In this show, ten models from the elite Miami-based Irene Marie Agency are put up in two apartments in the heart of South Beach. It's no free ride, however. If the models can't get booked, they can't get paid. And if they can't get paid, they can't pay the rent. And if they can't pay the rent, they have to take a ride on the Next bus, which I happened to catch a few minutes of after watching tonight's premiere. I don't know if any of you have had the misfortune of watching this show, but if I had to describe Next in one word or less, that word would be "assy".
8th and Ocean's opening is narrated by Suzy, a booking agent for Irene Marie. After setting up the premise, Suzy introduces us to our first model: Britt, a sheltered vixen from Kansas City. We know she's sheltered because she admits she was homeschooled, has never been to a club and has never seen someone dance except on TV. Oh, and she's a model with an intact hymen. (Okay, I'm guessing about that part. She could just be a SecondVirginTM.)
That one's going in his "special" collection.
Since tonight's episode is entitled "Sibling Rivalry", I guess it's time to meet the twins, Sabrina and Kelly. They're at a casting call for an eight-page spread in Ocean Drive magazine. I've never been to a casting call, but this one looks pretty much like what I always imagined the casting call for those old Calvin Klein parody porn commercials were like. Kelly comes in, shows her book to the casting agents, strips down to her bikini for a couple of shots, then is sent on her way. Her twin sister Sabrina is in next. Something's wrong with Sabrina, however, as she's not even asked to take off her ironic sweat-suit jacket, let alone strip down to her skivs.
After the twins leave, the casting agents ask Suzy which she thinks would be better for their shoot. Based on personality, Suzy says Kelly will "give it to them more" right now than Sabrina. All of Sabrina's tests have been coming back "dead in the eyes" she says. Maybe Sabrina really is doing porn.
Britt enters the models' apartment for the first time, where she meets Briana, one of her roommates. Briana peppers her with questions about where she's from, how old she is, etc., but she seems more interested in playing with her hair than any of Britt's answers. Kelly and Sabrina show up and ask Britt the same questions. There's a really awkward silence when Britt tells the twins she's from Kansas City, which she tries to fill by asking if they're twins. Models are so silly. Briana asks how their casting call went. "We didn't get it because we're too pretty," explains Kelly. "They wanted average-looking people." Damb. Why didn't anyone call me or EdHill? Britt asks about the guys' apartment, which gives us a good segue to meet the male models.
In Asslandia, all cups runneth over with bootay.
Vinci, Teddy, Adrian and Sean are sitting in the apartment sharing a Metamucil pizza. Adrian's talking about going out later that night. He wants to go somewhere where there's "anus everywhere, nice bootay…" He promises to call Sean once he's reached the mythical land of Asslandia. Teddy asks Adrian if he's so into the bootay, why was he home last night when the other guys were out. Adrian blames it on Sean, saying he doesn't know how to use a phone. Since Sean's a model, I'm inclined to believe this. However, Sean says it was because when he's surrounded by beautiful women, another dude is the last thing on his mind. How pretty he is in comparison to other dudes, maybe. But just another dude? Never.
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Comments (28)
Best new MTV show ever, until I get to sample "The Hills". Unlike LB, they're not trying to pretend these people can think. And the recap - the best. The Iron Maiden looks like she was shipped in from Michael Jackson's plastic surgeon.
1 of 28 | Posted by BoHan
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Posted on March 9, 2006 11:41 PM
I love the yarn incident joke. That was great. And I'm ashamed to say that I've been totally sucked into this show. I really enjoyed it.
2 of 28 | Posted by B-Side
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Posted on March 10, 2006 2:34 AM
Excellent recap, as always. I can't decide if I like the show yet... it's a little slow moving, and we didn't really see that much of people's personalities. Although we did hear alot about booty-cupping. Which makes up for it.
3 of 28 | Posted by captainobvious
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Posted on March 10, 2006 7:08 AM
A shout out to the Mouse that Roared? Someone is definitely a Peter Sellers fan!
4 of 28 | Posted by BigMax
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Posted on March 10, 2006 7:21 AM
It'll be hard to tell how good the show is until we get some drama and catty fighting... but even if the show sucks, this recap will more than make up for it!
5 of 28 | Posted by Ash
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Posted on March 10, 2006 9:23 AM
Where are all the posts? Am I just early? Don't tell me everyone is going to be a Closet 8th & Ocean Fan until it gets popular and is offically ok to like it. (Sorta like LB.)
I think calling Irene Marie "Iron Maiden" is being very nice. She looks freakish. Love the caption, "Those who can, do. Those who cannot, open a modeling agency." How very true.
Navid might of been fat and sweaty but he got a great shot of them. Funny how all we saw was shivering and blinking and he managed to make it look sexy and hot.
6 of 28 | Posted by MrsC
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Posted on March 10, 2006 9:43 AM
I thought it was weird that when they were showing all the previews for the upcoming season, it was all things that we had already seen, from the first episode and previews before that. It gave me the impression that there won't be much to see for the duration in the show. Who knows...
7 of 28 | Posted by jaliyah
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Posted on March 10, 2006 10:03 AM
Suzy is a gargoyle, and I can't imagine any lower depth of misery than being effortlessly outshined by your twin sister.
8 of 28 | Posted by holyterror
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Posted on March 10, 2006 10:11 AM
Suzy is a gargoyle, and I can't imagine any lower depth of misery than being consistantly and effortlessly outshined by your twin sister.
9 of 28 | Posted by holyterror
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Posted on March 10, 2006 10:12 AM
Sorry for the repeat -- I had to add "consistantly." Mea culpa.
10 of 28 | Posted by holyterror
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Posted on March 10, 2006 10:13 AM
I actually liked the episode, it wasn't real exciting but the previews of the season look promising. Britt may not keep her hymen intact all season (ew); Sabrina will have more outbreaks on her face (this is how I can tell the twins apart for now) and the boys are gonna be more present. Great recap copygodd, 'Iron Maiden' is a great name of that """"woman"""". Use of the word 'woman' is very liberal here, of course.
11 of 28 | Posted by stacyrocks
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Posted on March 10, 2006 10:47 AM
The Iron Maiden looked like Marilyn Manson's mom. I wonder if Kelly felt stupid that she got the spread after they were looking for "average" people.
12 of 28 | Posted by tvismylife
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Posted on March 10, 2006 11:49 AM
The acne on Sabrina's forehead is really bad and I understand now why she was wearing the hat...
But more importantly, who else immediately thought of Zoolander when they showed the male models. If there is a scene some time in this show where they fill up a car with gas I am going to lose it. Those guys were straight out of the movie.
This show is going to be big time, the ridiculousness + hotness+ being shown right after Real World should all be in its favor.
13 of 28 | Posted by JBlack
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Posted on March 10, 2006 11:52 AM
I never thought I'd see a plastic surgery victim as horrible to look at as Joan Rivers, but this Irene woman looks like they slapped a blonde wig on one of the aliens in War of the Worlds.
And I can't WAIT to see how things play out with Mrs. Jesus Christ. I'm willing to bet she'll realize God doesn't dwell in the VIP room at Prive and will become the house outcast!
14 of 28 | Posted by KikiFabulous
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Posted on March 10, 2006 11:59 AM
Wasn't the ackward silence between the twins and Britt, because the twins said that Kansas City was in Kansas. I busted up after I heard that.
15 of 28 | Posted by ittakesalkynes
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Posted on March 10, 2006 5:04 PM
Kelly and Sabrina? Did their parents have a Charlie's Angels TV show fetish? Where's Jill, Tiffany and Julie?
KH
16 of 28 | Posted by KatiesHole
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Posted on March 10, 2006 5:40 PM
You said "hymen" and "at the right hand of God" in the same re-cap. heh heh
I am so easily amused.
17 of 28 | Posted by ra
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Posted on March 10, 2006 5:42 PM
No no no, me me me me!!! I stumbled on this show totally by accident, and I got a better one than Iron Maiden -- PLEASE post a screencap of IM and "Marina" from the Garry Anderson Supermarionation "Stingray" show side-by-side...and my work here is done. This woman's BOTOXlip has all the flexibility of Troy Tempest's. FREAKARAMA. I'd rather just age normally, thanks.
18 of 28 | Posted by killbondnow
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Posted on March 10, 2006 5:51 PM
OK, I'm addicted already. Damn you Liz Gately! Good hip-hip background music. Nice that they had mutiple ethnicities on the show. Sabrina needs to get her skin together, what's up with all the bumps? There's like so many good acne products to use nowadays. All we had back in the day was Noxema, Oxy, maybe some toothpaste and a prayer. She can't get some Pro-Active? Why don't they send her to the dermatologist or something? It would probably help her self-esteem a lot. It's hard to feel sexy with bumps all over your forehead!
19 of 28 | Posted by joslyn
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Posted on March 10, 2006 7:11 PM
"I'm sorry, I'm married." "Oh really, where's your husband?" "Sitting at the right hand of God."
got a great laugh over that one.....also, are the twins in that acuvue/eye something?? commercial?
20 of 28 | Posted by D-Hoffs
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Posted on March 11, 2006 3:20 PM
D-Hoffs;
Whoa, I got on to mention that! They are the twins in the Acuvue Hydraclear lens for astigmatism commercial :)
21 of 28 | Posted by stacyrocks
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Posted on March 11, 2006 7:26 PM
"Anus everywhere"
...worst. phrase. ever. I really hope people don't start using that.
22 of 28 | Posted by IHeartTV
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Posted on March 12, 2006 3:37 AM
i am waiting for the episode where one of the models does not show up for a bikini photo shoot. then Irene Marie "Iron Maiden" decides she will fill in for her. you know she thinks she could do it. NOW THAT WOULD BE ENTERTAINMENT! ever see "Waiting for Guffman"?
23 of 28 | Posted by heehaw
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Posted on March 12, 2006 9:28 AM
I like the show, but it does make me long for the days of Kristin and LC fighting over Stephen. To comment on Teddy's not knowing if he got a "hard-on", I'll bet he just didn't want to say it to the world. It's too bad Brit is a stick-in-the-mudd, she's so cute. Can't wait to see what the season has in store. That Vinci dude is very hot!
24 of 28 | Posted by couchpotato
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Posted on March 12, 2006 10:39 AM
Stacyrocks:
I wasnt sure if it was them, thanks for the confirmation!!
couchpotato:
i completelly agree, Vinci is sexy guy!!
25 of 28 | Posted by D-Hoffs
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Posted on March 12, 2006 10:50 AM
Okay I admit it...I'm hooked. And I'm so thrilled you're recapping. I can't wait to see Britt in action...I sense some drama with her and the other girls!
26 of 28 | Posted by mere2142
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Posted on March 12, 2006 1:07 PM
I like the show so far... what has got me even more addicted is Sean and Vinci... Especially Sean... that's some eye candy for me
27 of 28 | Posted by Toy33
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Posted on March 14, 2006 3:43 PM
"They wanted average-looking people." Damb. Why didn't anyone call me or EdHill?
I don't get it...
28 of 28 | Posted by EdHill
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Posted on March 15, 2006 12:34 PM