The suits outside the room get a video feed from inside the office, but decide not to move in yet because Markov is still too close to Jack, and besides, he hasn't lost enough fingers yet. Jack presents two options: either give him the information, or die. "The choice is yours," snarls Jack. "AND YOURS ALONE!!" I scream in an Olmec voice. Markov finally caves and says that Gredenko is in Shadow Valley in the Mojave Desert, launching drones as a delivery system for nuclear bombs, which will be in the air in two hours. Jack gets that "how could you kill my favorite puppy" look on his face and punches Markov once again, just for fun this time. He starts to exit the room when the guards blow the door, and he goes flying. They apprehend him and he is dragged into custody, all the while screaming "CONSULATES! MY ONE WEAKNESS!"
"I said I wanted DOUBLE STUF OREOS, not CHOCOLATE CREME OREOS!! For this you die."
VP Bulldog is delivering his televised address, informing the nation of the assassination attempt and the new aggressive agenda that will entail the suspension of civil liberties. "This is the price of war. Make no mistake, that's exactly what it is." What? "Make no mistake?" Bitch stole David Palmer's line! Now I really hate him. Back at CTU, the gang is trying to track Jack, but the encryption of the Russian consulate is making that difficult. Luckily, Morris finds a way around it and discovers that they have an American agent in custody. But Morris is also a lousy drunk, so who knows what to believe.
Nadia relays the situation to Buchanan, who's clearly thinking, "Dammit Jack, not again. How many consulates must you invade? Do you have any idea how much paperwork this creates?" He realizes that dealing with the situation diplomatically won't work right now, so he decides to have special ops draw up a plan to get into the consulate, and then give the VP the option of taking it by force. Bill is such a badass. Can't he be president? Or maybe he and Karen could form a presidential husband-wife Dream Team of some sort?
"Sigh. Every week we do this."
Over in the consulate, the guards are trying to figure out what to do with their little captive. Luckily for Jack, a Sympathetic And Impressionable Guard has been assigned to his watch. Jack tells him everything, does the whole "I know you believe me!" thing, and pleads for his help. The guard says there's nothing he can do, but we all know that he can and that he will. He's like the Russian version of Aaron! Jack tells him to call CTU, (gives him the 24 hotline phone number, which I called yet again and is still full of messages but says so in Spanish this time) and he finally relents and sneaks out of the room. How very end-of-Season-2, writers. The lovable oaf starts dialing in the hallway (always a bad idea, get to a secure room at least), but before he can talk to Buchanan one of the guards puts a bullet through his head. Looks like Jack is on his own. Except for CTU. And the special ops. And maybe VP Bulldog. But other than that, he's totally screwed.
"What would Aaron Pierce do??"
So. This was kind of a murky episode, in that there was a lot of logistical stuff they had to get out of the way. It was very talky and there were a lot of guys in suits. And not much action except for the small amount of finger torture, though I think he should have taken off a couple more for good measure. But Palmer was unconscious through it all, so that was a plus. And I really hope that "HOW DO I FIND GREDENKO?" becomes the new "TELL ME WHERE THE BOMB IS!" I've already started shouting it at strangers. Tell your friends! Anyway, thoughts? Comments? Ever lopped off an extremity or two?
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Comments (17)
Screampillar, I thought your recap was great. Making 24 recaps funny is difficult, and I really enjoyed it. Keep it up! BTW, great call on the Russian Tom Lennox! Also looks like we FINALLY get to see Aaron and Martha next week! Woo hoo!
1 of 17 | Posted by Remy11
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Posted on March 8, 2007 11:18 AM
Good job Sreampiller! I particularly enjoyed the "Legends of the Hidden Temple" reference. Well done.
2 of 17 | Posted by Emilita33
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Posted on March 8, 2007 11:43 AM
Screampillar, you did a great job with this recap. There were lots of screenshots and snark...just the way I love my recaps!
And finally we got to see Jack cut off another appendage. Is that great TV or what??
3 of 17 | Posted by hardlyworking
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Posted on March 8, 2007 11:59 AM
"That finger will make a great addition to Jack's dismembered-appendages-of-foreign-diplomats charm bracelet"
Brilliant!
I think we can now rest, knowing '24' is in good hands.
4 of 17 | Posted by Firecat
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Posted on March 8, 2007 12:45 PM
And the 24 recap tradition lives on...
The American Idol caption absolutely killed me.
5 of 17 | Posted by parttimecynic
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Posted on March 8, 2007 1:34 PM
Great recap Screampillar!
Did you guys see the previews for next week? Martha is confronting President Pussy as AARON is sitting beside her all lovey-like! They totally hooked up. I knew it!
6 of 17 | Posted by Jojobear
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Posted on March 8, 2007 2:32 PM
I too, noticed that we will get to see Martha and her boytoy Aaron next week! Yay!
Great recap Screampillar!
7 of 17 | Posted by Jojobear
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Posted on March 8, 2007 2:34 PM
Sorry for my double posts, I thought I cancelled the first one. D'oh! It won't happen again!
8 of 17 | Posted by Jojobear
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Posted on March 8, 2007 3:49 PM
It has to be said -- why on EARTH was Jack walking toward the door at the end? Did he possibly think he was going to just walk right out? That was one of the most non-Jack Bauer moments I've ever seen out of him. Perhaps being in the field with Milo was too much for him?
9 of 17 | Posted by Deb
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Posted on March 8, 2007 7:38 PM
Excellent job, Screampillar. I'm very glad you're taking over the recaps.
Deb, I was thinking the same thing about Jack just strolling towards the door. Had he forgotten about the horde of angry Russian guards on the other side?
10 of 17 | Posted by brilliantmistake
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Posted on March 8, 2007 10:13 PM
LOL Crafty Bastard University !!! Will be thinking that line all day. Thanks Screampillar, you made my day. Loved this episode, loved the recap, loved the previews, but there's only 12 episodes left.
11 of 17 | Posted by Jules
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Posted on March 9, 2007 3:00 AM
yeah i agree - this recap was great! 24 is in good hands for sure :)
12 of 17 | Posted by your_therapeutic_smile
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Posted on March 10, 2007 1:00 PM
Great recap Screampillar! I admit I was reluctant at first but it was pretty amazing to read. Keep up the good work.
13 of 17 | Posted by Junzilla
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Posted on March 10, 2007 5:19 PM
YEAH SCREAMPILLER!! I'm new to TVgasm and became addicted to your recaps of Friday Night Lights. I'm so glad that you will now be doing 24! you are too funny! I love the screencaps!
14 of 17 | Posted by y2kcsc
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Posted on March 10, 2007 7:49 PM
wow great recap i laughed my rear off keep it coming :)
15 of 17 | Posted by rikkidbs
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Posted on March 12, 2007 6:24 PM
This might be a SPOILER but I might just be talking out of my ass. Anyway, Palmer 2.0 isn't going to die. The FCC prohibits the killing of a president on television. It's OK if the president is no longer in office or if it's the vice president, but the president himself can not be killed. I'm not sure why, but that's why the President was the only one who survived the Air Force One plane crash a couple seasons ago.
Just a little heads up.
16 of 17 | Posted by Sam
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Posted on March 13, 2007 4:24 PM
"She should order a Hot Pocket or something."
Hilarious. I was worried about what was going to become of this recap because the B-Side recaps of 24 are what got me to watch the show in the first place and I love this show and the snark-laden recaps more than life itself so it's good to know that the baton has been passed to a worthy successor - it was a much more seamless transition than the RW and Hills ones.
17 of 17 | Posted by BlondeGirl
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Posted on March 15, 2007 10:40 PM