Last week we learned that there's no end to Jaime's horrific-ness, Lil Guys came up a lil short in the end and oh yeah - all hell broke loose in the biggest fight on the show ever. Ladies and Gents, it's now time to learn that life can be a bitch - especially if it's racing against you for a million dollars in an... AMAZING RACE!
We begin where we left off in China. Jen and Kisha, first on the last leg, get to take off first to the next stop - Beijing! LOL. Jaime's gonna be fucking THRILLED they're staying in China! I hope like hell her clue reads, "You're next stops are Rome, Paris, Bali--- just kidding, it's CHINA again! SUCKER!"
Kisha and Jen say they're over the whole fight with Margie and Luke. Good thing - I'm sure Luke is totally over it. He seems really good at letting things go.
Tammy and Victor then head out and are thrilled it's in Beijing since they've already been there. WTF? Did the producers know this? Seems like a bit of favoritism in the itinerary. If the next stops are West Hollywood and San Francisco I'm thinking Victor and/or Tammy spent some time on the casting couch.
Tammy and Victor enter the travel office and immediately start in with the "FAST PLEASE!" and "DON'T BRING SHAME TO OUR FAMILY!!" in Chinese. I should try that the next time I check into Best Western.
Margie and Luke head out and say they're also going to let it all go and concentrate on the race. To which Luke adds, "And kick their (the sisters) ass!" Aaaand so much for letting it go. Game on!
Leaving last (where hopefully they will remain) is Cara and Jaime. They complain they've never come in first place. That does totally suck. You know the only thing worse than that? Being an all-around awful person. Ding Ding Ding!
Margie and Luke beat Kisha and Jen to the airport and then they're all at the same ticket counter. Awkward! Hitler sitting front row at a Streisand concert couldn't be more awkward than these 2 teams meeting up.
"I svear I vill be so peesed oof if she doesn't seeng "Ze Vay Ve Vere"!"
Jen then gets pissed that every time she asks a Chinese person to help them they give her the "patented dumb look". Wow...
You sure you want to go there Jen?
And then Kisha bitches that the Chinese don't know how to say "I don't speak English". Right. Totally understandable. Kisha - do me a favor - say "I don't speak Chinese" in either Mandarin or Cantonese. I'll wait. Go ahead. What was that? Nothing? Ahhh... I see. Then SHUT IT.
Meanwhile, Margie's card gets rejected...
Uhhh yeah - Margie? Your Lane Bryant card doesn't work everywhere ya know.
So Kisha and Jen rush over to the correct counter ahead of Margie and Luke. And then of course Margie and Luke start whining that they cut. Come on people! This is a RACE not tea time with the friggin' Queen Mum!
"Tea and crumpets with all those bitches?! Heavens no!"
While that crowd argues over the shitty tickets, Mr & Mrs Chinese-American 2009 (Tammy & Victor) roll up to the VIP counter and use their skillz to nail the best seats on the plane. What what?! Total Beijing Ball-as! Woo woo!
One of my fav moments is the excuses Tammy gives the ticketing agents...
Any other stereotypes you'd like to cover today, Tammy?
Tammy and Victor come out as the winners with the best seats on the plane. If they place anything other than first in this leg - they suck. They have a HUGE advantage! They even admit that if they don't do well they'll "bring shame to their family and the Chinese people." Yup. That's about right.
While everyone waits for their flight, Kisha and Jen seclude themselves while everyone else talks smack about the whole "bitch" episode. Victor just about loses his nuts when he tells Margie, "Well... Kisha did apologize." Save it kid. Mama Bear will gut you.
Kisha and Jen finally join near the end - only to add "I don't make small talk - it's fake". LOVE IT!
Teams arrive in Beijing and then, before the race has a chance to start...
Luke smashes into Jen while running to a taxi. I believe this can also be described as nuclear fusion. Two atoms collide and create "Oh Heeeellll no!"
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Comments (12)
tammy and victor have no more advantage then the teams that can speak spanish in the past seasons. I really don't like margie and luke, she is always plaing the victim card
1 of 12 | Posted by carol | Posted on May 3, 2009 10:47 AM
Hilarious!!!!!!!! Loved the Queen cap/pic and Jamie giving birth to a horned baby. Maybe the doc could just jerk it out by it's tail! Thanks for the recap, Yield coming up and Marge and Luke have already used theirs. Should be interesting. I'm very over M&L, he's such a panty waste bitch. I like K&J and V&T. I really hope K&J win, but almost all of the teams have been "Ugly Americans".
2 of 12 | Posted by soapboxx | Posted on May 3, 2009 11:17 AM
It seems like everybody is trying to make Cara and Jaime look good. I think Kisha and Jen's remarks were WORSE than anything Jaime's said--but they weren't to anybody's face, anyway.
Luke has got to get away from his mama if there is to be any hope of his ever growing up.
I like the way Phil had the foresight to protect his face with the clue when he told Cara and Jaime the bad news!
3 of 12 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on May 3, 2009 11:26 AM
I am rooting for Team Kisha and Jen well anybody except Margie and Luke. I really hope Luke & Margie don't win - their both equally ridiculous!!!
4 of 12 | Posted by bigjr6633 | Posted on May 3, 2009 11:45 AM
This line made me laugh (under the picture of Victor jumping):
"At least Victor nailed the "YMCA" before hitting the water." He did. He did.
Oh, and you know he liked running around in that skimpy speedo.
I'm rooting for Victor and Tammy cause us gays gotta stick together but since two of the other teams have gays too...
No, I can't root for Luke and Margie because Luke's a bitch (and not in a good way) and I can't root for Kisha and Jen cause those comments WERE racist and I can't root for the redheads cause one of them is the DEVIL.
Uh, maybe they should start the race over and bring back all the ousted teams?
Thanks for the good recap BBITZ.
5 of 12 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on May 3, 2009 1:44 PM
I'm still a sucker for mom/son teams. Go Margie & Luke!!
6 of 12 | Posted by Clair | Posted on May 3, 2009 3:11 PM
It's getting hard to know who to root against, anymore. I think the father-son team was the last one I consistantly felt like cheering for.
I did feel sorry for the sisters... it took some serious grit to jump off the board when you were that scared.
Luke's behavior was just wrong... and his mother share responsiblity for his immaturity.
ROFL when Phil flashed the Clue at the cheerleaders.
7 of 12 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on May 3, 2009 5:38 PM
I was watching this episode with my saintly little old mother when she turned to me and said "That deaf kid is kind of a douch". LOL Mom.
8 of 12 | Posted by IsabellaTheCat | Posted on May 3, 2009 7:16 PM
Isabella - your mom rocks!
9 of 12 | Posted by carol | Posted on May 3, 2009 9:38 PM
"The Deaf kid is Kind of a douch!" I would have died hearing that fro a little old lady. Funniest thing I have heard in a while.
Great recap! I had to contain my laughter several times because I am at work.
I can't believe some of the things that have come out of these people's mouths.
Sure does make for some funny ass tv!
10 of 12 | Posted by v_cap | Posted on May 4, 2009 10:00 AM
Put me squarely in the "Anybody But Margie & Luke" category at this point.
For a deaf kid, he runs his mouth a lot of kicking ass, etc., the hides behind mommy's skirt whenever there is a challenge.
I have been the kiss of death for each team I've started rooting for. It's making me think about rooting for M&L, but I can't do it.
I guess it's Vicky and Tammy for me.
11 of 12 | Posted by patbone21 | Posted on May 4, 2009 2:45 PM
Loved the captions on this recap! Jamie and Cara need to go!Thanks for a great recap!
12 of 12 | Posted by jglau78 | Posted on May 4, 2009 4:48 PM