What is with The Amazing Race? Don't the producers know that reality TV is supposed to rely on cow eyeballs and donkey rectums to gross out contestants? Last week the show forced contestants to nibble on chocolate. This week the big challenge was caviar. We know this is the classiest reality show on television, but must they rub it in our face? Oh, but I kid. I'd much rather watch these teams cry and shake and even growl in the face of a fish ovulation than endure another outing with rotten intestines and yak brains on The Real World/Road Rules Challenge.
Now, I don't mean to harp on this whole caviar thing, but don't these people realize how fortunate they are to shovel oversized spoonfuls of this delicacy into their mouths? I mean, a fraction of these servings would cost an arm and a leg, let alone a two pound bowl. Now I know that two pounds of any food is a bit much, but let's not forget that this wasn't exactly nasty brussel sprouts they were chowing down on. If any generous soul out there wishes to purchase a kilogram of caviar for me, I will demonstrate just how easy it is to polish it off in no time.
Alas, my love of caviar is not shared universally, as evidenced first with Colin and Christie. After last week's first place finish, the two Texans continued their domination tonight by making smart travel decisions and easily navigating through a detour that had them doing vodka shots off a sword. With a healthy lead that was all theirs to lose, Colin and Christie faced their biggest adversary yet: a bowl of caviar. Christie was apprehensive about taking on the roadblock, but Colin passive aggressively persuaded her into the food challenge anyway. It may not have been a smart move since the former beauty queen displayed the intestinal fortitude of a drunken vertigo victim, but I welcomed the sight of Christie completely devolving in a quaint Russian restaurant.
Colin and Christie have never been a totally, uh, interesting team, but I've occasionally enjoyed Colin's psycho-killer game face, and tonight he busted it out in full force. As Christie languished with her bowl of caviar, Colin stared her down as if she had not only killed his family, but urinated on their graves. Occasionally he attempted to be supportive, but those ill-fated gestures usually wound up as passive-aggressive questions like "Do you want to mix the caviar with the juice?" or "Do you want to take smaller bites" or "Do you want to not suck at this mission?"
The normally contained Christie seethed with rage and obliged us with a bitter outburst that probably had half the production team running for cover. As these two went through a cycle of crying, glaring, complaining, hugging, and yelling, plucky Christians Brandon and Nicole arrived at the restaurant, only to suffer at the hands of the caviar smackdown as well. It's been a difficult trip for the models/über-Christians/professional whiners. In tonight's episode, they joined and then skipped out of yet another alliance, claiming that they needed to be ruthless. And by ruthless, they meant sobbing on a pile of blankets and sipping tea in a restaurant. Nicole looked as if she were eating the spawn of the devil himself, but doesn't she realize that fish are supposed to represent Jesus and therefore fish eggs are... baby Jesuses? Okay, maybe not. By the way, major props to the producers for snagging a shot of a bunch of nuns filing by clueless Brandon and Nicole at the airport. There really was no significance to the shot, but it was oddly funny.
I'm glad there was some levity at the terminal because the race had turned pretty ugly at the airport, and earlier, at the bus station. When a civil, ordered queue for bus tickets completely dissintegrated, the show turned into a momentary squabblefest that was worthy of a Bunim/Murray Production. Amidst all this, stubborn Charla and Mirna managed to piss everyone off, especially Colin and of course Lance and Marshall. Then again, who aren't Lance and Marshall pissed off at? Every two seconds they're calling someone else a scumbag. Now come on guys. What's with all the scumbag lines? Can't you at least kick it up to douchebag?
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Comments (3)
'Mirna and Shmirna' is catching on...I love it! Seeing Charla get pushed out on the ice in all of her goalie glory was an amazing moment in television.
1 of 3 | Posted by Melis | Posted on July 28, 2004 11:18 AM
silly editors: the nuns represent the christianity that the models|christians are supposedly representing, though at that moment the nuns descended from heaven, i mean concourse c, the models|christians were doing very un-sportsmanlike behaviour by deceiving other teams. or something.
also, 2 things about colin and christie:
-are they a new team? why have i never seen them before on any previous episode?
-colins psycho killer face looks like matt(?) from real world hawaii
2 of 3 | Posted by jash | Posted on July 29, 2004 11:09 AM
"The Amazing Race" is the best reality show on television. I do miss team "cha cha cha" from season 2, which is why I started watching the show in the first place.
3 of 3 | Posted by Carlos | Posted on August 1, 2004 11:27 PM