At the beginning of this week's episode of Age of Love, we see Jayanna's striped-stocking feet curl up and wither underneath an old farmhouse.
The leftover women arrive at the suite after the camping trip. It looks like they are all eating gruel. Old Gal Jenn is missing her friend Jayanna The Ticking Clock. "If I didn't know The Poo," she cries, "I'd hate him for what he's done to my friend!" But fortunately for her, she does know him. And she knows how intelligent, discerning, fair, and diplomatic he is. Not to mention funny! Boy, is he funny!
Put that crack away, you big prankster!
The ladies are all hanging around when the TV blinks with a message for them. Lo and behold, it's Jayanna! The house must have fallen on her sister! She clearly taped this message right after her Elimination because she's in the exact same spot the Poo abandoned her at in the woods and she's speaking in the same singsongy fake voice she uses when she's trying to conjure up real emotions.
Someone! Please come get me! I'm cold and hungry!
Seriously!
Guys?
She tells the girls they all need to be wary of Amanda because she will betray them to The Poo. In addition to the Judas complex, she's also "so super-immature." The women are shocked by this revelation. Jayanna says at the end "Thank god, good riddance, because I don't want to be in a house with someone who acts and behaves like you do and then smiles in my face." The camera cuts to Amanda who smiles with her big horse teeth.
Anyone want a sugar cube?
Amanda defends herself with typical girl comments: "Well, I think that's pathetic" and "It's not going to change what I do." Cro-Megan thinks that because Jayanna's 40, she should just "get over it." Old Gal Jenn is pissed. She says Amanda better watch out because what goes around, comes around.
Now we visit The World's Most Boring Man, The Poo, in his suite where his playing with his puppy. (Not a euphemism). In a voiceover, he says he has feelings for four beautiful women, and "unfortunately, I have to pick only one." That IS unfortunate. Two or three would be much better! He selects WIse Woman Maria and Horse Teeth Amanda to go on a salsa dancing date. They start with the tried-and-true reality dating show Dance Lesson. The Poo has never salsa-ed before and when he realizes that the man is supposed to lead he thinks "it's crazy, I can't see myself doing that." What about the saying: you can lead a horse to salsa lessons, but you can't make her dance? Not true for you? How about : You can make a horse dance, but you can't lead her in salsa lessons?
The women had fretted over what to wear on the date, but not to worry! The Producers have provided tasteful costumes, I mean dresses, for the ladies to dance in. Amanda's costume, I mean dress, I mean fringe bikini, makes her look like a French trapeze artist prostitute (red rose choker, natch) and Maria's costume, I mean dress, I mean doily makes her look like a cross between Mrs. Havisham/Shirley Temple/Baby Jane/Betty Boop. They both look sexy. Just kidding! Oh, Ting! I slay me!
The Ice Capades is back, and it's hornier than ever!
Now it's time for the obligatory Show after the Dance Lesson. The Poo picks Baby Havisham to dance with first. Prostitrap Amanda, voicing the repetitive loop in her brain that stands for cognitive ability, comments how bad she feels walking off by herself while The Poo gives attention to another woman. Baby Havisham gives it all she's got on the dance floor. She shakes her booty, kicks, high steps, does tiger hands, and growls. It is not unlike the pageant dance from Little Miss Sunshine, though more cringe-inducing and less heartbreaking, because unlike Abigail Breselyn, Maria should know better.
The Poo then asks Prostitrap Amanda to dance. Let's see those hockey dancing moves! Amanda disappoints, doing a little step-step here, step-step there. Did all the girls have influenza during try-outs? C'mon! At least a hurkey! The outfit she is wearing fits beautifully, though.
« Recap: So You Think You Can Dance Performance Show: Peace, guys! | Main | Recap: Big Brother: This Just In: God Takes Break From Tending To Crisis In Sudan In Order To Fix Power of Veto Competition! »
Comments (10)
Ting Lee, you are brilliant. Brilliant, I say! I get all kind of "tingly" reading your recaps. Your ever-changing nicknames for all the girls crack me up. I love it that you are recapping this show. I hope you'll recap other shows in the future.
1 of 10 | Posted by LonnaSaur
|
Posted on August 1, 2007 8:17 AM
Oh how hard I laughed at this recap!
Seriously, my sides hurt from the funny and I have never ever had that happen with a recap before of any show ever.
Excellent work, Ting Lee.
I missed the first few episodes and recaps... can you explain why you call him the poo?
The preview for next week says we won't believe who he picks.... which makes me wonder.... I really would believe it if he picked either Jenn or Amanda.... and Megan didn't have a goodbye clip.... does Megan come back maybe? Maybe she wasn't eliminated, but just didn't get to go on the Australia date? Just a thought.
In any event, I seriously hope he picks Jenn. This show is awful, but awfully hilarious too.
2 of 10 | Posted by MCH
|
Posted on August 1, 2007 11:32 AM
oh yeah.... and I'm so glad to know I wasn't the only one who thought Maria looked like Shirley Temple in that salsa dress! That's the first thing I thought when I saw her!
3 of 10 | Posted by MCH
|
Posted on August 1, 2007 11:36 AM
Hey MCH and Lonnasaur, thanks for reading and laughing. Yay!
I call him The Poo because his last name is Philippoussis, and while doing my extensive research for this show, I discovered that some people use that as his nickname in Australia. It seemed to fit for these recaps. He is also called "Scud" because his serve is so strong. He doesn't have much game besides that though which is why he's never won a major tournament. But that's all going to change Monday night! HAHAHA.
4 of 10 | Posted by ting lee
|
Posted on August 1, 2007 12:06 PM
I too was wondering if he was lying when he told Maria she would stay. I thought for sure it would be a battle between Amanda and Jen for the finale. But then when he went up to their suite and said that they were all going to Australia, I thought maybe he wasn't planning on eliminating anyone this week, which would be the only reason I could think of why Maria would have stayed.
I also like how he totally got off the hook with Amanda just by saying "I've missed you."
5 of 10 | Posted by DP Hooker
|
Posted on August 1, 2007 1:49 PM
Love your recaps Ting :)
I'm sure this has been said before but.. wtf? JENN? Her face has at least $100,000 worth of surgery in it. Ugh! Those eyes!!! That irritatingly slow, soft, bordering a mental disability way of speaking!
A lot of the forties on the show didn't look their age... Jenn is definately not one of them. I would have guessed in the fifties for Jenn.. especially in this episode when she was rehashing her date, wearing glasses, and not wearing any makeup.. she looked like my grandma! (If my grandma was embarassingly in denial of her own age)
6 of 10 | Posted by graceee
|
Posted on August 1, 2007 6:51 PM
Get this, you guys! There's speculation on the cbs boards that Megan summons up the courage to fly to Melbourne (hence no exit interview). This would, of course, impress the Poo to no end and he ends up picking her, partially because his mother doesn't like Jenn nor Amanda. I kinda like this idea. What do you guys think?
7 of 10 | Posted by ting lee
|
Posted on August 1, 2007 7:09 PM
I never thought about Megan flying in later. That would make it interesting. I did think I heard at the beginning of the show that 2 women would be eliminated. Is that correct?
8 of 10 | Posted by Beth
|
Posted on August 1, 2007 8:07 PM
Ok...I'm answering my own question. In the beginning of the last episode the announcer says right before the intro something like, "the final 2 will be remaining". I just watched the intro again on the NBC website.
9 of 10 | Posted by Beth
|
Posted on August 1, 2007 8:13 PM
Reading your recaps is one of my dirty little (old man) pleasures.
I think the parents will not like Jenn, because they want grandchildren (plus Poo's mom will be jealous of how Poo's dad drools at Jenn).
I predict Poo will pick Jenn, but she won't marry him because she is only using the show to advertise and won't settle for less than a billionaire with a heart condition and no heirs.
10 of 10 | Posted by NightWalker
|
Posted on August 2, 2007 12:02 PM