Where's the Black Family when you need them!?! (sigh)

Let's keep our fingers cross and hope that Dirty Lori on the Dance Floor comes out soon... :)

Thanks B-Side! It's 3 AM in the morning and I'm laughing hysterically!

Awww, John and Scott made me long for the days of Cha Cha Cha. They left too soon. I liked all the teams and was sad to find no one to root against. Maybe if I hadn't missed the first half (why did I think it started at 10?), I would dislike Lake more. He has a Balwinesque look to him which is always gag worthy, so there's hope for hate.

That's Baldwinesque, in case anyone was confused. Ya' know, Alec, Daniel, Billy, Steven, Sleepy, Grumpy, Doc?

I felt a bit bad for John and Scott being first to go. There was nothing that really tested the racers on this leg (unless they went with the bike thing, which I can't believe anyone chose when flying in a helicopter over Sao Paolo and traipsing through swank condos is way more fun), so it was mostly just bad luck.

Those Glamazons annoyed the living sh*t out of me. In fact, they were already annoying me in the previews for this season. You just know they've been pulling out this hammy schtick at every family gathering for the past 30 years. And ignorant to boot. "Oh these poor Brazilians probably couldn't adapt to our culture either." Whatever!Anyway, I'm torn between wanting them gone next (and in fact, I doubt they're capable of doing much more than screaming in a helicopter) or keeping them around to see them suffer through some real hardships.

Liked the hippies, didn't like the smug dropouts, Lake is evil, and everyone else is wait and see.

Excellent recap B-Side! I think Lake is an a-hole. Wonder if he'll pull any Jonathon/Victoria type antics? This episode was great, but am I the only one who noticed we didn't get a really good look at the PhilPackage?
I hope the Glamazons go home next.

Oh, and who was it that said Atrium Five "A-T-R-I-U-M-V" like it was a word in a foreign language? That was well funny. As was John's complete inability to come anywhere near pronoucing "Santa Cecilia" correctly.

Lizardqueen - Lake is totally "Baldwinesque"! And I looked at my hubby and said "Did he really just say 'Lake, like the ocean?'" Idiot. Gives Southern people a bad image! The beach bums are idiots too, and you're right, B-side, they're totally hooking up with the Double D's. Looks like it's going to be another Amazing season!

Chronic - I was dying when they were calling it "Atrium V" instead of "Atrium 5".

Yeah, I definitely thought Lake came off as a sexist and racist pig, but I detested his wife as well for being such a push-over. Maybe I'll feel differently next week, but for now, I'd be really glad to see them go.

Dave to Lori:
"I love you"

Lori to Dave:
"I love you two

5 minutes later...

I "love you"
I "love you"

another 5 minutes...

"I love you"
" I love you too"

"I love you too"

not two, whew

My young son calls the old people "Frankenberry"...The name has already stuck in our household...And yes, we noticed last night that they look like the Citibank couple!

Anyone else notice Scott's uncanny resemblance to Ethan from Lost??

Frankenberry wins for best nickname of those two. I was going to go with Bran Flakes.

Lake & Michelle = Rhett and Scarlett

Danielle & Dani = Double Ds

BJ & Tyler = Bohemians

Ray & Yolanda = Raylonda

John & Scott = you're out...who cares

David & Lori = Team Gush

Jeremy & Scott = Team BFF

Fran & Barry = Frankenberry

Lisa & Joni = Team Shut-up and quit screaming!!

Joseph & Monica = Team JV rehashed

Wanda & Desiree = Team Underdog

I kinda like Team Mojo. Their only negative strike for me, besides calling themselves Team Mojo, is that they had matching shirts. That is a trend that should have stopped in Season 1 with Team Guido.

Lake is scary. It's hard to believe that this guy is a doctor. I'm from the south and couldn't stand his thick accent. The guy is a hick.

I didn't like the 2 slackers who came in first. They kinda seemed a little like douchebags.

My biggest disappointment of this episode: Why didn't we get to visit any gigantic office chairs in Brazil??? Maybe next week!

I didn't really like anyone in this episode...they are all a bit annoying to me....LOL...maybe I was just overly tired when I watched it. I'll let you know after next week's episode. :o)

Great recap, I too felt a sense of relief when I saw who the last two teams were as I was ready for both to go. They both made my head hurt either from incessant screaming or the multiple doubletakes and rewinds on the oh so gay comments (tallest daughter, brotherly love and nothing more than that, pull out the genie, etc.)

FYI - I think Phil's sidekick was Beetlejuice. He's a lot better with a soccer ball than I would have expected...is he Brazilian or is this just a subtle way of promoting Howard on Sirius?

With the exception of David and Lori, I can honestly say I hate every single person this season. Which means it should be the best yet.

Reality shows truly love the gay stereotype, but Scott just brought it to a new level. Imagine the collective orgasm the CBS casting people had when he walked in the door.

BJ and Tyler. Guys, you’re not funny. You’re jokes aren’t just bad, they are over the top cringe worthy everyone stares at you bad. There is NOTHING more annoying than being around people who think they are hilarious. You just want to punch them. I hope they get tetanus from walking in their bare feet in Bangladesh around episode 4. Then they can get lockjaw and save us all from listening to them make “jokes�.

Contestants with Lockjaw. See, THAT would be funny.

Yay, so glad the Dynamic Gay Duo are gone. I thought gays were supposed to be fun and make you feel happy, not homicidal.

Hopefully next week the Frosted Grandladies will push the Hippies off the roof of a building.

B-Side, this was the Best.Recap.Eveah!!! Here I am snorting and laughing and making my co-workers know there's no way I could be having this much fun doing my job.

Looks like this season will be up to it's regular stuff if you go by just the team personalities alone. I happen to like the names they gave each other: The Einsteins, The Pinkies, The Hippies and The Frosties although Bee and Dazzler was great.And I do so love using Rhett and Scarlet and Raylonda.

First of all, if a guy has a Type A personality,is from the south with the name Lake- you know he has issues. It is gonna be so sweet to see him eliminated.

Ray was too cool with those guys catcalling his Yolanda like that. I don't think my MrC.woulda done so well and made a motorcycle start. Gotta give him big props for that.

Oh yes, the Frankenberry's... I was just screaming at them to find the #$%@ clue box already and then more screams followed at the motorcycle shop. They were too cute though, guess I do have a soft spot for the Token Old Couple and was glad that those mistakes weren't their demise.

The Frosties couldn't of been more annoying. Shut the hell up already! Gawsh I was getting a headache just listening to them! Can you imagine the poor cab driver(s) and helicopter pilot trapped with them? I wonder if the camera men switch off or if they are assigned to one team throughout? Sucks to be them!

Because of a scheduling conflict (Idol vs. AR- the gods of tv scheduling are just cruel to make us choose) I missed first half hour. Really, John and Scott were not posted as a "couple"? When I caught up I sure thought they were our Token Gay Couple. Why else would Scott put up with all of that snippiness? Glad they are gone but my ears are still ringing from the Frosties.

Hooray the TAR recap is here!! Great job B-side, funny as hell! I liked the Glamazons. I thought the screaming, peeing pants, absolute no hustle was hysterical. Did yall notice how they could barely even carry their bags? Every hand was full with something and their backpacks were just hanging from their elbows. Pathetic, Come on ladies this is THE Race! Pull it together! They won't last long, but I think they're a trip!
I'm over the hippies already-that schtick is gonna get real old.

khirth - I had the same thought. Every Southern man is not a repressed, racist, sexist idiot, OK people? Just like the Weavers gave Christians a bad image, Lake is giving Southern men a bad rep.
His wife should speak up some.

Wish I had seen this episode! I was TiVoing something else, grrr! Looks like a great season.

YAY! TAR is BACK!!!! I did not even watch the mess that was the Family Version. I am a flinty soul who cares not for what passes as "Family Values Entertainment" in this country. I was so so so happy to see Phil resplendent in his turtle neck. Ahh... all is right in my world again.

B-Side - Thank you for staying up late and getting this out.

EdHill - Yes, the gay stereotype is SO over. Two snaps up! But I found their little soliloquy about "closets" at the end to be quite humorous.

The "Hippies" - Man, nothing I hate more than 2 overly privileged, Ivy Leaguers who eschew their parents' values by boasting scruffy stankiness. Of course, it is HIGHLY doubtful that they eschew Ma & Pa's $$$. Their outfits, while wackily unkempt, did not look like Goodwill Bargain Basement finds, either. Go work on Madison Ave and chat about Merlot, ya poseurs!

Raylonda took a lot of guff by the locals, but that is Latin American culture. I lived there myself, and the rampant sexism there makes Bill Clinton's indiscretions seem like Jr. High flirtations in comparison. Good for them for not letting it take them off track.

The Frankenberry's (AWESOME nick, btw, flypay [#12]! Gotta love kids for getting to the heart of a matter) made a good point about the Motor Head Detour. Where were the instructions? I didn't think a mechanical engineering was a prerequisite for Reality TV contestants. Even at the IKEA challenge in a past season, there were instructions. Albeit, they were in Swedish, but still!

I can't wait to see where The Race goes next week and how B-Side retells it in his whimsical way.

It seemed to me a lot of the teams were hamming it up for the cameras. I won't even get into the Bedazzlers and their need to scream about everything. I also couldn't stand Mo and her non-witty witticisms (the pot comment about BJ & Tyler) and her need to woo-hoo everytime she & Jo received a clue. Wanda freaking out in the hotel suite (you like it, I get it). Lake and his hyper-aggressive self-congratulations (did you see his little dance after the religious ceremony? did you see him when he reached the pit stop?). BJ & Tyler ... oy. Everyone just needs to settle down. In previous seasons that I've seen, everyone seemed more natural -- and tolerable.

Lake seems like an a**hole. I get the feeling though his wife isn't the total robot she originally appeared to be. Sometimes she seemed embarrassed by him, other times she looked to be simmering with resentment. Hope she flips out at him.

I don't like any of the teams. Bring back Cha Cha Cha!

Definitely one of the funniest recaps yet! Does anyone else find Eric and Jeremy quite comparable to the previous duo of Jase and Scott?
Did anyone else notice how the music was different? More drums I think...
The impression Yolanda did of Ray was so funny. I'm pretty sure it was Ray who said the whole "lake like an ocean thing" though, but still funny nonetheless!

The comparison of Fran and Barry to that Citibank commercial is priceless! Keep 'em coming, I'm so glad this season is finally here!

Thank God the Scott and John are going home. I don't think I could have listened to them the whole season. Now backtrack to season 7...Lynn and (OMG..I forgot his boyfriend's name!) Any way, there were sooo funny and I was sad when they got eliminated.

This recap was great. Does anyone else think that Jeremy is gay? I was so happy that they went out of the country!!!

Also, CBS has now moved TAR to the 10pm slot. I don't like this. TAR is a family show. "The Unit" is now going in the 9pm slot. They might just be doing this for a while to get "The Unit" noticed but it seems more like a 10pm show.

In the picture of John and Scott, Scott is wearing the same shirt from the movie How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days. The shirt is the one Kate Hudson's character gives Matthew McConaughey's character at the same time she shows him the new mini dog. (Sorry, I just watched the movie the other day)

I'm officially advocating for Wanda & Desiree to be combined into "Wandree". That way we can say things like, "Where's Wandree?" or "What happened to Wandree?" ala Tim Gunn

-Becs_SF,

YES!! "Where's Wandree?" Haha, that's perfect.

Damn these two hour shows - somebody needs to do a recap of the recaps.

The first episode of every seaon I find myself thinking the same things:

- AR does the best casting of any reality show

- None of the teams have ever watched the show before

- Shouldn't Phil say "travel safeLY"

At least we were out of the country before the first commercial break - glad to have you back Amazing Race!

Gotta hand it to Ray for keeping his cool while that crowd of Brazilian assholes gave his girl the hoochie-mama treatment. I used to live in Mexico and it was the same deal there..

Wow, this season is such a huge improvement on the damn Family Edition..

Thank the good lord above. The real race is back! I liked Dave and Lori but the kissing... Seriously. Enough. A couple of seasons ago (before the Family Edition) my son said he thought they should do an Amazing Race with teams of foreigners traveling around the US. We all thought it would be kinda cool to see what they would think about different areas of the US. Can't you just see it, "I know, it does smell bad, but it's a culture..."

Thank goodness - IT'S BACK!

What a wonderful feeling to sit back and get to know the people I'll love and hate for this season.

Yes, how great was it that they actually left the United States in the first half hour of the show???? And to Brazil! Ah, the land of the confusing language and culture. I guess they expected them to speak - hmmmm - BRAZILIAN! (which of course would be a derivative of Spanish - or maybe Latin/English i.e. Latin America)

I had higher hopes for the old couple (Frankenberry is so them) - but GAD - how dumb to ya haf ta be when yer walkin right by the box, over and over again?

Love the Hippie Boys, surfer boys, Double D's, the Raylonda's and the and - errrr - the LUV Nerds (they really do rely on the kissing thing too much). The Glamo sistas and Doctor Lake Ocean and his wave wife have GOT TO GO. Now I'm totally confused on WHO is going to win but I really don't care because IT IS SO FUN TO BE IN THE RACE!

It's so nice to have you back recapping the BEST SHOW ON TV - great job, B-Side. Life is good!

Dude, it's not Abruzzi -- it's Karl Hungus. He's a nihilist, he doesn't care about anything.

I was hating on MoJo until the Scott Petersen comment -- now I love that guy!

The friggin hippies? Of course they live in SF. It's the only place where nobody would call them on the bullshit, ever. I know a dozen people just like them. I'd hate these guys, but they're hilarious in spite of themselves, so I'll let it pass ... for now.

The beach bums kill me -- they ARE douchebags, but they know it, and they're ok with that. Anybody who frankly admits they just don't wanna work? Good people.

was it just me or was Lori sitting on Dave's lap in the cab?

I LOVED when Frankenbarry commented that the box "must not have been there before"! I did get sick of Fran whining about losing and not knowing how to assemble the bike. I kept yelling "quit wasting time complaining and DO SOMETHING".

I would have been okay with MoJo even with the shirts if they didn't say Mo & Jo on the backs. we get it all ready, guys.

Frosties have to go next or I will be the one reduced to banshee like screaming.

Milkshake:

- Shouldn't Phil say "travel safeLY"

A grammar maven friend of mine once explained that "travel safe" is like "sit tight" (not "sit tightLY") but while his reasons sounded good at time, for the life of me I can't remember them.

And Rhett Peterson is my new favorite villian.

[psst, Acton Bell: nice pseud -- been meaning to tell you]

aah..I just love those nerds! I also love the hippies..they're so weird and corny, I just love them. I also love the old couple. I don't know why, I just always love them. Wow, I said love a lot.

"Dude, it's not Abruzzi -- it's Karl Hungus. He's a nihilist, he doesn't care about anything."

kgjbnme, you are absolutely right. Peter Stormare will forever be Karl Hungus to me. Best movie ever.

8 year olds dude.

kgjbnme - thanks. Always been my favorite of the Bells. Currer's too popular and Ellis is too weird.

Fantasmic recap as always B-Side but one little correction needs to be made:

Paragraph 3 refers to "Blake" twice instead of "Lake" (you know, like the ocean). Other than that stellar as always.

Might I suggest a possible nickname of "Wreck & Scarlett"?

Acton Bell - that's why I was asking. I'm not exactly the king of grammar but it just seemed wrong to me. Thanks for the info!

"They quickly found their bright yellow envelope sitting under a coffee machine in the office kitchenette. Now, how random was that? Could you imagine being at work, and there's a damn clue for the Amazing Race right in the break room? That's like walking into your cubicle and finding Tribal Council going on. I can just imagine Jeff Probst rolling his eyes and saying, "Excuse me, but we're in the middle of this." At which point I would slink away."- TFF!!!

No one has garnered my Momma-Weaver-level of disdain yet.

Bee & Dazzler- awesome name

I consider myself handy, yet I wouldn't consider for a moment putting together a motorcyle. "I'm good at putting things together." That, and walking by the cluebox countless times helps to perpetuate the notion that old people=stupid.

Red pants hippie freaks will be annoying by episode 3.

B-side I love your dedication to recapping...you're the best!

So true about yelling "rapido" no matter the country. Or how about Rolly saying "el fasto" in Canada. OMG will the racers ever get it?

Oh, and "Glamazon? More like GLAMADON'T!" was funny. But I thought you were going to say "Glamazon? More like GLAMAZOFF!"

I had been so looking forward to the Race's return and must admit I was a bit disappointed. The tasks seemed convoluted and not very much fun to watch with the exception of the surprise visit to the random office. Too much busy work for so many teams to get through.

The Lovenerds just have to stop all that kissing. Lori seems a little too needy for me. And, I'm sorry, but if they're so smart, why is Lori an Assistant Manager at Pizza Hut (not even the real manager) and David an unemployed musician? I know, I'm a snob!

Why do I love the Amazing Race? Because it reminds me that ingnorance and closet racism are still alive and well in many parts of America. When Lake said something about the black girl beating Michelle in a foot race, I was as taken aback as I was back in college when my orientation roommate told me his high school football team had a really talented colored running back. WTF and that was 1996, in Jersey City, New Jersey. Lake needs to get with the freakin times dude, racism is just so not standard, it's so very random. God I miss Laguna.

My god those 2 ladies are extremely annoying. If either of them was my mom, I'd be on Prozak and then some.

The gay couple was a little overly flamboyant, but next to the 2 ladies... argh. I still can't get the ringing out of my ears.

And then the chauvinist dentist and his good southern wife... another reason to puke.

I'm not sure if I encountered anyone likeable this entire game.

Phil, oh Phil, my sweet, sweet hunka hunka Phil! I have missed you so.

Seriously, just seeing Phil and watching him go through the whole "The world is waiting" speech makes me giddy. My love for the man is unhealthy at best.

I like Ray and Yolanda so far. She rocks! Class act all the way. I hope they get along and get married at the end of the race.

I like the hippies and the mother/daughter team and the slacker dudes too (they're hotties). The double D's are kinda annoying right now, but maybe it's b/c I'm a little jealous of their racks! I'm sure they'll grow on me. The Scott Peterson line made me LOL when I was watching.

I wanted to shoot Lake in the teeth when he mentioned that the "black girl" could outrun his wife. Maybe it's because I'm black, or maybe it's because that comment would have been acceptable in 1854. Dumbass. His wife is a dipshit too, but she seems like one day she's gonna stab him. Unlike Victoria who took her licks and kept one ticking, this woman looks like if Lake ever even hugged her too tightly she'd bitch slap him.

Other than those two, the rest are just fantastic. I turned the volume down on The Screaming Bedazzlers but that still didn't stop my roommate from peering curiously at the television and wondering out loud, "what the hell are you watching?"

That was "kept on ticking" not "keep one ticking". Damn quick-typing and not rereading!

I am so glad AR is back! Although their tasks really weren't that hard (really, the had to take a helicopter ride or put together a motorcycle....other than that it was just go to this place and you'll get your next clue).

I hope the Glamazons are gone next, they really do annoy me. Though I'm glad Scott and John left us.....after that genie thing I really was just done with them. Scott reminded me of a guy I used to work with (actually I got his job when he was fired)...he seemed just depressed and so passive aggressive that he didn't say anything in the cab, but then was mad at John. And really, this isn't cause they're gay (I work in entertainment, I'm surrounded by gay guys!), they were just annoying and had to go!!!!!

They'll probably turn out to be just as annoying, but I hope Eric and Jeremy stay on for a while....they're just yummy!

And I know "it's just their culture" and all, but even I felt like taking a shower when Yolanda was putting together the motorcycle and all those guys were leering at her. No matter what country it is, no woman should have to put up with that. I don't know if she knew exactly what they were saying, but from reading the subtitles it was just wrong.

I skipped the Oscars to watch the Amazing Race, which I have put off since tuesday. I haven't had a chance to form a complete opinion, but since I hate hippies, I hope BJ and Tyler get hit by a truck. I mean, I could live with them, but the ultra generic vintage hippie shirts does make me gag.

I do like the nerds, who I think are the cutest couple since Jon and Lori and I think the old couple will continue to the trend of great old couples Amazing Race has had recently. Also, is it too early to hope that Yolanda has a sister who digs bloggers?

My favorite part of the episode, other than the pathetic Eric and Jeremy trying to hit on the "Pinkies" was the way they added some latin or salsa flair to the background music.

Amazing Race is back, and so I am very happy.

you SKIPPED the Oscars?- blasphemy!!!

Btw, I think Desiree looks more like Jessica Alba than Nora Jones.

Not checking for recaps over the weekend will be MY DEMISE!! All the comments are right on the money -- way to go, guys! But, for the record, here are my thoughts:

I have to admit that I like the mother/daughter team and the hippie dudes so far, although as for the hippie dudes, I think I really could smell them through my tv. Yikes! I hope they at least packed deoderant, and that they choose to wear it sometime! Also, they have GOT to lose the bright colors. I know their team color is red and they are expressing themselves with the crazy printed shirts to boot, but man, every team will see them wherever they go . . . "where's the clue box, oh wait, there's the hippie dudes, the box must be nearby." Well, everyone except the old couple (man, was I screaming at my tv when they kept passing that box. HOW could they be so clueless??)

Not liking the frat boys so far. Are guys with pierced nipples still considered cool or sexy? I haven't seen that in years! Also not wild about MoJo (except the comment about Scott Peterson was pretty good).

As for the self-proclaimed nerd team, I guess they prove that there truly is someone for everyone, but ENOUGH with the kissing already! We get it. You love each other. Move on. (Oh, Mylanta!, as the nerd dude exclaimed upon running up the steps in Colorado.)

And don't even get me started on the DD team. I wish, just once, that we could have an Amazing Race team of girls that DIDN'T think that appropriate attire for an around-the-world race includes pink sweatpants and 2 sizes too small tank tops that show their boobage in all its glory. These girls picked the detour to put together a motorcycle??? WTF!!! The only reason they picked this task was because they planned to flirt with the first guy they found to get him to help them (that damsel in distress crap don't fly in Brazil, Pinkies!)

Overall, though, I was happy with the outcome, but like many others have already said, I wouldn't have minded if the sisters were eliminated instead of the gay guys. Those Glamazoffs (excellent nickname, by the way) were so annoying -- OH MY GAWD!!!

TAR should never allow contestants to get help from locals to complete tasks.

I was coming back to comment that Desiree from the mother/daughter team looked like Jessica Alba with dark hair but Kate McV got that too :) Glad to see my vision isn't messed up. I'm rooting for Desiree & Wanda, and Ray & Yolanda to win. It would be nice that a sane, not bimbo-ish all female team FINALLY wins the damn thing. If not, Ray & Yolanda will do as they seem like a great couple (so far anyways).

Also I wonder why Lake had that bandaid below his ear, his wife had the same thing too. Wtf? If you're going for a 'matchy-matchy' 'team unity' deal, go all the way, with the '70s nasty shirts, or the PINK sweatshirt/pant or nipple rings. Maybe it's to hide some sort of robot chip implant, Lake controls his wife with it. We may find out later on...

stacyrocks:

While those band-aids may, indeed, be hiding their chip implants, those are probably airsickness/seasickness thing-a-ma-jiggies.

I actually thought the patches were some sort of stop-smoking aid. Maybe the Lakester is a smoker, but wanted to quit for the race . . .

*Acton Bell & bluebell

LOL, you guys made more sense than me. I didn't know patches existed for motion sickness. The patches Lake and wifey were wearing looked like regular Band Aid or Nexcare bandages to me! :)

Great recap! Glad the "real" Amazing Race is back.

Love the nerds - but could do with less kissing. The screaming sisters are annoying. The "old" couple is cute - I hope they go far. Can't stand Rhett and Scarlett (Lake - like the ocean. duh!) but they will make for interesting shows. The bosom buddies (Double D) will lose once they run out of makeup. The hippies are sort of bizarre (especially the choice in clothing) and the slacker dudes are very cute! MoJo = annoying. Mom + daughter will be in the finals with Ray & Yolanda. John + Scott: we hardly knew ye.