How To Reflect on Human Depravity and Learn Absolutely NOTHING

jon_victoria_philPop quiz: When you see monuments of the African slave trade and the Berlin Wall, what are the first thoughts that pop into your head? If you answered sausage making, beer chugging, and soap box derbies, you are correct! That's the lovely combination that The Amazing Race conjured up for us tonight on a Very Special Emmy episode.

Oh, and let's not forget the domestic abuse. No, not the kind where we bloggers of the world laugh and say "He's gonna hit her!" I mean the kind where we bloggers of the world say "Wow, he just shoved his wife in the middle of the street." Yeah, it's not funny anymore.

Where's Jeff Probst when you need him?

We knew tonight's episode was going to be emotional because a) CBS has not stopped showing commercials of Gus sobbing, and b) um, okay, I have no second reason. Kris and Jon kicked off this leg of the race as they excitedly read they'd be going to the largest former slave house in the region. "Let's go!" they chirped, only a shade less enthusiastically than Mario and Luigi. I know these two are happy and like the best people ever, but honestly, it's a SLAVE HOUSE!

Aaron and Hayden's boobs opened up their clue with considerably less enthusiasm, and Rebecca managed to insult an entire continent by yapping "I'd love to get out of Africa. I can see why so many people escaped." If by "escaped" you mean "torn from their families and homesteads to be shipped to America where they were slaves for a few hundred years," then yeah, TOTALLY. They were SO lucky to have escaped!

Meanwhile, in the uncomfortably ironic department, penniless Mary Jean and Don announced their plan to rebound from losing all their cash at the end of the last round: "If we have to sing and dance, we'll get the money," Mary Jean said as she pulled out her "Ralph Ellison Guide to The Invisible Man Money Dance".

As teams arrived at the slave house, the show slowed down to take a moment to respect and reflect on the tragic destinies of so many Africans. Each team was instructed to enter the house and lay a flower down in tribute to the slaves. It really was a beautiful moment, but snarky me knew the producers were playing me like a fiddle as those swelling strings took over the soundtrack. Yes, I wouldn't let my cold heart be warmed by some reality show! Cut to Kris and Jon saying a prayer (they're so nice), Gus sobbing, then Don teary eyed, then Gus explaining how he didn't cry at his parents funerals, then me with my lower lip quivering. Damn this is powerful. Did Jerry Bruckheimer let Speilberg direct this episode or something? Just about the only thing that could make this more moving would be if they headed to concentration camps. Hmmm... I wonder where they'll be off to next?

Germany!

Teams were instructed to head back to Europe and seek out the Berlin Wall. So I guess this will be a real upper of an episode, huh? As everyone made their way to the Senegal Airport, Kendra expressed an unrelenting desire for a croissant in Paris. Sorry Kendra, this is the Amazing Race, not pretend to be Gertrude Stein Day. First time beggars Mary Jean and Don felt badly asking for money from the locals. Why? "We're from an affluent area," said Don. As Elaine Benes would say, GET OUT! I thought they were trailer trash for sure. Luckily, the introspective, guilt-inducing visit to the slave house had other teams throwing down the cash for the elderly couple. Suckers.

Meanwhile, in the cab to the airport, Hayden and her globule mammaries were in quite the pleasant mood. "How are you doing today?" she asked the cabbie. "My breasts are fine thanks," she then added. Less thoughtful was resident bimbo Kendra who had this fine message for Senegal's tourism board: "This city is wretched and disgusting. And they just keep breeding and breeding!" Yeah! I mean, they should do something with all these people. Maybe if we just send a bunch of missionaries and let our government prop up dictators, everything will be fine!

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Comments (38)

Madeyoulaugh:

Having a prior commitment, I was unable to screen this with the rest of the Gasm group...and I must say after finally watching this episode, I am miffed I missed out on the social gathering that was last nights Amazing Race. I hate Victoria for being one of those chicks on COPS in sweat pants swollen face and bloody shirt screaming, "NO! Don't take him! He LOVES me! I fell, I swear I fell. Meanwhile, Jonathan stands there with his "Who Farted?" hat and budwieser sleeveless t-shirt and bleeding knuckles grasping a Pabst Blue Ribbon and smoking a cig with a 2 inch butt of ash still attached.

I love me my drama, but for me this was borderline wreckless reality. Being a contributor to TVGasm, normally I have no heart. But last night, the lump of coal I do have went out to Victoria.

To paraphrase Ronald Regan, "Mrs. Fuller, take off that ring and let your self be free."

Great write up B-Side!

flush it all away:

Correction on the T-shirt.

Jon may be the type that wears the version with a picture of a horse and the words, "Hoof Arted?"

Spikegrl:

I'm hoping that this whole thing was a set up by Victoria to sue Jonathon for domestic abuse.

There's no way she's smart enough to figure that out, Spikegrl.

jack:

OK--that was disturbing. I can't even summon the will to mock. Amen on the Probst suggestion, B-side. Jeff would never have let that guy off as easy as passive-aggressive Phil K. There's only one word that can explain Jonathan's behavior: COCAINE.

I'd like to propose that TVGasm take up a collection of $1 dollar donations to hire a big, pipe-hittin' thug from South Central to go have a chat with Jonathan over at 'skin spa' or whatever he calls it. I didn't think it was possible to make Colin from AR6 look tender and affectionate, but after last night, I'd sell my first-born daughter (if I had one) to Colin for 10 bucks before I'd let her get within a mile of Jonathan Baker. Pose for Playboy, girls!! You meet such NICE GUYS!

hannahthehun:

I thought Colin was a jack-ass, but Jon has been working very hard to prove that he is the biggest ass-hole in reality tv history. If only there was some sort of "violence penalty".

Jenn:

Kendra=ghetto model

Retroqueen:

Last nite's episode started off great and when Adam and Rebecca hit the sausage making I couldn't help but think that the editing was done with Tvgasm in mind! Thankfully I took time to laugh at this point.

The end tho' was the nastiest thing I've ever seen on reality TV and I was really disappointed that all Phil could muster was his "stern" look and tone. I personally think that Jon should be eliminated for the violence -- of course that would just lead to more beatings for Victoria.

Kendra is "lucky" that Jon is taking center stage or her glaring ignorance would be much more in the forefront.

Above all I'm damn sorry that Don and MJ are eliminated .............

(I miss Colin's childish tantrums. *sob*)

Kirby:

Normally this stuff doesn't affect me (Colin & Christie made me laugh more than anything), but I am pretty disturbed about Jon & Victoria. I think its irresponsible for the producers to let him continue.

And I agree, that is definitely crack-rage.

Julio Abreu:

Very Good

SaveFerris:

I watched that scene on TIVO many times with my better half and it looks like John shoves her bag and actually never touches her. So, maybe that is why CBS is allowing him to continue on and Phil wasn't more harsh with her. B-Side, watch it again and tell me what you thin. Either way, it is appalling but I think that technicality may be the reason CBS showed it and allowed him to stay in.

Also, after Kendra kept referring to Africa as "Ghetto Africa", I was surprised that after they found out that they won a trip to Mexico that she did not respond "Barrio Mexico? I am so excited."

No, I too saw that it was just her bag, but it's still a generally violent act to take. The bag was attached to her, and he shoved the bag, which made her stumble. To me, that counts as shoving her.

You know, part of the joy of Colin and Christie was how desperately hard they tried to keep it together. They at least had some sort internal standard that they tried to abide by, but inevitably stress and competition would kill them. Colin was a jackass, for sure, and he was abusive. But what's worse about Jon is that he has no qualms being a jerk anywhere for any reason. That's just a reckless personality and self-centered behavior. He sucks, and no amount of editing can manufacture that.

mick:

Save Ferris...I was thinking the exact same thing about Kendra and the trip to Mexico.
I wish that girl so much ill will after her ignorant remarks all throughout this episode. The Karma Police hopefully have her number.
There were so many disturbing things about last nights episode; Kendra, Bolo eating the raw sausage and Crack Ho Jonathon. When they got to the soapbox, the clue said, "Who is up for speed?" And I instantly knew that this Crystal Meth Snorting GHB Guzzling Eye Lift Mother Fuckering Trogoladite would take it. As I stated after the first week, both Bolo and Victoria are poster people for Abused Spouses.

America's Next Top Fan:

Some reasons why other countries hate Americans.

1. Absolving yourself of any responsiblity of slavery by having the host repeatedly say "the slaves were shipped to the New World" rather than "the slaves were shipped to America".

2. Showing complete ignorance, "This city is wretched and disgusting. And they just keep breeding and breeding.

3. Rebecca managed to insult an entire continent by yapping "I'd love to get out of Africa. I can see why so many people escaped." This comment right in the face of the cab driver. Whoa that girl's got balls!

4. American men who get excited by making 7” of “girthy” sausages.

5. Americans who don't pay the agreed upon fare for a cab ride.

6. Men who shove their wives. Oh..no..wait. That was no shove. Jon hit her so hard she nearly fell to her knees.

7. TV hosts who don’t knock the shit out of men who hit their wives.

8. Coling & Christie

skywise:

If this was a Bunim/Murray production Jonathon would be facing their patented tribunal... gathering the whole cast to watch the footage and decide if he was going home or not... I was just WAITING for the producers to step in.

jack:

"Some reasons why other countries hate Americans.

1. Absolving yourself of any responsiblity of slavery by having the host repeatedly say "the slaves were shipped to the New World" rather than "the slaves were shipped to America". "

clever, but, alas, inaccurate. Slavery began in 'the New World'--which is what the Europeans called it back then--long before any of the colonies that eventually formed the US were officially chartered (Spain, France, and Portugal beat us to it, I'm afraid), and Cuba, Haiti, Jamaica, the West Indies, etc. were all major centers of the slave trade when the British colonists were still struggling to survive the mid- and north Atlantic winters.

i know a lot of folks find it trendy these days to bash america, and we've got our fair share of guilt for slavery, but it ain't like we invented it.

smithie:

I was waiting for more from Dr. Phil after he asked Victoria if she was alright. Instead of the " Jon, I think you should go talk to Victoria" I thought it should be more like "Jon, I'm sorry to say, but you're an asshole and I've decided you're eliminated. I will now continue the race with Victoria"
I wonder how Jon is feeling as he watches these shows. A lot of men don't realize how they are acting until they see it on tape. I am really concerned for when they eventually lose if that was the response for second place.
I won't even get into the dumb slut saying that people are breeding in Africa. What a moron.
And I honestly think Gus would have been happy to quit the game and spend his remaining days at the Berlin pub. I think it's funny that he apologized to Hera for embarrassing her about crying over slaves, but acting like a AA member who's in need of a meeting, not embarrassing.

America's Next Top Fan:

Jack, I know...It's good to see someone pick up on it though.

Alli:

battery = unlawful or offensive touching of the person of another

Unpermitted and intentional contacts with anything connected with the body (customarily regarded as part of the other person’s person) is also bettery . . . Things such as clothing or anything directly grasped by the hand are so intimately connected with one’s body as to be universally regarded as part of the person.

I haven't see the episode yet, but from what I am hearing, it doesn't matter whether it was the bag or her, legally

Alli:

battery = unlawful or offensive touching of the person of another

Unpermitted and intentional contacts with anything connected with the body (customarily regarded as part of the other person’s person) is also battery . . . Things such as clothing or anything directly grasped by the hand are so intimately connected with one’s body as to be universally regarded as part of the person.

I haven't see the episode yet, but from what I am hearing, it doesn't matter whether it was the bag or her, legally

merlatonin:

come on, gus was just grabbing sips here and there. he might be guilty of drinking someone else's backwash, or serving someone his own, but binge drinking that was not.

Lady J:

"i know a lot of folks find it trendy these days to bash america, and we've got our fair share of guilt for slavery, but it ain't like we invented it."

True that. Add to it, the host is not an American. The US didn't invent 7" sausages, homosexuality, orwife-beating. We get insulted by foreigners just like everyone else. The taxi issue is fair enough, but our society is designed on standardized regulations and "the customer is always right." Not everyone is prepared to do as the Romans do.

tsharie:

I can't believe the producers were able to the deliver, in one episode, the most entertaining and at the same time disturbing hour of reality TV ever. Any wonder why we are referred to as "Ugly Americans"? Every season of TAR introduces us to a new cast of "Ugly Americans".

On a lighter note....

Scott the Spotter:

I don't know if anyone remembers, but Phil used to be a "reporter" for this variety show on the FX channel.

Well, one day, Phil was covering a Russian bath house in NYC, a place where these nice 80 year old Russian men go for a soak and a swim.

Phil, to be zany, wearing nothing but his swimsuit, jumped into one of the freezing cold pools there, and came out shivering. Pretty boring huh?

However, when one comes out of water wearing nothing but a clingy bathing suit, which honestly wasn't concealing all that much at that point to begin with, most men attempt to detach the bathing suit by pulling it away from their bodies.

However, most men do not have to deal with a camera, higher than head level, looking down at you.

So all of america (who happened to be watching this morning show) got an eyeful of Phil's peeper, which, as most men know, is not at it's best after a chilly dunking.

Lady J:

Can we get video of Phil's reaction. I missed the episode.

After watching the Victoria video, I feel...sullied. Mentally and physically.

Leah3t:

Way to work in lots of literary references B side! Great article.

Aaron:

I decided to send Jonathan an email on Tuesday night, asking him how it felt to be on the eve of becoming the most hated man on american tv - this was his response:


London 2:20am

All of us have our faults. Unfortunately for me millions of viewers are getting to see mine each week. I do not abuse Victoria,
what you see is a heighten version of stress and obsession mix with medication for a sickness called Sarcoidosis. What was started as a publicity stunt turn in to an obsession to race and be first at any cost. This is a GAME and I set out to be the Villain to others not to Victoria. Victoria and I are working on our relationship to better our self and learn form our mistakes. I am taking full responsibly for my actions on screen. Please allow me to make the effort.

I am deeply sadden by the storyline that CBS went with. I am sorry for my actions, I am sorry to Victoria. Most all I am sorry to the Fans of the Amazing Race.

Retroqueen:

Aaron are YOU Jonathan?

The following article on Sarcoidosis treatment lists excessive sunlight as a major no no for Sarcoidosis and a decreased lung capability---last time I looked Jonathan looked pretty tan, and certainly had full lung capacity due to his ability to run and scream at the same time (there was nothing listed about spelling and grammatical errors as a side effect)

Sarcoidosis Treatment Options

http://www.clevelandclinic.org/health/health-info/docs/3500/3574.asp?index=11867

Aaron:

No, i'm not jonathan. If i had a wife like Victoria i'd treat her like a queen.

The Sarcoidosis (psychosis?) screams Ashlee Simpson acid reflux to me...

Beth:

As a sufferer of sarcoidosis for almost 15 years - I am greatly offended that "the Jerk" would use it as an excuse for his actions. Sarcoidosis does not cause personality disorders!!!!!!!!

John:

There is a reason they call those those sleeveless shirts Jonathan wears "wifebeaters." Because, all excuses aside (CBS's fault, pseudo-illness claims, competitiveness, blah blah blah) Jonathan clearly is a wifebeater.

TAR might do well to acknowledge this reality of their programming by putting a spouse abuse public service announcement after the next inevitable demostration of Jonathan's behavior.

Aaron, I got the same email from him after sending him a nasty message. You'd think someone who has such a great opinion of himself might think to check his grammar. He writes like he's brain damaged.

Lisa:

It looks like I picked a bad episode to miss. I would like to see how Jonathan treats Victoria if they actually come in first and win something.

smithie:

I can't belive Jon said he was dissapoint that CBS went with this storyline. So what, did he want CBS to cut out all the times he was abusive? Why not have CBS just pretend there was one less team?!

roger:

Let face it - johnathan is just an egotistical asshole. Where he gets off shoving and berating Victoria is beyond me.

banzai:

Did anyone see Rebecca was wearing a SuicideGirls tank top?
Is she a fan? or a SuicideGirl?

I wrote Jonathan, CBS and Viacom and haven't gotten a response...

In Phil's defense, if you watch the footage of the shove, he was busy with Freddy and Kendra and it is entirely possible that he didn't SEE the shove. He was probably bewildered at Victoria's hysteria and that was the reason for his lukewarm reaction.

Going over it again on TiVo, it is true that Asshole didn't hit her body when he shoved her, but if you go back to where he took his bag back, he smacked hard in the arm before he took it. It got kind of lost in the motion of snatching the bag but if you slow it down, you totally see the hit.

I am glad that CBS aired it because it exposes an abuser. Even if she is not strong enough to get out, everyone knows what he is now.

As I wrote to Jonathan, " That was all you, baby, no editing involved." Reality shows CAN create storylines but they CAN'T create footage.

chiasson:

i watched the show & i was just soooo shocked & couldn,t believe what Jon had done.Like who does he thinks he is ?
even under stress YOU DO NOT TREAT YOUR LOVE ONES LIKE THAT! or any body to that fact.
he has a real problem, he has to visit with Dr. Phil
for that action : he would have had a severe penality

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