The show starts with our just off the turnip truck Midwest model from Kansas; Britt. She is on her way to a meeting. Ah, but not just any meeting, it’s “Model’s For Christ�. This way the models can all get moral support for their love of six pack abs and Christ. And we all know there is no more persecuted group of people in America than beautiful Christians. Those poor bastards. When will they catch a break!?

At the meeting we listen to then singing a spiritual hymn, yet with an underlying sexiness that is impossible to deny. The group leader then tells everyone to introduce themselves and explain their relationship with Christ. Britt declares that “Jesus is my maker and Jesus is my husband�. Man, what a freaking gip. Jesus marries her but all he does with me is be my freaking co-pilot? Since when did I get relegated to Chewbacca status?

God loves me AND my hair

Meanwhile, over on the godless heathen side of 8th and Ocean, Mia the booking agent is upset because Vinci, the most requested male model they have, doesn’t answer his phone. And when we cut to Vinci flirting in a hot tub, I immediately feel bad because I’m not sure the guy knows how to use a phone. Vinci is not blessed with what us normal people like to call “intelligence�, or “maturity� or a “functioning brain stem�. Let’s just say if Terri Schiavo was reborn as a model, it would be Vinci.

In the hot tub Vinci is hitting on another model. And Vinci’s idea of hitting on her is simply saying in broken English “Talk to me direct. Say Vinci I want to go out with you and have dinner with you�. The female model responds by saying “Boy he’s turning on the Latin charm!� Actually that’s a common mistake. Thinking Vinci’s broken English means he’s Latin. No, he was born and raised in Westchester NY. It’s just that since he’s functionally retarded it makes things like participles and indefinite article’s a rare occurrence. But last year he learned how to tie his shoes all by himself! Then we took him out to Chuckie Cheese to celebrate. Oh he was so happy.