Meanwhile, Jack is sneaking into the consulate. He's really becoming quite good at this. Some random guard almost catches him, but Jack's been brushing up on his Russian so the dude is totally fooled. Chloe knocks out the power so that Jack can sneak in, but apparently the interior of the consulate is manned with smarter guards, since they realize immediately that something is wrong. Maybe the presence of Crazy Consulate-Crashing Bauer was their first clue.
But he's still smooth enough to weasel his way into Markov's lair. He starts yelling, which causes Markov to hit an alarm, which causes Jack to yell even more. Markov screams something about violating international law and breaking the sovereignty of the consulate. Jack's like, bitch please. Been there. By now the guards have caught on and are surrounding Markov's office. Jack yells to them that he is taking Markov hostage, and if they attempt to enter the room he will kill him. He calls up CTU, but since Buchanan can't really do anything for him, it's more of a "You'll never guess where I am!" call.
"Consulate...my old arch-nemesis..."
Daniels is basking in a little alone time amidst the Presidential Trumpets of Distress, when Lisa shrilly interrupts to give him an update on the televised address, which will be occurring in ten minutes. She also lets him know that Karen has changed her mind and decided to stay aboard this sinking Ship of Incompetence. "No take backsies!" howls Daniels. No, he actually asks what prompted her resignation in the first place, and Lisa slyly gossips that it's because she didn't approve of Lennox's plan. What a saucy wench. Lisa, that is. Karen is a randy broad.
Bill calls Daniels to update him on the situation at the consulate. Daniels is, not surprisingly, horrified by the whole thing. You know, I think that all members of the White House should be given a Jack Bauer Instruction Manuel on Orientation Day, whether he's alive or captured or assumed dead or whatever. That way they won't be surprised when he decides to storm a consulate or hijack a cruise ship or blow up the moon. In fact, all Presidents should have a direct line to Jack, or at least put him in their Fav Five. If everyone just followed the #1 rule - Always listen to Jack Bauer - we would be able to avoid most of the problems that plague this country, including poverty and the spread of killer bees. Daniels, not having heard this rule, barks some more at Buchanan, then fields a call from our old pal Suvarov, the Russian president. Suvy says that if Jack doesn't quit all this nonsense, he's going to have to retaliate. Awkward...
The Russian version of Tom Lennox.
Jack is still using Markov as a punching bag and demanding answers. Markov accidentally lets it slip that he knows Gredenko is in the U.S., which Jack had never mentioned. "Coming To America" blasts on the soundtrack, to rub this in. And by soundtrack, I mean my subconscious. Jack asks Markov what Gredenko is doing for Fayed. No wait, that's wrong. Jack asks Markov "WHAT IS GREDENKO DOING FOR FAYED?!" When Markov says for the 47th time that he doesn't know, Jack picks up the cigar cutter and threatens to cut off every one of his fingers, one by one. NICE! I mean, it's no electrocution by floor lamp or knife to the eyeball, but it'll do! Markov looks mildly frightened, but not nearly as much as he should be. Because Jack has probably been itching to use a cigar cutter for torture purposes ever since his CTU days, and he's certainly not going to pass up the opportunity now! Jack deftly pops off a finger like he was born to sever digits (note to self: Sever Digit is a great name for a band), while Markov howls in pain and I giggle with glee. That finger will make a great addition to Jack's dismembered-appendages-of-foreign-diplomats charm bracelet.
"Are you Jewish? No? Want to be?"
« Good Times Never Seemed So...Gross | Main | Not Really Cool As Ice »
Comments (17)
Screampillar, I thought your recap was great. Making 24 recaps funny is difficult, and I really enjoyed it. Keep it up! BTW, great call on the Russian Tom Lennox! Also looks like we FINALLY get to see Aaron and Martha next week! Woo hoo!
1 of 17 | Posted by Remy11
|
Posted on March 8, 2007 11:18 AM
Good job Sreampiller! I particularly enjoyed the "Legends of the Hidden Temple" reference. Well done.
2 of 17 | Posted by Emilita33
|
Posted on March 8, 2007 11:43 AM
Screampillar, you did a great job with this recap. There were lots of screenshots and snark...just the way I love my recaps!
And finally we got to see Jack cut off another appendage. Is that great TV or what??
3 of 17 | Posted by hardlyworking
|
Posted on March 8, 2007 11:59 AM
"That finger will make a great addition to Jack's dismembered-appendages-of-foreign-diplomats charm bracelet"
Brilliant!
I think we can now rest, knowing '24' is in good hands.
4 of 17 | Posted by Firecat
|
Posted on March 8, 2007 12:45 PM
And the 24 recap tradition lives on...
The American Idol caption absolutely killed me.
5 of 17 | Posted by parttimecynic
|
Posted on March 8, 2007 1:34 PM
Great recap Screampillar!
Did you guys see the previews for next week? Martha is confronting President Pussy as AARON is sitting beside her all lovey-like! They totally hooked up. I knew it!
6 of 17 | Posted by Jojobear
|
Posted on March 8, 2007 2:32 PM
I too, noticed that we will get to see Martha and her boytoy Aaron next week! Yay!
Great recap Screampillar!
7 of 17 | Posted by Jojobear
|
Posted on March 8, 2007 2:34 PM
Sorry for my double posts, I thought I cancelled the first one. D'oh! It won't happen again!
8 of 17 | Posted by Jojobear
|
Posted on March 8, 2007 3:49 PM
It has to be said -- why on EARTH was Jack walking toward the door at the end? Did he possibly think he was going to just walk right out? That was one of the most non-Jack Bauer moments I've ever seen out of him. Perhaps being in the field with Milo was too much for him?
9 of 17 | Posted by Deb
|
Posted on March 8, 2007 7:38 PM
Excellent job, Screampillar. I'm very glad you're taking over the recaps.
Deb, I was thinking the same thing about Jack just strolling towards the door. Had he forgotten about the horde of angry Russian guards on the other side?
10 of 17 | Posted by brilliantmistake
|
Posted on March 8, 2007 10:13 PM
LOL Crafty Bastard University !!! Will be thinking that line all day. Thanks Screampillar, you made my day. Loved this episode, loved the recap, loved the previews, but there's only 12 episodes left.
11 of 17 | Posted by Jules
|
Posted on March 9, 2007 3:00 AM
yeah i agree - this recap was great! 24 is in good hands for sure :)
12 of 17 | Posted by your_therapeutic_smile
|
Posted on March 10, 2007 1:00 PM
Great recap Screampillar! I admit I was reluctant at first but it was pretty amazing to read. Keep up the good work.
13 of 17 | Posted by Junzilla
|
Posted on March 10, 2007 5:19 PM
YEAH SCREAMPILLER!! I'm new to TVgasm and became addicted to your recaps of Friday Night Lights. I'm so glad that you will now be doing 24! you are too funny! I love the screencaps!
14 of 17 | Posted by y2kcsc
|
Posted on March 10, 2007 7:49 PM
wow great recap i laughed my rear off keep it coming :)
15 of 17 | Posted by rikkidbs
|
Posted on March 12, 2007 6:24 PM
This might be a SPOILER but I might just be talking out of my ass. Anyway, Palmer 2.0 isn't going to die. The FCC prohibits the killing of a president on television. It's OK if the president is no longer in office or if it's the vice president, but the president himself can not be killed. I'm not sure why, but that's why the President was the only one who survived the Air Force One plane crash a couple seasons ago.
Just a little heads up.
16 of 17 | Posted by Sam
|
Posted on March 13, 2007 4:24 PM
"She should order a Hot Pocket or something."
Hilarious. I was worried about what was going to become of this recap because the B-Side recaps of 24 are what got me to watch the show in the first place and I love this show and the snark-laden recaps more than life itself so it's good to know that the baton has been passed to a worthy successor - it was a much more seamless transition than the RW and Hills ones.
17 of 17 | Posted by BlondeGirl
|
Posted on March 15, 2007 10:40 PM