***Please welcome your newest 90210 recapper, MONES!!
HOLLA! Mones here, bringing back everyone's favorite cheap imitation of the real thing...
Before we begin I have two things to note. A: I have to mention that Pachita's recaps were the reason I kept watching this caca after the first couple episodes and I actually stopped watching when the recaps did. In my head, I have big shoes to fill. Numbah 2: Being a firm opponent of Stupid Bitchism, I'm really excited to have a national platform on which to educate the public on this horrible epidemic currently plaguing our airwaves. 90210 will provide many examples of this plague. How do you, Gasmii, protect yourself against this evil? Basically, do/act/feel the opposite of whatever you see one of these skinny bitches do/"act"/"feel" on screen.
Naomi Harper vs. Naomi Clark? Only one will go down in history.
Previously: Sean, Harry and Tracy's love child, shows up. He's a poor hick. Cheerleader Christina takes an interest in fellow only-black-kid-in-school, Dixon. Naomi and Annie are boring. Navid takes the Donna role and tells Adriana he's a virgin. Brenda breaks up with Kelly and tells her she's boring, I mean slept with Ryan. Harry has child abandoner's guilt. Sean makes himself at home...dun, dun, DUNNN!
West Bev HS Hallway. We open with Twiggy and Ethan walking down the halls as Ethan, as usual, yammers on and on about nothing interesting. Naomi stalks up to tell Annie about all the fun times she had with Sean in Cancun during winter break. Naomi Monologue 101's her way through a little antidote involving Sean, a dare and a fried grasshopper. She neglects to tell her the one involving the beach, one too many Coronas and Jose, the busboy. Annie informs Naomi that spending time with Sean isn't a competition. Naomi praises Annie's maturity and adds that she wouldn't be so open-minded if she knew Sean didn't want to hang with her. Annie jabs back with "Well, it was an adjustment, what with him wanting to stay at your house and all. Oh wait, he's staying with us. My bad." FACE!
"ACTING!"
Annie shoos Ethan away to go talk to a worried Adriana who's talking on her cell. She can't get a hold of her rehab buddy, Hank. "When an addict just disappears like that..." And we'll never know because the bell rings. Gee, I hope everything turns out OK for this guy Hank, whom we've never seen before nor have been given sufficient back story to care.
Class. Tonight, Debra Wilson of MADtv fame will be playing the part of "Teacher". It's not her Whitney Houston impression but I'll give it a try. Today's lesson is about perception, or rather, how does one perceive. She informs us that you can still see without your eyes, it's called intuition. If you look closely, you can see a tiny light bulb go off over Adriana's head. That or she's thinking that maybe her and Debra can develop a female buddy cop movie together. She's the suicidal younger cop; Debra's the veteran just days from retirement. Throw in a sexist Sergeant, evil anti-abortion terrorist and a bubbling criminal informant and you got a Lifetime Movie of the Week.
"Oh shit, I've wandered into the normal class again."
Doctor's Office. Brenda is getting bad news from a doctor. She asks if there isn't anything that can be done. Surgery? Drug therapy? The Secret? No dice. The doc asks if there's anyone, husband or boyfriend, that he can call. No guy, but thanks for mentioning it. In high school, my best friend stole my boyfriend while I was away for the summer and our relationship has been strained ever since. Do you what to talk about that, doc?! He asks if she has any friends she can talk to. Well played, doc.
WBHS Hallway. Christina struts down the hall towards Dixon. She gives "D" ("urban") a CD of a new band her dad signed. There's an exchange about the wondrous beginnings of Sam Cooke's career and then Silver walks up. After an awkward exchange between the girls, Christina leaves. Dixon smiles big as his eyes follow her ass down the hall. Silver is not pleased. It's not her fault she doesn't have an ass due to lack of food! She leaves for Bio.
"I got my teeth whitened for Christmas!"
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Comments (6)
I don't watch this show but reading your recap has me cracking up. Welcome to recapperville!
Oh and since I used to recap 50 Cent, this line is very near and dear to me.
GODDAMN! WILL THIS SHOW EVER END!?!?
Great recap!
1 of 6 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on January 8, 2009 10:32 PM
So I am not the only one who saw Annie grab her own butt! What was that about?
If you notice,when he gets close,she is grabbing it.
Then they cut to the next shot of him walking away from her and suddenly her arms are crossed in front of her.
This could not be possible because she would of had to recreate space between them which was not shown.
Love the recap!
2 of 6 | Posted by hoxharding | Posted on January 9, 2009 9:05 AM
Thanks Mones! This show is SO terrible...I hate it, but I can't look away. Seriously, why is Naomi so mad at Annie...it's not her freakin' fault. Though no one on this show can act at all. Squinting, moving your eyebrows and flaring your nostrils (Annie and Naomi)is not acting. One more thing...wasn't there something a bit incestuous about Naomi and the pictures with Sean. he's your "brother", they kind of inappropriate.
3 of 6 | Posted by Yanksfan24 | Posted on January 9, 2009 10:16 AM
thank you for calling out the "kelly can't have kids" storyline from the original. when brenda revealed she couldn't have kids, i screamed outloud "YAY! plotline recycling!" and was wondering when kelly was going to be like, "well...they told me i couldn't have kids either, but low and behold, dylan's super sperm knocked me up!"
that being said, i'm a 90210 purist who still enjoys the new series, because it's light and fluffy enough to fill an hour on tuesday. i just wish they'd start fucking with more than one character besides audrianna. let's have some stuff go wrong with annie!
4 of 6 | Posted by baymenxpac | Posted on January 9, 2009 1:21 PM
Cherie - thanks! i'm so happy/exciting to be here!!
hoxharding - yeah, i totally had to rewind that. she also moves her hands around A LOT when she talks. her acting choices are, to say the least, questionable. i'm a 12 yr. old girl so i know her from degrassi TNG and i don't remember her being so shitty.
Yanksfan24 - again, their acting choices are questionable. i'm really surprised the director hasn't done anything about it yet. the pics were hysterical and totally obvious. also, harry went surfing, too, so...he TOOK those pics??? ewww.
baymenxpac - yeah, the existence of kelly's kid (who was totally MIA this ep) bugs me. it's total contrivance and really dumb since he hasn't been a major part of the story. so, why invent him, you know? "super sperm", heh. is adriana gonna be this generation's kelly? what's next, burn victim, cult member, drive-by victim, etc, etc, etc.
5 of 6 | Posted by mones | Posted on January 9, 2009 4:03 PM
To answer your question: abortion isn't an option because society is trending toward the opinion that it's just plain mean when the mother has all the money she'll ever want and neither she nor the child has a medical problem.
6 of 6 | Posted by DaffyMaiden | Posted on January 15, 2009 6:42 PM