In Mr. Matthew's class, he's talking about something-or-other when Bangs starts singing out of nowhere. Looks like those suppositories are kicking in. She looks all kinds of drugged out and Matthew's asks if she's okay. Uh, she was fine until you started killing her buzz, broseph. She tells him she has a big audition and is going to be a movie star so that she can pay the mortgage since her mom can't. I'm sorry, am I supposed to feel bad for her? She's the one spending all her (and Naomi's) cash on drugs! Just say no, Bangs.
Lunch time! Naomi calls out Annie for crashing her party and Annie complements Naomi on her cool chinese symbol tramp stamp. Mr. Matthews tries desperately to woo Kelly Taylor in the lunch line, bargaining his sandwich if she'll sit with him. She tells him to keep his pathetic sandwich and she'll sit with him out of pity. In one of the more hilarious exchanges of the evening, he tells her she's too easy and asks if anyone's ever told her that. "Not lately," she replies. COMIC GOLD, Kelly! Get it? She's easy! As in a total whore, which explains the child she improperly cares for.
Shhh. Tomorrow we'll get you a three piece suit to sleep in and you'll feel better.
Across the room, Dixon approaches the lacrosse team only to have them stop talking as he nears. Oooh, burn, I bet they found out you were adopted. Actually, they're discussing the retaliation but won't include Dixon because he's the principal's son.
Annie and Silver are sitting together and while Silver talks about her awesome new blogisode, musical dreamboat walks by and totally crunches on Annie. Does she want to be crunched? OH Yeah. He, Ty, is the richest (and therefore most attractive) kid in school and asks Annie out to dinner after rehearsal that night. Score!
While Naomi rifles through her bag, a locked a creature from the black lagoon approaches her and tells Naomi how sorry she is. Rightfully confused, Naomi questions why this poor soul is even speaking to her. Lucretia shows her Silver's new blogisode which, I must admit, was one of the funniest things I've seen in a while. The new video consisted of Naomi and Ethan going back and forth, with Naomi begging Ethan to stick around and Ethan just saying "I looove lacrosse" over and over again. HI-larious.
Hey, where's the cow? It's called consistency, Silver.
Naomi tries to keep a brave face on as she marches to Ethan and give him the slap of the century. It was a bona fide five-finger, and probably really hurt both Naomi's hand and Ethan's face. I was so enthralled I turned to my unassuming boyfriend and slapped him across the face as hard as I could with a huge smile on my face. He was none too happy.
Back at the Wilson house, Dixon and Navid are playing video games and talking about how badly Dix wants to fit in. He wants to come up with the best prank ever so they forget all about this 'principal's kid' business. They brainstorm unsuccessfully for a while when Lucille comes in and gives them THE idea - apparently principal dad and his pals released 50 pigs on the football field of the rival school and the team had to play in poo. That is grossly amazing, the boys are sold.
Annie calls her mom to ask her permission for the date. Debbie's a little tied up right now at one of last seasons ANTM photo shoots, so she makes a deal: Annie can go if she picks up grandma's computer and drops it off at the shop for her. Dunzo! Oh, and she has to be home by 10, but that's doable. Unless, of course, the restaurant you're being taken to is in San Francisco. And did your date mention you're flying there on his private jet? Cause you are.
Back on the ground, Mr. Matthews and Kelly are walking along and he asks her out to dinner. She drops the kid bomb and tells him he's welcome to retract. No worries, he proclaims, I've no qualms with baggage! Slap him, Kelly! Slap him hard! Nevermind, I'll just slap my boyfriend again! Somebody slap me! Whew, sorry, lost myself for a moment. Kelly certainly doesn't consider her kid baggage.
How could he be? He's only got one outfit, packing for trips must be a breeze.
On a fake farm movie set, Dixon and Navid are borrowing some pigs from Navid's father. Who just so happens to be the biggest producer of adult movies ever and also just so happens to be currently working on Annie's biopic. Pigs for everyone!
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Comments (13)
I'm so glad that you saw that Naomi looks like Elizabeth Berkley! For me she's a cross between Peyton from One Tree Hill and I was thinking Jesse Spano but now that you mention it, Nomi Malone works a lot better.
Am I the only one that thought it was weird that Annie had matches from the restaurant in San Francisco? First, why would she even keep the matches? Second, what restaurants give out matches these days anyway?
1 of 13 | Posted by chickadee2586 | Posted on September 6, 2008 6:49 PM
annie, naomi, and silver were ALL scary skinny. i just wanted to give them some sandwiches
2 of 13 | Posted by preppyboy | Posted on September 7, 2008 7:18 AM
ugh how annoying and goody goody is Annie- not digging her character at all. Or her as an actress.
3 of 13 | Posted by brittemik | Posted on September 7, 2008 3:02 PM
Oh, Pach how I love you! I'm loooong time reader/first time poster and have enjoyed your other recaps, but your reference to Buster's Charlie Browns finally moved me to create an account.
There are very few people that I come across who can spot veiled references to my all time fave, Arrested Development. When I run into another fan, I am usually so moved by their ability to match my obsessive quoting that I can't contain myself and the interaction inevitably ends awkwardly with my attempt at laying a big ol' kiss right on their mouth.
So, in order to save us both the embarassment - I will just extend my hand and give you a secret made up handshake (and a special Lucielle eye wink- "please don't ever make that face again"), offer you a frozen bananna (with nuts, if you like), insist that you work Buster's charlie browns/linus into every recap, and then ask you to be my best friend forever!!
Please consider at least one of the last two on the list :)
P.S. I am totally loving 90210 so far, well as much as you can enjoy watching unfortunate, malnourished refugee campers parade around in expensive clothes. I was glad to see that Kelly apparently kept some of that baby weight though! Also, WTF was up with Brenda's teeth?!?! Were those dentures or something? Or am I just not remembering S.D.'s massive ass gapped teeth? Watch that part at the Pit when she and Kelly first meet... it looks like she forgot to use poly grip and those suckers are pop right out any second!
Keep up the great work Pach! Can't wait to read the next one :)
4 of 13 | Posted by No touching!! | Posted on September 7, 2008 8:37 PM
Writer session #1:
Ok, so Brenda and Brandon were twins...what is the opposite of twins?
An adopted black brother and goofy white girl sister.
Totally original!
5 of 13 | Posted by amberpdidit | Posted on September 7, 2008 10:08 PM
Thanks for the great recap!
Just a side note...I really did not like the Andrea Zuckerman character on 90210, in high school she was ok, but then it got worse. However...when Hannah was on TV this episode - I think it was either the teacher or someone else in the class - said something to the effect of "she looks 30"...that right there made me laugh out loud.
6 of 13 | Posted by LNNC92 | Posted on September 8, 2008 11:23 AM
i know people had their criticisms of the premiere, but i enjoyed it. it held my interest for both hours. and i loved the homage they paid to the original series. i was a sucked for it.
however, that drug addict girl (i don't even care enough about her to remember her name) is the WORST storyline in the history of television. okay that's probably hyperbole, but they need to do something with that asap.
other than that, DYING to see jason priestley get on this show so we can find out how brandon and kelly conceived this kid. and NEED luke perry. NEED.
7 of 13 | Posted by baymenxpac | Posted on September 8, 2008 1:31 PM
Excellent recap! I absolutely loved the Arrested Development references; made my day.
I was kind of annoyed that Shenae Grimes was set to play Annie. Her character on Degrassi, Darcy, was also a goody goody and seriously annoyed me, so that was a huge downside.
I freaked right out when Jessica Walters showed up, and then Shannen Doherty. I mean, I knew she was coming on the show (thanks, Perez!) I just didn't realize it would be so soon. Just to add on to the AD refs, does anyone else think Naomi looks a teensy bit like Charlize Theron? Anybody?
I only have one criticism; I am sick of hearing negative things about girls' bodies. You're fat if you're above a size 4, and a skeletor if you're below. It's getting pathetic and a little annoying to see in a recap so enjoyable to read.
All in all, great job and I'll look forward to your next.
8 of 13 | Posted by alex_w | Posted on September 8, 2008 2:28 PM
I found the premiere somewhat boring and struggled to pay attention a lot of the time... so far I like Naomi, and Dixon's all right, but I'm not feeling Annie or Ethan yet. And sign me up for the WTF club with the emo pill-popper. I'll give it another episode or two, mostly for the original alums, and I hope it improves!
However, the recap was great and welcome back, Pach!!!
9 of 13 | Posted by LoLo | Posted on September 8, 2008 4:57 PM
Naomi was an awful actress. But I will still watch!
10 of 13 | Posted by RLR123 | Posted on September 9, 2008 10:11 AM
Awesome Recap especially for a two hour long show! The girl playing Annie needs to go. Maybe pull a Roseanne/Becky Conner move.
Was anyone else confused on why the Peach Pitt...oh sorry excuse me..."The Pitt" is tripling as a coffee shop, club and a restaurant. I live over on the East coast is there only one restaurant/club/coffee house in LA?
11 of 13 | Posted by Baxter | Posted on September 9, 2008 10:24 AM
Er, Chickadee, lots of places give out matches, especially high end restaurants. And I don't smoke but I always take matches from nice restaurants - sort of as a souvenir I guess. I wouldn't call it odd.
12 of 13 | Posted by Spring | Posted on September 17, 2008 9:12 PM
Yeah, so I'm watching this episode now on the CW's website. Just so you know, it's being sponsored buy O.B. tampons. If only O.B. could absorb my pain right now . . .
13 of 13 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on September 20, 2008 11:44 AM