Amazing Race: U Turned Me Off

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Last week we learned that Kris and Amanda should never procreate, Tammy needs to buy a Garmin so she can beat Victor in the head with it and being old doesn't mean you can't be a contender on the race - just that you can't win it. Ladies and Gentlemen, it's AMAZING RACE!

Teams start off from Transylvania. After a restful evening of sleeping in coffins and sucking blood out of virgins (this would have been a PERFECT spot for a Tina joke - GOD I MISS HER!), Mel and Mike are the first to leave for Siberia! Their next stop is a Hydroelectric Dam...

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AKA Where Russia has been hiding its nukes.

Mike says his dad is part "Woody Allen, part Billy Graham and a splash of Judy Garland." Odd mix but it makes a great drink. You can also get the same flavor by mixing "1 Part Pedophile, 1 Part Zealot and a splash of Vicodin."

Kris and Amanda then take off. And manage stupidity within the first minute of screen time. Not only does Kris say "Vamonos" to the cab driver but he then uses a mid-Western accent to say "We're going to St. Peter, yeah?" Stay pretty, my dumb friend, stay pretty.

Kisha and Jen head out third. Kisha says the only thing she knows about Siberia is it has Siberian tigers. Mmm hmm.... Piss your sister off one more time and you're gonna get a real close look at one.

Margie and Luke are 4th to leave while the Lil Guys are 5th. Christie and Jodi then head out. Their new "favorite cabbie" says he's going to bring them to an internet cafe. Hopefully this was lost in translation and he's bringing them to a Russian sex club.

The Cheerleaders head out and take a look at their clue. It's Russian money with a picture of the dam they need to head to on it. Cara says "Pretty powerful beavers made that dam - I bet they were female!" Wow - I can't write shit like that.

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Apparently she thinks all vaginas can operate a crane and/or jackhammer. Nope. Just yours.

And then the MEANEST thing that I've ever seen on "Amazing Race" happens! The Lil Guys ask the cabbie to call Lufthansa airlines for them - he misunderstands and calls the Cheerleaders' cabbbie instead. The girls answer the phone and then PRETEND TO BE LUFTHANSA TICKETING!!!

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The moment that shall henceforth be known as, "The End of Innocence"

Lil' Guys try and book tix to Bucharest but Cara tells them that there is only business class available. The cheerleaders then hang up the phone before they get any other ideas - like telling them there's a height requirement for the airplanes.

Tammy & Victor are the last to leave thanks to Victor's antics in the last leg. Tammy says "It's weird to go from first to last in one day" and then laughs. The only way I'd laugh that off is if Victor's nuts were a vice when I said it.

Christi and Jodi stop at the internet cafe to look for flights. They use their amazing powers from being Flight Attendants to book the best flight. They use such incredible powers as "finding the shortest flight" and "making sure connection times are good". Oooohhh... Hopefully there'll be "Coffee or Tea?" challenge they can kick ass at later on.

Teams begin to arrive at Bucharest Airport and look for flights through Russia to Serbia. They're all flying to Moscow (on various flights) in order to get to the one connecting flight to Krasnoyasrk. (Side note: It's hysterical to hear everyone to try and pronounce the name of this city - nobody gets it right!)

The Lil Guys, Jennifer & Kisha and Jodi & Christi arrive and head for the dam. Meanwhile the other 5 teams didn't make their connections in Moscow and are stuck at the airport. Looks like karma took a bite out of the cheerleaders' asses.

The 3 lead teams arrive and discover the dam doesn't open until morning.

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DAM IT!!!

By the way - if you're wondering how the Lil Guys keep up to everyone else on the race...

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They do STRETCHES!

Love it. I can't wait for when they use tumbling and standing on each other's shoulders for a challenge.

Amazing Race: U Turned Me Off Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5 

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Comments (12)

pixiegal262:

Fabulous recap :)

I was sooo pissed when Margie and Luke U-Turned them. I mean wtf? I know its "part of the game" but jeez.

And while the girls messing with the Little Guys saying they were Lufthansa was mean, I was cracking up the whole time. It ended up being a totally harmless joke which makes it even more funny.

renata:

I think it is really unfortunate that everyone seems to think Luke such a 'sweetheart' and overall 'swell guy'. We had already been privy, several times, to his outbursts and general prick-y behavior, but apparently the teams have not seen it yet. They will probably be surprised getting stabbed in the back by him - he definitely looks and behaves like that kind of dickwad. I was getting apoplectic from laughter, and then repulsion, at his behavior at the letter unscrambling challenge, and Margie trying anything to excuse him and his stupidity. Let's face it - he is deaf, not a quadriplegic in a wheelchair running a race! Let's have some perspective. Margie claiming he was 'confused' and not understanding what the challenge really was drove me crazy! Woman!!! So you have a deaf son, who also happens to be dumb!!! Too bad! Stop making up excuses for him - if you want him to have a normal life treat him like a normal person. If you treat him like he's handicapped, he will behave so. Had any other teams made a comment even approaching the tone of what Margie was saying about Luke, they would have been called callous and insensitive. I am sick of this little twat. I hope they lose as soon as possible. He does not seem like a good, nice person at all, although Margie probably is. Too bad she will spend the rest of her life excusing his failures.
And I will never believe that the teams figured out by themselves that it was ‘Chekhov’. There was some serious hanky-panky going on behind the cameras, and some serious intervention from producers – otherwise those teams would still be in Siberia as of the airing of this episode. Very fishy!!

shakeitkatie:

Mike says his dad is part "Woody Allen, part Billy Graham and a splash of Judy Garland." Odd mix but it makes a great drink. You can also get the same flavor by mixing "1 Part Pedophile, 1 Part Zealot and a splash of Vicodin."


that comment just made my entire week

Snootchy Bootches:

The blind u-turn is a great addition to this show. It was so silly to have it before because people didn't want to get the back lash from u-turning someone. Let me tell you, shady or not, I'd be blind u-turning every time!

jennaboa:

Great recap!

I really don't like the Lil Guys, so I quite enjoyed this episode when (a) one of them slips and falls on his arse (REWIND = PRICELESS) and then (b) couldn't get their wood up. (And that is most likely what She said, too.) Poor Team Napoleon Syndrome.

cattyfan:

I see nothing wrong with using a u-turn...and good to see teams actually utilizing everything at their disposal to eliminate other teams. Although the choice of which team to target was a little weird. Next time Margie & Luke might want to take aim at a team that's an actual threat...

Mr Dangerous:

Last year contestants had problems differentiating Lenin from Stalin. (I'm talking about you Dallas.) This year only a few knew who Chekhov was. Where are these people getting their educations? Are they all being home schooled? Obviously, there is no "smartified" standard for Amazing Race contestants. AR will take anybody.

Uh, and while Renata is a bit harsh regarding Luke, I agree. Mom seems to be making lots of excuses for her son's behavior. Also, using the U-Turn tells me that "you know you can't win the race via your own efforts."

Finally, a couple of weeks ago someone stated that they thought Victor was a "MO." I responded by saying that my GAYDAR wasn't picking that up. Well, I put new batteries in my GAYDAR (uh, I put new batteries in something) and yes, that person was right and I was wrong. Victor is a big, stubborn, fruity girlfriend.

fire@will:

Great recap.

Luke n Margie definitely wasted a lot of good will with that U-turn; not that they care. Foolish not to handicap a more dangerous rival, though.

The little brothers seem challenged with directions. Are things tougher to see from lower down, or are they just blockheads in that department? They seem like good guys.

I liked how people temporarily joined forces on the shutter task.

I'm hoping for funnier challenges next time.

Felt bad when the sisters blew first place right at the end.

thatswhatshesaid:

That was the funniest recap I have read in awhile! I collapsed in laughter and tears a couple of times. I'm SO GLAD I have the office to myself today! Whew!

bBitz:

Thanks for all of the comments everyone! I'll have the next recap up soon - sorry for the delay. :)

pixielated:

I agree that Margie is pampering and protecting wittle Lukie too much. I'm sure that their history has led to some over-protectiveness on her part, and he may have been sheltered from the hearing world. He seems immature for his age.

I also agree that it is a sad commentary on the U.S. educational system that these folks didn't know who Chekhov was. Especially since a number of them are college educated. Isn't one of the cheerleaders going to law school? It would be interesting to see if smarter people who were required to pass a screening test beforehand would do any better. I'm not sure it's a matter of education or even intelligence, though; it's more about being well-informed.

It does seem suspicious that so many people came up with Chekhov "by chance" or by "guessing."

Wow, I'm so agreeable this week!

pixielated:

On the other hand, Victor had no trouble getting the Chekhov puzzle and he was the best-educated person to do the puzzle. Maybe the smartest, too. Hmmm.

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