Once off the train, the race heats up as teams race in cabs to the church. Once there, they get a DETOUR: Gypsy Moves or Vampire Remains! Ooooh!
In Gypsy Moves, teams must help a family of Gypsies move. Wow - this has to be the most stereotype-supporting challenge ever.
Side note:
Warning: Being a full-time Gypsy does not include dental.
In Vampire Remains, teams have to drag a coffin out of the woods, rip it open and smash wood stakes through wood frames to find the clue inside. OMG! I can't wait for the Flight Attendants to get lost and start ripping coffins open in the wrong cemetery!!!!! "This dead body sure looks real! Isn't there suppose to be frames in here?!" "I don't know - maybe we're suppose to drive the stake through his head?" "Yes! The clue must be in there!" WAP WAP WAP! "AHHHHH!!!!!"
Teams arrive and split on the detours. Meanwhile Brad and Victoria have just arrived in Bucharest. Their only chance now is for Brad to do a line of blow and finish the entire Amazing Race in 3 hours.
Mike & Mel arrive at the Gypsy challenge and discover they have to lift giant pieces of shit onto the wagon to move the gypsies. Uhhh... I would've totally been like "What do you need with this shit?! No - no - you're not taking this with you. You can bring a pillow and a hairdryer and that's it - LET'S GO. And for Christ's sake bring a toothbrush."
Of course hot Kris just lifts giant shit over his head:
"Leroooooy JEEEEENkins!!!!"
But he stands no chance against the Transylvanian woman whose hormones he just set ablaze:
The Original "Hot Trannie Mess"
Back in their cab, Jaime and Cara are going nuts on their cabbie who is getting them completely lost. Best quote: "WHY ARE WE DRIVING ON THE SIDEWALK?!?" That's awesome. Soon we'll hear, "AND WHY ARE WE MOWING DOWN THAT GIRL SCOUT TROUP?!? THEY'RE SLOWING US DOWN!!!"
Mike & Mel and Kris & Amanda finally get the shit on the piece of shit wagon. I'm gonna go ahead and guess that the Tourism Board of Transylvania did not approve this segment.
Meanwhile Tammy & Victor and the Flight Attendants arrive at the Vampire challenge. Tammy & Victor follow the path markers while the FA's AMAZINGLY follow the right ones and find the coffins.
Kris and Amanda arrive at the next shit Gypsy stop with all of the Gypsy shit. And Kris realizes that he's lost his fanny pack. Hmmm... he lost his fanny pack filled with money and passports while being surrounded by GYPSIES. WHO saw that one coming?!?!
Definition of "Completely Disillusioned": When approaching the top of the mountain, on a COMPLETELY wrong trail in the middle of NOWHERE, Victor looks down at the town and exclaims, "Look! We're doing great!"
Kris and Amanda complete the "Tons of Shit" Gypsy challenge and discover the next stop is the pitstop at a nearby inn. Mel and Mike are close behind while Kris has to go look for his fanny pack. $10 says it's down Trannie lady's skirt.
Back at the gym, and roughly 6 days behind, Brad and Victoria get about 8 seconds of camera time while they complete the task. Fucked.
Speaking of fucked - Kris and Amanda are frantically searching for his fanny pack - which he left in the middle of a bunch of Gypsies. These two will make GREAT parents one day:
"Where did you leave the kids?!?!"
"Doh! I totally dropped them off at that Convention for Convicted Child Rapists. HOWEVER, I dressed them in only Underoos and baby oil. Do you think they're ok?!?"
After panicking and blaming every dirty gypsy there - they finally find it back where they unloaded the shit.
While Margie/Luke and Cara/Jaime whack away at bloody frames, Tammy and Victor are still completely lost in the woods. Unfortunately after mile 6, Tammy finally starts to speak up. Whining and crying ensue. (more to follow)
At the pitstop, Mike is dragging his father's herniated, lifeless body and they come in FIRST!!! Wow!
And then Mel dies. (Just kidding - but I'm trying to prepare you all for when it really happens.)
Phil tells them they've won a trip to Costa Rica! And then Mel yells, "Oh! That's Mike's favorite place!!" WHAT?! Phil totally needed to be like, "Oh. Well if he's already BEEN there - we'll just give it to SOMEBODY ELSE." I would say give it to Kris & Amanda - who finish 2nd - but there's a good chance they'd get confused and fly to Spain.
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Comments (17)
It might have been more dramatic if the siblings had been eliminated - but once again, a team is saved by another teams bigger mistakes.
We are reminded of what a crap shoot equalizer cab rides can be.
Tammy and her brother are liable to be much stronger because of what they each learned this leg.
Great recap, BTW!
1 of 17 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on March 3, 2009 4:02 PM
Seriously? I giggled through this entire recap. Who new that wishing for someone to fall off the wagon could be so much fun? Awesome job!
I think that Victor crying is going to be my new screensaver. What a weiner.
2 of 17 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on March 3, 2009 4:57 PM
OMFG, This recap had me laughing my ass off. Too Funny.
Hugs,
Yenta
3 of 17 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on March 3, 2009 5:06 PM
Brad could have at least donned the tights before they lost it all--not that they would have showed anything, hetro-centric film men and editors . . . oh well, the only remotely hot guy is gone, and how my interest shall dwindle--and those fanny packs, really, why are they called fanny packs when guys wear them like detached cod pieces . . . hmmm, and I wouldn't want to be running to some pit stop with that thing flappin' on my business, I'm just sayin'--back packs all the way. Why don't they pack really, really lite anyway . . . and why risk losing their precious money and passports by putting that shit down . . . hmmm again!
Oh well, good job for Mel and Mike, and hey, anyone who can walk across that balance beam is amazing to me. Don't know what happened with Tammy there, but I was really hating on Bro . . . idiot!!! I thought when they thought they lost the key they were wrong, but I stand unluckily corrected. Hope she does give him the business, and how. It's sad that they kind of have the dynamics of the father daughter team from a while back. Was it Rudy? He got on every nerve I have, but it's even sadder if it's like a cultural thing, I hate it when people can be prejudice about something and then proven right . . . . not that you have to be asian to be a misogynistic, control freak who's never wrong . . . I'm sure they are everywhere . . . like Tina . . .
Well thanks bBitz, that thing you put in all caps was really funny but I forget what it said, and I don't want to loose all this blathering!!! See ya next time!
4 of 17 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on March 3, 2009 5:16 PM
I don't think it's being Asian that makes Victor the way he is, juddfan. He IS a lawyer, after all. (I say this because MY brother is a lawyer. And we're not Asian.)
I think Kris is pretty hot, and Victor would be attractive if he had a better personality.
I wanna see more of the Lil Guys! They're cute!
5 of 17 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on March 3, 2009 5:55 PM
P.S. One of the Lil Guys used to be a jockey. Hmmm. Remember that Mae West song, Easy Rider?
Maybe that's why jockeys usually have tall, gorgeous wives.
6 of 17 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on March 3, 2009 5:57 PM
I laughed so hard through this recap that my stomach hurts! Thanks!!!!
7 of 17 | Posted by Baffled | Posted on March 3, 2009 10:50 PM
I just want to say that I can't believe there was no mention of the unfortunate (or intentional?) sheerness of the leotards. You could see what kind of undies everyone had on, especially the BLARING blue thong that Tammy had on. bwaahaaahaaahaaaa. And I could not believe how little coordination she possessed. I can understand, maybe, never having done a cartwheel in your childhood, but she couldn't even roll over. hehehe
8 of 17 | Posted by qupert | Posted on March 4, 2009 5:43 AM
HEY, don't be talking smack about my girl Tina. (You know, Kenny cheated on her.)
That Kenny/Tina dynamic hasn't emerged in any of the couples in this current race but, who knows, it might be right around the next corner.
Uh, I like the fact that Victor was SO SURE of his decision. I like a man that can make a decision and stick to it. Unfortunately, his myopic vision almost cost them the race. His sister is his partner and he really should consider her input in the future. He might remember that Tammy was RIGHT in this instance.
The crying, the exhaustion, the humiliation and the fact that it was filmed and shown on TV "evens out" the score for me. Victor has paid the price for his behavior. I'll forgive him and give him another chance.
9 of 17 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on March 4, 2009 7:44 AM
I don't watch this show or, sorrily, even follow the recaps. But I just wanted to comment on HOW FLIPPIN' HILARIOUS the opening screenshot is!
I don't have any clue what that woman it doing, but I died laughing!
10 of 17 | Posted by MandaMo | Posted on March 4, 2009 9:20 AM
I totally missed the see-through leotards! But I feel fortunate - grossness!
Did anyone get my "Leroy Jenkins" reference?! If not, you have to youtube it. Friggin' hysterical.
Thanks for the comments everyone!!!
11 of 17 | Posted by bBitz | Posted on March 4, 2009 9:32 AM
As a former WoW player I got the Jenkins reference bBitz. Very awesome to work that in there.
Great recaps btw =)
12 of 17 | Posted by pixi-stix | Posted on March 4, 2009 10:08 AM
Did anyone else watch Victor marching across that mountain and hear the ramblings of Bush saying "we're going to stay the course or the terrorists win"?? Even when his cowering advisor, Tammy, tried to point out he was in a quagmire, he just kept marching.
Anyway, great recap. Painful episode to watch since I have money riding on Tictor...or should I call them Vammy?
13 of 17 | Posted by woollykatie | Posted on March 5, 2009 1:30 PM
My favourite moment was when Phil tells Victor and Tammy that they're the second-last team to arrive, Tammy looks gobsmacked at having gone from 1st to almost-last because her idiot brother couldn't admit he might be wrong and sneers "well done, Victor" while shooting daggers at him. Bet she continued saying a bunch of other things once the cameras were off. Wonder if he'll have bandages next show?
14 of 17 | Posted by Mojo | Posted on March 7, 2009 9:04 AM
EXCELLENT JOB bBitz! I laughed so hard I cried and I'm not even watching The Amazing Race this season, but I faithfully read the recaps. Another great success! HILARIOUS!
15 of 17 | Posted by thatswhatshesaid | Posted on March 7, 2009 7:48 PM
"The Original "Hot Trannie Mess"
The picture and the caption? The best laugh I've had in 2009. Damn that was funny. I'm still laughing, love you , love you, love you! Thanks!
16 of 17 | Posted by soapboxx | Posted on March 9, 2009 2:47 PM
i'm reading old amazing recaps for the first time trying to catch up with who you like and don't like...I realize that you probably won't see this, but the leroy jenkins reference is f'n hilarious
17 of 17 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on April 4, 2009 6:56 PM