Andrew & Dan and Aja & Ty are still scrambling. However Tina - now approaching martyr status - tells Ty that everyone will make it on the plane thanks to her - and that he "owes" her. OH SNAP! Sexual favor! Looks like Tina's planning on getting even with Ken the Cheater.

Ty is my new hero. All in one breath he says "I don't owe her (Tina) anything at all" and when Andrew & Dan approach he says, "I'm sorry to see you guys made it!" HAHAHAHA! He's awesome - and the only one out of 22 people that seem to be honest.

The blondes - aka Southern Belles - are so happy that people are helping them along the way that they're handing out candy. I know what you're thinking, "Oh - you mean their boobs." No - no. Actual candy. The boobs get whipped out later on.

Best part is they preface it with "AMERICAN" candy. Like, "Here's some AMERICAN candy - because your candy is probably made from scrap metal by poor children with dirty hands." You gotta love that these two are ambassadors for our country.

Everyone starts to arrive at the gate and then... D-R-A-M-A!!! It's FANTASTIC. There is so much mental instability and emotion running rampant in this season. Basically Tina cuts to the front of the boarding line because she feels like she deserves it since she "got the airline to get them all on." I gotta agree with her there - HOWEVER - she should have gotten her ass to the front earlier instead of power tripping her way late in the game.

Anyways, Cindy-Lou Who (Terrence) gets all sassy with Tina and tells her "no way". Meanwhile her 8 foot tall husband stands behind Terrence and pretty much breathes "I will make you taste your own teeth" down his neck. And after all this pissiness?!!?

terrkenmakeout.png

They MAKE OUT. Well... almost. But I bet this is the closest Ken's been to a vagina in awhile.

After arriving in Fortalezza, the whole crew scrambles for a taxi - but not before getting lost trying to find the exit. Terrence and Sarah get a cab first because, as Sarah puts it, "All the guys had to carry their girl's bags - except for us!" Congrats Sarah! You're officially a lesbian!

Toni and Dallas are STILL getting along and STILL cute together. Seriously?! My mother and I would have already gotten into 6 arguments by now and that would've been before we left the Coliseum.

Meanwhile, this season's dumbest couple, Anthony and Stephanie, can't find another crappy cab - so they go for something better...

anthonydeadcab.png
A cab that doesn't work at all.

They finally give up and switch cabs while Anthony complains, "Everything in this country's broken! These cabs all look like bumper cars!" If a cabbie doesn't murder this guy before day's end it will be a MIRACLE.

Meanwhile even the blondes got a cab and exclaimed "We were actually the smart ones!" I'm not sure what they mean by this other than A) I appreciate that even they are surprised they can be smart. and B) Maybe they're just excited because they figured out how to open the door of a car.

Teams arrive at the clue box to find they have to race dune buggys to their next clue at a cafe called "Barraca D Manoel". I'm totally bummed to find out that they're not driving the dune buggy. We would've certainly gotten to see the blondes drive theirs into the ocean for a "short cut".

Terrence and Sarah loved the ride and said "it began to rain and it was like God showering us with love". Gross. I hope it was God taking a wizz.

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And as if Sarah's hair could've gotten any worse.

Five minutes after Anthony calls every car in South America a piece of shit - they're crying about how impoverished the country looks. Ahhh perspective. But wait - jackass follows it with "If they learned how to fix a car they'd make it rich." Ahh yes - all the third world needs is a couple of car mechanics and a Jiffy Lube and they'll be just fine. I feel as if Anthony works in the US government.

Ty loses his cool for the first time when they fall behind because they couldn't find the clue box. This would be the perfect time for Tina to come up and say "It was RIGHT THERE! You OWE me AGAIN!"

Amazing Race: Terence Makes MY Head Hurt Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5 

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Comments (15)

Fayellis1:

bBitz, it's hard to say which is better, the actual show or the recap. It's like trying to choose between shoes and paying the rent..it's an impossible situation to find yourself in
Do white people ever get embarrassed by the stuff other white people do like black people? If so, the entire race should hang their heads in shame in honor of Terrance and Sarah (or as like to call them Rose Nyland and Noballs Magillicutty)
Every time I see Tina her eyebrows look like she is thinking *high voice* SAY WHAAAAAAAT *high voice*
Are the Fat Frats just recreating the entire movie "Super Bad"? I'm waiting for a bully to come out the store and grab one of them by the collar and say "you are not invited to my party and neither is your f*(%*&^ friend"

juddfan:

missed the epi, so thanks for catching me up, Bblitz!!! Great recap, and too funny how these people are just so . . . I honestly can't for the life of me remember who Anthony and Stephanie are, so I guess I don't miss them . . . .

I fear Terrence and Sarah are the Flo and Zach . . . sigh . . .

Sorry to see Nick being a dick . . . down several notches for me . . . inner ugly ruins outer cuteness . . .

soapboxx:

Too funny recap! Loved the god taking a whiz comment.You know if the blondes HAD gotten to the Docket detour they would have been eliminated because they would have had to visit both their myspace,facebook and yahoo accounts while activating IM before ever looking for their crate number. PS loved the Yoda voice, can't help it, I'm a diehard Star Wars fan...I had missed the part where Terence had asked for an ice cream HAHAHAA that's just too much. I hope they stay around for a while. Thanks, your recaps are the BEST!

JustJesse:

Thanks for the recap! I too, loved the line about God whizzing, hahaha. Too much funny stuff in this recap for me to remember it all, but that definitely sticks out. ;-)

I couldn't believe all the teams that made mistakes this episode. I thought it was hilarious though that Terence and Sarah couldn't find the taxi's. It seemed like everyone else found them right away. They must have been too busy making out though to see which way to go.

Mr Dangerous:

I'm glad Terence is a straight-ee cause he's just an embarassment to men everywhere. I'm SO glad he's not gay. (He's not gay, right?)

Okay, I don't understand why Ken is staying with Tina. She's old. She's saggy and she's a b*tch. Couldn't he find someone young, perky and a b*tch? Wouldn't that be better?

Like Mark and Bill because they seem like decent men.

Likin' Dallas anytime he takes his shirt off.


cattyfan:

This episode was chock full of...something.

Digging at the beach...missing the telltale arrows...asking for an ice cream cone...but the best part for me was the divorcees while in the cab swearing that they would never again make another mistake because they would READ THE CLUE...immediately followed by them not telling their taxi to stay put, because they forgot to read the clue!

Keep up the great work.

lijjy:

Your recap was hilarious!! I literally laughed for 5 minutes about the description of Anthony and the taxi cabs... too funny! There were so many other priceless gems that also made me LOL.

I kinda like the computer geeks ~ did ya hear them when Kent & Tina passed them in the cab, say something sarcastically about them winning a foot race with an ex-NFL guy. They seem pretty cool.

Thank you for the laughs! Keep up the fantastic recaps!

ralleykat:

OMG!!!! Get out of my head! These bitches is crazy. I would give up my favorite pair of jeans to watch an Amazing Race - The Political Season. The world would have a much better idea on who to vote for. Or perhaps, McCain would just kick the bucket and the race would be less painful. Keep up the great writing!

swimbikerun:

I call BS on Tina actually getting an airline to change the type of plane. There's a bit more that goes into scheduling an aircraft than say, upgrading to a full size car at the rental counter. And could Tina brag anymore about this? (even though it was total BS). And then rewarding herself with frontsies in line? But her driving a dune buggy through McCheater's bachelor pad is funny.

And wow, the divorcees are D-U-M-B. Perhaps they should have used their alimony for brain implants instead of their custom made front lumps.

Zwicker:

I don't know the nerds' real names, but the bald one with the moustache looks exactly like Tobias from Arrested Development.

pixielated:

I agree that the nerds are a couple of sweeties. But they're wrong about not being able to get snippy with a romantic partner on the race--look at Terence. God, what a jackass!

Does anybody know Ken's last name? I am wondering if I know him from his NFL days. I agree, he needs to ditch the wife. He could do better.

Dale:

"AND THEN HE DITCHES HER FOR ANOTHER PARTNER!!! HAHAHAHA!!! LOVE IT!"

Joke's on Nick (and you, too, bBitz), though. Sarah solved it long before he did. If he hadn't ditched her, he'd have been done.

Sorry you support his assholish move to Andrew, too. That made me lose any and all respect for you. So a big "FUCK YOU!" to you.

bBitz:

Hey everyone!

Thanks for writing comments - love it!

Some thoughts:

Fayellis1: I get embarrassed by the things white people do all of the time - have you watched the current campaign for president? :)

juddfan: I was a lil' sorry to see Nick be a dick too - but then I thought - at least he's being upfront about playing the game - unlike many others who smile and then stab someone in the back.

soapboxx: Don't forget tmz.com. Trash!

JustJesse: I'm beginning to think the producers hide the arrows when T&S are coming because they know it'll make for great TV.

Mr Dangerous: He is NOT gay: A) That hair. B) I don't want him on my team. And I think Ken stays with Tina out of compete and total fear. Shit - I'm afraid she'll read this blog and come after MY balls.

cattyfan: Isn't it amazing the Divorcees are turning out to be dumber than the Southern Belles?! Plot twists!

lijjy: I def love the nerd's sense of humor and laid-back but sensible pace. That's won a race before - the Hippies!

ralleykat: It would be great to have a political amazing race but I don't think Palin would participate. She can already see the world on her TV at home. Between the soaps of course.

swimbikerun: Oh yeah - haven't you ever been upgraded a plane at check-in? You just ask for it like she did. "Prop plane? - naahhhh - I'd prefer the 747. Thanks!"

Zwicker: LOL. Totally! But not as funny.

pixielated: No idea. You're asking the wrrrrrong person. Keep me posted though. :)

Dale: I was most excited to get to this comment! Either this is Terrence (not Dale) writing, or you are in a league of "takes TV & humor way too seriously" all of your own. I'm sorry you've lost respect for me. It's certainly why I write for TVGasm. To command respect! However - know this - your comment made me laugh the hardest - so now I support YOU over Nick! Now what?!

lonebutterfly:

This is one of the funniest AR seasons, ever. I swear, though, when Terrence asked for Ice Cream it was like a child was talking. I kept waiting for him to stomp his feet and have Sarah put him in time-out.

pixielated:

Hey, don't you recap Amazing Race anymore???

I've been waiting! What's up?

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