It's Gonna Take Money, A Whole Lot of Spending Money. (And It's Gonna Take Time, A Whole Lot of Precious Time) - 
by B-Side
Here's the deal with the latest episode of The Amazing Race. I sat down to watch it Sunday evening in New York, and since I was busy earlier in the night, I knew the trusty Tivo would do its job and record the episode. Well, the Tivo certainly did what it was told, but what I had completely forgotten to account for was that infernal bane of East Coast schedules: the Sunday night football overrun. As a result, I got about only twenty minutes worth of the Race before the Tivo chimed in and asked if I'd like to erase the episode? No, Tivo, no. I then had to wait a torturous two days before I could see the final forty-minutes, and man, was it worth it. This was the best episode of the young season so far, and it came complete with time penalties, forgotten luggage, financial deficits, injuries, and idiotic errors. But even more importantly, there were threads of genuine emotion interlaced with the action as coal miner David ruminated on the affect Vietnam had on his father's generation. This was what The Amazing Race is about: action, unpredictability, and heart. Awww. You can pay me later, CBS.
This week's episode began in glorious Mongolia with Peter and Sarah emerging from the Pit Stop first. Their next destination? Scenic Hanoi, Vietnam. Specifically, they would be venturing into the famed "Hanoi Hilton," which is not some kinky sexual position crafted by Stavros Niarchos. The Hanoi Hilton was actually an infamous prison where American POWs were incarcerated and tortured, not unlike the poor viewers who've happened to watch two minutes of 'Til Death.
Anyway, for this leg of the race, teams had zero dollars, and later we learned they wouldn't be allowed to beg for money or sell anything for cash. Not a problem for Peter and Sarah, who had somehow accumulated $40 over the past few episodes. Duke and Lauren, on the other hand, had only $11 to their name, and as you can imagine, that's not particularly ideal for international travel. Nevertheless, Peter and Sarah headed to the Genghis Kahn travel agency (or "Chengis Kahn," as Sarah called it) to buy tickets, and en route, Sarah noted that her gimpy fake leg was getting worse and worse. "It's a good thing we have this lead," she said, "because we're gonna need it." Peter then suddenly chimed in with a "C'mon sister! Quit yer stinkin' thinkin' and motivate. Yay!" Okay, he didn't say that... at least, not on camera.
Later, when Duke and Lauren emerged from the Pit Stop, they took note of the local Mongolians and their customs. "A lot of these girls on the street walk arm and arm. Think they're just friends or what?" Duke asked, adding, "You know, maybe they're crazy lesbos, like my daughter. Oh, sorry Lauren. Didn't realize you were right there."
Duke then talked about Vietnam, saying that a lot of his friends had served in the war. "A lot of them never returned," he then noted. DOWNER! Way to be a killjoy, Duke!
Tom and Terry soon left the gate, and they had a stunning revelation: "To try to make decisions together is STRESSFUL!" You can read more of their observations in the book: "Circles Are Round: Essays of the Obvious."
Well, the first few teams arrived at the "Chengis" Kahn travel agency, but guess what? It didn't open until 9 AM. Imagine that! Meanwhile, other teams, not realizing that they'd have to wait at the agency anyway, scurried along, trying to make the best time possible. No team hustled quite like Kimberob, who nearly caused a canine fatality along the way.
"Don't hit that dog!" barked Kimberly, PUN INTENDED.
"I'm not going to hit a dog!" Rob snapped back, shockingly not imploring Kimberly to treat him like A HUMAN BEING. We then cut to Kimberly, who told us, "If Rob chooses to say things that are hurtful to me, we're gonna have to have a serious talk about that." So apparently saying "I'm not going to hit a dog!" is hurtful to Kimberly. I'm surprised she didn't turn to Rob in the interview and say, "When you told me that you weren't going to fill up the bird feeder until after lunch, THAT HURT ME!!!"
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