim's "boyfriend" (we should have known) abducts her to a secret bunker...
Target Aspirin: the preferred drug of terrorists.
The bad guys wonder how long 'till Kim's bear-trap arrives in the mail.
Kim miraculously fights through the Aspirin haze and charges her abductors!
The leader of the pack threatens to take Kim down with his all-powerful finger gun! A poke as strong as death itself!
"NOT THE FINGER GUN!"
Kim flees to the "star door," but...
...behind the star door is a gas chamber. Classic Kim move.
"She's dead," proclaims Manuel. But for some reason, I don't believe him...
Hours later, Kim emerges from the death trap. Manuel had secretly turned off the gas! He still loves her! But... where is everybody?
Kim hears music!
The terrorists are performing! This is her chance to escape!
Kim bolts!
A low-level guard tries to stop her, but Kim just shoves him out of the way!
Kim's free! As she runs into the sunrise, Kim realizes that now she must start her life over. Will she ever be able to lead a normal life? We'll have to find out next season!
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Comments
Wow...
Utterly amazing.
At first I didnt know if it was true or not and i was actually a little excited. I miss Kim and her antics, but that was better than anything Kim has ever done. Really takes after her father that one.
Bravo Kim and Bravo B-Side
Posted by: Mr. Negativity | December 23, 2005 5:16 AM(#1 of 14)
It's going to be a good five minutes before I stop laughing. And who knew that Harland Williams was such a bad mf'er?
Posted by: The Dogg Pound | December 23, 2005 5:22 AM(#2 of 14)
Man B-Side. That's a lot to handle first thing in the morning. I was panicked to think that some wacko gave this girl a show. I've never seen the video that this came from (and don't really want to), but that was great!
Posted by: RealityTV4Me | December 23, 2005 5:46 AM(#3 of 14)
C,mon BSide, what Weezer video is this? I want to see it. She is so hot.
Posted by: Testiculon | December 23, 2005 6:24 AM(#4 of 14)
BRILLIANT!!! I am forwarding this to all my 24 addicted friends!!!! Thanks, B-side for feeding our obsession!
Posted by: cruella_deville | December 23, 2005 6:33 AM(#5 of 14)
Uproariously funny.
Less amusing, however, is the fact that Kim appears to have a role in Season 5. If you take a look at the guest stars for Season 5 episodes as listed on IMDB, she's in there.
GREAT! YAY DISMEMBERMENT! Who will the unsuspecting love interest be this season? Or does Chase get to lose his other hand this time around? He doesn't appear in the guest star list yet, so my bet is on Wayne Palmer.
Based on who is listed in the credits, my bet for this season's main plot is that the Chinese find Jack, force him to attempt to kill the Russian President and his wife, and all the while President Pussy sits cowering in a bunker thinking (logically) that Jack is coming for him next. And when President Pussy brings in Wayne Palmer to help, Kim falls deeply in love with him. I think he gets a foot taken off this season.
Posted by: JohnGalt | December 23, 2005 6:45 AM(#6 of 14)
>>
Great job...you got me there for about the first minute; then I saw the VH1 logo in the bottom corners of each screencap and thought, "What a genius!"
Great job B-Side.
Posted by: CaliGirlinGA@hotmail.com | December 23, 2005 7:53 AM(#7 of 14)
I think you forgot to mention the new gimmick of the Kim spin-off. It's a musical 24! It's like Cop Rock but with terrorists!!!
"Perfect Situation" ~ Weezer
(if you just have to know)
Posted by: Double L | December 23, 2005 8:08 AM(#8 of 14)
JohnGalt, IMDB is almost aways wrong about things like that...Even though Kim returning to the show is a lot more credible than Scarlett Johansson being on 24.....
Posted by: Phenom | December 23, 2005 8:19 AM(#9 of 14)
You know, everyone keeps complaining that MTV and VHI never play videos any more. If this is what they've got for us, bring back Flava Flav a Bridgett instead!
Posted by: Leah3t | December 23, 2005 8:59 AM(#10 of 14)
Don't worry B-side...they cant all be funny. I just feel bad since this probably took a lot of time and still was to laughter what hitler was to the jews...but chin up fella, tomorrow's another day!
MYL
Posted by: madeyoulaugh | December 23, 2005 9:05 AM(#11 of 14)
As long as she doesn't have those bangs from season 3...
Posted by: couchpotato | December 23, 2005 10:46 AM(#12 of 14)
Hilarious.
Posted by: poe | December 23, 2005 11:13 AM(#13 of 14)
Hahaha, that's funny.
Since I've never seen the video, I didn't get the joke until the orange punch frame. I'm ashamed.
Posted by: joyfulchicken | December 24, 2005 6:32 AM(#14 of 14)