Bonjour! Ciao! Hola! Hello everyone! bBitz here and I'm back to guide you through this AMAZING RACE around the world! I'm am very excited to be taking a break from the world of dance competitions and recap my favorite (emmy-winning!) reality show. And what luckier season to start off on than 13!? Clearly this means someone on the show will die. Or maybe they'll just get stuck on a Jet Blue flight on the runway for 13 hours - which is just like dying once the toilets overflow and there's no way out.
The season kicks off in LA with our dear Phil standing on top of a tall non-de-script building. Why?! Who knows - but Phil looks like he hasn't eaten since season 10.
"Feed me!"
I hope he's not on a hunger strike since he wasn't nominated for an Emmy. Don't be ashamed Phil! You could've looked like a total asshole onstage like the rest of them and you dodged that bullet! And really - Heidi will let you rip her clothes off any ol' time.
Classic cars (we have no idea why) are bringing the teams to the starting line at the LA Coliseum - the only stadium on earth to host the Olympic games twice - who knew?! It's probably because the traffic getting out of the first one forced them to stay around for the next one.
BTW - this is a shot of 2 statues in the Coliseum. Ummm can anyone say "morbid foreshadowing"?! If there's a "Put Your Head In This Antique Guillotine" Detour I would totally have my partner do it.
Time for the team introductions. There's only 11 this season. Is that right? I feel like there's usually more! CBS is getting cheap. Less teams = fewer destinations = less money to produce. Bastards!
First up - TONI and DALLAS:
AKA Non-MILF and Italian Stallion
Toni is a single mom and Dallas is a mom-loving (awww) guy who wants to make his Mom proud. They're a sweet team. They even have matching eye brows.
NICK and STARR:
AKA Cutie Gay and Kid Sister
I like this couple and I'm calling them the team to beat. Not just because of Cutie Gay - but because Starr has an extra "r" in her name that just has to come in handy at some point. Otherwise there's no justice in the world.
KEN and TINA:
AKA Mr. Cheater and Trophy Wife
Oh wow. Not only are we gonna hear from Tina 1,000+ times that Ken cheated on her but these two are going to be the best source of drama on the show. You can tell by the above shot just how much they love each other.
AJA and TY:
AKA The Love-Line Couple
Is it just me or does it seem like these two are talking to different people? Ty's laughing ad Aja looks PISSED. Apparently one of them is not getting their money's worth out of the 1-900 number.
MARISA and BROOKE:
AKA Dumb Blondes 3.0
Ugh. These two again? Really? Haven't we seen these two in slightly different forms for like several seasons now? The only difference with these two is they'll actually get close enough to food to pose with it. Not that they're actually going to eat it.
ANDREW and DAN:
AKA The Fat Frats
If these two win - I'll get this photo tattooed on my ass. Aren't Frat guys supposed to be hot?! Treachery! They claim they're all about "Parties, girls and booze." Well - one outta 3 isn't bad fellas.
ANTHONY and STEPHANIE:
AKA Man-in-Charge and Anthony
Stephanie feels that by winning the money it will mean they can finally get married, have kids and lead a perfect life. If not - they're OVER. Cool - nothing like going into the race with a 10 in 11 chance of your life going to shit!
ANITA and ARTHUR:
AKA Bumbling Bee-Keepers
I get a hairball looking at them but gosh darn it they're sweet. Except their choice of wardrobe gives me vertigo. Luckily I'm pretty sure they won't be lasting past this first episode.
KELLY and CHRISTY:
AKA Diva Divorcees
These two have both been through "dreadful marriages" so it's gonna be a "bitter - party of two - right this way" time around the world. Although they seem to be looking on the upswing. Just look at Christy taking a boob shot with her cell phone. She's totally sending it to Phil.
TERENCE and SARAH:
AKA Spirit Lahver and Deborah Downer
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Comments (19)
ok, I TOTALLY thought Nick was a 'mo too (and secretly wishing he were in my arms) but apparently he's just one of those effeminate guys who does musical theatre...just google his name and check it out: Nick Spangler
*sigh* oh well...either that or he hasn't come out yet...I'm going with option B...
1 of 19 | Posted by ugasouthernguy | Posted on October 1, 2008 4:18 AM
Great recap!
There will be 11 Pitstops (plus the probably 2 part finale) - but 3 will be non elimination. So you'll have your 13 recaps or so to do!
I think the souther bells are actually pretty chunky. The divorces are 10x hotter.
And why no love for the Geeks? They seem normal and nice to to me. The clue had the word funicular on it, besides, Amazing Racers have been on them a few times before. (That's where I learned it!)
HATE Terence and Sara - btw, they are NOT married as you wrote - he is a total jerk psycho.
I'm not relly rooting for anyone yet. But I love that my favorite show is back on!
2 of 19 | Posted by DaveBrown | Posted on October 1, 2008 5:05 AM
I was hoping that the beekeepers would last longer. If he had big dark glasses, they'd look just like my parents (not kidding). Ah well, lots of creepy entertainment left to enjoy.
3 of 19 | Posted by kizarny | Posted on October 1, 2008 6:46 AM
Thanks for the awesome recap! I knew it'd be good when I saw your first picture.
Don't have a favorite team yet but I feel actually feel sorry for Mr.Cheater. That wife of his is downright SCARY looking. And he needs to just payherthemoney and divorce NOW. She is the kind that will make your life hell no matter what.
Should be in for a GREAT season!
4 of 19 | Posted by mrsc | Posted on October 1, 2008 7:56 AM
"Kind of Amazing but Not Really Oh Fuck It We'll Just Keep it in the US Race"
Wasn't that the season they had families racing?
5 of 19 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on October 1, 2008 8:44 AM
Good recap!
Can't wait for the frat boys to flame out. Preferably in a way that involves public pantsing and tears.
And as a picky girl who grew up just up the coast from it, it's just "Salvador" in Bahia (state), Brazil. No San. Or sin San if you prefer.
6 of 19 | Posted by c8h10n4o2 | Posted on October 1, 2008 8:50 AM
i love nick and starr too! i loathe cindy loo and his psycho curly haired gf. did you see in the promo for next week how pissed the gf gets because nick and starr don't say hi to them. lmao.. i think i'm really going to enjoy this season!
7 of 19 | Posted by nestofvipers | Posted on October 1, 2008 11:13 AM
I was going to say:
"Kind of Amazing but Not Really Oh Fuck It We'll Just Keep it in the US Race" = Amazing Race: Family edition...
...but cattyfan beat me to it.
Great recap!
8 of 19 | Posted by Clair | Posted on October 1, 2008 11:54 AM
So, the beekeepers were from a town about 45 miles or so away from me, and I was really sad to see them go. Granted, I knew they wouldn't last long, but I would have liked them not to be the first to leave. Oh well.
And I so can not stand Terence and Sarah! He is such a whiny crybaby! Hold me, touch me, love me, blah blah blah. There is no time for that Mr. And none of us want to hear it!
9 of 19 | Posted by JustJesse | Posted on October 1, 2008 12:10 PM
The race started across the street from where I work! If I had only known...
Tina really needs to get over the cheatin'. Men cheat on women. That's what they do. You ladies need to get used to it.
Ken's got it going on too.
I'm saying NO to NICK cause I'm not into 20 year olds.
Funicular. There's one in Downtown Los Angeles (ANGEL'S FLIGHT). Everybody knows that word, don't they?
10 of 19 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on October 1, 2008 12:38 PM
Sarah reminds me of Rose Nyland on the Golden Girls. She just wants everyone to like her and be her friend. Remember, she hated Nick and Starr because "she tried to talk to them and they ignored her" and next week she is going to accuse them of cutting a line and then say "and they did not even say HI to me" God, I wish Sophia was still her to put a scilian curse on her. I hope her and husband Katie-Bob(name of my transgendered cousin), Nick and Tina, and Starr and Nick go all the way..they are the most entertaining in the bunch. Those sorority girls look like separated at birth conjoined Blair Warners from Facts of Life after she ate a small town in Alabama
11 of 19 | Posted by Fayellis1 | Posted on October 1, 2008 1:02 PM
terence and sarah...HATE! HATE HATE. ugh so annoying.
nick and starr make my life. the best was the customer relations line by nick. and starr. yes please. ridiculously gorgeous.
12 of 19 | Posted by baymenxpac | Posted on October 1, 2008 1:53 PM
I LOVE that Starr's name is Starr Spangler--how perfect is that? And she used to be a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader!
Nick actually has a pretty impressive resume in musical theater for a 23-year-old.
I'd be a psychobitch, too, if I were saddled with needy-ass, passive-agressive Cindy Lou! I hope that Sara and Tina switch mates!
13 of 19 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on October 1, 2008 2:13 PM
Great recap.
Looks like siblings are the early crowd favorites, with Terence coming in last (with Trophy Wife getting dishonorable mention.)
I don't think the ex-pro football "cheater" is exactly a "catch", but I agree he should cut and run while he still has his autographed balls.
14 of 19 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on October 1, 2008 3:41 PM
Two things I noticed in the first episode that I formed opinions on thus far:
Funicular - when those geeks said it I wondered to my self....self, I wonder how many dumb fuckin' Americans won't know what funicular means. (Sorry! I'm sure you're the exception though). I just happened to go on one while visiting Quebec City when I was 12.
Terrence and Sara will probably turn out to be the most annoying people ever.
15 of 19 | Posted by bitchristine | Posted on October 1, 2008 5:05 PM
Great recap, and good job not getting me too confused with who's who, not you're fault either way, as it's hard in the beginning. I'm going to put a plea out to all and ask for help, coz I think Dan the frat boy is adorable and doable and I'm so glad you capped him shirtless--see the wrongness that is me. I realize he's kind of dickish, but I guess I like idiots . . . HELP!!!!
I also like Starr and Nick (asteriodd!!! Too funny) If he's not a mo, I need to turn my gaydar into the shop. did anyone else notice the frat boy say, "We're following the hot chick and the . . . (pause) guy" I think he refrained from saying gay guy at the last second. Doesn't someone have to be gay, it's reality TV isn't it!? Oh yeah, Terrance . . . Can't say I was too close following all this, but if I had I'd be soo hateful to him too. GF needs to move along, as does the cheater. I agree being cheated on sucks the big one (in more ways than one) and it devastated some of my younger relationships, but now that I'm older, I dunno, one little sex slip up, and to throw it all away over that . . . I'm just not sure anymore . . . but I prefer honestly in either case, to lie and cheat is worse, because it shows how little your partner thinks of you and your ability to KNOW when somethings up!
Found it hard to look at the bee keepers, just did, sorry guys, I know you're sweeties . . . just heard clippers in my head, and felt acid melting on my tongue! I did think they'd become the fan faves, oh well. . . at least I couldn't smell the patchoulli !
Anyway, I'll try not to hold Terrance against Sarah, even if he insists she hold him, what mothering flaw caused that . . .
16 of 19 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on October 1, 2008 5:35 PM
Holy crappers! I love all the comments! Keep them coming!
Some thoughts:
*If Nick isn't a 'mo I'm having my gaydar taken out and rejiggered. Boy is cute, can dance (see intro) and got really excited about everything. And, juddfan, I totally caught the Frat boy's pause before "boy" too! At first I thought "Did CBS censor something?!?!" Then I thought it was that he was just too scared to say "gay".
*DaveBrown - thanks for the explanation! I'll need you throughout this!
*OK - I guess I'm a total fucking jerk for not knowing "FUNICULAR". Damn it. But growing up in upstate NY I never came across one. And then 4 years of college never covered it. The American education system at work I guess. This child was left behind.
* The only season of "AR" I never watched was the Family Edition. It seems as if I lucked out.
*Mr. Dangerous - I'm guessing you have that name because talking like that will get you killed!
*Fayellis1: LOL!! Love it! She's Rose - but worse.
*Glad everyone feels the same way about Terence and Sarah! I hope they last til the very end because they're FANTASTIC to make fun of. I want them to lose the race by 10 seconds!
Thanks for reading everyone!
bBitz
17 of 19 | Posted by bBitz | Posted on October 1, 2008 6:41 PM
I am predicting that Terrance/Sarah will be the Flo/Zach of this season. Except I hope they don't end up getting the million, because I'm rooting for the Geeks to win!
18 of 19 | Posted by BlackieChuu | Posted on October 6, 2008 10:03 PM
Decent premiere, but I found it much weaker than last season's.
19 of 19 | Posted by Dale | Posted on October 11, 2008 4:50 AM