TVgasm Recaps: Your Source for Amazing Race

Amazing Race: WWJD? Push Her!!

Welcome back everyone! Last week we learned that Team Master Race is earning its namesake and Team Masshole... well, they also earned their namesake. Apparently it doesn't pay to destroy, tear apart and kick shit all around the world. Even if it seems to turn Phil on. WHY?! Because this is... AMAZING RACE!

We begin where we left in Dubai - the Disneyland of the Middle East. Team Master Race chooses a mystery brief case and starts out for the Dubai Golf and Yacht Club to search for the next clue. Meghan carries the case and says she feels like a "businessman". Oh - so you have to be a business "MAN"?! SEXIST! You are SO on Team Master Race!

Continue reading "Amazing Race: Amazing Race: WWJD? Push Her!!" »

Posted by bBitz at 4:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Amazing Race: Smashin' Massholes

Previously we learned that if you make it through rounds and rounds of interviews and casting sessions and the first 3 legs of the race - you should probably know enough to HOLD ON TO YOUR @%&*$@! PASSPORT! WHY?!?! Because this is "AMAZING RACE". Not "Amazing Race Around the Continental US".

Dan and Sam, the 2 usurpers of Zev and Justin's first place throne, leave first and get the clue, "Fly to the Persian Gulf and find the world's tallest building." If Lance thinks it's somewhere in Iraq this is going to be the best episode EVER. Either way I think they should make him wear a "Jesus is my Homeboy" t-shirt for this leg. Just, ya know, to see if he makes it.

Continue reading "Amazing Race: Amazing Race: Smashin' Massholes" »

Posted by bBitz at 12:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (13)

Amazing Race: Keep Your Passport Here Next Time

Howdy fans! Welcome back! Last week we learned that Marcy liked Vietnam so much she decided to stay there, apparently the Harlem Globetrotters really are quite the globe-trotters and Lance may quite possibly be the dumbest person on the show... ever. But it's not just about brains - it's about brawn too ("ROAR! Lance destroy VCR!!!). Why? Because this is... AMAZING RACE!

Team Trotters are the first to leave to their new destination... Phnom Penh, Cambodia! Yikes. They're really getting the nickel tour of Asia. With any luck they're booked at the Hotel Khmer Rouge for the evening. Where you might check in but don't check out! What? Too soon?

Continue reading "Amazing Race: Amazing Race: Keep Your Passport Here Next Time" »

Posted by bBitz at 3:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (21)

Amazing Race: Take My Life, Please!

Welcome back kids! Just to refresh - last week we learned that being a vegan-yoga-master means you can run a great race but you have to be bright enough to make it past the start. We also learned that a poker face may not be a pretty face especially if it's in last place and finally, it takes cool tempers and a touch of Asperger's not to get fucked by a duck. Why? Because this is... AMAZING RACE!

Couples start out in Vietnam with Team Farm Boys in the lead - with their luck, the next challenge will be a corn-shucking contest in Wisconsin. But first, the boat they're all on heads out overnight and arrives in the morning to My Tho, Vietnam...

Continue reading "Amazing Race: Amazing Race: Take My Life, Please!" »

Posted by bBitz at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (16)

Amazing Race: Same Shit, Different Duckies!

Welcome back everyone! It's time for the show that preaches worldly knowledge while its contestants practice worldly ignorance! I'm bBitz and I'm excited to be back for my 3rd season of this Emmy-award winning show! (Clearly because of my recaps.) Last season we learned that just because you're deaf doesn't mean you can't win (well... place in the top 3 to be fair), just because you're hearing doesn't mean you can't be deaf to your sister's thoughts/suggestions/feelings (and yet... still win) and that there's nothing like hearing your sister piss away a chance at a million dollars inside a port-o-pottie. Ladies and Gentlemen... this is AMAZING RACE!!! The race begins in the heart of beautiful Los Angeles...

Continue reading "Amazing Race: Amazing Race: Same Shit, Different Duckies!" »

Posted by bBitz at 3:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (21)

Amazing Race: She Loses, Everyone Wins!

This season we learned being incredibly bitchy (cheerleaders), insufferably whiny (you know who) and bilingual yet oblivious (Tammy/Victor) gets you to the final three. It's now time to learn which of those traits really pays off - just remember - no matter who wins - we all lose. Why? Because this is AMAZING RACE!

Continue reading "Amazing Race: Amazing Race: She Loses, Everyone Wins!" »

Posted by bBitz at 6:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Amazing Race: How to Piss Away a Million Dollars

Last week we learned the Chinese need to learn English so that Americans can win a million dollars easier, Cara can beat Michael Phelps any day (provided she doesn't continue to swim like a sea cow) and the leg of the race is never over until Phil says so! Why? Cause it's his mo-fo house and he the daddy of a baby called AMAZING RACE!

We start off with the Cheerleaders getting a face full of "PSYCH!!!" from Phil as they learn the race isn't over. I can't believe Jaime didn't gut Phil right there but they rally and race on. It could be worse - she could slam her head in a car door. Oh but wait...

Continue reading "Amazing Race: Amazing Race: How to Piss Away a Million Dollars" »

Posted by bBitz at 3:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (26)

Amazing Race: First Place Losers and the Wedgie of Justice!

cheerleader burr.png

Last week we learned that there's no end to Jaime's horrific-ness, Lil Guys came up a lil short in the end and oh yeah - all hell broke loose in the biggest fight on the show ever. Ladies and Gents, it's now time to learn that life can be a bitch - especially if it's racing against you for a million dollars in an... AMAZING RACE!

We begin where we left off in China. Jen and Kisha, first on the last leg, get to take off first to the next stop - Beijing! LOL. Jaime's gonna be fucking THRILLED they're staying in China! I hope like hell her clue reads, "You're next stops are Rome, Paris, Bali--- just kidding, it's CHINA again! SUCKER!"

Continue reading "Amazing Race: Amazing Race: First Place Losers and the Wedgie of Justice!" »

Posted by bBitz at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (12)

Amazing Race: The "Bitch" Heard 'Round the World!!

Welcome back everyone! Last week we learned that Mai Thai Trannies sing in the key of "B-Flat" while Jaime sings in the key of "B-itch", the dental program of Thailand thrives on reality show competitions, and the Lil Guys are apparently the biggest rule-breakers the show has ever seen! Now - this week - let's find out who really puts the "itch" in "BITCH!" (and I just signed that too!)... ladies and gentlemen... AMAZING RACE!!!

Margie and Luke are the first to depart Bangkok and head off to Guilin, China! There, they must find a salon to get their next clue. Thank God! Poor Margie could really use a cut and color. And you know Luke's not passing up a chance for mani/pedi's! EEEK!

Continue reading "Amazing Race: Amazing Race: The "Bitch" Heard 'Round the World!!" »

Posted by bBitz at 10:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (23)

Amazing Race: Is That a Trannie In My Butt or Are You Happy To See Me?!

Hiya folks! Good to be back after a week off! Since it was awhile ago, let's recall what we learned on the last episode: elephants may forget about rubbing their taints on teams but we never will, Lil' Guys are rule-breakin' rebels, Jaime is satan incarnate and most importantly, a recipe for drama: 1 Bionic Mom, 1 Melodramatic Boy, -2 Waters; Bake at 350 for 3 hours... and serve up another tasty episode of AMAZING RACE!!!

How do we go on after losing one of my fav teams ever, Mel & Mike?! The same way we always do - with the hope the evil one will continue to make an ass of herself. Take it away Jaime!

Continue reading "Amazing Race: Amazing Race: Is That a Trannie In My Butt or Are You Happy To See Me?!" »

Posted by bBitz at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (16)

October 29, 2009:Amazing Race: WWJD? Push Her!!

October 22, 2009:Amazing Race: Smashin' Massholes

October 15, 2009:Amazing Race: Keep Your Passport Here Next Time

October 6, 2009:Amazing Race: Take My Life, Please!

September 30, 2009:Amazing Race: Same Shit, Different Duckies!

May 25, 2009:Amazing Race: She Loses, Everyone Wins!

May 5, 2009:Amazing Race: How to Piss Away a Million Dollars

May 3, 2009:Amazing Race: First Place Losers and the Wedgie of Justice!

April 27, 2009:Amazing Race: The "Bitch" Heard 'Round the World!!

April 19, 2009:Amazing Race: Is That a Trannie In My Butt or Are You Happy To See Me?!