Welcome back everyone! It's time for the show that preaches worldly knowledge while its contestants practice worldly ignorance! I'm bBitz and I'm excited to be back for my 3rd season of this Emmy-award winning show! (Clearly because of my recaps.) Last season we learned that just because you're deaf doesn't mean you can't win (well... place in the top 3 to be fair), just because you're hearing doesn't mean you can't be deaf to your sister's thoughts/suggestions/feelings (and yet... still win) and that there's nothing like hearing your sister piss away a chance at a million dollars inside a port-o-pottie. Ladies and Gentlemen... this is AMAZING RACE!!!
The race begins in the heart of beautiful Los Angeles...
Yikes. I'd imagine this wasn't approved by the Los Angeles Tourism Board. That's not a river. That's a trail of tears.
Ahhh - now there's the LA I know and love!
We start by introducing the 12 teams - who for some reason emerge from the disgusting underbelly of LA's river tunnels. Must be a great crop this year. Where's Alligator Man?
First up, Ryan and Ericka! Ericka was Miss America 2004. And Ryan is her husband. They are the first married, interracial couple on "Amazing Race".
I'm so glad the producers got an interracial couple and are breaking stereotypes. That's a lovely picnic basket. Well... one outta two ain't bad.
Lance and Keri are a newly dating couple. Keri says Lance is "smaaaaahhhhht". Did I mention they're from Massachusetts?
Don't limit yourself, Keri. You both look brilliant.
Next up, Maria and Tiffany. They're both poker players who think knowing how to play poker will help them win the race.
It totally will. As long as every leg takes place in Vegas. They'll be just fine.
Zev and Justin are the next team. Zev has been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and Justin is his best buddy. Does anyone else feel like Asperger's is this year's Parkinson's?
Ass Burgers. There, I got it out of the way for the season now.
Next up, Mika and Canaan, who are a singing and songwriting, southern sweetheart team. They are "Christ-followers" and believe it will help them win the race.
Yes. Right after making world peace and before winning you a Grammy, God's gonna make you a million dollars on TV. Praise Jesus.
Now for the Harlem Globetrotters! You heard me right, HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS. Herbert and Nathan met while performing for the team and say they're the best looking team ever.
Not so much with the "DL" thing, huh?
Well hellooooooo there Sam and Dan! Two gay brothers from the midwest who grew up conservative Christians but say they can be bad too...
All this scene needed was a cheesy music and bad acting and I've seen it all before.
Next up are Gary and Matt - a father and son team. Matt feels his Dad never spent enough time with him as a kid and Gary feels like this is how he should make it up to him. I'll die laughing if they get cut in the first episode and Gary's like "Well - back to work - see ya shithead."
"But you'll look sweet, upon the seat, of a turbine built for two."
Eric and Lisa are married, vegan yoga teachers and most likely to get on my nerves.
Oh what I'd give for a pothole right about now.
Next up, Garret and Jessica are a passionate and fiesty couple who've been dating for 7 years and broken up 3 times. AKA: Team BOOM! I spy domestic abuse within the first episode.
Garret says Jessica has a fiery Colombian side, but her frosted side says-- "I'm frigid".
Our resident old couple is Marcy and Ron and they're adorable. They met on the internet a year ago and have been dating ever since.
Marcy says she's never dated a bald guy before. She was murdered shortly thereafter.
Meghan and Cheyne are our final couple. They're white, blonde, athletes with perfect teeth and skin and...
What is this?! The "Amazing Master Race"?!
Finally - let the game being! Phil welcomes us back (Hi Phil! Missed ya!) with a "Hello" and a "One team will be eliminated before they even start the race." WTF PHIL?!?
"THE WEAKEST TEAM SHALL PERISH!!!" Geez, this really is the Amazing Master Race. Looks like someone's still pissed about Jeff Probst winning the Emmy again.
The first challenge is to find one of only 11 license plates on a wall that is from the Shinagawa District of Tokyo. The trick is that the symbol on their clue matches the one on the plate.
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Comments (21)
I'd say it was the perfect combo of nice and harsh.
1 of 21 | Posted by Clair | Posted on September 30, 2009 4:11 PM
Loved your recap!
My fav's are the "Hot Brothers" and "Zev and his BFF".
If I were all the other teams I'd be PISSED that Team Pokerface didn't get sent home. They've never had a non-elimination leg this early. I was actually pissed - they always save the wicked teams. I can't stand those two.
2 of 21 | Posted by msjacqmills | Posted on September 30, 2009 5:56 PM
Welcome back bbitz! I always love your porridge :) It's clear through your team names exactly who are referring to, which is nice since I can't put names to faces at this point.
I like Zev's team and the globetrotters...so far.
3 of 21 | Posted by tadow | Posted on September 30, 2009 6:17 PM
BBitz
Thanks for the great recap. It was hilarious - especially since my local station decided to "go to black" TWICE for about 5 minutes each. So now I know about Team Pokerface and the "we work with homeless people" lie.
So are the Hot Brothers and Team Zev going to hook up?
4 of 21 | Posted by channel dasher | Posted on September 30, 2009 6:56 PM
Lance sure is bringing the arm bandana back in fashion. lol
5 of 21 | Posted by puppet | Posted on October 1, 2009 12:45 AM
Did anyone watch The Colony on the Discovery channel? They simulated an world apocolyptic type event and the people on the show basically had to try to survive. Part of it was filmed in that area by the LA river. And they had to DRINK THAT WATER!!! Nasty!
Anyway, thanks for a great recap, bB! I am excited for this season. It seems like the groups will keep things interesting.
6 of 21 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on October 1, 2009 5:00 AM
Love the recap and especially your nicknames!
I despise the noneck lawyer team (yet can't help but to hope they stay in the game long enough for the lawyer to have an episode of roid rage in India).
Other than that my favs are Zev and Justin - Team Auspergers for the Win!
7 of 21 | Posted by ohralphie | Posted on October 1, 2009 6:28 AM
@ snootchy- I watched The Colony. I can't believe they drank that nastiness!!
bBitz- you had me at "I'm so glad the producers got an interracial couple and are breaking stereotypes. That's a lovely picnic basket." I'm looking forward to your recaps this season- it looks like it's gonna be a good one.
Go Team Trotters!
8 of 21 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on October 1, 2009 6:52 AM
Can I humbly submit a name change of Team Hot Guys to Team Bromos? (Not that they aren't super duper hot!)
9 of 21 | Posted by deliciousminds | Posted on October 1, 2009 7:17 AM
Great recap!!!
An update... i read an interview with the team elimitinated, and they are now engaged. I guess he did it when they were on the elimination station. Taking bets if they'll actually go through with it lol
10 of 21 | Posted by CrazyTrain | Posted on October 1, 2009 7:31 AM
It seemed unfair to me to drag all the teams to the LA river and then get rid of one so quickly. It almost seemed mean spirited.
I like Team Bromos (Hot Guys) and Zev and Justin.
I should be more like Zev.
11 of 21 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on October 1, 2009 8:17 AM
OMG...I'm not even past page 3 of the recap, but had to comment on the funniest thing I've read in a long time...
"It's great because the boys think the girls are so wonderful for working at a non-profit and the girls think they're total hotties! Love the deception! Next, Team Trotters will pass themselves off as stay-at-home moms."
LMAO...thank you for the pickup this morning. I needed it.
Great recap so far! Now quiet down in here so I can finish, huh?
12 of 21 | Posted by southern_essence | Posted on October 1, 2009 9:26 AM
Great recap, lots of laughs.I also like team Zev. Could the Master Racers be any whiter? DO they shit macaroni and cheese? At the first pit stop the team actually won two trips to very nice resorts, then the farmers win kayaks???? I felt like it was an insult. Also this show is getting such a tight budget. They start in an L.A. spillway, spend the night outside on the ground, and then end up an that scary rickety boat. What's next the Thailand YMCA? I liked Marcy until she started singing to her flag team. I was glad team yoga left first. I couldn't have taken several weeks of their bendy posing and carrot eating while trying to maintain their "chi". Thanks bBitz looks like a good season!
13 of 21 | Posted by soapboxx | Posted on October 1, 2009 10:09 AM
Great recap bBitz! My two favorite teams right now are Ass Burgers and Miss America. LOVE Zev, and Justin too! I really hope they do well.
Miss America cracked me up when after the wasabi bomb she yelled at her husband "You can throw up later!"
SWAK, PottyMouth
14 of 21 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on October 1, 2009 10:41 AM
Hey Bbitz, great cappy, like the nicknames, they did help a lot. Staring at Justin for the wasabi, I'm like whooooo . . . but favs for me are him and Zev, Ms America, and I'll put them at top 3 with the layah from Salem (my home town) coz he's wickid smaaaht!!!! HAHAHAHAHHAHA--but really, just a feeling.
I like the trotters and Team Activia, they both have nice energy. dont' care for poker face and the Bromo's are okay so far.
Glad they bounced Yoga, but their reaction made me think they may have been redeemable . . . maybe not . . . but thanks for taking all that shame and pain!
I didn't notice the farmers son had pink hair till the second half, and I'm like, FU dad . . . bwahahahahah--obv I figured I was wrong, but it seemed like it must have been one hell of a night at that hotel, with the pink ring around the tub! hee . . .
15 of 21 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on October 1, 2009 2:32 PM
Oh, and Bb, totally agreed on the no sex bible team . . . cmon, GF, I hope you're a fan of the ladies, coz it's funny how often closeted peeps hook up . . . I'll call it Stradar. She's pretty gorge for a plain little white blonde . . . I'm just sayin'
16 of 21 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on October 1, 2009 2:35 PM
This recap was just as good as the episode. The second part with the duck herding, that is. That was just too funny.
Looks like it will be a great season. Glad we have your recaps. They are like the cherry on top.
PS- If anyone is making this a poll: love the "Bromos" name for Team Hot Guys too. Is that ok to say?
17 of 21 | Posted by mrsc | Posted on October 1, 2009 3:19 PM
I love the nickname "Bromos" (thanks deliciousminds!) and will be using it until they give me reasons to change their name otherwise! Half-bro, half-mo - they are... BROMOS! Love it.
Thanks for the comments everyone! They make the hours writing this worth it! Should be a fun season!
18 of 21 | Posted by bBitz | Posted on October 2, 2009 9:06 AM
Happy I could help!
19 of 21 | Posted by delicoiusminds | Posted on October 2, 2009 1:21 PM
bb: That watermelon picnic basket shot was one of the funniest things i have ever seen. This season is gonna be fun. I agree, i love the name 'team bromo', but i loved it even better when you called them 'team poker face' and 'team poke-his-face'. I laughed so hard i almost threw up. And i'm gay.
20 of 21 | Posted by theo | Posted on October 2, 2009 2:45 PM
I COMPLETELY agree with you Theo ! I laughed so so hard at that. Favourite moment of this recap fer sure.
Fuck a Duck actually reminded me of a game we used to play called FUZZY DUCK.
Say Fuzzy Duck clockwise around a circle of friends.
If someone says Duzzy, the direction is changed and you have to say Ducky Fuzz counter clockwise around the circle.
More the merrier with this game as long as everyone is paying attention and playing along.
You'll see why this game is so entertaining after a while. See if you can get some old church ladies to play. ;')
21 of 21 | Posted by Saueya | Posted on October 3, 2009 12:34 PM