There are two things that I don't want to do if I'm ever in Sweden for a day: count Ikea inventory and unravel a hundred bales of hay. And yet, this is exactly what many hapless teams wound up doing last night on The Amazing Race. You have to give this show credit. Who else could make the mundane task of assembling a flimsy desk seem more exciting than the standard action flick? Honestly, at this point Jerry Bruckheimer might as well put Nicholas Cage in the Race and release the season as a summer blockbuster. Eh, scratch that. I don't want any of that Captain Correlli's Mandolin stink getting on my favorite reality show.
The show kicked off in Norway where a peppy Phil Koegan ambled through a verdant lawn and reminded us that we were in fact still in Scandinavia. As teams slowly dispatched from the Pit Stop, we learned that Rebecca was becoming weary of tending to her high maintenance partner, Adam. Apparently he needs a mother figure because as he noted, "I'm scared of a lot of things." And we'll just assume that includes heterosexual sex.
After an uneventful train and bus ride, the teams descended upon Stockholm where they were to find a frigid little watering hole called "Ice Bar". Directionally impaired Gus and Hera immediately wandered off into the Swedish ghetto while the rest of the gang made their way to the bar. Turns out this Ice Bar really was an ice bar. Maintained at a temperature of 23 degrees Fahrenheit, the bar was completely made of ice, which is cool if you ever want the fun of an alcoholic beverage without the annoyance of blood circulation.
Upon reaching the Ice Bar, teams had to don ridiculous ponchos and slide a shot of liquor across the bar top. If the glass came to rest touching a target area, the team would receive a clue. It was sort of like a bizarre union of shuffleboard and curling, minus all the excitement. Actually, it was pretty amusing watching everyone slide their shots off to Ice Bar oblivion. My favorite part of the task was watching the flaxen bartender observe the shot glasses gliding by her. She had all the intensity of a cat in a window sill.
While teams struggled in the frozen libation Olympics, Gus and Hera meandered around an intersection for what seemed to be an eternity. Would they ever get to the Ice Bar? Or would they be destined to patrol the Stockholm streets like confused vagrants for the rest of the race? That was what we wondered as we slow-motioned into the commercial break. Of course, upon return Gus and Baby Gus quickly found the Ice Bar and even managed to get out of there before certain teams.
Next stop on the Amazing Race? Well, when you go to Sweden, there's only one place to go: Ikea (or "I-kee-Ay" as pronunciation-challenged Freddy called it). Teams all scurried across the city, only to discover that Ikea wouldn't be opening for another six hours. Ha, suckers. With little else to do, everyone found a bench and camped out for the night. If only there were some huge store nearby that could offer them a crappy futon or sofa...
The next morning, the teams piled into the Ikea where they were given the option to count three crates of inventory or build a desk. Idiots like Rebecca balked at the assembling option, rhetorically asking "Ever build a desk?" Listen, Rebecca, it's not like you have to saw the plywood yourself. It's an Ikea desk. It's easy to put together. I mean, if I can do it, anyone can do it. Seriously. In other news, I'm proud to report that TVgasm's Ikea-furnished offices are still structurally sound. Except for the carpet protector. That thing sucked.
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Comments (11)
I missed last nights show. My Tivo is so fired...
Thanks for the recap, the cbs site never tells any of the good stuff...
1 of 11 | Posted by smithie | Posted on December 1, 2004 4:27 PM
Lena's failure was an epic tragedy. It just kept getting sadder. By the time Phil showed up it was pitch black on that field and she was going out to keep trying! I was stunned when he said she'd been at it for over 8 hours and had gone through - "we figure" - over 100 bales of hay.
Who's luck is that bad?
Next time the stunt strategists should limit the number of bales or whatever to like 50. I mean, really.
2 of 11 | Posted by Lady J | Posted on December 1, 2004 5:57 PM
casual phil is the cherry on top of the sundae this week.
but the all time best phil moment (there were a lot last season) was last week when bolo grabbed phil. his face was priceless!
3 of 11 | Posted by mattie | Posted on December 1, 2004 5:58 PM
This was payback for lena and co. for adopting that kid in Iceland to take em all around.
B-Side: if perchance no one has the top 3 in the TVA AR6 competion, will it dwindle down to the top 2? I'm the sucka who watched Maria and whoever's video on the cbs site as they spoke of travelling together through so many countries together and stupidly put them on my list. You would think that once they got accepted by TAM that one of them would go to driving school for a 5-speed. It even asks you this on the AR entry form. As much as Bolo/Lori and Johnathon/Victoria have this retarted relationship, I would say that the Ice Bar of Sweden has nothing on the frozen father/daughter relationhip of Gus/Hera.....
4 of 11 | Posted by mick | Posted on December 1, 2004 8:50 PM
J-Unit is actually heading up the Amazing Race competition. I'm not quite sure what his rules and stipulations are...
5 of 11 | Posted by b-side | Posted on December 1, 2004 9:43 PM
Am I the only one completely appalled that CBS is allowing the abuse drama that is Jonathan and Victoria continue on this show? When he raised his arm to hit her I lost it! Normally I don't get fired up about these sorts of things, but people like that shouldn't be showcased on TV!
Apart from that, Lena's struggle with the hay was the most heartbreaking thing!! I actually cried at the end. That Mormon is a trooper!
6 of 11 | Posted by B-Rock | Posted on December 2, 2004 7:13 AM
B-Rock, Jonathan is just this season's Colin. I guess it has become one of those standard Amazing Race rolls. There is the father/daughter team, the dating/model team, and the spousal abuser/abused team.
7 of 11 | Posted by Melis | Posted on December 2, 2004 10:41 AM
I disagree Melis. Colin was a huge waste of a person and extremely verbally abusive, however, Jonathan is in his own category. He is a rotten, evil, malicious wife beater. Lucky for Colin CBS decided to put someone on the following season that makes him pale in comparison in the Ike Turner Hall of Fame...
8 of 11 | Posted by smithie | Posted on December 2, 2004 1:07 PM
Colin and Jonathan are complete opposites in the most important respect: Colin was a hyper-intense competitor who too frequently lost consciousness of how his behavior would look on TV; Jonathan is putting on a show, making himself a reality TV 'character.' he's giving the producers what he thinks they want: drama. Colin's behavior was repulsive at times, but there was a sort of naive sweetness about him--remember how clueless he was that the other teams (especially chip & kim, whom he considered allies) hated him? Colin had no patience and no sense of humor, but he was by far the most focused and determined player in the race. I know plenty of people who are normally kind and decent but turn into screaming a--holes over any kind of competition, be it million-dollar reality TV race or pick-up basketball game. Jonathan, on the other hand, is just a sleazeball hamming it up for the cameras.
9 of 11 | Posted by jack | Posted on December 3, 2004 9:43 AM
Anyone else annoyed with the use of the word "baby" on the show? It seems all these couple-type teams use the word baby in every single sentence. It gets grating after a while.
10 of 11 | Posted by Pat | Posted on December 3, 2004 11:35 AM
I would love for bolo and victoria to go off and start a program for abused spouses.
11 of 11 | Posted by mick | Posted on December 4, 2004 2:37 PM