This is it - THE FINALE! We've seen many teams - great and awful - fall to the gods of fate and stupidity, now it is time to see which teams takes the prize. Will it be the incompetent Fat Frats, the separated she-devil and castrated hubby, or the Machiavellian siblings? It doesn't really matter because Dallas and Toni are out and I'm bitter about it. (I know, I know - way to get off on a good foot.) Ladies and gents - for the last time - it's AMAZING RACE!
The episode starts off with a nice montage of the top 3 teams: Andrew & Dan, Ken & Tina and Nick & Starr. I just want to add that I called Nick and Starr the "team to beat" in the very first recap and now it looks like they have the best shot at winning. I also wanted to add that clearly because of this - I fucking rock. So... good for me.
However I NEVER EVER would have called the Fat Frats getting into the final three. WTF?! They have to be the furthest advancing "worst team" on Amazing Race ever, right?! Thoughts?
Here we are in Moscow, Russia about to start the last leg of the race. And teams are starting off from a park that commemorates Socialism. I think we should start out with a detour that's called: "Write Communist Propaganda" or "Blacklist Your Partner". Ouch. Too soon? I'm sure Tina would have been like "Oh - I already blacklisted Kenny! Next clue!"
Nick and Starr are the first to leave and find out that their final destination is "Portland, Oregon"! Which sounds so exotic and exciting compared to all of their previous check points. Once at the airport they look up flights and for the first time I realize some of the prices they're paying for plane tickets!
Holy crappers! I hope CBS gets frequent flier miles out of this! Although, since these last 3 teams made it to the end - don't you think CBS could have sprung for first class flights? Then again if this was on FOX they'd be riding on inner tubes across the Pacific.
The Fat Frats start off next (incredibly so) and read that they're off to "Oregone". Nice job on the pronunciation Dan - or should I say, DON. Dan goes on to say that him and Andrew "deserve" to be in the final 3. WHAT? He then goes on to say, "People that think we're going to be chicken feed for the other teams are severely mistaken." OH HELL NO. I can't wait until he watches this shit on TV. If they even make it out of Russia before one of the other two cross the finish line I'll be impressed.
And last off, 4.5 hours after Nick and Starr, Ken and Tina are on their way. Tina's attitude is: "I don't care who we're up against - I'm not leaving without the prize." Something tells me the finale will include shots fired and Tina ripping the prize out of Nick's cold, dead, well-manicured hands. She will then eat Starr.
Nick and Starr are smart enough to start researching their destination and find that it's an outdoor adventure park. They're very confident they'll kick ass at this. I bet they're gonna get there and find it's a beer chugging contest followed by a "insult your partner 100 ways in 3 minutes" contest. They'll get their asses kicked by the other teams.
At the ticket counter the friendly Russian lady tells Ken and Tina she has a good connection for them through Frankfurt (like the other teams) to which Tina replies: "I'm about to lose it." Ken coddles her and tells her everything will be OK. But something tells me Ken's gonna get the final nail in the coffin during this episode. Tina says she can see in Ken's eyes that he's changed. Yes. There's no longer a sprit behind those eyes. It's been BROKEN.
Everyone boards the same plane together and they're off!
Can we just discuss how cute Nick is? Seriously. I want to punch him he's so cute.
Tina comments that they're not helping anyone but themselves from here on out. WOW. I guess we're officially done with hearing, "YOU OWE ME!" from Tina! That's a finale all on its own!
After what I believe is roughly a 20 hour flight (Can you imagine?! They could have watched 10 in-flight movies OR what felt like one showing of "No Country for Old Men") they emerge from the airplane and run for the taxis.
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Comments (20)
bBitz, now that TAR is over, I will miss your great recaps.
Favorite line -- "Just go fast!" "Go to Newberg." "Can you please drive?!" "Go to Newberg!" "Go now!" "JUST GO TO NEWBERG!!!" Would've been great if the cabbie turned around and went "Que?"
Regarding "(Can you imagine?! They could have watched 10 in-flight movies OR what felt like one showing of "No Country for Old Men")", please re-write the sentence and replace "No Country" with "The Dark Knight". Thank you. :)
1 of 20 | Posted by Clair | Posted on December 10, 2008 2:30 PM
Awesome recap. Literally LOL'ed at shaking Tina & throwing her at the cab driver, even though I have no idea what that means.
Like you, I felt a sudden conviction that Nick/Starr had to win -- HAD to win! D*mn you, good samaritans! Thy treachery almost spoiled the day.
2 of 20 | Posted by Lime23 | Posted on December 10, 2008 2:33 PM
Well done and thanks for the enjoyment.
1) The donkey pic had me rolling. NICE!
2) Did anyone else notice that Toni and Dallas weren't there at the finish line? I'm wondering if the passport situation delayed them.
3 of 20 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on December 10, 2008 3:22 PM
Thanks for mentioning Dan not knowing how to say the state I live in correctly. Its not OR A GONE! I was pretty excited when they said Portland was the final destination city. Very cool!
I loved this line too. "What's most amazing is that she did this without her broom". Too funny!
Thanks for all the recaps bBitz. You did a great job. I hope you'll be doing them again when the new AR starts up in February.
And Anonymous, the teams left Russia 12 hours after their pitstop, so my guess would be that Toni and Dallas couldn't leave that quickly after without their passports...
4 of 20 | Posted by JustJesse | Posted on December 10, 2008 3:32 PM
Thanks B for a great recap! Love this line... Had me laughing my ass off!
"DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE THE MAGIC IS IN THE HOLE?!?!" I was so hoping she'd rip her pants off and yell, "Oh my God! Is the clue in my vagina!?!!" Although I would have also died laughing if some guy walked up and offered her $10 to find out where the magic in the hole is.
5 of 20 | Posted by jglau78 | Posted on December 10, 2008 4:00 PM
This recap was so dang funny!!! I wasn't even watching the show, but I kept reading the recaps b/c they were so funny!!! I COMPLETELY forgot about the Fat Frats during this recap. When you mentioned them at the end, I was like "OH YEAH!" LOLVL!! Too funny!!!!
6 of 20 | Posted by Thatswhatshesaid | Posted on December 10, 2008 6:42 PM
Good season, tough episode...I missed Toni and Dallas!!
I actually really like Tina...I thought she was really very brave when it came to the tasks. She did a lot of things that I couldn't do!
Awesome recaps this season!
Also, I heard Dallas got held up in Russia because of his passport. He's also dating Star. Did you all know that Star was once a cheerleader for the Dallas Cowboys? Heh.
7 of 20 | Posted by dani2526 | Posted on December 10, 2008 8:32 PM
A cheerleader for the Dallas Cowboys?! You'd think she could handle a jog through Portland then! Geez!
And yeah - Dallas and Toni were stranded in Russia while the winners crossed the finish line. Shame on CBS for not giving us an update on them though! And can we PLEASE have a reunion show already?! How the f*@! does Survivor get a reunion show but we don't?!
8 of 20 | Posted by bBitz | Posted on December 10, 2008 8:47 PM
I don't know if a Amazing Race reunion would be as interesting as a survivor reunion...they couldn't do a live one cause would be kind of lame seeing as its like 6 months after the win. And seeing as there werent as many human interactions like there are on survivor. It would be cool but i just dont see it as interesting.
and Little known fact that makes me love Nick and Starr even more: the reason why they wore camouflage so much on the race was for their brother Jay whos a captain fighting in Iraq...Thats so sweet of them.
9 of 20 | Posted by travi360 | Posted on December 10, 2008 11:19 PM
On Reality Blurred they had something about Dallas and Toni. The passport thing is what kept them from the finals. But Dallas was a bit pissed at how the editing made it look like he just let the cab drive away with his stuff. What happened was that the crew had to change the battery on his mic, so he had to take off his fanny pack thing which had the money and passports. Then he had to change cabs twice. He didn't realize the bag was gone until he went to pay the second cab. By that point the other cab was long gone. He said that the passports ended up getting turned in though.
Awesome recaps! Thanks!
10 of 20 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on December 11, 2008 3:48 AM
The pics of the nuclear explosion were my favorite part of the recap! I also laughed so hard I nearly wet myself when Starr kept screaming about "The Magic in the Hole!!" Thank you, Show, You made me giggle like a 9 yr old boy!
11 of 20 | Posted by valmommyt | Posted on December 11, 2008 7:35 AM
I wish your recaps were gayer. Couldn't you find a picture of Nick, Kenny or the fat frats shirtless?
RE: THE AMAZING RACE.
Nick and Starr deserved to win. Nick amazes me. His sister is hyperventilating and stressed to the max and he remains perfectly calm. I wish I was more like him in that sense.
While I hated Tina at the beginning of the season by the end of the season she didn't bother me so much.
Why? Because Kenny obviously loves her and sometimes there is a price to be paid for "running around" on your spouse.
It was a great episode. I didn't know who was going to win but when the cab pulled up at the finish line I wanted Nick and Starr to jump out.
I enjoyed reading your recaps all season long. Do it in the spring. I know it can't be easy writing these things but people do enjoy them! Thanks for doing it.
12 of 20 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on December 11, 2008 7:40 AM
BBitz: Look at TAR: All Stars and tell me Charla/Mirna in the final is not as much of a debacle as the Fat Frats this season, or those two stern black women over Dustin/Kandice a few seasons back. There is always one team that doesn't belong in the Finals (whether because of edit or whatever)... it's just that the Fat Frats are the most recent in a string of undeserving teams.
Also, Nick/Starr deserved the victory. And, they are a little too close for comfort, based on the edit they got.
As far as a reunion goes, honestly, half the teams I don't even remember their names and there's really no interaction. If you look at Survivor, they don't focus on the people who were eliminated early (pre-merge), unless their life has had some major change or upheaval. The Race is between you, your partner, and your cab driver. Although, it would be nice to know if Terence and Sarah broke up. However, it would be disheartening if they didn't. LOL.
13 of 20 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on December 11, 2008 8:27 AM
RE: Terrance and Sarah
A friend of mine met a friend of Terrances. They're still together. The friend says he's not such a douche in real life but I believe how someone acts when they are most stressed says who they really are.
I learned something interesting though...apparently the Race takes the final FIVE teams (the final 3 and the two teams eliminated before them) and has them all run the final legs of the race so that it doesn't leak who the real final teams are. Talk about adding insult to injury!
14 of 20 | Posted by nashuaf | Posted on December 11, 2008 11:46 AM
Another excellent (and quick) recap!
As I recall, a lot of us picked the siblings as favorites. No one picked the frat boys (not even their frat brothers).
How ironic that the frat boys were again screwed by a bumbling foreign cab driver.
I didn't understand why Ken and Tina chose high and dry, despite Tina's fear. She once again showed a lot of courage. (I think you may have been a bit rough on her.)
I think the 150 clue box event was the difference. It became a mini marathon and the siblings were in better condition to handle it.
I don't know about you, but I'm hoping there for a spin off, where the frat boys join the Russian army.
Finally, thanks to all you other commenters for sharing your thoughts. This site adds a lot of enjoyment. May all your races be amazing!
15 of 20 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on December 11, 2008 11:53 AM
Nashuaf: Color me disheartened.
16 of 20 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on December 11, 2008 12:17 PM
I almost didn't watch since T & D were out. I'm glad Nick and Starr won. I don't know if it was editing but I have never seen anyone as cool as Nick. I can't make it through one leg of a flight without a melt down and Nick made it through 40,000 miles with a smile? How does that happen? How can anyone like anything about Tina? Really. I think in all the footage shot during TAR there was maybe one or two moments where she actually appeared human. Thanks for the recaps bBitz, so there's no Santa and no God? Thanks for ruining Xmas.
17 of 20 | Posted by soapboxx | Posted on December 11, 2008 12:32 PM
Ummm....is it just me....but did the security guard remind anyone of Peter Griffiths on Family Guy?......just a thought...hehehehe...
18 of 20 | Posted by twnpeeks | Posted on December 11, 2008 12:48 PM
I haven't even read it all yet, bBitz. But my short-term memory is so bad that I have to make my comments as I go. Okay?
So, does anyone else think that the pic of Nick on the first page looks kinda like Ewan McGregor? It does, right? He's adorable there. You should punch him, B.
Okay, back to reading!
19 of 20 | Posted by zbird | Posted on December 12, 2008 6:54 PM
Thanks for all the LOL's Bbitz, when I saw the bomb grabs, I thought someone farted at the end . . . a fat frat perhaps . . .
Mr. dangerous, The fat frats were shirtless in the first epi only, dan had a rather nice distribution of hair, don't know if it's available on line. this season was light on the exploitation, I still remember when they had to strip to their skivvies and swin in a giant ice hole on Season 4--I particularly remember "clown" Al, doing it, and I was a thankin' me some TAR producers . . .
It was rotten they didn't get Dallas and Toni to the finale . . . lame . . . and I think when a team dominates the whole race its boring . . . and lastly, Nick . . . I CAN'T BELIEVE HE IS STRAIGHT!!!!!
20 of 20 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on December 15, 2008 11:55 AM