Amazing Race: Terence Makes MY Head Hurt

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Welcome back everyone! Last week we learned that Nick & Starr made a pact with the devil and her name is Tina, Terence is needier than a 14 year-old girl in a first-time relationship with co-dependency issues, Kent was able to commit to Tina for 24 hours straight (one horrible day at a time), Frat guys can count but not plan ahead, Ryan and Starr won first place (Yeah!) and the Bee-Keepers got stung with a "You are eliminated from the race". Place your bets for how long into this episode it'll take Terence to cry - ladies and gents - it's AMAZING RACE!!!

We start off with the teams still in Brazil. And look who's throwing a pissy tantrum...

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Terence! Who is making his girlfriend cry because he wants to be with her 24/7. Dear Terence, You just made millions of guys hate you right now. You ruin EVERYTHING.

Terence then leaves his crying girlfriend to "go to the bathroom." Apparently that's where he keeps his balls.

Teams are now off to Fortaleza, Brazil. I guess Brazil's so big it needs 2 stops. Either that or it provides low production costs. Ding ding!

Nick and Starr are off first in a speeding taxi while Ken and Tina are close behind. Tina immediately starts conversing with the cab driver by adding "o's" onto words. Ahhh... Spanish 101. Good thing they're in a country that speaks PORTUGUESE.

Meanwhile, Terence and Sarah start off this leg with a kiss - making me - and I'm sure everyone else watching this - severely ill. Oh but wait - it gets better! Jackass hits his head on the back hatch of the cab and freaks out... Terence: "Don't you see me bleeding?!" Sarah: "I do not see you bleeding." Terence: "Well I AM. HMPH!"

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It's not blood leaking out. It's his dignity.

After applying the alcohol swab Terence instructs her to "Kindly blow it." What a gentleman. What's next, "Swallow at your leisure?"

Mark and Bill feel like they have an advantage over the other couples because they don't have to "go home with each other after this is all over".

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By the smile on Bill's face and that sassy scarf of Mark's - I'd have to say I'm surprised they're not going home together. Bears!

Nick & Starr and Ken & Tina get to the airport to find there's a late flight - and a much earlier flight. They work together to get on stand-by for the first one just as Terence & Sarah arrive.

Meanwhile, Toni & Dallas and Kelly & Christy are starting out. Dallas says he's so proud of his Mom and he loves her. He says this on national TV with no hesitation. Millions of girls are swooning now - "Awww - he's hot AND he loves his Mom!" Terence needs to take pointers from Dallas on how to score chicks.

Back at the airport...

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The airline representative tells Terence he is NOT getting on that plane.

Meanwhile Sarah's ripshit that the other teams didn't "even say Hi" to them. Shit is GOING DOWN NOW. Luckily they end up getting on that flight and the armageddon of a snub is defused.

Anythony and Stephanie start off and head straight for a dilapidated cab.

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I love how the guy writing the subtitles stays true to Anthony's accent. Anthony then goes on to call the car a "beater - but a beater for a reason". Ahhh... a real poet.

He then goes on to tell the cabbie what a piece of shit his car is. The cabbie gives a smirk back that pretty much says, "I'm dropping your dumb ass off in the middle of nowhere."

The blondes are beginning to realize that this race isn't going to be as easy as they thought. Apparently they thought it was the "Moderately Easy 5K Race". They decide they just have to play harder, dirtier and meaner.

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To which they immediately start a cheer. Yup - real dirty. Bitches be lethal.

Back at the airport things are getting all Janet Jackson - aka NASTY. Tina goes up to the Divorcees to tell them SHE got them to switch to a bigger plane so they could all make it (actually true) and the Divorcees thank her by pretending to smack her and tell her not to touch them after Tina walks away. In the Divorcees defense - it's their term of endearment - just ask their ex-husbands.

Amazing Race: Terence Makes MY Head Hurt Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5 

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Comments (15)

Fayellis1:

bBitz, it's hard to say which is better, the actual show or the recap. It's like trying to choose between shoes and paying the rent..it's an impossible situation to find yourself in
Do white people ever get embarrassed by the stuff other white people do like black people? If so, the entire race should hang their heads in shame in honor of Terrance and Sarah (or as like to call them Rose Nyland and Noballs Magillicutty)
Every time I see Tina her eyebrows look like she is thinking *high voice* SAY WHAAAAAAAT *high voice*
Are the Fat Frats just recreating the entire movie "Super Bad"? I'm waiting for a bully to come out the store and grab one of them by the collar and say "you are not invited to my party and neither is your f*(%*&^ friend"

juddfan:

missed the epi, so thanks for catching me up, Bblitz!!! Great recap, and too funny how these people are just so . . . I honestly can't for the life of me remember who Anthony and Stephanie are, so I guess I don't miss them . . . .

I fear Terrence and Sarah are the Flo and Zach . . . sigh . . .

Sorry to see Nick being a dick . . . down several notches for me . . . inner ugly ruins outer cuteness . . .

soapboxx:

Too funny recap! Loved the god taking a whiz comment.You know if the blondes HAD gotten to the Docket detour they would have been eliminated because they would have had to visit both their myspace,facebook and yahoo accounts while activating IM before ever looking for their crate number. PS loved the Yoda voice, can't help it, I'm a diehard Star Wars fan...I had missed the part where Terence had asked for an ice cream HAHAHAA that's just too much. I hope they stay around for a while. Thanks, your recaps are the BEST!

JustJesse:

Thanks for the recap! I too, loved the line about God whizzing, hahaha. Too much funny stuff in this recap for me to remember it all, but that definitely sticks out. ;-)

I couldn't believe all the teams that made mistakes this episode. I thought it was hilarious though that Terence and Sarah couldn't find the taxi's. It seemed like everyone else found them right away. They must have been too busy making out though to see which way to go.

Mr Dangerous:

I'm glad Terence is a straight-ee cause he's just an embarassment to men everywhere. I'm SO glad he's not gay. (He's not gay, right?)

Okay, I don't understand why Ken is staying with Tina. She's old. She's saggy and she's a b*tch. Couldn't he find someone young, perky and a b*tch? Wouldn't that be better?

Like Mark and Bill because they seem like decent men.

Likin' Dallas anytime he takes his shirt off.


cattyfan:

This episode was chock full of...something.

Digging at the beach...missing the telltale arrows...asking for an ice cream cone...but the best part for me was the divorcees while in the cab swearing that they would never again make another mistake because they would READ THE CLUE...immediately followed by them not telling their taxi to stay put, because they forgot to read the clue!

Keep up the great work.

lijjy:

Your recap was hilarious!! I literally laughed for 5 minutes about the description of Anthony and the taxi cabs... too funny! There were so many other priceless gems that also made me LOL.

I kinda like the computer geeks ~ did ya hear them when Kent & Tina passed them in the cab, say something sarcastically about them winning a foot race with an ex-NFL guy. They seem pretty cool.

Thank you for the laughs! Keep up the fantastic recaps!

ralleykat:

OMG!!!! Get out of my head! These bitches is crazy. I would give up my favorite pair of jeans to watch an Amazing Race - The Political Season. The world would have a much better idea on who to vote for. Or perhaps, McCain would just kick the bucket and the race would be less painful. Keep up the great writing!

swimbikerun:

I call BS on Tina actually getting an airline to change the type of plane. There's a bit more that goes into scheduling an aircraft than say, upgrading to a full size car at the rental counter. And could Tina brag anymore about this? (even though it was total BS). And then rewarding herself with frontsies in line? But her driving a dune buggy through McCheater's bachelor pad is funny.

And wow, the divorcees are D-U-M-B. Perhaps they should have used their alimony for brain implants instead of their custom made front lumps.

Zwicker:

I don't know the nerds' real names, but the bald one with the moustache looks exactly like Tobias from Arrested Development.

pixielated:

I agree that the nerds are a couple of sweeties. But they're wrong about not being able to get snippy with a romantic partner on the race--look at Terence. God, what a jackass!

Does anybody know Ken's last name? I am wondering if I know him from his NFL days. I agree, he needs to ditch the wife. He could do better.

Dale:

"AND THEN HE DITCHES HER FOR ANOTHER PARTNER!!! HAHAHAHA!!! LOVE IT!"

Joke's on Nick (and you, too, bBitz), though. Sarah solved it long before he did. If he hadn't ditched her, he'd have been done.

Sorry you support his assholish move to Andrew, too. That made me lose any and all respect for you. So a big "FUCK YOU!" to you.

bBitz:

Hey everyone!

Thanks for writing comments - love it!

Some thoughts:

Fayellis1: I get embarrassed by the things white people do all of the time - have you watched the current campaign for president? :)

juddfan: I was a lil' sorry to see Nick be a dick too - but then I thought - at least he's being upfront about playing the game - unlike many others who smile and then stab someone in the back.

soapboxx: Don't forget tmz.com. Trash!

JustJesse: I'm beginning to think the producers hide the arrows when T&S are coming because they know it'll make for great TV.

Mr Dangerous: He is NOT gay: A) That hair. B) I don't want him on my team. And I think Ken stays with Tina out of compete and total fear. Shit - I'm afraid she'll read this blog and come after MY balls.

cattyfan: Isn't it amazing the Divorcees are turning out to be dumber than the Southern Belles?! Plot twists!

lijjy: I def love the nerd's sense of humor and laid-back but sensible pace. That's won a race before - the Hippies!

ralleykat: It would be great to have a political amazing race but I don't think Palin would participate. She can already see the world on her TV at home. Between the soaps of course.

swimbikerun: Oh yeah - haven't you ever been upgraded a plane at check-in? You just ask for it like she did. "Prop plane? - naahhhh - I'd prefer the 747. Thanks!"

Zwicker: LOL. Totally! But not as funny.

pixielated: No idea. You're asking the wrrrrrong person. Keep me posted though. :)

Dale: I was most excited to get to this comment! Either this is Terrence (not Dale) writing, or you are in a league of "takes TV & humor way too seriously" all of your own. I'm sorry you've lost respect for me. It's certainly why I write for TVGasm. To command respect! However - know this - your comment made me laugh the hardest - so now I support YOU over Nick! Now what?!

lonebutterfly:

This is one of the funniest AR seasons, ever. I swear, though, when Terrence asked for Ice Cream it was like a child was talking. I kept waiting for him to stomp his feet and have Sarah put him in time-out.

pixielated:

Hey, don't you recap Amazing Race anymore???

I've been waiting! What's up?

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