Welcome back everyone! Last week we learned that Team Master Race is earning its namesake and Team Masshole... well, they also earned their namesake. Apparently it doesn't pay to destroy, tear apart and kick shit all around the world. Even if it seems to turn Phil on. WHY?! Because this is... AMAZING RACE!
We begin where we left in Dubai - the Disneyland of the Middle East. Team Master Race chooses a mystery brief case and starts out for the Dubai Golf and Yacht Club to search for the next clue. Meghan carries the case and says she feels like a "businessman". Oh - so you have to be a business "MAN"?! SEXIST! You are SO on Team Master Race!
Team Master Race rides in a cab and comments that the weather is so hot that this must be when "THEY get their tans in the winter time".
They don't seem to happy with that remark. I believe they're about to hear the Arabian cabbie equivalent of "Are you fuckin' kiddin' me?! Dis broad just called me TAN! EH OH!"
Team Master Race arrives at the roadblock (there still has been no footage of the other teams - crap - how far ahead ARE these two!?) and find that they must row a boat out to a yacht to receive a watch from a sheik. Following an Arab custom of "Hospitality".
Hospitality?! Whatever happened to a baked good or a casserole?! You say "hospitality", I say "Bribery". I think Amazing Race just got us involved in another trade agreement.
Back at the docks, teams must figure out that the time of the watch is the code to open the suit case. I love how they're making the Arabian portion of the race all "James Bond" themed.
Because "James Bond" has always been fantastic with portraying the Middle East.
The next team finally leaves - it's Team Oreo! I think they're probably the only team left to give Team Master Race a run for their money. Next off, Team Trotters. Meanwhile...
Cheynne rows and sings, "Row, row, row your boat, gently through Dubai..."
And soon meets his chorus...
"Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily... the infidel MUST DIE!"
Team Farm boys takes off and Matt admits he brought hair dye to re-dye his hair. Seriously?! Yeah - because with your pastey white ass and camera crews following you, you really run the risk of blending into the mainstream here. And since they're only allowed a carry-on on flights - he can't have more than 3oz. So how much longer will this last until he has to buy the local shit?
Team Master Race cracks the case open quickly and the clue tells them to head to the water taxi station. Meanwhile, Team Oreo arrives at the rowing challenge and Brian flails around in the raft. These things are inflatable btw. If someone pops it and sinks I'll die laughing. Why can't Lance still be in the race?!?
Team BroMos heads off next and says they're happy to stick with Team Pokerface because they'll be easy to crush in the end. Awww.... Besties Forev's!
Team Trotters gets dropped off to the WRONG yacht club by their taxi driver. HOW MANY yacht clubs are there in Dubai?!
Brian hurries back and while they crack open the briefcase he complains that his hands are bleeding from the rowing. I SO wanted Ms. America to say, "OH... are da babies fingers bleeding?! TRY GETTING A BIKINI WAX AND THEN PARADE AROUND IN A TIGHT SWIMSUIT AND HEELS ALL DAY! BOO YA!"
Team Trotters has decided that if they get thirsty they'll just drink their sweat. SICK. Everyone knows you're supposed to drink your urine. Right? Hello? I've said too much.
Team Farm Boys arrives at Matt sticks his 105 year old dad in the row boat. Good call. Speaking of calls.. I'd get ready to call whatever 911 is in Dubai. I'm guessing they have the world's biggest ambulance.
Team Master Race then reaches the detour, GOLD or GLASS! In "Gold", teams must weigh the exact amount of gold to reach $500K.
What an awesome challenge to watch during a recession! SCREW YOU PEOPLE!!! What's next?! Showing an eating challenge to a bunch of chubbers at a fat camp?!
In the other detour, Glass, teams must go to a spice market and assemble 12 hookahs correctly. I have an odd feeling Matt is going to BLOW right through this challenge!
While Team Master Race enjoys the views of beautiful Dubai...
Yikes. There are SO many things wrong with that sentence. Talk about bitching to the wrong guy.
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Comments (17)
Lovin' the race and lovin' your hilarious recaps. Yes, it was the most ridiculous elimination... well maybe second to that one season where a team took a potty break before finding the pit stop.
1 of 17 | Posted by Clair | Posted on October 29, 2009 4:41 PM
Holy cripes I'm in hysterics and I'm only on page 1!
"Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily... the infidel MUST DIE!"
hahahahahahahah!
Off to read some more
2 of 17 | Posted by zbunny | Posted on October 29, 2009 4:49 PM
well done
best elimination ever
IT'S A SLIDE!!
3 of 17 | Posted by jowwcamp | Posted on October 29, 2009 5:04 PM
I know everyone is all on Mika's side on this, but I can totally get why Canaan would try to push her down the slide. As you said...IT'S A SLIDE! Just let go and slide down and it'll be over in 30 seconds.
Then again, I just really don't get irrational phobias. At all. So I'm probably just being insensitive.
Awesome recap, B.
4 of 17 | Posted by zbird | Posted on October 29, 2009 5:13 PM
I love, Love, LOVE, your recaps!
Geeeez, why didn't Canaan pull an inspirational bible quote outta his ass and smite Mika with it?
He coulda guilt tripped her into taking that slide..DAMN! What is the point of religion if you can't guilt trip people into doing sh*t they don't want to do?
btw.. "Leap Of Faith"(irony)..LOL.
5 of 17 | Posted by knackered | Posted on October 29, 2009 6:24 PM
LOVED IT! Loved when Caanan was actually blowing up Mika's water ring that went flat. Loved that the Globetrotters harrassed her. Loved your recap. Has anyone else noticed that all through Dubai Phil has had a giant mameltoe? Ewwww he needs to rearrange his undies. Something seemed a little "fixed" about Bromos happening to bring a calculator and Team Pokerface so quickly selecting the gold challenge. So sad Bromos didn't know how to calculate the right amount. It's one thing for the school systems to dumb down students by using calculators, it's another thing to not even teach them to properly use the same calculator. Whew!
6 of 17 | Posted by soapboxx | Posted on October 29, 2009 7:33 PM
"Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily... the infidel MUST DIE!"
Best. Caption. EVER.
7 of 17 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on October 29, 2009 9:37 PM
I will admit that Mika was a dumbass to give up a MILLION DOLLARS because she didn't want to go down a slide BUT I can totally see where she's coming from.
It would definitely take an offer of one million dollars to get me to go down that slide. I have major issues with unsafe heights and a water slide, to me, seems very unsafe. I don't care how many people have gone down it and I don't care how safe they claim it is-I would be the one person who would have the one accidental death on the damn thing.
8 of 17 | Posted by PixieGal262 | Posted on October 29, 2009 11:07 PM
bBitz, I have never watched this show until this season and your recaps are what made me do it. In fact, I often find I MUST STOP recapping on Sunday nights just so I can see the nuttiness for myself. And this show did NOT disappoint!
Poor Mika and Canaan... if they do stay together I imagine that this water-slide FAIL will come up in PLENTY of future arguments.
love, J-Mo :)
P.S. Thank you for the shirtless picture of Matt, he's actually a 9 in my book while the BroMos fall into the 2 and 4 category. I'm just weird that way, but big cornfed farm boys are HUGE weakness of mine (literally). :)
9 of 17 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on October 30, 2009 12:28 AM
Fear & phobias I can understand. But what grown woman buys waterwings for herself and wears them on tv?!?!
10 of 17 | Posted by zerocool | Posted on October 30, 2009 12:52 PM
OMFG...the infadel must die...LOLLers
I am a happy man...got to see Meghan in a bikini (loving it) and got to see that i have a better body than her tool bad (loving that too)! So much lust...between her and sarah reinersten...TAR lust...
I about peed myself through that whole slide sceen. I loved it when she was screaming bloody murder and the "life guard" was all like, wtf bitch, shut it!
LOL
11 of 17 | Posted by pappy44 | Posted on October 30, 2009 2:03 PM
The giant water slide 'challenge' made no sense at all to me. This would represent a challenge only to a phobic. Any normal person would simply hop on and enjoy it. So where's the challenge in that?
So I'm just going to assume the producers were fed up with the bible thumpers and decided to get rid of them. Or at least generate a few laughs.
And when the time comes to get rid of the BroMo team, I'm sure it'll be a challenge that requires some kind of sexy time with a gal.
12 of 17 | Posted by itchy | Posted on October 30, 2009 3:59 PM
Funniest recap yet! I love the list of things Mika is afraid of! Canaan better get her a perscription for Zolft before they tie the knot or he's in for a lifetime of blowing up water wings. "Jonah, Esther, Zebediah, which one of you has mommy's floties?"
13 of 17 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on October 30, 2009 5:42 PM
Water wings? WATER WINGS????? Is she serious? A grown woman wearing water wings on national tv? That means she packed them! She thought of that in advance! If water is that scary and dangerous, are a pair of tinly little inflatable sleeves going to save you? Has she ever seen the show? What did she think was going to happen? Did she expect a 'who can pray the hardest' challenge? The sight of Canaan blowing up his adult girlfriend's water wings while she cried was one of the funniest/saddest things i have ever seen in my life. They may go down as the most ridiculous team in Amazing Race history.
14 of 17 | Posted by theo | Posted on October 31, 2009 8:48 AM
I give Matt an 8 just for his big biceps. (And why couldn't Lance have lasted ONE more episode!)
Uh, don't blame the American school system for being dumb -- blame yourself. Maybe if people studied more and paid attention in class...
I would hate to go through life afraid of everything AND stupid. Why Canaan would want to marry her is beyond me. Is he THAT horny?If he is -- he needs to come over to my place.
15 of 17 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on October 31, 2009 10:50 AM
"Sexy time with a gal?!"
What does that mean?
I assume that means all four of them (the BroMos and Team Poker Face) are going to go to a bar and look for men!
That sounds like a "sexy time with a gal," to me.
16 of 17 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on October 31, 2009 11:02 AM
I, too am afraid of the color magenta!!! Love the recaps, you are a heck of a funny writer!
17 of 17 | Posted by karen | Posted on November 4, 2009 9:57 AM