Josh freaks out, saying that they have to go back and get him, so Bill turns around. Jack puts his hand up, and Bill understands. Jack runs off as Josh starts screeching again, and Bill explains that "Jack's not ready to go back yet." He'd like to put in a quick trip to IHOP first to start this day off right.
Season 7: Alien vs. Bauer
Back in the oval office, Tom gets a great line: "Sir, not to quash your flush of victory here, but the actions of the Chinese cannot go unaddressed." I'm going to try and use "quash your flush of victory" in a sentence every single day this week. Try it, it's a fun challenge! Daniels says that that's a problem for another day (ha!) and right now he'd like to get some sleep. Tom brings up another pressing issue (what a lovable scamp!), the fact that Karen is about to be taken into custody. He says that in the light of all that's happened, it would be better to preserve whatever faith in the administration the American people have left, and begs for Daniels to let Karen and Bill resign with their reputations in tact. Daniels sighs, smiles, and says, "Alll right, Tom," as if Tom had asked for a shiny new tricycle for his birthday or something. Tom thanks him and gets up to leave, then snidely leaves behind the tape recording of his discussion with Lisa about the attempted perjury. Daniels smiles. That'll do, Tom. That'll do.
"Heh heh, what a day! Good times!"
Morris runs into the infirmary to tell Chloe all about the happy air strike ending. He asks about the test results, since the doctor wouldn't tell him what they were. After some reassurance from Morris that he still loves her and can't lose her (barf), she confesses that she's pregnant. Ugh. Lame. Morris is incredulous and happy and it's supposed to be cute, but after having watched the Best Confession of Pregnancy Scene Ever in the season finale of Friday Night Lights, this is just small, annoying potatoes. I begrudgingly await the arrival of a cranky, whiny, smarmy child with a personality disorder and a penchant for whiskey.
Tom brings the happy news to Karen that she's free to go, and that Bill is receiving a full pardon as well. Karen is overjoyed, and for a moment it feels like they're going to high five each other. She thanks Tom for whatever part he played in this. He shakes her hand and smiles, and says, "You know, Karen, I actually think I'm gonna miss you." "Really?" she asks. "I can answer that better after you've gone." Oh that Tom!! Sad to see he didn't tell her not to trip over her own ineptitude on the way out, but that was still pretty good. God, I love him.
Josh and Marilyn engage in a tearful reunion. Bill tells Cheng he's off to a federal detention facility. Cheng says that his people will not abandon him like the U.S. abandoned Mistah Jack Bauah!! Please no. This China plotline needs to be over. Bill also lies through his teeth in telling Nadia that she did a good job today. Whatever. She asks where Jack is, probably because she wants to uselessly yell at him for breaking protocol yet again, but Bill says that he's gone, and that they'll never find him.
Heller is sitting in his living room. He hears a noise, and goes to call the police when Jack appears and tells him to put the phone down. Heller asks if he's going to kill him. "Depends," Jack says. "Where's Audrey?" Ooh. Heller tries to argue but Jack tells him that he just watched his father die and he felt nothing, because he had meant nothing to him. He had always looked to Heller as a father figure and he was the kind of man he wanted to be. "Earlier today you said that I was cursed, that anyone I touched ended up dead. How dare you. How. Dare. You. The only thing I've done, the only thing I've EVER done, is what you and people like you have asked of me." AMEN!
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Comments (4)
This was the most painfully-bad 2 hours of television this year. I totally agree with your list of problems with the finale (and the season). Fortunately, your recap was hilarious. Contemplation by Mike Doyle. HA!
So glad this season is over since it totally blew. Tom Lennox was absolutely the only enjoyable thing about it. Thank god for him. I’m going to pretend this season never happened. I haven’t decided if I’ll be back next year.
1 of 4 | Posted by pbjunkie
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Posted on May 29, 2007 9:20 AM
I've been reading your recaps for a while now and literally always find myself laughing loudly whenever I do... Well done!
Have to say though I think the best scene in the finale was when Suvarov and his generals agree that the oil platform had been sufficiently destroyed... The generals all looked around at each other and shrugged like "ehn, looked convincing enough." Worst bit of acting to cap off a pretty disappointing season.
Looking forward to recaps of FNL Season 2!
2 of 4 | Posted by ibanker
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Posted on May 29, 2007 12:37 PM
Great recap, so much better than the actual show!! I too, agree with your list of problems in the finale! Surely I thought we'd discover that Jack is Josh's father??! And the fact that Chloe and Morris are procreating makes me gag. The whole season was kinda surreal...
Screampillar, I am so looking forward to next season of FNL and your recaps!! That would have been so lame if they cancelled that show...
3 of 4 | Posted by Jojobear
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Posted on May 29, 2007 2:06 PM
Agreed that Tom Lennox was the second best thing this season (don't let Jack hear you say anything is better then him). Still, as annoyingly boyish as Doyle was, his respect, awe, and fear of Jack made his character worthwhile. The little whiney "damnit" when he found out Jack was coming to get his - I mean - the boy, just showed how afraid he was of going head to head with Jack.
That moment was second only the "Damn Jack" after he single handedly took out Al-Qaeda with a handgun and a chain.
Oh, and once more for old times sake: BEERROOOOOZZZ!!!
4 of 4 | Posted by MODULUS
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Posted on May 31, 2007 12:22 PM