TVgasm Recaps: Your Source for Amazing Race

Amazing Race: TEAM MASTER RACE! OH HELL NO!!!

This is it kids! The big finale! We've learned so much this season: never be a vegan on this show if you wanna make it past the start line, buying a $5 passport-holder might be worth it to win a million dollars, there's nothing deadlier than a waterslide (especially if you're dating someone willing to physically throw you down it), never trust gay brothers, never stand in front of a car driven by a female poker player and ALWAYS stay on Ms. America's good side! Why? Cause otherwise she might just "beat yo ass" on "THE AMAZING RACE"!

We start the final leg in Prague where we left off. Team Master Race gets the clue first to "head to Las Vegas". These two are so white I half expected them to look blankly at it and comment, "But we don't speak Spanish. Is this in Brazil?"

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Posted by bBitz at 12:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Amazing Race: I Annoint Thee Queen Ohellno!

Welcome back everyone! Last week Team Master Race mastered yet another race, Ms. America was left hanging, the BroMos flipped over and out on each other and then stole Team Oreo's taxi. OH. HELL. NO. Bitches gonna get served! Why?! Cause this ain't the projects... this is THE AMAZING RACE!

We start out at Prague Castle where we left the teams last. Team Master Race heads out first to the next clue, the Spanish Synagogue. The city's oldest Jewish house of prayer. How vill they ever find it with the traffic and the people and my back is killing me why don't they ever call their mother...OY!

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Posted by bBitz at 11:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (22)

Amazing Race: Czech Yourself, Bieche!

Last week we learned that when you "candle-a-bra" you get "elimin-a-ted" and that someone's gonna get their ass beat this episode! WHY?! Because it's Amazing Race and somebody's gotta get whooped!

Teams start out in the marshes of Estonia where we left them and we see Team Master Race get the first clue - fly to Prague! Nice! Very jealous. Hot boys and tastey pastries.

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Posted by bBitz at 1:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (13)

Amazing Race: Hit the Road, Crack!

Welcome back to Amazing Race everyone! The leg begins where we left off - Stockholm! Phil reminds us it's the birthplace of ABBA. OMG if they had an ABBA challenge that'd be AWESOME! Team BroMos would nail it.

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Posted by bBitz at 9:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (12)

Amazing Race: We're Number One!

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Last week we learned to ask not for whom the bells tolls (cause GUUURRRLLL I just counted those mother f@$kin' things 4 times!), that sometimes desperation and defeat are the best pokerfaces and never to mix penicillin with Mexican food (this was a more personal lesson). WHY?! Let's just say there's a reason Phil never goes south of the border. It's just can't stomach the... AMAZING RACE!

We begin in Groining (sp?), Holland - the last pit stop of the race. We are now down to 5 teams and Team BroMos are the first to take off to the next stop, Stockholm, Sweden. OMG - dees eez vere zee Team Master Race shall rool zee race!!! Team BroMos is screwed since I'm sure Team Pokerface took their balls with them.

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Posted by bBitz at 1:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (15)

Amazing Race: Warning: Possible Shrinkage

Hey everyone! Sorry for the delay - little thing called "tonsillitis" and "the flu" hit the bBitz household this week and left wreckage. Good times. It could've been worse though. We could've been forced to go down a FRGGIN' WATER SLIDE. That shit's criminal. Luckily Phil got away with it though. Why? Cause it's AMAZING RACE!

We start off with 6 teams remaining and Team Master Race still in first after 3 legs. UGH! Get a room! Teams are taking off from the beautiful Palm Jumeirah...

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Posted by bBitz at 11:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (18)

Amazing Race: WWJD? Push Her!!

Welcome back everyone! Last week we learned that Team Master Race is earning its namesake and Team Masshole... well, they also earned their namesake. Apparently it doesn't pay to destroy, tear apart and kick shit all around the world. Even if it seems to turn Phil on. WHY?! Because this is... AMAZING RACE!

We begin where we left in Dubai - the Disneyland of the Middle East. Team Master Race chooses a mystery brief case and starts out for the Dubai Golf and Yacht Club to search for the next clue. Meghan carries the case and says she feels like a "businessman". Oh - so you have to be a business "MAN"?! SEXIST! You are SO on Team Master Race!

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Posted by bBitz at 4:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (17)

Amazing Race: Smashin' Massholes

Previously we learned that if you make it through rounds and rounds of interviews and casting sessions and the first 3 legs of the race - you should probably know enough to HOLD ON TO YOUR @%&*$@! PASSPORT! WHY?!?! Because this is "AMAZING RACE". Not "Amazing Race Around the Continental US".

Dan and Sam, the 2 usurpers of Zev and Justin's first place throne, leave first and get the clue, "Fly to the Persian Gulf and find the world's tallest building." If Lance thinks it's somewhere in Iraq this is going to be the best episode EVER. Either way I think they should make him wear a "Jesus is my Homeboy" t-shirt for this leg. Just, ya know, to see if he makes it.

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Posted by bBitz at 12:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (13)

Amazing Race: Keep Your Passport Here Next Time

Howdy fans! Welcome back! Last week we learned that Marcy liked Vietnam so much she decided to stay there, apparently the Harlem Globetrotters really are quite the globe-trotters and Lance may quite possibly be the dumbest person on the show... ever. But it's not just about brains - it's about brawn too ("ROAR! Lance destroy VCR!!!). Why? Because this is... AMAZING RACE!

Team Trotters are the first to leave to their new destination... Phnom Penh, Cambodia! Yikes. They're really getting the nickel tour of Asia. With any luck they're booked at the Hotel Khmer Rouge for the evening. Where you might check in but don't check out! What? Too soon?

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Posted by bBitz at 3:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (21)

Amazing Race: Take My Life, Please!

Welcome back kids! Just to refresh - last week we learned that being a vegan-yoga-master means you can run a great race but you have to be bright enough to make it past the start. We also learned that a poker face may not be a pretty face especially if it's in last place and finally, it takes cool tempers and a touch of Asperger's not to get fucked by a duck. Why? Because this is... AMAZING RACE!

Couples start out in Vietnam with Team Farm Boys in the lead - with their luck, the next challenge will be a corn-shucking contest in Wisconsin. But first, the boat they're all on heads out overnight and arrives in the morning to My Tho, Vietnam...

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Posted by bBitz at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (16)

December 11, 2009:Amazing Race: TEAM MASTER RACE! OH HELL NO!!!

December 2, 2009:Amazing Race: I Annoint Thee Queen Ohellno!

November 29, 2009:Amazing Race: Czech Yourself, Bieche!

November 20, 2009:Amazing Race: Hit the Road, Crack!

November 13, 2009:Amazing Race: We're Number One!

November 8, 2009:Amazing Race: Warning: Possible Shrinkage

October 29, 2009:Amazing Race: WWJD? Push Her!!

October 22, 2009:Amazing Race: Smashin' Massholes

October 15, 2009:Amazing Race: Keep Your Passport Here Next Time

October 6, 2009:Amazing Race: Take My Life, Please!