We're back - fresh from a non-elimination round and a world record for TV episode containing the most uses of the word "babe"! Ladies and Gentlemen - it's AMAZING RACE!
6 teams are left and Nick and Starr are out of the gate first. The first clue - head to Deshbandhu Apartments for their next clue. There they will meet an Indian slumlord who will refuse to fix the dishwasher in their apartment for 2 years. Sorry. That last part was all me.
BTW - I love how Nick looks like...
A total innocent, cutie while he talks about lying to all of the other teams to get ahead. Unlike the Divorcees who definitely look like "Don't Trust a Word I Say". Meanwhile, Starr is dressed like Terri Irwin.
Speaking of, the Divorcees take off second and then Toni & Dallas are right behind. I love straight-talking Toni. She heads towards the cabbie and says to Dallas, "Make sure this guy knows where the hell he's going!" BAM! Momma on the war path.
Terence & Sarah are 4th to depart. Sarah says racing with a romantic partner "adds an extra level of complexity". That's fancy-speak for "my partner is a fucking toolbox full of tools that don't work." As they're driving they observe an Indian family on a motorbike. As their cab honks at them Terence comments, "I'm not gonna watch us kill the happy family." Fantastic. He's all yours Sarah.
Meanwhile the Divorcees have the all-important discussion of who they would sleep with if they had to - Dan or Andrew. This is good timing since the first detour is most likely, "Fuck Dan" or "Fuck Andrew". And no matter which one is chosen - everyone's a loser.
The Fat Frats head out with Ken and Tina close behind.
Soon Nick and Starr arrive at the apartments to find a roadblock - "The Holi Festival" - as in "HOLI FUCKING SHIT WHAT A MESS." In this Roadblock, teams must find an envelope that says "Amazing Race" amongst hundreds of identical-looking envelopes that say "Try Again". Oh - and while they do this people pelt them with powdered dye and water. WTF? What is this - the official religion of Double Dare?
Starr manages to get in and out quick with the clue - she's only mildly stained when she's done. The clue reads that they must head to the Charity Birds Hospital to find their next clue.
Oh but wait! Before they have a chance to take off - BLITZ!
Some guy runs up and pelts Nick in the face with dye and just walks off! WTF?! Hmm... fishy. Can anyone say, "Paid off by production"?! And what's Gael Garcia Bernal doing in India anyways?
And now it's time for today's special Divorcees-Moment...
The Divorcees drive through India and comment, "It's not a nice area." "Oh man it stinks." And then gag. Fantastic.
Meanwhile, Dallas is getting nailed with dye at the "Holi Festival". It seems they were a little friendlier to the pretty girl before him! But he makes it through quickly and he and Mom are off!
The Divorcees get to the Roadblock and Christy wisely and quickly says, "Can you do it?!" to Kelly.
Kelly goes from this... to that - in a matter of 15 seconds! LOL! It seems Karma is alive and well in India! If I was her partner I would've screwed with her when she got back and yelled, "This is no time for your minstrel act!"
The Divorcees are horrified at this "tradition" and Christy tells Kelly, "I'm sorry this one sucks." BUT NOT SO SORRY THAT YOU MADE HER DO IT, HUH?!
Could it possibly get better?!? Here's Terence and Sarah! IT CAN! BEST PART: Terence tries to get pumped up before going in and asks Sarah, "Who's my girl?!" And she yells, "YOU ARE! I mean...wait...I AM!" AHHHH! LOVE IT! Freudian slip!
Then, in an AMAZING turn around, Terence actually beats Kelly to a correct envelope because Kelly and Christy STILL haven't figured out that they need to get one that says "Amazing Race" and not "Try Again"! I guess every time the Divorcees have ever opened any bottle of soda they scream, "WE WON!" no matter what the cap reads.
Here comes Dan and Andrew! Oh please oh please let it be Dan they chose!!! OH PLEEEASE!!! And it's DAN! YEAH!!!!! He likens it to a sausage-fest of guys with paint where the girls never show up. Right - I'm sure he's never been in that situation minus the paint.
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Comments (15)
There is something terribly wrong with Terrance, who the hell pours water up your nose to get something out of it. Try BLOWING you moron!! I'm surprised he didn't ask Sarah to pick it out for him... Cannot wait for them to get eliminated!!!
Great Recap, as usual. Wow, those divorcee's can't read directions can they? She must had gone back and fourth about 5 times before they finally figured it out. Did you see Terrance push everybody out of his way? I was surprised no one took a swing at him, I sure would have...
1 of 15 | Posted by featherhead | Posted on November 12, 2008 11:16 AM
Since I started reading tvgasm, when I watch shows and I pick out scenes I wish they would post because they are too funny
I loved this recap by the way
P.S. Did y'all hear about the naked Dallas pictures?
2 of 15 | Posted by greenshoes713 | Posted on November 12, 2008 11:34 AM
I've laughed thru many recaps at tvgasm, but never have I laughed so hard that I cried until your caption & the pictures of Terrence in bed. BWAH HA HA!
So happy those nasty girls were eliminated. I think Tina helped the fatfrats just to get those girls outta there!
Excellent episode & excellent recap!!!
3 of 15 | Posted by suckitbitches | Posted on November 12, 2008 11:48 AM
Funniest recap EVER!
4 of 15 | Posted by Clair | Posted on November 12, 2008 11:51 AM
In your Terrence in bed montage it looks like Terrence is taking it up the butt.
I'm liking that Ken and Tina but I want to switch up the teams. I want Ken and Dallas to be partners and then Tina and Toni can be partners.
After each leg of the race I want there to be a sequence where Ken and Dallas shower together. (Okay, maybe I'm the only one that wants to see that.)
Anyway, don't lie about Nick. It's obvious you've got a thing for him. Lie to your mother but don't like to me, baby.
5 of 15 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on November 12, 2008 12:08 PM
LOL I wouldn't mind seeing Nick and Dallas shower together...
Terry is scaring me he looks like the Exorcist..
6 of 15 | Posted by greenshoes713 | Posted on November 12, 2008 12:36 PM
My eyes!! My eyes!! Terence in bed--AAARGHH! Does anyone have any brain-bleach handy?
He looks like a Christian martyr wearing the crown of thorns.
Let's mix up the teams this way: Ken and Dallas (Team Beef), Tina and Starr (Team Winner), Sara and Andrew (Team Long-Suffering), Dan and Terence (Team Tense)--wouldn't that be perfect? I still like Sara, and, I must say, Andrew has grown on me. I love a nice, mellow guy; that's probably why my first serious boyfriend was a serious pothead.
7 of 15 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on November 12, 2008 12:37 PM
Wow, I forgot Nick and Toni. I guess they could go together, or maybe Toni and Starr, and Nick and Tina. Yeah, that sounds good. I'd really like to see Nick and Tina as a team!
8 of 15 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on November 12, 2008 1:16 PM
Funny as hell recap dude! :) And yay, you're caught up. I thought this episode was great. I cracked up the whole time Kelly and Christie were at the dye challenge. What a bunch of idiots. And then Tina getting green and cussing, that was pretty funny too. I thought her hair looked cool!!
I'm not a big fan of Andrew and Dan but I was so glad it was Kelly and Christie to leave and not them. Looks like they have a meltdown this week anyways. And oh yeah, I was cheering on Ken and Tina too! They did awesome this episode!!
9 of 15 | Posted by JustJesse | Posted on November 12, 2008 2:09 PM
And the Emmy for best recap ever in reality TV programming goes to.....bBitz! Laughed all the way thru, thanks sooo much! Love this season too!
10 of 15 | Posted by soapboxx | Posted on November 12, 2008 2:43 PM
Ha ha ha ha ha- That caption of Terrance had me falling out. So not an image I wanted in my head. Loving Ken and Tina this episode and so glad the divorced dummies are gone. This was a really good episode. Pretty much anything that comes out of Terrence's mouth is priceless- what a tool. 'Who's my girl!'...You are!' ha ha- so funny.
Thanks for the awesome recap!! Images of Terrance's O face will haunt me for a while though.....Must...not...picture...Ooohhhh, damn it, it won't go away.
11 of 15 | Posted by corndog | Posted on November 12, 2008 3:17 PM
Terrance & Sarah are the best entertainment ever. Sarah is so capable, and Terrance is such a weenie. Crack me up.
Glad the Divorcees are gone, I'd had enough of them.
Kenny & Tina (with green hair) were the least annoying ever in this episode.
This season took some time, but this past episode was enjoyable.
Thanks for the awesome recap!
12 of 15 | Posted by Yur Mom | Posted on November 12, 2008 3:23 PM
What gets me is what assholes Tina and the Divorcees were to the Indian people with the dye. That REALLY is a holy festival that they celebrate every year. A co-worker of mine who is from India says it is the favorite one of the year and everyone has so much fun. Way to make Americans look like jerks, girls.
13 of 15 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on November 13, 2008 3:39 AM
GREAT recap (and a good,fun AR episode).
When the 4 kids joined up on the electric number thing, Nick/Starr had already found one - but didn't mention it to Toni/Dallas. So, I was expecting only one of them to have it right on the first try. I wonder if Nick told them about the first number or if the other team just spotted it at some point.
Nice to see girls eliminated. I'd liek to see Terrance next, if only to keep you from planting any more of those "sex" images in my brain.
I pretty much agreed with everything you said. Awesome job.
14 of 15 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 13, 2008 10:37 AM
Excellent! I wish they had that Holi Festival in "I Love Money". Then that show wouldn't be terrible.
15 of 15 | Posted by nerrawllehctim | Posted on November 14, 2008 10:15 AM