Over in Amsterdam, Victoria and Brad (now, "Team FUCKED") just discovered that their connecting flight has already left and they're stuck in Amsterdam. Come on Brad - AMSTERDAM?! Break out the bong and chill - you're gonna be there for awhile. I'm sure one little night isn't gonna throw you off the wagon. (Roll cameras! Roll Cameras!)
Mel & Mike, Kris & Amanda and Luke & Margie all arrive in Bucharest first and head to the gymnastics challenge - a ROADBLOCK. This roadblock means one person must complete a routine composed of balance beam, parallel bars and a floor exercise. You know the producers are just dying for a shot of Mel falling and taking the beam to his groin.
Teams quickly decide who will do the challenge:
Love it. Boy is more worried about how HIS ass will look in it than his mother. My guess is if he had wore them, it'd be the only time he'd get in a girl's pants.
Amanda finally becomes useful and blows through the whole challenge in about 5 minutes. They get the next clue which tells them to head to the "Black Church" in Transylvania. Apparently they're going to a vampire gospel brunch?
Meanwhile Margie's about to bust vertebrate 4-6 on the parallel bars. Way to go Luke - your Mom's gonna be in traction because you were worried about your muffin top showing. Thankfully she finishes without bloodshed.
Mike is having a grand ol' time while Mel cheers him on.
"Weeee! I need to install one of these on my headboard!"
Kris & Amanda and Margie & Luke arrive at the train station and get tickets for the next morning for Brasov, Transylvania.
Back at the gym...
Mel coaches Mike before the final floor exercise.
Mike then twirls his way to victory and their off to the train station.
At the airport, Tammy & Victor, Lil' Guys and Kisha & Jen and the Flight Attd's arrive and start looking for the gym. Victor sees a random billboard of a sports complex so they hop out of the cab and go running off into the dark. How many more times does Tammy just blindly follow this jagoff before she starts questioning his judgement?!
Meanwhile everyone else finds the gym and starts it up. Tammy & Victor finally find it and at this point should be thankful "Team Fucked" are still marooned in Amsterdam.
Kisha nailed the balance beam but seems to be having problems with the bars:
Giiiiiirl - this is no time to be practicing your "Calgon take me away!" moment.
Mark, of course, whips through the course like a lil' monkey while Tammy can't concentrate for shit. I'm sure it helps that all-knowing Victor is screaming directions at her from the sidelines:
Tammy: "What?!" Victor: "Swing your legs in." Tammy: "What?" Victor: "Put your legs in the middle!" Tammy: "What?!" Victor: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE - DO THAT THING WHEN YOU'RE ON TOP OF ME AND THEN I NAIL YOU AGAINST THE WALL!!!" Tammy: "Ohhhh - gotcha!"
It only gets better as she keeps fucking up and Victor is FREAKING out. He's like 2 minutes away from screaming, "THIS IS WHY MOTHER AND FATHER LOVE ME MORE! YOU BRING DISHONAH!!!"
Luckily she finishes before that - but NOT soon enough: She apologizes for taking so long to which Victor replies, "It's alright, I think YOUR BRAIN JUST FROZE." LOL. What a dick. Sure enough as soon as she gets alone with the camera she starts bawling. What's with all the prickish men this season? Where's good ol' Tina when we need her?! I miss that witch.
The teams at the train station then take off for Transylvania. While on the train, Jaime and Cara communicate with Luke about finding "The Black Church". Surprisingly these two are playing it smart and aligning themselves with a stronger team. Cara uses charades to explain to Luke they're looking for a "black church". Nice try Cara. There's a good chance he's gonna end up in Alabama.
Or he'll accept her offer for a BJ.
Brad and Victoria finally arrive and head towards the gym. Those poor bastards have been waiting at the gym for them for like a whole day now. If I was them I'd have them do one somersault and be like "Great. You're done. Fuck this - I'm outta here."
Meanwhile, the other teams arrive in what must be the HOLLYWOOD of Transylvania:
Just like Hollywood. Except substitute Starlets for Blood-Sucking Vampires. Although we do have Angelina Jolie so I guess it's a draw.
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Comments (17)
It might have been more dramatic if the siblings had been eliminated - but once again, a team is saved by another teams bigger mistakes.
We are reminded of what a crap shoot equalizer cab rides can be.
Tammy and her brother are liable to be much stronger because of what they each learned this leg.
Great recap, BTW!
1 of 17 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on March 3, 2009 4:02 PM
Seriously? I giggled through this entire recap. Who new that wishing for someone to fall off the wagon could be so much fun? Awesome job!
I think that Victor crying is going to be my new screensaver. What a weiner.
2 of 17 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on March 3, 2009 4:57 PM
OMFG, This recap had me laughing my ass off. Too Funny.
Hugs,
Yenta
3 of 17 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on March 3, 2009 5:06 PM
Brad could have at least donned the tights before they lost it all--not that they would have showed anything, hetro-centric film men and editors . . . oh well, the only remotely hot guy is gone, and how my interest shall dwindle--and those fanny packs, really, why are they called fanny packs when guys wear them like detached cod pieces . . . hmmm, and I wouldn't want to be running to some pit stop with that thing flappin' on my business, I'm just sayin'--back packs all the way. Why don't they pack really, really lite anyway . . . and why risk losing their precious money and passports by putting that shit down . . . hmmm again!
Oh well, good job for Mel and Mike, and hey, anyone who can walk across that balance beam is amazing to me. Don't know what happened with Tammy there, but I was really hating on Bro . . . idiot!!! I thought when they thought they lost the key they were wrong, but I stand unluckily corrected. Hope she does give him the business, and how. It's sad that they kind of have the dynamics of the father daughter team from a while back. Was it Rudy? He got on every nerve I have, but it's even sadder if it's like a cultural thing, I hate it when people can be prejudice about something and then proven right . . . . not that you have to be asian to be a misogynistic, control freak who's never wrong . . . I'm sure they are everywhere . . . like Tina . . .
Well thanks bBitz, that thing you put in all caps was really funny but I forget what it said, and I don't want to loose all this blathering!!! See ya next time!
4 of 17 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on March 3, 2009 5:16 PM
I don't think it's being Asian that makes Victor the way he is, juddfan. He IS a lawyer, after all. (I say this because MY brother is a lawyer. And we're not Asian.)
I think Kris is pretty hot, and Victor would be attractive if he had a better personality.
I wanna see more of the Lil Guys! They're cute!
5 of 17 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on March 3, 2009 5:55 PM
P.S. One of the Lil Guys used to be a jockey. Hmmm. Remember that Mae West song, Easy Rider?
Maybe that's why jockeys usually have tall, gorgeous wives.
6 of 17 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on March 3, 2009 5:57 PM
I laughed so hard through this recap that my stomach hurts! Thanks!!!!
7 of 17 | Posted by Baffled | Posted on March 3, 2009 10:50 PM
I just want to say that I can't believe there was no mention of the unfortunate (or intentional?) sheerness of the leotards. You could see what kind of undies everyone had on, especially the BLARING blue thong that Tammy had on. bwaahaaahaaahaaaa. And I could not believe how little coordination she possessed. I can understand, maybe, never having done a cartwheel in your childhood, but she couldn't even roll over. hehehe
8 of 17 | Posted by qupert | Posted on March 4, 2009 5:43 AM
HEY, don't be talking smack about my girl Tina. (You know, Kenny cheated on her.)
That Kenny/Tina dynamic hasn't emerged in any of the couples in this current race but, who knows, it might be right around the next corner.
Uh, I like the fact that Victor was SO SURE of his decision. I like a man that can make a decision and stick to it. Unfortunately, his myopic vision almost cost them the race. His sister is his partner and he really should consider her input in the future. He might remember that Tammy was RIGHT in this instance.
The crying, the exhaustion, the humiliation and the fact that it was filmed and shown on TV "evens out" the score for me. Victor has paid the price for his behavior. I'll forgive him and give him another chance.
9 of 17 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on March 4, 2009 7:44 AM
I don't watch this show or, sorrily, even follow the recaps. But I just wanted to comment on HOW FLIPPIN' HILARIOUS the opening screenshot is!
I don't have any clue what that woman it doing, but I died laughing!
10 of 17 | Posted by MandaMo | Posted on March 4, 2009 9:20 AM
I totally missed the see-through leotards! But I feel fortunate - grossness!
Did anyone get my "Leroy Jenkins" reference?! If not, you have to youtube it. Friggin' hysterical.
Thanks for the comments everyone!!!
11 of 17 | Posted by bBitz | Posted on March 4, 2009 9:32 AM
As a former WoW player I got the Jenkins reference bBitz. Very awesome to work that in there.
Great recaps btw =)
12 of 17 | Posted by pixi-stix | Posted on March 4, 2009 10:08 AM
Did anyone else watch Victor marching across that mountain and hear the ramblings of Bush saying "we're going to stay the course or the terrorists win"?? Even when his cowering advisor, Tammy, tried to point out he was in a quagmire, he just kept marching.
Anyway, great recap. Painful episode to watch since I have money riding on Tictor...or should I call them Vammy?
13 of 17 | Posted by woollykatie | Posted on March 5, 2009 1:30 PM
My favourite moment was when Phil tells Victor and Tammy that they're the second-last team to arrive, Tammy looks gobsmacked at having gone from 1st to almost-last because her idiot brother couldn't admit he might be wrong and sneers "well done, Victor" while shooting daggers at him. Bet she continued saying a bunch of other things once the cameras were off. Wonder if he'll have bandages next show?
14 of 17 | Posted by Mojo | Posted on March 7, 2009 9:04 AM
EXCELLENT JOB bBitz! I laughed so hard I cried and I'm not even watching The Amazing Race this season, but I faithfully read the recaps. Another great success! HILARIOUS!
15 of 17 | Posted by thatswhatshesaid | Posted on March 7, 2009 7:48 PM
"The Original "Hot Trannie Mess"
The picture and the caption? The best laugh I've had in 2009. Damn that was funny. I'm still laughing, love you , love you, love you! Thanks!
16 of 17 | Posted by soapboxx | Posted on March 9, 2009 2:47 PM
i'm reading old amazing recaps for the first time trying to catch up with who you like and don't like...I realize that you probably won't see this, but the leroy jenkins reference is f'n hilarious
17 of 17 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on April 4, 2009 6:56 PM