Hey everyone! Sorry for the delay - little thing called "tonsillitis" and "the flu" hit the bBitz household this week and left wreckage. Good times. It could've been worse though. We could've been forced to go down a FRGGIN' WATER SLIDE. That shit's criminal. Luckily Phil got away with it though. Why? Cause it's AMAZING RACE!
We start off with 6 teams remaining and Team Master Race still in first after 3 legs. UGH! Get a room! Teams are taking off from the beautiful Palm Jumeirah...
Also known as the "French Tickler of the Middle East".
Team Master Race gets the first clue: proceed to Amsterdam!!! Nice! But damn it! It's always the last team that's eliminated that I want to be there for the next leg, ie. Team Bible Beaters going to one of the most liberal places on earth!
Hold up. Seriously? Unless you're directing a French film circa 1940 - you are the gayest wannabe Gucci model I've ever seen.
Team Master Race reaches the airport and finds that the next flight out isn't until midnight - which means all of the other teams will catch up - which means the producers bought out all the earlier flights to Amsterdam. Which is fine - this was about to get real boring with these two in the lead constantly.
Team Pokerface leaves second (who would've thought?!).
Umm Maria? Maybe you'd like to share some of your hair and make-up shit with Tiffany? How shall I put this... SHE LOOKS LIKE DEATH.
Team BroMos is off next and excited to go to Amsterdam. Dan comments that he's street smart while Sam's book smart. You ever notice that stupid people call themselves street smart? Seriously. Think of one person you know who's been labeled "street smart" and is actually smart in any way. Yeah. Thought not.
Next off, Team Oreo heads out while Ms. America ponders if she's becoming a nagging wife. I think this is one of those things where, if you have to ask, it started happening about 6 months ago.
In 5th place, Team Farm Boys takes off and Pappy is actually "stoked" when he finds out they're going to Amsterdam!
Cabbie: "Uhh... The Bitch? The "bitch" is bizzack?! Ohh! Elton John!"
Teams all gather at the airport to wait for the next flight and Team Bromos decides to share their secret...
"We given you all swine flu. Good luck!"
Just kidding! But...
But seriously, they come out and tell everyone they're gay. (NOOOO!!! REALLY?!!)
Ms. America's first reaction is to beat up on the gays, a la Carrie Prejean. It's just in their blood.
Team Pokerface is, of course, a little heart broken. However they get over it quickly. We all know they'd make better hags anyways.
All teams finally arrive in Amsterdam and Team Oreo has problems taking off in their rental car. To which Team Pokerface comments...
I would have LOVED Ms. America to hear this comment. She'd take her earrings off and brain the both of them on the hood of her "luxury car".
Brian finally gets the car started after some help (not so much with shop class, huh Brian?) and Ms. American chastises him for losing his cool:
Erika: "Bitch bitch bitch!" Brian: Honey, I'm gonna need a little more "Ms. America" and a little less "Sherri Shepherd" back there!
Teams arrived to the hidden statue at the causeway and get their next clue... Head to: Martinitoren. I'd be stoked if this was the home of the "Martini". Chances? Of course the gays are the first ones to notice the name. Boozers.
Teams head to the city to find this place and Team Master Race is the first to get to the building where they find a roadblock! Climb the windy staircase to the top and count the bells. If they're wrong? March yo fat ass up to the top and count again. Let's watch as Matt makes his father do this one too and his heart explodes.
Teams Master Race and BroMos arrive first and Sam and Meghan decide to work together. How fast Team Pokerface is ditched by Sam after the big "reveal"!
It was dark when someone said this. But I'm gonna go with Sam. If he hadn't just come out, this probably would've done the trick.
Sure enough Team Farm Boys opens the clue and Matts gives an "Ugghhh I'll do it" kind of response. Seriously dude?!? Drop a tire or two.
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Comments (18)
The girls should've skipped the thing with the hammer and gone on to complete the challenge, then taken the 30 min. penalty and/or hoped it was a non-elimination round.
Also, I think it WAS a non-elimination round because of the way Phil handled it. In the past (most notably the hay thing that they are ironically re-doing next episode) he comes to them and states that since it's a non-elimination round that they can stop, to put them out of their misery. But he didn't do that this time, he just said "I understand you want to quit?"
Lastly, the most hilarious moment was the Globetrotters saying they would always know Bryan's name because of the way his wife screeches it, then the editors showing us a clip of exactly that.
1 of 18 | Posted by zerocool | Posted on November 9, 2009 9:29 AM
Too late. I thought this was the recap for last night's show and I was gonna compliment you on the rapid turnaround Swedie.
2 of 18 | Posted by gerritv | Posted on November 9, 2009 9:45 AM
I'm working on it! Should be up by end of day. ;)
3 of 18 | Posted by bBitz | Posted on November 9, 2009 10:08 AM
Pokerface really did take themselves out... I thought they should have stuck with the bell challenge... they were getting close... hope you're feeling better!
4 of 18 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 9, 2009 10:30 AM
bBitz, hope you are feeling better!
This recap and the last recap was a friggin' riot. They all are - but these last two take the cake.
So psyched they're in Amsterdam - one of my favorite places on earth. I would have loved to see Team Bible Bashers walking around the streets of Amsterdam and stroll by a XXX shop - one particular shop has all kinds of dildos in the window with a giant, rubber fist as the centerpiece of the window merchandising. Mika and Cananan's heads would have spun - Team BroMo would start salivating at the thought.
To tell you the truth, I liked Team Pokerface. I'm sorry to see them go.
"Somebody needs a nap". Word.
5 of 18 | Posted by bitchristine | Posted on November 9, 2009 10:43 AM
Bitchchristine, maybe it's me, but when I see giant rubber things in windows, I run, scared and blubbering for the hills!!!
Maria was the weakest link on that team, which made me like Tiff by the end. M was not even remotely trying on that hammer thing, not that I'm sure it would have helped. I say, shenanigans that an all female team could not physically complete the task, and I agree, they should have skipped it and taken the penalty.
Miss America certainly came out all over on this epi. I noticed the farm boys got a lot of wet underwear screen time, unlike the Bro's . . . wonder why . . . but I personally didn't mind, and I have a feeling J-mo will chime in with the same sentiment!
I, for one, and getting so over Sam yelling all the time, WTF dude--obv taken to new heights as indicated in the teasers for the next show--I say nothing! Nothing!
In fact, I'll wait till the next post! Thanks Bbitz!!!
6 of 18 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on November 9, 2009 1:57 PM
Man, I thought the herring looked GOOD...oh well, can't win 'em all! :)
7 of 18 | Posted by dani2526 | Posted on November 9, 2009 2:01 PM
Okay, I'm only on the 2nd page but I just had to comment on the "Goonies" reference. You are simply hilarious bBitz! I almost pissed myself laughing.
8 of 18 | Posted by kittkatt357 | Posted on November 9, 2009 2:25 PM
Another thing, I don't get why the team that doubled up on the stair/bell thing didn't gt a time penalty since roadblocks are "tasks that can be performed by only one member of the team"
9 of 18 | Posted by kittkatt357 | Posted on November 9, 2009 3:03 PM
Having spent time in Holland when I was young, I've had pickled herring and smoked eel at my uncle's fish market in Bussum and it's really very good but you need to wash it down with a handful of salted peanuts to make it really taste wonderful!
It's not as disgusting as they made it seem.
10 of 18 | Posted by gerritv | Posted on November 9, 2009 5:00 PM
How much did the guy handing out clues look like the little Voltaggio bro from Top Chef?!
HA!
11 of 18 | Posted by knackered | Posted on November 9, 2009 6:37 PM
Hilarious, B. Glad you're feeling better! I totally, completely, absolutely understand how it is when sars, mad cow, and alzheimers hit the house at one time -- I'm a teacher, and I always tell my kids they gave me all of the above. I just got over a bout of black plague, as a matter of fact.
kittkatt357: I'm not sure I get your post. Only one member of each team did the task -- they just teamed up with other teams... But I'm tired, so I'm probably misreading your post.
XOXO,
Z
12 of 18 | Posted by zbird | Posted on November 9, 2009 6:43 PM
I was sooo missing your recap, glad you are better! One of my favorite lines was right after the Bromos came out in the airport, farmer dad Gary says "I wonder if this would be the right time to tell Matt he's adopted?!" Loved it. This is my favorite season ever of AR, I love all the teams. To me this proves you don't need a villian to make a reality show great. I'd be happy for anyone who's left winning the million. Is it just me or does Phil look like shit this year? I'm not usually for a lot of optional surgery but it's called Botox/laser resurfacing/collagen, get a clue Phil!
13 of 18 | Posted by soapboxx | Posted on November 9, 2009 8:48 PM
Pickle fucked has to be one of the best expressions I have ever heard. I am totally stealing that and using it in my everyday life!
Glad to hear you're feeling better, Bbitz!!
SWAK, PottyMouth
14 of 18 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on November 10, 2009 7:04 AM
Bbitz...drink Hot Tang to feel better. (I lace my husband's with whiskey when he's sick.)
Ms. America showed her background when she managed a pageant smile while eating the herring. Good for her!
15 of 18 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on November 10, 2009 9:17 AM
juddfan: I was just in your hometown over Halloween weekend...yup the one and only, Salem, MA. Was looking for Team Massholes, but to no avail. They are scary enough without costumes.
16 of 18 | Posted by bitchristine | Posted on November 10, 2009 10:00 AM
LOVED the recap, bBitz, and so glad you're feeling better, it's no fun trying to be funny about stuff when your head is threatening to explode every time you sneeze.
I could not believe that Team Pokerface wasted their energy like they did by going back and forth so much. You would think after the 40th or 50th try at ringing the bell they would have realized they needed to let the hammer get a greater arc swing. Instead, they just kept doing it the same way over and over again. What a sad way to go out! I gained a little bit of sympathy and respect for Miss America, I have had that feeling before when a task has been laid out and you get stuck trying to complete it, it's very frustrating and I felt for her. Then again, the next time she opened her mouth to screech her husband's name I kinda lost that sympathy, but that's how it goes.
Wonderful job, I always look forward to your recaps!
love, J-Mo :)
P.S. One request, please include more shirtless shots of Matt? Pretty please? I think there's a chance of it next week... :)
17 of 18 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on November 10, 2009 10:57 AM
I agree that the pokergals should have skipped the hammer and taken the penalty. They probably would still be in it. I liked them too. I didn't at the beginning of the series but they grew on me.
When Miss America was sort of smiling while having to eat the herring, I couldn't help but wonder how many times she had to do something like that during her year as M.A. She probably had to travel to different places and experience cultural things that were not always to her taste.
I too like all the teams. It is very strange. I don't really care who wins either. I'm just having fun watching them compete.
Thanks for a great recap and I hope you feel better soon!
18 of 18 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on November 10, 2009 11:55 AM