It's official. The Amazing Race is simply relentless. It grabs you, tosses you around, gets your heart racing, and then spits you out to the local news anchor at 11 pm. In Los Angeles, that means coming face to face with creepy Laura Diaz, aka Skeletor's long lost Latina sister. It's not a pleasant sight, but I digress. Tonight's heart-pounding adventure almost set us free from the Debbie Downer ballast known as Marshall and Lance, but alas, it was Jim and Marsha, the military father and daughter, who brought up the rear. Too bad. We were just starting to like them too.
Jim and Marsha spent the early portion of this race bickering and bleeding, but they seemed to have put that behind them as they headed into this third leg. One might say they were actually endearing. Marsha might have different words to describe her experience at the Buenos Aires domestic airport though. She found herself booking about thirty different flights all at once, including many tickets for other teams. When the dust settled and she finally looked at her itinerary, she realized that she hadn't actually booked any reservations for herself. Wah wah wah. Looks like Marsha pressed her luck and hit a whammy. She and her father flew out of the airport last, placing them a good hour or more behind the next team. By the end of the episode, the two had closed in the gap, but clearly the Lord was giving love to other teams, like über Christian moppets, Brandon and Nicole.
The "dating/models" faced some tests of faith tonight when they encountered the most unholiest of obstacles, the muddy road. Brandon, who's not really the brains of the operation - and not really the brawn either, advised Nicole to bring the car to a halt. Maybe he wanted to reason with the mud or bring it to salvation. Well, the mud would have none of it and this team had the distinction of being the only one dumb enough to stop the car in the muck. They needed to be towed out, and second place Charla and Mirna offered their services in a gesture of good will. They say good fences make good neighbors, so when Charla got zapped by a nearby electrical fence, we knew that the Charla/Mirna/Nicole/Brandon "alliance" wouldn't last, even if they were all self-proclaimed "God-fearing" people.
Of course, any avid viewer of the show knows that alliances on The Amazing Race are about as fleeting as Phil Koegan's occasional smile. Still, that didn't stop Charla and Mirna from investing heavily in their makeshift alliance. They were therefore annoyed when the devout Christians abandoned them on the road (actually, it was Mirna who casually drove off into Never Never Land), and then again betrayed them in the airport by relying on Jim and Marsha for tickets. The cousins were absolutely SHOCKED that the partnership crumbled so easily and once again it was them against the world.
Actually, it was Mirna against Lance and Marshall. If Miramax's Weinstein Brothers ever wanted to channel their obnoxious tendencies into pizza, they would be these guys. At every turn, the brothers tried to make "This sucks!" the "That's hot" of The Amazing Race, starting with a battle of will at the airport counter. When Charla and Mirna beat them to a ticket line, the petulant brothers once again eschewed the rational techniques of discussion and dialogue in favor of bullying and mockery. Later, after they yelled "Bitch!" at Mirna from across a parking lot in Patagonia, their cocky bravura was quickly squashed when an ingenious chocolate mission stalled the two for over an hour.
On this week's Roadblock, teams had to bite into thousands of chocolates until they found one with a creamy white center. Everyone seemed to be having a ball, especially the bowling moms - but when don't they have a grand old time? It was no surprise that Joyce leaped at the opportunity to eat chocolate. Those of us with chocoholic mothers can spot their kind from a mile away.
As team after team successfully scavenged through the chocolatey mess, Lance and Marshall languished on the sidelines, unable to find the white center. Lance (or maybe it was Marshall. I really don't know) complained that he couldn't go on, and I couldn't help wondering if the oaf had actually been eating the chocolate instead of spitting it out. I wouldn't be surprised. While he whined in the corner (paging Flo from season 3), Chip and Kim continued their silly battle against the twins.
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Comments (7)
Actually, Marsha had a reservation for 9:10, her dad for 10:30; they just never got a reservation for the same time. dad was on the waiting list first, but the midget once again lied and said she needed a doctor to get on the earliest flight, and bumped him out. for a god fearing midget, she's not afraid of unfair, lying advantage.
1 of 7 | Posted by blue | Posted on July 21, 2004 6:17 AM
Well, if you're going to bring "God Fearing" into it those two model Christians are pretty darn snarky too. Lying in people's faces and then calling on the name of the Lord is a bold move. Nobody else on the show was exactly honest either.
The internet dating couple have to be the most entertaing couple on the show to me. They're so weirdly enthuastic. I hope we get to see more of them, they don't get much air time.
2 of 7 | Posted by Leah3t | Posted on July 21, 2004 7:21 AM
This episode was hilarious thanks to Charla and Mirna. Did anyone catch one of the guys calling them “Mirna and Shmirna”? I hope that catches on. I was proud of Charla for completing the chocolate mission but would have really enjoyed seeing something happen with her and the mini chocolate “master”. A hug, a dance, anything! After successfully paragliding down the mountain, Charla yelled “yay, we did everything” and then did a tiny little cartwheel. Too cute! Then Mirna tried to fix her hair in the car on their way to the pit stop because “every time we see Phil we look terrible”. These are funny cousins!
3 of 7 | Posted by Melis | Posted on July 22, 2004 11:17 AM
Word up to funny cousins.
You're right, Melis. Charla and that little chocolate guy should have had a moment. I completely forgot about that. You know, nothing special, but something for all of us to say "Awwwww."
4 of 7 | Posted by b-side | Posted on July 22, 2004 4:41 PM
"but spoiled girls are want to vilify people who challenge them"
should read
"but spoiled girls are wont to vilify people who challenge them"
5 of 7 | Posted by jash | Posted on July 25, 2004 12:20 PM
All I could picture was Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory when Charla had on her apron gorging on those chocolates. Those two cousins absolutely make the show. Without them, it would be an utter bore....not to mention the fact that the show purposely didn't cast any gay men. To generalize for a moment, the gay men have an innate advantage to success for their tenacity and the fact that most are well-traveled and can easily navigate through these cities. Such a shame that the casting agents and producers would rather have a "close" race for ratings purposes versus truly casting a variety of people (i.e. gay men) for fears that once again the outcome of the race would be obvious.
6 of 7 | Posted by Liz | Posted on July 27, 2004 4:19 PM
Liz,
Every season has had one or two gay team mates, so I don't think 1 season (out of five) without gay men is a bad thing. What about gay women?? Or do you just find gay men entertaining?
You are generalizing when you say gay men are well-travelled and can easily navigate through cities.
As a gay man, I can attest to the fact that your generalization couldn't be more wrong.
7 of 7 | Posted by LoneStar | Posted on July 28, 2004 10:36 AM