So When CopyGodd let me know he was going on vacation he had to decide who was going to take over this weeks writing duties for 8th and Ocean. And what better choice than TVGasms resident model stalker EdHill? Now sure, J-Unit has a thing for Tyra but it’s more of a healthy crush, whereas I bring a whole new creepy dimension to the party. Hence my own brief visit to the land of 8th and Ocean. A magical place where everyone is pretty and the day begins at noon.
God however being a cruel trickster I get the episode that concentrates on the egotistical male model and the white bread model talking about her love for Christ. With my luck Copygodd will be back next week recapping the show where all the female models get drunk and have a half hour tickle fight. Ah well, if life gives you lemons…
The show starts with our just off the turnip truck Midwest model from Kansas; Britt. She is on her way to a meeting. Ah, but not just any meeting, it’s “Model’s For Christ�. This way the models can all get moral support for their love of six pack abs and Christ. And we all know there is no more persecuted group of people in America than beautiful Christians. Those poor bastards. When will they catch a break!?
At the meeting we listen to then singing a spiritual hymn, yet with an underlying sexiness that is impossible to deny. The group leader then tells everyone to introduce themselves and explain their relationship with Christ. Britt declares that “Jesus is my maker and Jesus is my husband�. Man, what a freaking gip. Jesus marries her but all he does with me is be my freaking co-pilot? Since when did I get relegated to Chewbacca status?
God loves me AND my hair
Meanwhile, over on the godless heathen side of 8th and Ocean, Mia the booking agent is upset because Vinci, the most requested male model they have, doesn’t answer his phone. And when we cut to Vinci flirting in a hot tub, I immediately feel bad because I’m not sure the guy knows how to use a phone. Vinci is not blessed with what us normal people like to call “intelligence�, or “maturity� or a “functioning brain stem�. Let’s just say if Terri Schiavo was reborn as a model, it would be Vinci.
In the hot tub Vinci is hitting on another model. And Vinci’s idea of hitting on her is simply saying in broken English “Talk to me direct. Say Vinci I want to go out with you and have dinner with you�. The female model responds by saying “Boy he’s turning on the Latin charm!� Actually that’s a common mistake. Thinking Vinci’s broken English means he’s Latin. No, he was born and raised in Westchester NY. It’s just that since he’s functionally retarded it makes things like participles and indefinite article’s a rare occurrence. But last year he learned how to tie his shoes all by himself! Then we took him out to Chuckie Cheese to celebrate. Oh he was so happy.
Back at the model apartment Britt is quizzing the girls about the most embarrassing thing that they were ever asked to do on a shoot. Britt says she was almost on a Herbal Essence commercial so she practiced the orgasm noise they had to make. And she was embarrassed because she says she doesn’t have “a lot of experience in that department�. One of the downsides of having Jesus as your husband. Upsides? All you can eat loaves, fishes and wine.
Vinci meanwhile is finally showing up to the modeling agency with an oh so grating shit eating grin on his face. When they start to complain about Vinci blowing them off all day and missing a series of appointments he just uses that Latin charm and laughs it all of telling them “you need to relax man.� When he walks around aimlessly with that vapid smile he soon realizes that…they are still mad at him. What are these people ROBOTS? It’s Vinci! And he’s smiling!! Good god it’s like a room full of Vulcans! Mia tells him that he is dangerously close to being dropped from the agency. With that we then get the sad and concerned Vinci, which makes my heart break. You see, every time a model is sad, god kills a puppy. It’s a scientific fact.
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Comments (36)
Amen.
1 of 36 | Posted by sg-dub
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Posted on March 16, 2006 7:18 PM
I was driving through some small town in TN a couple of weeks ago when I saw a billboard that said "If Jesus is your co-pilot, switch seats"
Words to the wise?
The misuse of the comma is the part that bugs me the most...
2 of 36 | Posted by srsdal
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Posted on March 16, 2006 7:47 PM
I turned this show on just in time to see the computer printout, stuffed in plastic cover, scotch taped to the door "Models for Christ". And I knew I just had to watch. I was not let down.
Am I the only one who finds Vinci's face sucked in, big teeth laugh really unattractive?
3 of 36 | Posted by Leah3t
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Posted on March 16, 2006 8:31 PM
Thanks for the recap, EdHill. Too many laughs for one comment. I'll have to watch this thing next time. Looking forward to the inevitable downfall of Vinci. I want a WWJDIHBS bumper sticker! If for nothing else it than would confuse the life out of people as to what the letters stand for.
4 of 36 | Posted by zevonia
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Posted on March 16, 2006 8:41 PM
"You see, every time a model is sad, god kills a puppy. It’s a scientific fact."
haha, perfect. made my day.
http://www.modelsforchrist.com
^ alleluia
5 of 36 | Posted by miaaaa
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Posted on March 16, 2006 10:16 PM
Thanks for the recap, man...
This second episode only further established the fact that male models have the best lives ever.
6 of 36 | Posted by shank
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Posted on March 17, 2006 12:23 AM
Brilliant recap.
I loved that the sign for Models with Christ actually read "Model's For Christ." How about "Model's" for ENGLISH.
And why is Irene Marie so transfixing. First you start off staring at her waxen features, and then her soothing voice lulls you into a deep state of relaxation. I swear, she must run some evil hypnosis ring. Maybe she puts people in trances so that she can harvest their skin for her replenishment.
7 of 36 | Posted by B-Side
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Posted on March 17, 2006 1:41 AM
Dammit B-Side, I was about to make the SAME EXACT joke about the misuse of the apostrophe on that sign, having just watched the show.
But I was also going to get a dig in on EdHill and how HE'S so bad about possessives that it's funny he missed it.
Oh well.
8 of 36 | Posted by sg-dub
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Posted on March 17, 2006 2:45 AM
why can't models go to regular church?
i mean is the more to life than being really really ridiciously good-looking?
I guess Models for Christ is really hot right now.
9 of 36 | Posted by Court_Love
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Posted on March 17, 2006 6:04 AM
Irene Marie really reminds me of Pete Burns of Dead or Alive fame or more recently Big Brother. http://www.sky.com/showbiz/article/0,,50001-1209746,00.html
seriously - uncanny.
10 of 36 | Posted by aec
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Posted on March 17, 2006 7:26 AM
i must make my own grammatical correct. edhill, it's chuck e. cheese. sorry, that always bugs me. i know, i'm a dork.
11 of 36 | Posted by sweetjane
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Posted on March 17, 2006 7:42 AM
So ... Britt's married to her father, and not even Christ can give her an orgasm?
I love this show. Vinci's been the first person on reality t.v. whom I've truly wanted to kill in a very long time. I'd like to see him fired if only to see him give the same attitude to the owner of the Burger King at which he'll be working. I do, however, share his definition of "morning."
I keep expecting Irene Marie to peel off her face, let out a piercing horror movie scream, and chase someone around the room.
Great stuff!
12 of 36 | Posted by holyterror
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Posted on March 17, 2006 8:09 AM
I try to watch this show...but, damn, it is no Next Top Model...it seems like an extended Abercrombie and Fitch trailer.
The one bright spot was in ep.1, where one of the twins said "Oh, I didn't get hired was because they wanted normal looking people." And a hush falls over the room, and the other girls look at each other like "Right.". Like anyone wants Joe Average or Jane Everyone staring at them from a gigantic poster over Houston St.
The second bright spot was when Brit had to slowly, tentatively and cautiously drop her hands from covering her boobs. I sound like a pervert, but it was almost like very soft-core porn level there.
13 of 36 | Posted by DrewtheLush
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Posted on March 17, 2006 8:13 AM
Apostrophes are the devils work.
14 of 36 | Posted by EdHill
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Posted on March 17, 2006 8:28 AM
Here's a dumb question, but can someone tell me what night the new episodes are on. I know MTV airs this continuously, but I have yet to catch an episode. Although, I think reading the re-caps are much more entertaining. Great job as always EdHill.
15 of 36 | Posted by Nikki
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Posted on March 17, 2006 8:50 AM
I love the show! I find Vinci to be annoyingly hot, maybe because he looks like a slightly younger, perma-5 o'clock shadow-sporting Ricky Martin.
And how funny that while Britt was fussing that her boobies might show, the cameraman kept doing side shots of her, trying to catch a real view of the nips.
Excellent recap, EdHill! So funny as always.
Nikki;
New episodes of this are on Tuesdays @ 10:30pm right after Real World Key West.
16 of 36 | Posted by stacyrocks
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Posted on March 17, 2006 10:24 AM
Nikki:
Tue night after the Real World.
Lea3T: we meet again!! altho i have to sincerely disagree with you .. I think Vinci in one sexy beast ...
17 of 36 | Posted by D-Hoffs
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Posted on March 17, 2006 10:31 AM
also: what sort of modeling did Britt think she would be doing in Miami?? a little to hot there for turtlenecks and oversized sweaters
18 of 36 | Posted by D-Hoffs
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Posted on March 17, 2006 10:33 AM
Miaaa (#5) - thanks for that linke to Models for Christ! It's COMEDY GOLD!
http://www.modelsforchrist.com/mfc/3profile.htm
"Here are some life stories from people in the modeling industry and how God has changed their Lives.
I Married the Richest Man In The World"
Ha! God, the ultimate Get Rich Quick scheme!
http://www.modelsforchrist.com/newsletter/fbible.htm
"Fashion New Testament
------------------------
What could be better than a NT in the shape and size of a fashion magazine?"
I love this! It's like Landover Baptist, but they're serious!
19 of 36 | Posted by Tabby Lavalamp
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Posted on March 17, 2006 11:23 AM
okay I know this is minor...but it bugs me.
I swear on the first epi Britt said she was from Kansas City. (which is Missouri)
But everyone on the show...and even EdHill (much love to you) keep saying she is from Kansas. Big difference people.
(now If I heard her wrong..then disregard this mini rant)
20 of 36 | Posted by juxtapoeser
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Posted on March 17, 2006 11:47 AM
My favorite part was when Irene asked Britt if she was comfortable in front of the camera and she replied that she was good at doing certain things like "smiling, laughing, jumping..."
Britt, get on the trampoline!
21 of 36 | Posted by MC
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Posted on March 17, 2006 11:57 AM
juxtapoeser;
Kansas City is split Missouri & Kansas. So there's Kansas City, KS and also Kansas City, MO. :)
22 of 36 | Posted by stacyrocks
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Posted on March 17, 2006 12:08 PM
Juxtapoester, as Stacyrocks clarified how there is Kansas City, KS and KC, MO... I would have to assume that she is definitely from the KC, KS side, since she is Sooooo sheltered?
23 of 36 | Posted by AvaMarie
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Posted on March 17, 2006 12:41 PM
Wait, isn't it that if you proclaim Jesus is your husband, and you walk the talk, doesn't that make you a NUN? That's why they wear wedding rings, they have married Christ, right? Britt is confusing me with her evil mind rays.
24 of 36 | Posted by killbondnow
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Posted on March 17, 2006 1:11 PM
"She looks like a puppet. And not just any puppet, but one of those weird puppets from that Genesis video. I swear if we looked under her desk we’d see a bunch of midgets working hydraulics."
I'm TELLING you, Garry and Sylvia Anderson, Supermarionation! Stingray! Fireball XL5! The Thunderbirds! If you don't believe me, post a side-by-side and let the masses decide!
25 of 36 | Posted by killbondnow
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Posted on March 17, 2006 1:15 PM
anyone else think Vinci is a straight dead ringer for Ricky Martin?
26 of 36 | Posted by UrMomSaysHi
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Posted on March 17, 2006 1:24 PM
Irene Marie seriously does look like a puppet! Vinci is a grade-A idiot. Hell if I was a most requested model I'd go to every casting call and calling Mad-ass Mia every morning.
27 of 36 | Posted by Terence
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Posted on March 17, 2006 2:15 PM
UrMomSaysHi (#26);
I said that!! :) In comment #16
28 of 36 | Posted by stacyrocks
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Posted on March 17, 2006 2:33 PM
Anyone else see Kelly and Sabrina on the Acuvue contacts commercial?
29 of 36 | Posted by Ash
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Posted on March 17, 2006 3:09 PM
i didn't see Kelly and sabrina on the Acuvue contacts commercial.... but
according to the evil witch of the south coast(irene), sabrina needs to be on the Proactiv® Solution commercial.
30 of 36 | Posted by heehaw
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Posted on March 17, 2006 6:40 PM
^ Good call on the Acuvue commercial.
Apologies if someone has posted this already...
But ees it... could be... VINCI?!?
I'd buy that track jacket if it said "Broken English" on the back.
31 of 36 | Posted by tj
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Posted on March 17, 2006 8:17 PM
Briana is so fine. I want to see more of her.
32 of 36 | Posted by pea
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Posted on March 18, 2006 10:14 AM
Did y'll notice that just behind Britt and Sabrina at the "Model's" For Christ hootenanny, there was some huge illustration that looked just like a major hard-on with a scale to measure it?
I notice Sabrina didn't give her story about how she found Christ as a last resort after hating her sister for 20 years.
33 of 36 | Posted by holyterror
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Posted on March 18, 2006 2:11 PM
I noticed Britt is in a campaign for Buckle yesterday at the mall.
www.buckle.com
34 of 36 | Posted by beermonster
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Posted on March 19, 2006 2:13 PM
Notice that on the Acuvue commercail once again Sabrina is the ugly one that needs the contact lenses and the makeover. I think that is pretty much the story of their lives. Kelly is the Marcia Brady Sabrina is the Jan.
35 of 36 | Posted by tvismylife
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Posted on March 21, 2006 11:13 AM
hey! I think a lot of guys have a problem with Vincy just becouse the latin charm, is like in my country in every party all the white guys are always quiet and unconfortable and they always leave early maybe white guys just need energy drinks or something like that..
Ciao
36 of 36 | Posted by EnriqueMorillo
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Posted on April 5, 2006 9:44 AM