The truth is that crazy Maya Driscoll was safely off camera this past episode. Funny story though: a quick glance at the imdb made me realize that a few years ago, I had actually hung out with the actress who plays Maya: Angela Goethals. Oddly enough, it was me, Angela, and Sarah Rue. Turns out they both starred on the ABC show "Phenom"... with William Devane - aka Secretary of Defense James Heller. Coincidence? I THINK NOT!

Inconsequential name dropping aside, 24 was off and running yet again this week. We began the show as always with a little recap of episodes past. You know the drill. Previously on 24: dead bodies, dumb suburban mothers, evil terrorist mothers, gunfire, yelling, yada yada yada... I took this brief interlude to reflect on how much William Devane's face looks like a Halloween mask. His skin must be some sort of polymer.

Anyway, with the recap over, it was time to get down to business. We first gazed upon a quiet, dusty industrial compound. Cue some guards ambling around, whistling innocently. La dee dah. Just another day at the terrorist headquarters. Down in the nether regions of the compound, Heller sat bound and gagged while his captors put him on "trial" for crimes against humanity and all that good stuff. You know, the production values on this webcast were really subpar. Couldn't they have stolen a little backdrop? Maybe built a People's Court set? Heck, if it were me, I would have kidnapped the whole cast of "Night Court" and put them to work. We all know Richard Moll needs the gig.

While the shabbiest webcast EVER transmitted around the world, Jack honed his stealth instincts and quietly took out all the guards around the compound. At this point I put down my PS2 controller as I realized I was not actually playing a video game, simply watching one on TV (and an awesome one at that). Jack eventually infiltrated the shadowy fortress, telling Driscoll to call off that pesky Marine attack that would, you know, kill everyone. She couldn't quite do that yet (that's what we like to call, the "President's decision"); so Jack moved forward — but not before boldly stating, "No turning back, Erin." He then added, "It's now or never... I'm taking the plunge... Siyonara... People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones."

After some more sleuthing, Jack finally found the love of his life: Audrey. "You've got to stop them!" she implored. Oh really? Thanks for pointing that out Audrey. I thought he was just supposed to give 'em a good scare. Maybe razz them a little, then hand out lemonade and oatmeal cookies. Nevertheless, Jack slipped Audrey a neat little switchblade and then prowled on towards Heller. Luckily, Jack's timing was impeccable as he managed to shoot down the terrorists just before they executed the Secretary of Defense. We then cut to Driscoll who announced, "He's doin' it," adding "Mama likey!"