Daniels meets Karen in holding to ask her what the hell she was thinking. She tells him that she learned from earlier today, when dealing with Fayed, that you should never negotiate with a sociopath. Man, sociopath is being thrown around a lot this season. Did no one realize that every season has contained sociopaths? Maybe they finally bought a thesaurus. Karen and Daniels squabble a little more, and she says she's prepared to accept the consequences, which Daniels assures her will be severe. He asks if Tom Lennox was involved, she says no, then he informs her that if Jack fails and a war starts, the blood will be on her hands. Hey, what's that sound? It's the Guilt Train again! Next stop D.C.!
Grandpa calls Mike and tells him to bring Josh close to the water. Mike and Josh (who, when you think about it, look eerily alike) leave their beloved picnic and run onto the beach as a little speedboat approaches from the distance. A goon gets out and wades onto the beach as Asian music plinks away in the background. Mike says that he needs to verify the circuit board, so goon tosses over what appears to be a rather large engagement ring box.
Seriously, they could be twins. Put Mike in a stupid sweater and give him a crash course in embittered whining, and they could totally trade places.
Mike slowly opens the box, which does not contain a diamond or even a cubic zirconia, but rather an explosive. It detonates all over his FACE and throws him back onto the sand as goon grabs Josh and runs back to the boat. Of course, Jack and Bill show up right about now, but Jack can't shoot because Josh is in the way. Eh, he shoots anyway, but the boat speeds away, Josh's whimpering echoing into the night sky. Mike informs them, through pained grunting, that he did not get the circuit board. Ah. Thanks for clearing that up, Mike.
Outrageous savings!
Goon calls up Grandpa and tells him that he has Josh. He also scans Josh to see if CTU is tracking him, which they are. For a moment I hope for a Gredenko-style hatchet to the forearm, but alas, goon just, like, burns it out of him or something. I don't know. Jack calls CTU to fill them in on the awesome explosions and the boat getaway, then requests a trauma team for the badly injured Mike. Nadia is Concerned.
Daniels calls Tom into his office to apparently state the moral of the story. He goes on and on about how he had been wrong this whole time, he made a lot of bad decisions, he shouldn't have doubted Wayne; all in all, it's HARD to be President! It wasn't like this back at President Camp! Tom, totally bored by this ridiculous soliloquy, changes the subject and tells him not to come down so hard on Karen, since making this stuff public would be a pretty bad move for an administration whose reputation is already in the shitter. Daniels says he'll think about it, but right now he needs an update on CTU's progress. So WHY did you waste all of our time whining about your terrible day?! GOD. He sits back in his chair and pouts and sighs. Do I smell a possible suicide?
The trauma team has arrived, and Jack radios back to Nadia the verdict: Mike will be blind in one, if not both, eyes. Sweet! Mike's going to be a pirate! Nadia dusts off yet another old chestnut: "I should have listened to you, Jack." Seriously, Nadia. Just walk out into the parking lot and drive home. You're totally useless. CTU will have satellite back up in a minute, but they won't be able to track such a small boat in the dark. Jack, his Bauer-senses tingling, looks out into the ocean. He figures out that they must be going to a larger vessel, or, even better, an offshore oil platform such as one of the many that Grandpa's company owns!
Sure enough, Jack is right (shock! dismay!), as the goons drive the boat up to a platform. That very platform also contains Grandpa and our old buddy Cheng, who appears to be quite cranky since he still hasn't gotten his precious component. Grandpa has something interesting to say about all this: "Your mistakes have been totally unacceptable, but China is still my future." However, it ACTUALLY sounds like he says "but 'gina is still my future," which would imply that Grandpa is still quite a hit with the little blue-haired ladies.
"GRANDPA NEVER TIRES OF THE BUTT 'GINA!!"
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Comments (4)
This was the most painfully-bad 2 hours of television this year. I totally agree with your list of problems with the finale (and the season). Fortunately, your recap was hilarious. Contemplation by Mike Doyle. HA!
So glad this season is over since it totally blew. Tom Lennox was absolutely the only enjoyable thing about it. Thank god for him. I’m going to pretend this season never happened. I haven’t decided if I’ll be back next year.
1 of 4 | Posted by pbjunkie
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Posted on May 29, 2007 9:20 AM
I've been reading your recaps for a while now and literally always find myself laughing loudly whenever I do... Well done!
Have to say though I think the best scene in the finale was when Suvarov and his generals agree that the oil platform had been sufficiently destroyed... The generals all looked around at each other and shrugged like "ehn, looked convincing enough." Worst bit of acting to cap off a pretty disappointing season.
Looking forward to recaps of FNL Season 2!
2 of 4 | Posted by ibanker
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Posted on May 29, 2007 12:37 PM
Great recap, so much better than the actual show!! I too, agree with your list of problems in the finale! Surely I thought we'd discover that Jack is Josh's father??! And the fact that Chloe and Morris are procreating makes me gag. The whole season was kinda surreal...
Screampillar, I am so looking forward to next season of FNL and your recaps!! That would have been so lame if they cancelled that show...
3 of 4 | Posted by Jojobear
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Posted on May 29, 2007 2:06 PM
Agreed that Tom Lennox was the second best thing this season (don't let Jack hear you say anything is better then him). Still, as annoyingly boyish as Doyle was, his respect, awe, and fear of Jack made his character worthwhile. The little whiney "damnit" when he found out Jack was coming to get his - I mean - the boy, just showed how afraid he was of going head to head with Jack.
That moment was second only the "Damn Jack" after he single handedly took out Al-Qaeda with a handgun and a chain.
Oh, and once more for old times sake: BEERROOOOOZZZ!!!
4 of 4 | Posted by MODULUS
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Posted on May 31, 2007 12:22 PM