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Tale of the Tape - TVgasm

by B-Side

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24041706Wow, this has really been a terrible day for Jack Bauer. Our 24 hero has not only been accused of murdering his man-crush, David Palmer, but he's now being hunted down by the most powerful guy in the world. No, not Rupert Murdoch. Charles Logan. But since Jack is such a swell guy, he's managed to find that one piece of evidence that can prove him right -- a wee tape recording made by Martha Logan's ailing assistant, Evelyn. And you all thought tape recorders were obsolete. Ha! Well, as we headed into this week's episode, Jack and Audrey were en route to the scenic Van Nuys airport where they were to meet the ever lovable Secretary Heller. Aww. Dad's back in town. All these lovebirds need to do is hand over the tape and let the wheels of justice do the rest. Sounds simple, huh? Too bad Heller came back from overseas with a severe case of Asian Asshole Flu. Now I know why his bastard son Richard got so messed up.

This week's show started with the media wondering why the heck martial law was still in effect. It was a good question. After all, the terrorist threat had subsided, and everything was just fine and dandy in the country. So what gives? I guess it's just too tricky to tell America you want everyone off the streets so that it's easier to apprehend the guy who has evidence that could dismantle the entire Presidency.

Well, while President Logan watched the news, Christopher Henderson called up to check in. The new plan was that Logan would tell Henderson Jack's location as soon as he found out from CTU. This way, Robocop and his cronies could intercept and of course, kill. Logan then dialed up Karen Hayes at CTU to put a little pressure on. He said he wanted Jack found STAT, which Karen agreed to, but we could tell her little "This doesn't feel right" light bulb was going off like crazy. Nevertheless, she had her orders, and her main gay Miles was only too happy to help hunt down Jack. He was more excited than the time they extended the Banana Republic sale an extra day. (He scored a fab microstripe eagle-print shirt for HALF off! Two snaps for Miles!)

Anyway, Miles knew that Chloe was up to something with Audrey and Jack, but interrogating her would only lead to denials. There was a way to get to her though, and Miles was gonna figure it out!

Meanwhile, out in the field, Jack met up with our old friend, Bill Buchanan. Yay! And great news: it looked like Bill no longer had that "Why, Audrey, why?" expression on his face. I was hoping that Jack might do something smart like hand the evidence over to Bill, you know, so that when the terrorists inevitably find Jack, he won't have anything on his body. But no. Instead, Jack handed Wayne Palmer over to Bill instead. Oh yeah, forgot to mention -- Wayne Palmer was still hanging around. Anyway, since it was obvious that Wayne wasn't going to be killed off for now (he's clearly lasted way too long for that), he was instead shuttled off to obscurity by Buchanan. Maybe he'll hide off wherever Curtis is these days. Probably some strip club. Curtis, you DAWG!


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